The Tricks of the Trade

by

NachoManLance

A/N: Well hello there, reader. I didn't see you there, probably because... I can't. Welcome to the first bit of fan fiction that I've written in over, well, years. As you can see from my profile info, I've had an account here forever and did a lot of work when I first started. I joined a writing guild based from this site, the Tribute2Music Clan (or T2M for short), made lots of good friends, and we wrote beautiful words together. Alas, time passed and we all went our separate ways. I recently went "OMG nostalgia!" and looked through all my old stuff. All of a sudden, I had an idea to rework on one of my old stories, and here I am. I hope you enjoy it.

As another side note, this story was originally co-authored by myself and a good friend of mine, Al, who also has a profile here (althesushilovingfanficsage). Although I'm starting this 'remastered' version without him, he is more than welcome to hop aboard and give me his wonderful ideas that can help give this piece a great ending. Until then, you're making due with my crap.

Without further ado, I'd like to disclaim that I don't have any ownership over Love Hina and the characters used. I also don't own a flashy sports car. I hope that doesn't turn you off from reading on.

Hinata Sou. Many know of it, few dare to venture inside. Rumors of a haunted spirit wielding a sword surrounded by darkness frighten the locals, as well as reports of flying dorm managers and an army of Hot Springs Turtles. Anybody who was new to the city would never acknowledge the dangers that lurk atop the hill, that is, until they see it for themselves. After that, they too would warn their friends and families of the oddities that surround the Inn.

Only one person managed to assimilate herself into its culture, and even gain control over it. Her name is Kitsune Konno, and she is about to pass on her knowledge to a most formidable apprentice.

Keitaro Urashima, plucky dorm manager and Tokyo U hopeful, makes his way down the stairway at the start of a bright and sunny Monday morning. As he reaches the bottom, his head perks up at the smell of fresh rice being cooked just a few yards away in the kitchen, and he diverts his entire attention to the aroma. In a daze, he walks towards the smell just as a figure of a young girls' shadow creeps into the foyer. A soft cackle of laughter is heard as the shadow approaches the front door.

Meanwhile, Keitaro has found the source of the fresh smells and enters the kitchen, which is occupied by Shinobu Maehara at the sink and Motoko Aoyama at the table, peacefully sipping her miso soup.

Shinobu turns to see Keitaro and flashes him a smile. "Good morning, sempai!" Motoko only nods her head to the landlord and takes another sip of her breakfast.

"Good morning, Shinobu-chan! Have you finished the rice?" Keitaro asked.

"I did, actually," Shinobu points to a plate on the table. "Thats yours, right there."

Keitaro moves to the spot on the table where the meal sat, and his eyes widen in delight. "Fresh rice and salmon! This is wonderful, Shinobu-chan!"

The blue-haired teen hides her blushing with a rag she was using to clean dishes. "It was nothing, sempai..."

After Keitaro finishes his meal and gives his thanks to a still-blushing Shinobu, he goes back to his room to collect his bag and jacket. He had planned to meet with his friends, Haitani and Shirai at a downtown library to study while Naru was out of town and then hang out afterwards. He hadn't been with them often enough due to conflicting schedules, so he had looked forward to going out of the house for a change.

He walks out of his room and back down the stairs once he finishes getting ready, and reaches the front door. He grabs his shoes but hesitates when he hears a creak from somewhere behind him. He whips his head around to find the source of the noise, but only sees a room empty of any human or turtle. Shrugging it off, he slips on his shoes and takes his first step toward the door.

That was when he knew something had gone horribly, horribly wrong. His feet suddenly felt damp, heavy, and... sticky?

He looks down at his feet, lets out a surprised yelp, and hops on his left leg as he raises his right foot and takes off his shoe as a large glob of chocolate syrup spills onto the floor.

"What the HELL?!"

The yell draws out Shinobu and Motoko from the kitchen, who run to Keitaro as he falls flat on his bottom and flings off his other shoe, chocolate syrup flying all around the doorway.

"What happened?" Motoko asks Keitaro as Shinobu whimpers about the new mess she'd have to clean up.

"This... shoes...." Keitaro stammers, unsure of how exactly to answer. "Somebody put chocolate syrup in my shoes! Isn't that obvious?"

Motoko sighs and shakes her head at the unlucky ronin. "Urashima, Shinobu-chan and I were the first ones downstairs and we didn't see anyone come down before you." She grabs her own shoes, devoid of any sticky and unwelcome substances, and slips them on her feet. "The only possible explanation is that you put them there yourself so that you could cause another problem while Naru-sempai is away."

"But I had nothing to do with this!" Keitaro protests, "That incident with the fake snake in the hot springs and the REAL one in the refrigerator wasn't my fault!"

Shinobu shivers and shuts her eyes, "I still have to knock every time before I open it..."

Roused by the noise, Kitsune Konno stumbles down the stairs with disheveled hair and her clothes from yesterday still on her back. She rubs her eyes as she stops halfway down. "Just what the hell is going on at this hour?"

"Kitsune, it's only seven in the morning-"

"I know!"

"...and Urashima just made a rather large mess at the door." Motoko finishes her sentence with a roll of her eyes.

"I told you, I didn't-"

"I don't have time for your excuses, Urashima." Motoko gives him a glare and opens the door, turning to Shinobu. "You better get ready for school too, Shinobu-chan. I'll walk you there."

Shinobu looks teary-eyed at the mess at the door, wanting very much to clean it, but couldn't deny the fact that she'd be late if she stuck around much longer. Pained with regret, she grabs her bag and shoes and leaves with Motoko, leaving behind a chocolate-stained ronin with steam whistling out of his ears.

Kitsune yawns and is about to retreat back to her room when she hears a faint echo coming from upstairs. A young girls' laughter penetrates the halls, unsuccessfully trying to hide herself from her apparent satisfaction. Kitsune's eyes suddenly flash open (for the first time in many episodes), but turns back towards Keitaro who is clumsily trying to find a new pair of shoes.

She breaks out another yawn and walks to the door next to Keitaro. "You go and change your socks, Keitaro. I'll clean this up."

Keitaro looks up at Kitsune in puzzlement. "But Kitsune, you never clean anything up..."

She waves him off with her hand. "I'm up anyways, I might as well do something to make sure I don't crash. Now go on, you don't want to be late."

Reluctantly, Keitaro takes off his sugary socks and jogs upstairs back to his room. Kitsune surveys the damage at the doorway: streaks of chocolate splatter against the walls nearby, and thick puddles of it gather on the floor. It may have looked like a masterpiece of artwork, but she knew that only an amateur could be behind this.

The sly fox grins to herself. "This will be an interesting day."

Still clutching her stomach, Sarah McDougal rolls into a fetal position on the floor, unsuccessfully trying to hold back her laughter. Everything had gone according to plan, no, even better, thanks to the dorks' wild reaction that caused the mess to spread beyond her expectations. It all worked out better than perfectly; it was disastrous.

As her laughs subside to giggles, she gets back up and walks over to her desk where a single sheet of paper rests. It was a list of pranks she had planned to carry out through the course of the week while she was staying at the Inn, and so far only two things had been crossed from that list.

"Let's see," she says to herself as her pencil traces over the items on the list. "'Honey over the doorway'... 'Superglue chopsticks together'... 'Permanently loop Lady Gaga on everybody's iTunes'... aha! 'Chocolate syrup in the dorks' shoes!'" She scratches off the last item on her list and sets down her pencil, a dark and hideous smile stretching across her face. "Now, what can I do next?"

"How about something that a ten year-old wouldn't dare do, sugar?"

The smile on Sarah's face disappears faster than a perverted dorm manager's approach to the atmosphere. She whips her head around to the door of her room and sees a thin-eyed woman grinning at her, her top covered in sweet chocolate smears.

"K-k-k-k-k... Kitsune?!"

Kitsune walks inside. "Do you mind if I sit?" Before waiting for an answer, she walks past the dumbstruck little girl and sits at the chair at her desk.

"What are you doing here?" Sarah finally manages to ask.

"Well Sarah, to be honest, I'm not here to rat you out." Kitsune doesn't let her grin fade, even when she sees Sarah relax herself. "I know you were behind it. It's so simple that its obvious only a young girl like you could come up with it."

Sarah scoffs and crosses her arms. "It did the trick, didn't it? I was intending for Keitaro or that ditzy girl Shinobu to clean it up, but the damage was done, wasn't it?

"You're right Sarah, the damage was done." Kitsune leans in closer to Sarah to see here eye-to-eye, "but in order to prank someone, to REALLY get on their nerves, you need to do something better than a mere hindrance. A doorway smeared with chocolate, a snake in the refrigerator, these things can be gone in a day. They'll be completely forgotten, as time passes."

"So? What's your point?"

"My point," Kitsune answers, as she inspects Sarah's list casually, "is that a good prank lives on its own. It carries on for days, weeks even, to reach the highest form of entertainment. The best pranks are the ones that begin long before the victim notices them, and builds on its own until it cannot be contained. They are the ones that do real damage, and take many days to recover from."

Sarah's arms remain crossed over her chest, but her gaze is now that of curiosity rather than disbelief. "How would you know about this?"

Kitsune sets down Sarah's prank list and stands up from the chair. "Tonight at dinner, you'll get a taste of what mischief I can really come up with." She walks to the door but stops to turn back to the young girl, "and afterwards, if you'd like, I'll teach you everything I know."

Later that evening, the housemates gather in the kitchen in preparation for one of Shinobu's many great meals. Motoko sits at her chair, trying to wrestle away a cuddle-hungry Kaolla Su. Kitsune sits at her end of the table next to Haruka Urashima, who decided to eat at the Inn tonight. Sarah sits opposite of Kitsune, occasionally glancing towards her suspiciously.

Shinobu is at the counter dishing up when Haruka turns to Kistune. "I know that Naru is out of town, but where's Keitaro?"

"Apparently he's with his doofus friends to study and hang out," Kistune answers with an uncaring tone. As Haruka nods and turns away, she gives a wink towards Sarah.

"Sempai should be home soon," Shinobu adds as she hands the first plate of food to Su (who immediately begins to shovel rice in her mouth), "but he asked that we start without him since he might have dinner with his friends."

Dinner passes without any major incident. Just as Shinobu collects the empty dishes, the front door opens and shuts. Keitaro's voice carries into the dining area, "I'm home!"

He walks into the dining area with a small pile of envelopes in his hand. "Sorry I took so long. I got the mail though. I think my test results came in!"

Kitsune perks her head up and lets go a obviously fake smile. "Really, Keitaro? Why don't you open it and tell us?"

"That was my plan!" Keitaro happily flips through the envelopes in his hand.

"Credit card, credit card, credit card... 'Sake Enthusiasts Quarterly', I think that's yours, Kitsune... bank invoice, and... wait, what's this?"

Keitaro sets down the other mail and holds the last one in his hand, flipping it back and forth to inspect it. Without a word he rips it open and takes out a long letter and reads the first few lines to himself. His jaw suddenly drops and he clutches the letter tight in his hands.

"What the... I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR SCIENTOLOGY COURSES!"

Reactions mix all around the room. Shinobu drops her dish with a crash on the floor and holds both her hands over her mouth. Motoko fixes Keitaro with a new kind of glare, one that mixes annoyance and complete and utter confusion. Kitsune fakes a gasp. Sarah stares between Keitaro and Kitsune, finally seeing the ploy at hand. Haruka lights a cigarette and stands from the table and leaves without a word.

Su looks curiously at everyone in the room. "What's a 'Scientology'? Can you eat it with hot sauce?"

Later that night, a light knock pounds on the door to Kitsune's room. The foxy prankster opens it to see a young Sarah in her pajamas looking straight up at her with a serious look on her face.

"That was... brilliant. Teach me your ways."

A devilish grin reaches across Kitsune's face. "Come in... my apprentice."

A/N: Well... that wasn't too hard, I think. Is it obvious that I am in need of a beta reader? What new and terrible things will Sarah learn from Kitsune? Will Brian and Ashly ever get back together? Can I really save 15% of my car insurance by switching to a company with a gecko mascot?

Tune in next week to find out!