Evangelion Fan Fiction

Evangelion Misfile

By Kraven Ergeist

Chapter Six

Kaworu was standing around in the Eva cages, where the massive hulks of the world's most advanced and powerful biomechanical weapons stood poised to deploy within a moment's command. He looked an odd sight in his school uniform, with everyone around him in some kind of jumpsuit or another, but they were all so used to seeing the pilots that Kaworu's presence was barely noticed.

He stood, staring across the catwalk at the purple Evangelion staring back at him. While his eyes were aimed at those of Unit 01 however, his concentration stretched far deeper.

"What do you mean, 'more trouble than I'm worth?'" he asked out loud, seemingly to no one.

There was a moment of silence, and his eyes narrowed, as though he was hearing something only his ears could pick up.

"You're the one who sent me here, Rumisiel!" he said, defensively. "My cover is that of an Evangelion pilot! What am I supposed to do, not help them? I thought the whole point of my being here was to help these humans find their way!"

There was another moment of silence.

"I already told you!" Kaworu said, angrily. "I wasn't doing anything! I wasn't – hey, take it easy! I'm not – No, I'm not saying you're overly suspicious, I just think that you – no wait, don't –"

A light seemed to go out in Kaworu's eyes as though someone had just hung up on the cosmic phone line, and he hung his head, letting out a sigh.

"Damn it, old man…this isn't easy for me either…"

Looking defeated, Kaworu meandered back into the hallways of NERV. It was a long trek back up to the surface, and as he made his way to the elevator, he saw his Other, looking no more out of place than he did in her school uniform, waiting for the elevator to arrive.

When the doors, opened, they both stepped inside.

"Rumisiel does not seem to like you," Rei said, breaking the silence.

Kaworu shrugged. "I've noticed. Though I can't imagine why."

Rei's eyelids were lowered in a discreetly appraising look. "Perhaps you remind him of himself in his younger years. I understand he had a reputation as a…philanderer of sorts."

Kaworu chuckled at that. "I'm not that bad, am I?"

Rei's brow furrowed. "I believe that the only reason you are not planning something untoward with me is because you are aware that I would kill you if you made such an attempt."

A bead of sweat appeared on Kaworu's forehead. "So scary! No wonder Shina's so afraid of you!"

Rei pursed her lips. "You never told me why Rumisiel sent you here in the first place."

Kaworu's smile turned nonchalant. "You're right. I didn't."

Rei closed her eyes, confidently. "I shall discover the truth sooner or later."

Kaworu crossed his arms. "Ignorance is bliss, Rei."

"I did not give you permission to use that name."

"I noticed that, Rei."

Rei spent the remainder of the elevator ride attempting to burn a hole in the back of Kaworu's head with her eyes.

God's in his heaven, all's right with the world, but in one little corner of the universe, there's nothing more irritating than a misfile…

Misato was beginning to grow less and less fond of this misfile. It wasn't that she was an Eva pilot now - she had made NERV into her whole life, and despite the subterfuge that went on beneath the surface, she still believed in its underlying cause, and had invested her entire life into backing that cause. As depressing as the thought was, NERV was still more home to her than anywhere else. And while being an Eva pilot was no picnic, the day mostly consisted of rote procedure, which was accomplished by memorizing protocol and executing, and that was something she'd been good at all her life.

What made things difficult was life outside of NERV. While she had been eager at first to experience the teenage life she'd never had, she was quickly discovering a big reason why perhaps all the Eva pilots were such psychological messes.

Being a teenager sucked!

It was more than simply being shorter, weaker and unfamiliar with her own body. It was the way adults tried to hold her to their standards, but didn't offer a tenth of the respect that came with it. It was the way her peers, like Asuka, compensated for this by claiming or pretending to have reached an adult level of maturity but acting even more childlike in the attempt to prove it. Or how others like Toji and Kensuke would rebel against this push towards maturity and cling to the trappings and pursuits of their age group. Others still, like Hikari, had accepted their role in their teenage life, and pandered to the rules and expectations of those in authority. While even Misato had to admit that this was probably the safest and most promising method of dealing with these tumultuous years, from her now teenage perspective, she couldn't help but wonder what Hikari had left behind, put aside, or downright sacrificed about her identity in order to get to where she was now.

And what made it worse for Misato was that she was still mentally an adult. It wasn't just that all the trivial prattle of high school gossip was mundane, trifling, and downright idiotic sometimes. It wasn't just that she could ace every test put in front of her and the homework put her to sleep. It wasn't just that she had already seen and done things that would have made every boy and girl in her classroom either blush or turn pale. It wasn't even that she wasn't into the same popular culture as her classmates.

It was that she had no one she could really talk to.

She didn't get along with anyone in this teenage life of hers. There was no one she could relate to. Not in that socially awkward, 'no one understands me' kind of way that most teenagers use to excuse their anti-social behavior. Misato could, on demand, hold a conversation, give or receive instructions, and work in a group to get a project or presentation done. She could hold her own in any classroom debate or argument, and frequently did. In fact, she almost never lost an argument now, because nobody in the entire class even knew half of what she knew.

She was simply wiser than everyone else now. Even Asuka, who boasted a higher I.Q. and a more prestigious diploma, couldn't outwit Misato, simply because of her lack of world experience. Granted, Asuka had seen more than her share, and presented the biggest challenge out of anyone in class. But Misato had been alive since 1987. Everyone else – every last student in that classroom – had been born post-Impact. Even if the misfile dictated otherwise, Misato still retained twenty nine years of experience to each of these students' fourteen, and that simply put her in a different category than any of them, whether she wanted it or not.

This, however, wasn't even what she minded most about the misfile.

One day during cross-feedback testing, she was sitting in Unit 00, waiting for Ritsuko to give her the all-clear to step out of the unit. Tired, restless and stiff from the day's testing, she wanted nothing more than to take a shower and march right on home, get some take out stir fry, ditch her homework, and plop down on the couch and vegetate in front of the television and maybe see if there was any ice cream left in the freezer, or try once again to fruitlessly hunt for Ritsuko's stash of alcohol – she was certain the older woman must have some stowed away somewhere!

Then she saw him. Still as handsome as the day they'd met, and looking downright professional in his NERV issue suit jacket. She could still bring the memory of their first date to mind, right down to the smell of his aftershave. There was something different about him in this world. Maybe it was the fact that he was clean-shaven all the time now. Maybe it was the absence of his usual nonchalance in lieu of a professional, no-nonsense attitude that she had once worn so proudly whenever she put on the uniform in her other life. She wondered idly if he was still the same Kaji she remembered in the off-hours. But soon, she was reminded that there was someone in this world who would know this all too well.

Misato watched as Asuka practically skipped over to him from where she was standing by Unit 02. Her hair was still damp from LCL and she looked about as attractive as a drowned rat, Misato thought, but of course Asuka's suit still clung to her in all the right places. Misato's screen camera could zoom in on the scene but unfortunately had no microphone to catch what was being said. She could practically predict every word out of Asuka's mouth; it was Kaji's responses she was interested in. How did he treat Asuka when he thought no one else was looking? Did he play the coy bodyguard, always being friendly from a safe but just barely reachable distance that kept Asuka hot on his heels like the puppy on a leash?

Then Misato saw Kaji put his hand on Asuka's head and muss up her mop of damp venetian red hair. Asuka's face turned red and she pulled away, straightening her hair and mouthing out was most likely an indignant protest or complaint. Then Kaji pulled his head back and laughed, and it was like Misato was an undergrad all over again.

There he was. He was smiling. Laughing. It was love. It was…life was perfect. For that small, interminable stretch of time, she was happy. It was all she ever wanted, and it was something she could never go back to.

Now more than ever.

It wasn't fair! Back in her old life, she'd at least had the option to throw away her resolve and lose herself in his arms all over again. Sure, she'd deny ever wanting to, she'd claim work was more important, that she had moved on, and that she didn't crave the feel of his lips against her collarbone. But what made it so easy to deny her feelings was the fact that the choice was still there. It was the knowledge that, with the drop of a hat, she could spin on a dime, and let him take her away.

Now, she didn't even have that. This Kaji wouldn't even remember her the way she remembered him. She tried so hard to think of him as a different man than the one she'd loved. But that laugh, that smile…it was still the same under all of that. As hard as she tried, she couldn't not see it. As different as he was now - as stern, as serious, as impeccable, as responsible, as fatherly…

She felt herself blushing anew. He was different. He was...he was even more of a man now. He was the Operation's Director of NERV. He was fighting for something more than himself. He had taken hold of the reins of his life, and had accomplished everything that she had in her other life. He had even adopted an Eva pilot, and taken on the mantle of guardian, a responsibility that she herself could barely hold onto. He could claim every single one of her accomplishments, and from the look of it, boasted none of her flaws. He was…probably not perfect, but a lot closer to her definition of perfect than the previous version had been.

If this Kaji had been around in her other life, she would have tied the knot in a heartbeat.

She watched as Asuka and Kaji walked out of sight, Asuka leaning into him with a blushing half-smile on her face and Kaji accepting only as much of the affection as was expected of a father figure.

Misato squeezed her eyes shut. That was the worst thing about the misfile. All the vices she used to rely on to help her forget about what she'd lost were out of her reach. Even if she wanted to try to sneak some alcohol from somewhere, chances are, with the way NERV and Section 2 treated pilots, she would get caught. In fact, she had overseen some of their methods in her other life, and was almost certain she could not have hid any such attempt to save her life. And as much as she craved for something warm and comforting between her legs, none of the boys in her class were the least bit interesting to her, and the only man she'd seriously consider was a dream-like phantom that would only remind her of what she could have had, and wouldn't even consider her in the first place.

She couldn't even switch sides, because the same problem was true with all the girls in her class too. Hikari was a sweet girl, but she was a little too sweet for Misato's liking. Asuka was her most intellectual equal, but she would sooner jump off a cliff than offer that girl anything close to that level of intimacy.

Then she thought of Shinji, and was sure she actually felt her brain short-circuit. It was the elephant in the room of her subconscious mind, but it was almost impossible to think rationally on the subject. She couldn't classify the feeling she felt for him…her…for precisely the reason why she couldn't classify Shinji the way he…she…was now!

On the one hand, she was still the same kid she remembered, boy or girl. She still acted the same, still shied away from confrontation and hid behind her like a scared little schoolgirl. She was a kid, same as the other kids in class. She was her charge. Misato wanted to protect her and help her to build confidence, to grow and mature.

But on the other hand, Misato was a teenage girl now. And no matter how adult her mind was, her hormones were off the chart. And she'd been the farthest thing from abstinent even as an adult. She wanted…needed…someone. Someone she could trust, relate to, share herself with. Someone she could depend on, someone she cared for, someone she knew cared for her.

And that someone wasn't Kaji. Not in this life. And if all hope of returning to her old life rested on Kaworu's ability to do good deeds, whatever that entailed, then she'd be spending a lot of time this way. And if she didn't find an outlet for her tension soon, she'd go insane.

But Shinji was Shinji. Not only was she still half her age, mentally if not currently biologically, but she was also her charge. She was the shyest person Misato knew, and was likely to pass out at the mere suggestion of physical intimacy. She also, currently, lacked the exact tools needed for the job Misato had in mind, but that was a minor inconvenience that could be remedied with the right toys and…

Misato stopped herself. What was she thinking? Was she actually entertaining this idea? God, she hadn't even considered playing for the other team when she was in college. Were these hormones fucking with her emotions this much?

But it wasn't like that, she realized. It's not that she was attracted to Shinji, at least, not physically. She wasn't attracted to any of the other girls (or guys for that matter) in her class. But Shinji was…what? Safe? That was the only thing that she could think of that made her stand out. And since when had Misato ever wanted 'safe' anyway? When she'd met Kaji, he'd been a card carrying bad-boy, at least on the surface. When did 'gentle' and 'responsible' suddenly become turn-ons for her?

But then… had she not just been yearning for someone she could trust, depend on, who cared for her? Those weren't exactly staples of the roguish playboy that was the Kaji she knew from her old life. Hadn't she just realized how much more attracted she was to Kaji now that he was more mature and refined?

Oh God, this misfile may have made her a teenager, but she was still psychologically almost thirty. Had she hit that stage in her life where her brain decided it was time to ditch the bad boy and settle down with the nice guy? Kaji was certainly better groomed now, and Shinji was about as domesticated as a house pet. That would certainly explain why her feelings were in such an uproar like this.

Still…that did little to settle the yearning in her stomach. Physically, she still wanted Kaji. But Kaji was out of her reach – if the Asuka from her previous life had shown her anything, it was the futility of a fourteen year old girl pursuing a thirty year old man.

Emotionally speaking…the only person who was available to her was Shinji. But Shinji deserved more than that. Shinji deserved someone who genuinely cared for him, not someone who just needed him to fill a hole in their life. Besides, Shinji hadn't even experienced her first period yet – there was no way she was psychologically prepared to explore a sexual relationship in the body she was currently living in.

No, Misato was still Shinji's guardian and as her guardian, she needed to put Shinji's needs before her own. Misato was an adult, damn it – in spirit if not in body. She needed to be the responsible one and suck up the hardship for the sake of her charge.

But even if Shinji wasn't emotionally prepared…she was the only one Misato could relate to in this misfile. She was the only one she could trust and depend on – and Shinji had proven dependable, even in their current predicament. And…Misato had to admit she cared for Shinji. Maybe it was just as a ward, maybe it was just as a friend, maybe...she didn't know. But when she thought back to all the times Shinji had stuck by her, even before the misfile, all she could think of was how important he was to her…and how much he looked out for her. If there was one thing this misfile had shown her so far, it was that Shinji, unquestionably and unconditionally, cared for her.

And that made all the difference in the world.

xxxxx

Shinji wouldn't say she had quite gotten used to her new body. While she had gotten to the point where she could look at her reflection in the mirror without shying away, she still hadn't mustered up the courage to put her hands anywhere below the belt. Misato had warned her that she'd need to keep herself clean, but every time she tried to touch down there, she flinched and pulled her hands back up instinctively. Even she was getting frustrated with her fear of her own body. It had taken a week just to get over the fact that she had breasts, and those had been easy – those were just fatty versions of what she'd had as a boy. Still, the urge to play with them made her uncomfortable, and she avoided touching them except when bathing. But elsewhere…

Shinji gulped. She was going to have to handle that area eventually. She wasn't an idiot – she knew that it was only a matter of time before this body's monthly clock went off. It was like a ticking time bomb that was going to go off any day now. She had no idea when – it was not like she could ask anyone when her last period was, not even Ritsuko, who would almost certainly think that the reason for asking was that Shinji thought she was pregnant, and she was not sitting through that discussion with Dr. Akagi.

Misato had started making Shinji wear a pad in her underwear, which embarrassed Shinji to no end, and was about as uncomfortable as she would have imagined. But she knew – she just knew – that she was in no way prepared for what would happen when it did eventually hit.

"Hey Shina, you draining the Nile or something?"

The sound of Asuka's voice made Shinji flinch and nearly slip and fall down in the shower.

"A-Almost done!" she blurted out without thinking. Months of living with the redhead had conditioned Shinji to jump at her every provocation. She had to actually remind herself that this was a different Asuka than the one she remembered. What did this Asuka care about how long Shinji showered for, anyway? For the past week and a half since the misfile, Shinji had made it a point to take extra-long showers and wait for the other pilots to leave before stepping out. She was prepared to face herself in the mirror, but she there was no way in hell that she was going to be able to keep a straight face while Rei and Asuka got undressed in front of her like it was no big deal.

Shinji shut off the tap and let the water run off her body. She couldn't tell if Asuka was waiting for her or not. She reached a hand out from behind the curtain and found her towel where it should have been and drew it inside to dry herself off. And still, there was no evidence that anyone was waiting for her outside. Finally, she could dally no longer. Shinji tied the towel around her chest – while she was merely an A-cup, she was still ample enough to keep a towel in place it seemed, she thought proudly – and pulled back the curtain.

Sure enough, Asuka was leaning against the wall with her arms crossed, fully clothed, waiting for her. She didn't look upset, though, which was a good sign. She didn't look overly happy either, which was also a good sign. Both situations spelled only trouble in Shinji's mind.

"Um…is there something I can help you with?" Shinji offered politely.

Asuka looked somewhat hurt. And not in the mocking way Shinji expected, but genuinely upset. "Oh, come on…what's with the cold shoulder you've been giving me?"

Shinji blinked. Had she heard correctly? Was Asuka trying to imply that Shinji had been the one who responsible for this gap between them?

"Cold…shoulder…?" she stammered, confused.

Asuka threw her arms in the air. "We used to hang out, like, all the time. Now every time I so much as make a joke, you cringe and act like I slapped you or something."

Shinji still wasn't sure she has hearing correctly. "We…used to hang out?"

Asuka rolled her eyes. "Oh, ha-ha, very funny… is this because of Katsuragi?"

Shinji's eyes widened. She was unquestionably lost now, and she was starting to panic. "Katsu…I mean…wha…?"

Asuka shook her head and moved like she was making for the door, but in a way that suggested that she wanted Shinji to hurry up and get dressed. "I swear I don't know who that dreckskerl thinks she is! She's clearly after my rightful place at the top of the roster! And you don't honestly buy all that crap she spouts about being 'BFF's Forever,' right? She's just a horny little slut who'll try to get into anyone's pants no matter who they are!"

Shinji was speechless. He had heard Toji and Kensuke bad mouth each other a little when the other wasn't around, but this was just…brutal.

"But…but…" she stammered, torn between wanting to defend Misato's honor and trying to hold onto this fragile hope that she and Asuka had once been friends, and might still be again. "We're all pilots! Shouldn't we…I mean….shouldn't we all try to get along?"

Asuka smiled, but it was a patronizing smile that spoke only of how naïve she thought Shinji was. "Oh, Shina, that's what I love about you – always so idealistic and innocent. Sometimes, I think you're not cut out for this piloting business. It's a rough game we're playing, Shina, and you have to be a killer to get ahead."

Shina blushed, and she was surprised to feel a swell of…what was this feeling? Something she used to feel from her other life. Was it…wounded pride? Whatever it was, she found herself fidgeting.

"I can pilot just fine!" she tried to say forcefully, though it came out more like a squeak. "And Misato…"

"Katsuragi can eat a dick as far as I'm concerned," Asuka said, clearly growing bored of this discussion. "But you're still my friend, Shina…I don't want to see you get hurt, that's all…"

Shinji was absolutely flabbergasted. Did Asuka really think that Misato was somehow a threat to her? That she was some kind of hoodlum or miscreant?

"But…but…" Shinji stammered. "If you don't want to hurt me…why do you keep teasing me all the time?"

Asuka blinked, looking confused. "Teasing you? Come on, that's just playful banter. We used to joke around all the time…seriously, what's gotten into you, lately? How'd you turn into such a timid little mouse all of the sudden?"

Shinji would have denied it – or tried to – if she could think straight. All this time, Asuka was just making fun? And she thought that Shinji was somehow sharing in this fun? Was it…was it possible that they could still be friends? But…but it seemed like Asuka absolutely despised Misato. Shinji couldn't imagine why. They hadn't always been the closest in their previous life, but they hadn't been at each other's throats like rabid dogs, either. And just how different had they been in this past life? Had Shinji…Shina…really been the type of girl who could shrug off a crude joke like the ones she'd been receiving? Had she and Asuka really been those kinds of friends?

And Misato…Shinji would have had to have been blind not to know that Misato had always been a free spirit, but…that didn't mean she was loose…did it? This world's version of Misato couldn't be how Asuka described her. She was only fourteen for God's sake! And they were Eva pilots – NERV and Section Two watched them like hawks. There was no way that any of the pilots could have gotten away with anything unseemly even if they'd wanted to.

Asuka must have simply been exaggerating. Like Misato said, Asuka saw her as a threat. Apparently, Shinji wasn't so much of one, but Misato was a smart, skilled and capable pilot, and if her track record at NERV was to be believed, she had held the position of top pilot up until Asuka had arrived from Germany. It was only natural to assume a rivalry had built up between them. That had to be it! Asuka was just embellishing every little thing she heard and assumed about her rival and was trying to put her down by making these wild claims! By saying that Shinji and Misato were lesbian lovers, Asuka wasn't attacking Shinji…she was attacking Misato. Shinji was just an unfortunate bystander.

So much for friendship.

Shinji narrowed her eyes as Asuka shrugged and waved as she left the locker-room. She had essentially made peace with Asuka, but while Shinji would try her hardest to remain on good terms, she doubted the friendship would resemble anything that either remembered. As much as Shinji looked up to her and admired her and wanted to be closer to her, Misato had always been the more trustworthy and sympathetic of the two.

And besides, this wasn't his Asuka anyway. This was a different version, from another world altogether, even if she looked and sounded and acted a lot like her. But she was a stranger. They were all strangers – every friend she'd ever had, save for Misato. Misato was the last – the only person he could trust. He needed her.

And as her fists clenched watching Asuka stroll nonchalantly out the door, Shinji began to realize something.

She had always needed her.

Hurriedly, she threw on her clothes and stumbled out the door. Misato wasn't out there waiting for her like she usually was, so Shinji ran back to Central Dogma to see if she'd stayed behind to speak with Ritsuko or her father or Mister Kaji.

They practically ran into each other as they rounded a corner.

"Shinji!"

"Misato!"

Both were out of breath and both were stammering as they blurted out their next sentence at the same time.

- "Do you want to go out tonight?"

- "Would you like to go out tonight?"

Both of them froze as they processed exactly what the other had said. Shinji began to blush, and to her surprise, so did Misato. Misato began to laugh, and Shinji smiled shyly.

"I would love to…" Misato smiled, recovering more quickly. She slung her arm around Shinji's and the two of them headed back to the surface.