A/N

It's nice to see that Blizzard's tradition of gag quotes in its RTS games has extended into StarCraft II-so nice that I actually have a number of oneshot ideas based solely around gag quotes from Warcraft and StarCraft. Anyway, probably obvious, but this was based entirely on the gag quotes of the SCV in StarCraft II.

Encapsulated

"So man, you coping ok?"

"Yeah. My cousin Lester saw a zergling once. Coping with the critters seems to run in our family."

Such words were cold comfort for a variety of reasons, not the least of which being that Lester hadn't survived said encounter. But after performing his duties to the Confederacy's successor government, after narrowly escaping a zerg raid on Red Base's workers, Billy Hill needed all the comfort he could get...'sides his cousin's male preferences of course. Though as he buttered a biscuit as he watched a tech fix his damaged SCV, he couldn't help but appreciate the analogy of one's rear being in gear.

Oh gross, shut up...

"So...big job huh?" the SCV operator asked, watching as blue and red wires crossed without forming any purple ones. "Think it'll need a band-aid?"

The techie, whatever his name was (and Hill didn't care anyway) shrugged. "Hard to say. Still, I wouldn't worry. You were the first one who made it into the planetary fortress, so..."

He trailed off, the damage being done. Damage that, as far as Hill could tell, was intentional. Yes, he was the first one to make it into the planetary fortress when zerg started pouring out of what seemed to be a giant mouth that appeared in the ground, more than willing to let the structure's ibkis cannons do the work that resocs were meant to. Yes, not everyone on his mineral cluster was as lucky as he was. But it wasn't as if staying around would have helped-the SCVs of Operation Neck were numerous, the number at Red Base not being an exception, but even they couldn't apply overwhelming power to bugs spawned from Hell.

"Booster cells seem low on energy..." the tech continued, his rear still in gear as his mind focussed more on Hill feeling bad than fixing his vehicle. "Given how fast you got in here, can't say I'm-..."

"Hey, lay off man!" the SCV operator exclaimed. "My cow died last week, so I don't need your bull."

An awkward silence fell between the two workers, only broken by the sound of Radio Free Zerg being played on someone's fone (downloaded illegally no doubt), a fellow operator expressing joy at working overtime for some reason and a techie commenting on how pretty a medic's mouth was. And as amusing as this would have been in normal circumstances, it only made Hill want to get out into the field even more. People were having fun, he wasn't, so if he was going to be miserable, he might as well do it with the company of those resigned to drilling away at monolithic crystals.

"Whatever," the tech grunted, the oil on his face matching his mood. "Sooner I fix this hunk of junk, sooner I can-..."

"But you can fix it, right?" Hill interrupted, not wanting to be trapped in this man's company any longer than necessary.

"Oh yeah, I can fix anything," the tech declared, mere seconds before the fusion cutter decided to fall off. "That is, if this damn thing holds together..."

Hill decided to remain silent-putting his faith in hope dictated no less. And with the tech whispering to his vehicle about how it was a baby and that it had to hold together, a picture of dumpy looking fighters appearing in his mind for some reason, he thought it best not to interrupt him.

And then it was done.

"Great, you're all set," declared the tech, wiping his brow. "Now if you excuse me, I've got to work on some Marauder armour."

"A Marauder?" Hill asked curiously. "The zerg actually damaged one of those giant's suits?"

"Nah, some idiots decided to play around with some RPGs," murmured the tech. "We're still trying to find the missing fingers."

"Oh...well, good luck then."

"Whatever."

It suddenly occurred to Hill that working with rocks had made him ignorant as to how unfriendly some people could be. Sure, they were on a desert world, beset by zerg and seemingly abandoned by the Dominion, but surely that didn't mean people had to be jackasses, right?

Whatever man. Just get back out into the field.

A task that was easier said than done. Because for starters, Hill actually had to get inside his space construction vehicle. And having done that, he found that he wasn't the only one who did so.

Bzzz...

"Ah, God damnit!"

A fly. A fekking fly had made its way into Billy Hill's SCV. Or had it been placed there by the techie in an act of spite? The operator's head said no, but his ears said yes. Unfortunately, with the fly saying nothing other than "bzz bzz bzz," the deadlock didn't look set to be broken anytime soon.

Alright, calm down Billy. You're encapsulated in here with little room to move and the same goes for the fly. So all you've got to do is play your cards right and...and...

Splat!

"Gotcha!" Hill exclaimed, his vehicle's plasma welder pressed against his shoulder where the fly had been and what felt like some kind of switch. "No flying insect is going to-..."

"Self-destruct activated," interrupted a computerized voice. "Five...four...three..."

"...uh-oh."