A.N/ Yes… another SoulSilver fic. I cannot get enough of these two.

So I got HeartGold the other day, and I won't lie IT'S TOTALLY AWESOME x3

So, for all those of you who have the game, do you remember the bit just before you fight the Kimono Girls, and Silver runs out of the house? He says some stuff that I can't remember, and then walks away kind of slowly, then stops, then suddenly runs again?

What is going through the boy's mind?

Dedicated to AirliaLOCKHEART 'cause she is so awesome about all my SoulSilver fics… thank you!

He could not believe it.

He had lost. He had lost again.

He stared into the emotionless expression of the forth Kimono girl; he had not bothered to learn her name. Her face displayed no pleasure in the victory, or sympathy for his loss. Teeth gritted, he returned the fallen sneseal into his pokéball and spat an unintelligible curse in its direction. All five of the Kimono girls stared at him, their bottomless eyes telling him he was no longer welcome, that he had proved himself worthless to them.

They needed someone stronger. Someone like…

He turned abruptly, shoved roughly past the victor of the previous battle, and ran blindly towards the door.

No matter where he went, it always seemed as though he were running away from something. He hated running away; it was another of the many acts of submission, a sign of weakness.

Even so, what else could he do? He had lost, it ceased to matter what he did now. He was already weak in their eyes, and in his own as well. He was trying so hard to prove to himself that he could be strong. He was not a coward; he was not his father.

He reached the door after what seemed like years. He twisted the handle forcefully and wrenched the door open violently, almost hitting the unfortunate person standing outside full in the face.

He was about the push past them; the impossibility of apologising never crossed his mind. However, a pair of mild chocolate eyes and a large white hat stopped him in his tracks before he could take another step.

Kotone stood there, awkwardly. An arcanine stood behind her, eyeing him distrustfully. She blinked at him in shock, then smiled, as though she were happy to see him, despite the fact he had almost broken her nose.

Silver knew why she was here, and he had absolutely no doubt that she would succeed where he had failed.

The way she always does.

He could not understand it. Day after worthless day he would spend, pushing his party to their limits and beyond. They would grow, and get better, somewhat, and he would be sure that this time, he could do it. He could win.

Then there was Kotone. She always kept at least one of her 'friends' out with her, stumbling about, entirely caught up in her own little world where everything was beautiful and everyone was happy. She carried this aura around with her, drawing in people and pokémon alike.

Whenever he saw her, which was admittedly more often than she saw him, she was never training

Always, she seemed to be shopping for new items, or talking on her pokégear, or even playing with her pokémon. It had escaped him entirely how she managed to be so strong, how she somehow always managed to stay half a step ahead of him.

It had taken complete demolition by Lance for him to finally begin to see that there was more to being a trainer than power. That power, in fact, was only the tiniest fraction of what made up a master. He had, after that fateful day, begun to feel the first inklings of grudging… respect for the girl he had held for so long in contempt and scorn.

This new respect he felt was not something he was used to, it unnerved him slightly, threw him off balance. That was why, until this very moment, he had being doing his best to avoid her, hoping that maybe if he did not see her, the feeling would eventually fade.

After what seemed like years, she spoke.

'Silver… what are you doing here?'

He could feel irritation bubbling to the surface. That was fine. He could deal with irritation.

'What does it look like, stupid girl?' he replied angrily, pushing his red hair forcefully out of his face so he had an excuse to not look her in the eyes.

Her eyes drifted to the pokéball he had in his fist, his tensed jaw and angry eyes, and her face softened with sympathy.

'You…lost, huh?' She asked, her voice infuriatingly understanding. It took everything he had in that moment not to shake her, or punch her, or do something that would make her see sense.

He met her eyes then, and they were gentle, as always, not smug or self –righteous in the slightest. This irked him, it was her right to taunt him, taunting he could take. This understanding just pissed him off.

'What would you know about loss, Kotone? When have you ever lost anything?' He almost shouted at her. He took a step closer to her, trying in vain to uncover the secret to her seemingly limitless strength and courage in the chocolate depths of her eyes.

She did not answer, and after a few seconds, he stepped back, his hand poised on the doorknob, the Kimono girls silently watching in the background.

A strange sense of defeat came over him, and his body sagged, as though he were only just feeling the effects of his previous loss.

'I'm not staying here to watch you win, Kotone. I'm not staying here to watch you beat me again.'

She opened her mouth, but he pushed past her impatiently, into the fading light of the evening, and began to walk, not run, away from her. He wanted to run, but a sort of heavy reluctance was warring with his instinct to escape..

Silver stopped suddenly, the sudden realisation hitting him like a train.

He could go back.

Staring at the sky, he had to will himself not to turn around.

He could turn back now, and go with her. He could watch as one by one she defeated the Kimono girls, and congratulate her when she did. He could go with her as far as Bell Tower, and tell her to be careful facing Ho-oh, as a caring friend should.

He half turned around, he knew she was still standing there, he could feel her gaze burning into his back, this aura she carried drawing him back to her.

His nails dug into him palm, creating little ridges in his skin. Most of him wanted to run away, as he always did, and go and train pokémon half to death so that next time he would be ready.

However, another, smaller part of him longed for company, for her company. It wanted to be her… friend, not her rival.

That position, however, had already been filled.

He had only seen that boy, Hikibi, a few times. Her childhood friend, they had grown up together and had until now been practically joined at the hip.

Silver realised, in that moment, that this part of him hated the boy she called her best friend. This part of him was… jealous.

Silver was no fool, not as she was. He had seen the longing in the boy's eyes that day at the day-care centre. Neither he nor Kotone had known he had been there, but he had seen everything. Silver could see that the love they felt for each other was no longer the same, that the love Hikibi harboured was no longer just that of a caring best friend.

He wondered how this could escape Kotone; surely even she was not that blind? Could she not see the way he looked at her, the way he spoke to her? Most of him was scornful of both of them, but that tiny part of him had been… relieved when he had walked away that day. He had been glad that Kotone did not feel like that about Hikibi.

He inhaled sharply.

He had been calling Kotone blind, but was he just as oblivious to himself as she was? Was he… falling for Kotone?

He knew now that he had been feeling this way for a long time; he had just forced it down and let it grow and grow inside him, until he was forced to acknowledge it. He knew now, although he hated to admit it, that Hikibi was a lot stronger than he was, because he could pretend to be what she needed him to be without running away from her, from himself. He could let his longing show to the world, while keeping the mask firmly in place for her.

I'm the one who's weak.

It was in this vital moment that it became too much, and he found, without giving any conscious command to his legs, that he was running, leaving some of himself behind.

Kotone…I'm counting on you…

Be careful.

A.N/ Poor Silver. He has seen the light, and he ain't liking it x3

Review?

~ iaculum