Disclaimer: Nope

A/N: So, this was a requestfic from Kale Henderson :) that I crossover Twilight and APH in this manner. I changed a few of the character roles I got, though, because I thought it would flow more smoothly this way. I'm warning you, this is gonna have ROMANOOOOO as Bella, and SPAAAAIIN as Edward, so there'll be a lot of Spainward bashing.

9-9-11 EDIT: just running through this and NB, fixing continuity, grammar, character names, etc etc. it should fit more with the timeline I need and stuff, and you should be able to follow it cleanly now.

Chapter 1 - Tomatoes

Mom drove me to the airport with the windows rolled down.

I wanted to put them up. The September heat of Phoenix rolled into the car, hot wind hitting me like a brick to the face. "Are you stupid?" I scowled, picking at my nails. "It's ninety-fucking-four degrees." Next to me, Mom laughed and I rolled my eyes.

"You could use the fresh air, Lovino," he said with a smile, reaching over and ruffling my hair with perfectly kept nails. Yeah, my mother is a man, whom I assume has a dick; he and my dad, an ex-soldier, got me through a clinic and a surrogate cow almost seventeen years ago. I was moving up to Forks to chill with my old man for a few years - just till I finished high school.

You probably don't give a damn, but you should know anyway. I lived in Phoenix, Arizona, ever since I was...what, one? We realized reeeally quickly that I, unlike my parents, don't tan. No, I burn. Badly. People called me a recluse because I never went outside. I prefer nighttime, because then I can prowl with my gang members and not return with my skin peeling off all red and disgusting.

There was one horrible thing about moving to Forks, and it outweighed even the pro of no more godforsaken sunburn: I'd have to rebuild my reputation and my gang. I'm not a very social person, so having no friends didn't bother me too much, but I did enjoy having a gang behind me. Wen your dad's the police chief of the tiny fricking town, that's pretty damn hard to do.

It's a four-hour flight from the literally-blistering Phoenix to the Alaskan-wannabe town of Seattle, and then another hour up in a smaller plane, and then a thirty-minute train ride down to Forks from Port Angeles. All first-class, of course, because Mom bought the tickets and had a sort of adamant refusal against anything but the best. I took my old Jansport bag just to piss him off, and he watched me walk into the airport with a distasteful grimace on his face.

So from the train station, Chief Kaltherzig picked me up. His first name's Ludwig, and I called him that because it's just hard to call him Dad considering that I've never done it. Everything he did pissed me off - his beloved potatoes potatoes and his ability to bring Mom to tears after a single mention forged a pretty strong bias against him. Naturally I hated him - or disliked him extremely strongly, anyway.

Mom sent me to live with Ludwig because he wanted to "break in" the manor in Italy before moving me into Rome. Or something like that; his story kept changing, and at any point could suddenly be about zombie invasions. Honestly, he probably just wanted me to get along with Ludwig; my grandfather, whose house Mom inherited, died when he was like five, meaning that he's had the estate for years. He didn't take the estate at eighteen, because he met German exchange student Ludwig and ran off with him, even though this was the eighties and gayness wasn't really smiled upon, and didn't go back to Italy after I was born because at the time, the US was a better place to raise a kid. Then, when I was sixteen, I said that I would go up north to live with Ludwig, and Mom agreed a little too quickly.

Ludwig was tall, buff, blonde, and strict, unlike my thin, auburn-haired, harebrained mom. I looked absolutely nothing like him, probably because the surrogate cow they got to pop me out took genes from Mom and not Ludwig. But maybe you'd find some resemblence in our skin color if you examined us really closely; even then, I look completely Italian.

We drove to his house in the huge police cruiser-car-jeep thing that police chiefs drive. His house was okay, but his dog Aksel made it smell. I mean, naturally, he had a German shepherd that jumped on me as soon as we opened the damn door. And of course I didn't shriek like a little girl and jump into the arms of my blankly surprised father - of course not.

As it turned out, Ludwig had gone and bought me a car - a huge, tomato-red truck that I knew Mom would never touch but which I would certainly love. It was nice and Ludwig said it was a good price; I said that as long as the heater works, I'd drive it. Not that I liked it or anything.

Forks High School looks like a really, really ugly connection of houses. It's not even funny how gross it is. I missed my Phoenix school - but only because it was a hell of a lot easier on my eyes, and I liked block schedule.

I'd moved three weeks into school. In Forks, they started on August 22nd; in Phoenix, they started on September 8th. I hadn't planned to move until the week before, and getting all my things together took a while, so on September 4th, I flew into Washington. All I had to do was get to the office and pick up my schedule, which I'd arranged over email, and then I was gold.

The new school had a disturbing total of like, 200 students. I didn't spend my time looking up how many people there were, but I judged the number of cars I saw when I showed up twenty minutes late to class (because I forgot to set my alarm and woke up ten minutes before school started. I just took my time getting ready, because I was late anyway. Ludwig sighed when I came downstairs and said that I should hurry up; I slo-mo'd, just to piss him off). In Phoenix, we had separate parking lots for each year because there were that many students. Here there was only one, the size of, like... Well, I can't even think of something in Phoenix small enough to describe the size of the lot.

I parked my truck and got out, pulling the hood of my Burberry coat over my head and tightening my scarf a bit before I locked the car and made my way over to the front office. I thought it was the front office, anyway, because it said FORKS HIGH SCHOOL in big ugly letters across the top of the building.

The rest of the day passed uneventfully. I was right, and the place I went to first was indeed the office; the woman behind the counter, who had frizzy red hair, handed me my schedule and a paper to be signed by each teacher. The only teacher who really actually stood out to me was this one Ukrainian chick with tits sent from the gods: I swear that she was like a 54DDD, because they were absolutely huge. Her shirt buttons popped a few times during her lecture, from her boobs bouncing too vigorously as she explained the differences between various kinds of poetry; she just stitched it right up without skipping a beat. Nobody really reacted, which meant that this was a normal occurence.

At the end of fourth period, we had lunch. This schedule was so confusing, because I was used to block schedule like I had back in Phoenix. Eventually I figured it out, with the help of this total creeper in my Spanish 4 class. Alek Steichen pretty much dragged me over to his table during lunch and fixed my not-quite-worry of having no friends; his sister Camille, a blond junior with a curvy figure and a pretty face, and his younger brother Jason, also a junior but smaller than Camille, were arguing at the table when we sat down. It turned out the reason Creeper dragged me over was because he thought I looked the kind of guy who'd buy drugs. He offered me some of the craziest LSD I'd ever seen, man - the pills themselves were so colorful and vibrant and I blinked and rub at my eyes, wondering if I'd accidentally ingested some.

Camille was much more hospitable, and let me eat my tomato pasta in peace. She also knew everyone in the entire fucking school, and used her fork to point at people and detail all the interesting stuff. Apparently Miss Braginskaya, the teacher with godsent boobs, was actually in Forks and not in her hometown a few miles away because she'd gotten a restraining order on her deranged brother.

In the far corner was a relatively small table with five people around it. Three of them seemed content, one looked overjoyed with life, and the last just looked depressed. None of them really ate anything, but the happy one held something red in one hand. Unfortunately, apparently they were some hot gossip because Camille told me exactly who they were.

"That's the Kirkland family," Camille explained as she followed my eyes to the table. "They're like, all adopted, and all gorgeous, right? But don't get your hopes up. They're all -"

"Fags," I intervened, looking away. I swear I heard a laugh from the table, but when I shot a glare at them the five all looked away from each other again.

There were three boys. One had silver-blond hair, pallid white skin, and deep red eyes, like an albino; he was more powerfully built than the others, but not the tallest. From where I sat, I could tell that he was one annoying fucker.

The next boy had this horribly miserable expression on his face - stuck up, prissy, and constipated, all at once. His hair was black with a random flyaway strand; his eyes were deep topaz, and his glasses looked like those Ralph Lauren ones that Mom wanted to buy me but which I refused in exchange for the thick-framed Ray Bans I had to take out to see the others. He was possibly the thinnest at the entire table, and I thought that he'd collapse in on himself if I punched him.

The last boy was a few inches taller than Constipated, and maybe a good inch and a half taller than Annoying but less bulky. His broad shoulders and chest tapered down to a slim waist and long, long legs; dark chocolate hair curled around his ears, fringe falling into his black eyes, and his skin seemed sunkissed, despite being as pale and blank as the others'. He looked happy, the kind of happy you only see on people who smile constantly.

Both girls were...well, wow is the only word to describe them. The shorter girl, who stared at her perfectly manicured blue-painted fingernails as if they were responsible for world hunger or something, had long pale blond hair held back by a loose blue ribbon. She wore a nondescript light gray bubble dress with a black sash around her stomach. Mom designed clothes, and he used to make me model the various clothes he made; I think that dress, the one Emo wore, had been styled by Mom. Anyway, bubble dresses don't show off the figure as much as they should, because I was certain that under that poofy dress, Emo had a gorgeous figure. The other girl had breasts sent by the angels, not by the gods; they weren't half as big as Miss Braginskaya's, but well on their way there. She had long, wavy, light brown hair with a floral hairpin holding back half of her bangs, large topaz eyes currently glaring at Annoying, and a light green tunic with a brown belt cinched around her midsection and dark gray leggings tucked into brown high-heeled boots. Her figure was perfectly obvious, and I almost started drooling. By face, though, she wasn't as pretty as the breathtaking Emo.

Oh, right. Did I mention that all five looked like they belonged on magazine covers? Maybe not. Well, they did.

They really were all gorgeous, but I couldn't tell whether Happy or Emo was hotter. That's not to say that Annoying, Friendly, and Constipated weren't hot as hell either, and it's not me calling myself gay. Just because I have an eye for beauty does not make me gay, you hear?

Then, I noticed something. The red in Happy's hands? That was a tomato.

Happy had a tomato in his hands.

(Consequently, his ranking rose over Emo's by ten points.)

Anyway, Camille continued talking.

"No, they're all together! I mean, together, together." I raised an eyebrow as if to ask, 'and?' She huffed and went on, and I assumed that something like step-siblings screwing must be a big scandal in a small town like Forks. "The one with long brown hair is Elizaveta. She's dating that one with glasses, Roderich. The one who looks like he's bleeding internally. Maybe it's cuz they're all stuck living with Gilbert - guy with red eyes. Rumor has it he's albino, but everyone in his family's pale so nobody really questions it. And the other girl, the really pretty one with the ribbon, is Nataliya. She looks so sad all the time because she's with Gilbert."

"And the last one?" I asked out of curiosity. The other four all watched, disgusted, as Happy gnawed at his tomato, like eating was against their rules.

Camille looked back and said, "Oh, Antonio. Right. He's the only single one there, the hottest, and so rumor has it he is straight as a rainbow."

Joy. Fruitcakes.

The bell rang quickly enough and I stood, popping a last forkful of pasta into my mouth. I felt eyes on my and looked to my right; Antonio was staring. Weird.

Camille walked me to my next class, AP Bio, because she had AP Chem just a few classrooms down. I walked in and unfortunately, the only seat left was next to Happy.

This seemed...planned, somehow.

I walked over to the teacher, who stood by the back of the room. As I passed the fan, which blew directly into Happy's face, he kind of spazzed - guy literally jerked and twitched his head and then focused his eyes on me. They were pitch black, but kind of jumpy, like he was looking me up and down forty times each second.

Then those pure black eyes met my brown ones, and I nearly freaked, cuz he was staring at me...like...like I'd made his day - no, his life - by walking into that classroom.

Like I'd replaced the sun and sky.

Like...he liked me.

He looked fucking lovestruck.

I wanted to puke.

A/N: Characters...well you can probably tell most of them. Umm, like, Mike = Belgium, Jessica = Netherlands, and that Jason character is Luxembourg.