Chapter I: A Second Chance

Time is a funny thing in space. With no regular cycle of moons or suns it was based on the Normandy's own schedule of work shifts to determine when people worked, ate and slept. Three meals a day marked the passage of time and it was up to the non-crew members to keep to their schedules so as to be readily available when they were needed for a mission.

Unfortunately for Tali, she was not part of the crew, wasn't required for any work and didn't eat the same food as anyone else. The work she did do was entirely voluntary and involved keeping up the maintenance across the engineering deck, helping the Cerberus engineers with their workloads, servicing couplings, whatever needed to be done. She couldn't just sit around doing nothing while everyone else contributed. And the meals served aboard the Normandy were for the majority of the crew–she and Garrus had to eat their meals separately due to their dietary needs.

What all this amounted to was Tali working when she was awake, eating when she was hungry, and sleeping when she was tired. She had just been recruited for Shepard's mission and was having a difficult time adjusting to the set schedule designed for everyone else but her. There was usually so much work to be done around the ship she'd start working before a crew's shift start and wouldn't stop until long after they'd retired for the day. If she was awake during meal hours she'd join the others for the company, but her sleeping patterns were random at best and she was more focused on productivity than correcting her sleeping cycle.

And this was working well for her until… Now. When she awoke from her sleep she was still feeling tired but mentally ready for another day of work. However when she took the elevator down to Engineering it was Donnelly that greeted her as the doors opened.

"Are you off already?" Tali asked curiously. While her sleeping hours varied widely she always made a point of at least knowing when everyone else was working. Her time shouldn't be that far off, Donnelly should have just started the moonlight shift.

"Hah! No, that's the best part!" he replied excitedly, a glint in his eye. "Everything's done! Gabby's just finishing up some routine maintenance and then we're taking shifts to keep an eye on everything, but as far as work goes we've got nothing to do! At least until something breaks…" His expression turned downcast for a moment, but then he brightened again, "Anyways, I'm off to the mess." And he strode past her into the elevator as she got off.

"Nothing to do…?" Tali repeated to herself, looking a little lost. This had never happened to her before… She decided to check in with the other engineer to be certain. There couldn't really be nothing to do…

"Nope! Not a thing." Gabby replied cheerfully when Tali asked.

"But when I left last time there was the drive calibrations and the gravity grid fluctuations and–" Tali began listing off the mental list she'd made of her work.

"And we finished all that." Gabby interrupted, crossing her arms and leaning back on the railing separating them from the lower decks. "You're forgetting we do our jobs too–and there are two of us." She smiled at the quarian who she could tell was in a state of denial that her precious workload was now complete. Even behind her helmet Tali was easy to read.

Tali just stood there, unsure of what to do now. She wasn't hungry, couldn't sleep yet, and now she had no work…

"You've been down here longer than anyone else, working harder than anyone else. It isn't healthy!" Gabby said, stepping forward and putting a hand on Tali's shoulder. She smiled warmly, "Get some real rest. We've got this today, alright?"

Tali nodded numbly, wondering what she was going to do with the rest of her time. She doubted anyone else was awake, the "night" shift had begun hours before… She glanced around the deck, quickly scanning for anything that might require even the slightest bit of work. She slowly began walking back towards the doors to the elevator hall, pale eyes still searching for faults. She stopped just before the door to examine a dent in the railing hopefully.

"Would you just go and have some fun?" Gabby commanded sternly, holding back a laugh.

"Work is fun…" Tali muttered to herself sadly as the doors closed behind her. She stood in the hall, wondering what to do now. Her eyes traveled down the stairs to her left which led to Jack's recluse, and she briefly considered visiting her team member she knew little about. She'd apparently been sulking down there since her latest pass at the commander had failed. She had blown it off with her usual "Whatever." But a rejection from Shepard just clumped you in with the rest of the women of the galaxy who would never have a chance with him, and that part was likely what stung.

It seemed she wasn't alone, however. The rumor mill had a habit of extending itself through frequently opened mouths, and Donnelly's mouth was infrequently closed. Just the day before the word on the ship was that even Miranda had been shot down. Of course it was "because the mission doesn't need distractions" but a rebuff hurt no matter the justification. If Shepard wanted a relationship, he'd have one.

The sound of crashing furniture echoed up the stairs, though it was difficult to tell if this had anything to do with the rejection. Sounds of destruction coming from the bottommost deck were common in Engineering.

Tali decided against visiting her psychopathic team member and continued walking through the next set of doors taking her to the main hall, sighing glumly to herself as she did so. Jack she understood. But intelligent, beautiful, observant, talented, perfect Miranda? What the hell did Shepard want from a woman?!

Her frustration stemmed not from Shepard but from the invisible bar who's height maxed at what she previously thought Miranda amounted to. But it seemed even simple perfection was below his standards.

The reason for the frustration at all was, of course, because she had feelings for her commander; though she wouldn't ever dare share that secret with anyone, especially with Donnelly around. On her time aboard the first Normandy she had thought it was an idle crush–one that would pass as all young crushes did. It wasn't until the destruction of the Normandy and the widespread news that Shepard was killed in action that she realized the heaviness in her heart meant more than a childish infatuation. And then he was gone.

Healing that wound had taken the better part of the two years, and when she found him again it was as though the dam inside her had broken open, spilling everything she'd ever felt back into her heart. It hurt like nothing else to leave him again, and in truth she carried a bitterness in her heart for her people for forcing her to do so.

But now she was aboard the Normandy, and more importantly with him once again. The thought had already occurred to her, she reminded herself as she leaned against the hall with her head back, that this was a second chance. She had these initial feelings, never acted on them and lost him. Now he'd been brought back from the dead and despite the immensity of the galaxy, she'd found him again. And now she was aboard his ship, with him again after two long years, she couldn't bring herself to tell him how she felt.

'Like it matters…' she thought to herself, crossing her arms and holding herself. He didn't have anything with anyone from his first crew, and was making a name for himself as a heartbreaker among this one. If he didn't want anything to do with an average, crazy, or perfect human, nor a young or mature asari, what would make him think twice about a quarian? Her weak immune system and hidden looks?

"I'm going to miss you when you go back home to the Flotilla, Tali." His words echoed in her memory as she recalled the last time aboard the Normandy, as they stood alone in the engine room.

'He was going to miss me…' Tali thought, head bowed with eyes on the ground. She thought to herself for another minute, then hit the elevator button. Maybe she couldn't tell him how she felt, but she could at least keep to the one secret agenda she made everyday: to see Shepard at least once. Even if in passing, she made a point of seeing her reminder as to why she was on this ship in the first place. It was possible Shepard was still awake–he kept to a bizarre schedule himself.

The door opened and she stepped in, hitting the top level.

She shifted her weight from one foot to the other as she thought of how to bring up a reason for visiting him in his private quarters. She'd never been so bold as to go see him in his room before–all the times she'd seen him he was out and about the ship.

It dawned on her that she didn't have a reason and she panicked, a dozen awkward scenarios flying through her brain of herself standing there, speechless as Shepard looked at her questioningly. "Sorry, wrong floor" didn't really work when it was a single room at the top. The elevator just reached the second level and she frantically hit the button for the command deck, praying she wasn't too late.

The elevator stopped. She held her breath, releasing it in a sigh of relief when the doors opened with a chime to reveal the command deck, night crew working silently in front of computers.

But Tali realized this situation wasn't much better when a few crew members started throwing her curious looks, likely wondering why she was just standing there. She tried looking nonchalant but it was hard when something stands out like when the only person in an elevator is standing at the floor they're supposed to be getting off at.

The doors began closing and she quickly stepped forward to hit the button again. The elevator doors closed and opened again with a loud chime. More crew members were outright watching now, interested to see where this was going. Tali felt her face burning.

Then a woman Tali recognized as the one who'd given her a psychoanalysis upon joining the crew turned from her computer in front of the elevators and saw her. "Ah!" She said, dropping what she was doing and walking towards her. "Thanks for holding it for me."

"Uh – no problem." Tali managed, moving to the side as the woman entered the elevator.

"I'm Kelly, if you don't remember me." She reminded Tali with a smile. "Going down?" she asked cheerfully as the doors began closing again.

"Um!" Tali stammered as she jerked forward to press the button again, "Yes?" her eyes pleaded with Kelly to make it so.

Kelly noticed the only other button lit up on the panel of four floors and raised an eyebrow. "Is there something frightening about the commander? He's actually very kind if you get to know him…" she teased playfully, knowing Tali had served with him before.

"Th-The commander? Shepard?" Tali's false surprise was apparent as her eyes darted around the elevator, looking for a way out. The doors were opening again and her hand hovered near the button, ready to press it again.

Kelly considered her for a moment before speaking. "You know I've actually been meaning to talk with you, Tali."

"With me?" Tali repeated, eyes leaving the button to focus on a much needed distraction.

Kelly slipped in front of her and leaned back against the button panel. "Yes. I was just wondering if we could chat–strictly private."

"Nothing on this ship is private." Tali stated, recalling the number of bugs and monitoring devices she'd found at her work station. Cerberus kept a close eye on all its investments, but for once she couldn't blame them for one this size.

"It was just some observations I made that I wanted to share with you. Nothing worth monitoring." She smiled reassuringly at Tali. "Is now a good time?"

Tali couldn't think of a better time. "Please." She answered, a hint of begging in her voice.

"I'm not one for rumors but I'm sure you've heard of the... drama, around the ship?" she asked, eyes searching Tali's blank mask for a response. "Well I spoke to our commander about it. His response was similar to what you've probably already heard." Again she checked Tali for a response.

Tali didn't move, trying not to betray any feelings one way or another. She didn't know a lot about Kelly's profession, but she knew she was very good at taking apart every reaction a person had to mean something.

Kelly continued, "Shepard's actual feelings aside, he's very good at bringing resolution in words. It's funny." She chuckled to herself. She looked to Tali who was watching her blankly. "Emotions, I mean. Two people can have almost every possible trait in common, and at the same time feel nothing but contempt for one another. But at the same time two completely different individuals can find each other and there's an instant connection." she mused to herself, before continuing tentatively, "Maybe things like love are on a spiritual level, and random at best. You really… can't see what's coming, you know?"

Tali stopped watching her and stared into space, taking in what she was saying in silence. What if what she was saying was true? Was it possible she and Shepard could…

"You just never know. When feelings are involved assumptions and calculations are thrown right out the window. You can't even count on the ground beneath your feet anymore. So I guess all we can do is put however we feel out there and let the universe take it or leave it. However it works out, it couldn't happen any other way…" Kelly trailed off, letting the silence of the elevator fill the air.

"Anyway," she sighed, "just what was on my mind. I thought it was pretty good so I wanted to share it with someone." She stepped away from the elevator panel. "Whoops!" She reached forward and pressed the floor hold button again, disengaging it. "I'm such a klutz…"

Tali stared at her as the doors opened again and Kelly stepped out, walking back to her computer.

"Good luck!" she mouthed with a wink as the doors closed.

Tali's heart raced as the doors sealed, eyes fixed on the second button. She didn't press it again.