If only

It wasn't that he was gay.

No, Fuji was pretty sure he wasn't. It was an isolated case. He is an isolated case.

He had moved on with his life, easily.

He was content. And truly, he could say he loves his wife.

He really did.

But sometimes, when they spend time together, Fuji can't help but wonder, what if.

"Congratulations, Ryoma… Misa."

Fuji watched as his wife hugged the new Mr. and Mrs. Echizen Ryoma.

"Congratulations."

He heard himself echo. He caught the gaze of his two-time teammate, and long time friend, nodding imperceptibly.

He was happy for his friend. But he couldn't help but wonder if they could've had something if they were born in a different time, in a different place— when the circumstances would be more favorable to them.

"Fuji-senpai."

Fuji Syuusuke leaned forward again, pressing his lips on the younger boy's.

Ryoma whimpered.

The tensai leaned back again.

"One last time, huh?"

The golden eyes were glinting oddly in slight regret.

"I guess." He conceded.

"Yeah." Ryoma nodded. "This can't happen again."

They were both silent for awhile.

"It was fun though, while it lasted."

Fuji nodded in agreement, sighing. "It's always fun with you."

Harsh breathing surrounded them both as they tried to grasp that this— whatever they were— was ending. It was strangely heartbreaking, and the emotion contrasted greatly as this day— when they won the Nationals again— was supposed to be one of their happiest.

"Syuusuke. You're going to Tokyo University. You're going to follow your dreams. We're always going to be intertwined in some way."

"I know."

He sighed again.

"We're going to be happy, you know. You'd find a girl and get married. I'd find one too."

Fuji smiled wanly. "I know."

They were silent again.

"I'm sorry I'm not strong enough."

To explore this…

To fight for this…

"I'm sorry, too." Ryoma closed the distance again to plant a chaste kiss on the older boy's lips.

And then, the moment was over.

"C'mon, Fuji-senpai. They must be waiting for us."

"Dear?"

His wife stirred him from his memories.

Fuji smiled down at her. "I'm sorry, just memories."

She nodded knowingly, "Our wedding?"

"Sort of." He replied noncommittally.

He looked up again at the small platform where the bride was playfully poking her groom with a fork.

And he realized, he could breathe. There was no pain.

He had loved Ryoma.

And, if he had the chance to, he could continue loving him.

But, times had passed and they had changed.

Looking back down at his wife as she laughed with their tablemates, he smiled.

Ryoma was right.

He was content.

Looking back up, his gaze caught fiery golden ones.

They weren't a mistake.

He was an important part of his life.

But that was over now.

There was no more room for regrets.

"Us against the world."

"Never gonna happen. We have too much responsibilities."

"Hmmm…"

"It's nice to dream though…"

"Dream what? That I'm a girl or that the world wouldn't be against relationships like ours so much?"

"Dream that I'm strong enough to fight for us, regardless of whether or not the world is so against us."

"Che. Hey, Syuus…"

"Yeah?"

"I dream of that too."