Two uploads in one day? How strange :P

These are my thoughts on what happens after the end on episode 3x19.

Not my normal general happiness, in fact I got a little depressed writing it. Still Paddison though.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"I want to see Lucas."

The words hurt Addison more than they should have, she knew that. After all she was not his mother- Violet was. And she was back now. Addison knew all she had been was a replacement mother, and why did you need one of those if you now had the real thing? The real thing who decided almost a year too late she wanted to be involved. Addison shook her head and told off her subconscious thoughts; Violet had been through a lot and could not be blamed for what she had done, well most of what she had done- sleeping with Addison's father was totally Violet's fault. Addison shook her head again, that was irrelevant in the current situation.

Nevertheless; better late than never. Violet was here now. She wanted Lucas now. Despite her somewhat rational thought's Addison couldn't help but pull Lucas a little closer to her, the irrational side of her wanted to protect him from the woman who had abandoned him when he depended on her. The woman who could not help what she had felt. Addison was drowning in her own internal ramblings so quickly she did not notice Pete look back at her.

"Addison." He said softly. It did not seem to register with the redhead, who was looking increasingly distant with each passing second. He knew what that meant, she was thinking too much and he knew that when she did that she got nervous. "Addison." He repeated in a slightly harsher tone. This time she looked at him, her eyes piercing in to his. She looked sad.

"Yes?" She finally said.

"Can you take him upstairs please? I need to talk to Violet." She nodded at him and walked up the stairs carrying his son. Pete turned back to Violet once Addison was out of view. "You'd better come in." He told her, standing aside to let her pass. He closed the door behind her and sighed to himself. Nothing was ever simple.

This was always bound to happen, Addison knew that. Violet was not going to stay away forever. As she paced Pete's bedroom still holding him a part of her wondered why she ever got herself involved in this. She had been doing this since Pete had asked her to come upstairs half an hour before. Naomi had been right; she did fall in love with Lucas. She had known at the beginning when she started things with Pete she was going to get too attached but she had ignored it. Now, she was not only going to lose Pete, but the closest she had ever come to having a son. She closed her eyes, knowing she was being irrational again. Pete had told her yesterday that he had moved on. That he loved her. He said he loves Violet too. He had loved Violet longer. If she wanted him back what would he do? Lucas made a small noise which distracted her from her own thoughts.

"What's up baby?" She asked, sitting down on the bed and looking in to his face. He made another noise at her. "You tired?" As if to answer her his eyes went a little droopy and he laid his head on her shoulder. Addison moved herself on the bed so her back was up against the headboard. She held Lucas closer to her and moved him slightly so he could lie more comfortably. She knew she should take him to his crib, but she didn't want to be alone. "Go to sleep buddy." She said pressing a kiss to his head. She smiled sadly and gently stroked his back. He fell asleep with his head over her heart and his hand clutching her shirt. It was when she heard his soft breathing slow she allowed the tears to fall down her face.

"I love you." She whispered to the baby. "More than you know, more than I should." She sniffed, trying to control her emotions. "I want you to know that, even if I am just your Aunt Addison when you are grown up. I just hope I'll be your favourite aunt." She moved her hand briefly from his back to wipe the tears off her cheeks. "I love you." She repeated; her voice choked with more emotion than it had been the first time. That's when she heard the door to the bedroom open.

As he walked towards his bedroom door he could hear her hushed voice. He smiled slightly to himself and stopped outside to listen. She was crying, he could hear that. Pete knew as soon as he entered the room she would try and hide the fact she had been. That was just who she was, afraid to show too much emotion in case of getting hurt. He knew that had something to do with why it took her so long to tell him he had called her Violet when he was sick. Violet... the woman he had spent so much time waiting for was back. Addison... the woman who he probably should have been with since the beginning. He knew it was wrong to think that, because if he had been he would not have his son, but he and Addison had never been a matter of if, but of when. He heard Addison tearfully tell his son that she loved him, and decided to enter the room.

He walked in to find Lucas fast asleep on Addison's chest, with her hugging him whilst crying. As he had expected as soon as Addison registered his presence she wiped tears away furiously from his cheeks. He walked towards the bed and got on next to her. She leant her head on his shoulder as he put his arm around hers. They sat in silence for a while, trying to remember the brief happiness they had felt when she had told him she loved him just over an hour ago.

"She said she was sorry." He said, answering the unspoken question. "She said she was fixed now, and she wanted to be his mother."

"What did you say?" Addison asked him quietly.

"That she couldn't decide to just be his mother nearly a year on, but that she has a right to see him." He paused and looked down at Addison, who was not looking at him but at the wall in front of her, all the while stroking the sleeping baby's back. "She is coming to see him tomorrow morning."

Yet again Addison felt a pain she knew she shouldn't have felt. Lucas was not her son, and despite furiously telling herself this she didn't seem to be getting the message through to herself. She started crying again. Whatever had been going on between her, Pete and Lucas was over. Sure, Pete was still her boyfriend (for now) but the little routine they had found themselves in was done with. If they managed to survive Violet's return, if he stayed with her things would not be the same. She would end up being this step-mother figure in Lucas's life that he would probably end up resenting her for. For keeping his parents apart. The thought was almost too much to bear. She sobbed, for once not caring Pete was in the room, yet she was thankful it had not woken the sleeping boy on her chest.

"Are we going to be ok?" She asked him. He pulled her closer and kissed her temple.

"I don't know." He replied honestly against her skin. She nodded, showing her understanding.

"I love you." She said sadly, tears creeping down her cheeks.

"I love you too." He replied. Neither of them spoke again for a while, she wished she could call Naomi right now, but she wasn't at home. Even if she was she wouldn't answer her call. Addison wondered why one of her talents seemed to be burning bridges with the people she cared the most about. She hoped it wouldn't happen with Pete; she wanted to be with him. He made her happy. If she burnt that bridge, or even he did, she probably wouldn't be able to stand living in LA much longer. Another city full of people who hated her. She wondered how many times she would have to move her life around before she stopped alienating people. There probably aren't enough cities in America. As she moved closer to Pete, and pressed a kiss into his neck she understood that she knew nothing of what was to come.

Whatever it was, it was going to be anything but simple.

So what did you think?

I'm never really sure if angst is my thing because I generally prefer writing happy stuff, but I just couldn't stop thinking about how Addison would feel after seeing Violet turn up. It seems Shonda is determined to rip away any happiness she gets as soon as it arrives!

Anyway, I am off to bed now- it is actually 4.00am at the moment! University has runied my sleeping pattern!

Please review :)

Fifteen Minutes Old.

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