Random Requirements: The Philosopher's Stone

A/N. I uploaded this, and another Harry Potter story, quite a long time ago but I deleted it because I never had chance to update. Hopefully I will be able to keep up with updated this time!

Summary: A group of bored fifth year Slytherins ask for something to do whilst sat in the room of requirement. When the room provides them with an unusual insight into the life of their enemy Harry Potter will they just get some laughs out of it or can it help them to see, from a whole other perspective, not just Harry but the entire wizarding world?

Rating: K (or whatever rating you would give Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone)

Pairings: None (although if you squint you might just about see a hint of Blaise/Hermione or Pansy/Harry but if you don't like those pairings then don't worry. Just refrain from squinting.)

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Harry Potter. That includes characters, places, plots or anything else you can think of. It all belongs to J. K. Rowling. This disclaimer is for all chapters of this story, please don't sue me!

P: Pansy Parkinson

B: Blaise Zabini

D: Draco Malfoy

Harry Potter and a Little Back Dog called Bloomsbury

Draco Malfoy was bored. Completely and utterly bored. Infact he was-

D: I'm so bored!

Thank you for proving our point Draco, so as I was saying, Draco was bored and was sat on a sofa in the room of requirment.

B: I know, I'm bored too. I can't believe we have stay at school in the Christmas holidays!

Maybe I should take a step backwards and start by explaining why our favourite Slytherins are sat in the room of requirement. It's the second day of the Christmas holidays and most of the students have gone home to spend sometime with their family over the festive season. Draco Malfoy, Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zabini and, for some unknown reason, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree (they have been informed that tomorrow they shall be joined by three hens from Beauxbatons) are however exceptions to this rule. There are many possible reasons for this, the most probable being that they're parents are busy working for some evil dark wizard whose name happens to be an anagram of Tom Marvolo Riddle. Although that's just one theory.

Anyway, carrying on, they had there breakfast in the Great Hall then decided, as it was too cold to venture outside into the grounds, that they did not particularly want to spend the day in the cold, uncomfortable common room and therefore opted to seek refuge in the room of requirement which was guaranteed to assume the type of warm, comfortable room that they... yep, you guessed it, required.

B: Hang on, if were all so bored then why don't we just ask the room for something interesting to do?

D: What shall we ask for?

B: Erm, I don't know, I can't think of anything.

P: I think we should do exactly what Blaise said to do.

D: Huh? All he said was 'I can't think of anything' how does that help us?

P: Nooo, I mean, Blaise said to ask the room for 'something interesting to do' so why not just ask for that. Something interesting to do. That way we don't have to waste time trying to think of something.

B: Pansy, for once, I think you actually just made sense.

P: Why, how charming, you really know how to flatter a girl Blaise.

B: Methinks I detect a hint of sarcasm dearest Pansy

P: Oh, just shut up.

B,P & D: "We need something interesting to do!"

Suddenly, a book appears on the table in front of them.

D: Oh great, a book, yippee! Urgh, stupid room. What makes it think we want to read?

P: Maybe we should try it, I mean the room seems to think we'll enjoy it.

B: Yeah, I suppose it's worth a try.

Draco picks up the book and looks at the front cover. Blaise and Pansy, sat on either side of him, shift closer and look at it as well.

D: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, J.K. Rowling.

P: Well, I suppose J.K. Rowling is the author. But as for the title, I mean, I know there are lots of mentions of the Chosen Zero in history books, but this looks completely different.

D: Look at the pictures, that's the Hogwarts express at platform nine and three quarters.

B: Is that supposed to be Potter? It looks nothing like him. For one thing, his hairs black and messy. The guy in the pictures got brown hair, in a parting.

P: I know, and why would he be wearing a Gryffindork scarf? The stone thing was in first year wasn't it? So in that picture he wouldn't even be sorted yet.

The Slytherins carry on looking at the cover for a few moments before turning over to look at the back.

P: Who on earth is that picture of?

D: I don't know, it sorta looks like Dumbledore I suppose but other than that I don't have a clue.

Harry Potter thinks he is an ordinary boy

D: Nope, believe me, he is in no way normal.

until he is rescued by a beetle-eyed giant of a man,

P: Hey, that sounds like Hagrid!

enrols at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry,

B: Try telling us something we don't know

learns to play Quidditch-

B: I repeat, tell us something we don't know

-and does battle in a deadly duel.

P: Okay, so, it seems like you can now communicate with books Blaise because that is something I most certainly did not know

D: Duh, Pansy, 'and the Philosophers Stone' it means when he went and got the philosopher's stone

P: Oh, well, I didn't know that. You never know, it could mean something different."

The Reason: HARRY POTTER IS A WIZARD!

B: Shock! Horror! Harry Potter? Wizard? I simply don't believe it! Lies! Lies! It's all lies! Oh... wait a minute... no... actually... I knew that.

P: Oh shut up Blaise

Acclaim for Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone:

"This is a story full of surprises and jokes; comparisons with Dahl are, this time, justified." The Sunday Times

D: What's 'Dahl'?

B: I don't know, but I'm guessing its a book seeing as though its this books comparable to it.

"... Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone has all the makings of a classic ... Rowling uses classic narrative devices with flair and originality and delivers a complex and demanding plot in the form of a hugely entertaining thriller. She is a first rate writer for children." The Scotsman

P: That's a bit general. 'The Scotsman' I mean come on, there must be lots and lots of scots...erm...men but give us a clue to which one.

"A richly textured first novel given lift off by an inventive wit" The Gaurdian

P: Is it just me or does it seem like these quotes are written as if the story is something that this Rowling persons made up?"

D: I know, it seems like they're giving this 'Rowling' credit for the story. But surely he's just the person who wrote about it. What happened is actual fact."

B: What does the stuff in the little white box mean?"

P: I don't know, the little black dogs cute though, why has it got a little arrow in its mouth. And look, there a word underneath it: 'Bloomsbury' what do you suppose that means?"

D: Maybe the dogs called Bloomsbury, but as for the arrow I really don't have a clue."

B: Hmmm, Harry Potter and a Little Black Dog called Bloomsbury. Has a nice ring to it."

D: Okay, so I've come to the conclusion that the first page is boring. The title and the Hogwart's crest. Tres insteresting... not!"

B: Actually, its got the motto to 'Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus'"

P: Yeah, I've never actually got that. Why is our motto 'never tickle a sleeping dragon'?"

D: It used to be 'Per veneficus nos es intemporaliter iunctus' but when Dumbledore became the headmaster he changed it to that."

P: Awww, the next page in the same apart from Bloomsbury's back again on this page!"

B: Wait, look on the other side of the page. There's a list of other books."

D: 'Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets' 'Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban' and 'Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire' they must be about second, third and fourth year."

P: Okay, this page is the dedication, skip that it's boring. Oh! Now we get to the good stuff!"

B: Chapter one, 'The Boy Who Lived'

D: Urgh, here we go. Barely even started the book and its already singing his praises!"

END

P.S. Next chapter dedication to the first person who can tell me what " Per veneficus nos es intemporaliter iunctus" means! Be warned that it can have a few different meanings though so if it doesn't make sense it probably isn't the right one!