A/N: This is sort of a sequel to The Friendship Files. In it, we're going to explore Atlantis personnel interacting with family after being in Pegasus and facing dangerous situations that no one could ever have imagined. At times it will be funny, dramatic, angsty, poignant and anything else that comes along and suits my fancy. The next family and friends will be introduced near the end of the current storyline then a new separate story will be posted. That way you don't have to wade through one to get to the other and don't have to read one to understand the next.

In this first one, Rodney is meeting Jennifer's dad for the first time and John Sheppard tags along. Why? No one knows but hilarity, angst and maybe even a little UST will ensue.

Relatively Speaking

Chapter 1
Mostly Nuts…

"Rodney, come on or we're gonna be late!" Jennifer paced Rodney's room anxiously waiting for him to finish packing. "We need to get there before my dad does so he doesn't see the transport."

"We're not gonna be late. The Hammond is ready whenever we are." His voice was muffled from inside the bathroom. The door finally opened and he came out with his dopp kit in hand. He tucked it into his largest duffle and zipped it closed then picked up both their big bags and the one with his equipment while she carried their smaller bags and the one with gifts for their families.

It didn't take long to get to the Gate Room and when they arrived, Jennifer said, "Oh, by the way, I forgot to tell you…"

"What?" When she didn't immediately respond, he turned to face her. She bit her lip and glanced over his shoulder just as John Sheppard walked up to stand beside them carrying his own duffle. He was in civilian dress, similar to Rodney and Jennifer: jeans, t-shirt, long-sleeved shirt and sneakers.

"Umm, John didn't have any plans for this week so Jeannie invited him to come along."

Rodney watched wide-eyed as John dropped his bag next to theirs. "Great! This is just perfect! If meeting your dad for the first time isn't nerve-wracking enough, I have to have a witness to my doomsday!"

"Relax. My dad's gonna love you as much as I do." She took the collar of his shirt in both hands and straightened it though it wasn't necessary while her eyes pleaded with John for help.

The Colonel's lack of remorse changed to sympathy. "It'll be fine, Rodney. I promise not to be my usual charming self so you have a chance to shine."

"Yeah, right. Might as well say you'll stop breathing. My own sister likes you better than she likes me so what chance do I have with a stranger?"

John's face grinned before he could stop it. "Jeannie likes me?" When he saw his companions staring at him he cleared his throat. He knew how Rodney felt about him being friends with his married sister. "What I mean is sorry. New subject?"

Rodney crossed his arms and kept glaring. "Please!"

John complied, speaking quickly. "I've had a rental car delivered to Jeannie's house and made us reservations at the same place Doc's dad is staying."

At this revelation, Rodney softened. "Oh, well, thanks. I hadn't thought of that."

"I know. Don't worry. You'll do great."

The physicist finally relaxed his stance when Jennifer took him by the arm and drew him a short distance away. "You didn't tell him." It wasn't a question.

"Tell him what?" She just lifted an eyebrow, gave him that look and he relented with a sigh. "No, I didn't. Does it really matter? He'll find out soon enough and you know what will happen. I just wanted to put it off for, well, ever, if I could. Looks like I won't be able to now."

Jennifer relented too. "I understand how you feel but everything will be fine, honey." Her hands smoothed over his chest to his shoulders then down to give his biceps a small squeeze. "You'll see." He still looked as if he didn't believe her.

"Colonel Sheppard?" Chuck's voice floated down from where he stood at the rail above them. "The Hammond is ready to transport at your convenience, sir."

"Thanks, Chuck." John saw that his companions had picked up their bags and picked up his own. He gave a nod to Chuck, who gave him a nod back. John repeated the gesture after a few seconds and finally saw that Chuck was being pedantic. "Now would be good."

"Yes, sir." Chuck's grin was unashamed as a moment later the three friends disappeared in a flash of light.

This was the day Rodney had been dreading from the moment he realized that Jennifer loved him. Today, he would meet her father for the first time. The image of a shotgun wielding man who was part Rooster Cogburn, part High Plains Drifter and all mean had slipped into his mind on more than one occasion. He knew that she hailed from Wisconsin but for some reason, all he could think about was cheese…and the shotgun. Rodney couldn't decide which was scarier so he went with the devil he knew.

Jennifer, on the other hand, had nothing to be nervous about. She and his sister had become friendly when Rodney had been suffering from the Second Childhood illness and had been corresponding by email on a somewhat regular basis ever since. They'd had even sent video back and forth mail so Madison and Jennifer could see and hear each other so they could get to know each other before actually meeting.

Once on the Hammond, Rodney called Jeannie and she cleared the living room so they could transport down without witnesses. Seconds later Jeannie hugged her brother and Jennifer then shook hands with John.

The doorbell rang a few minutes later and Jeannie went to answer it. On her front stoop was a 60-ish man with a straight back, trim body and steel-gray hair and mustache. "Mrs. Miller? I'm Will Keller, Jennifer's dad."

"Oh! Come in! You're just in time." They shook hands and she looked around but he was empty-handed. "Where's your luggage?"

"At the hotel. I didn't want to impose." He stepped inside so she could close the door.

"You aren't, Mr. Keller."

"Oh, please, call me Will, Mrs. Miller."

"Jeannie." She gestured and he followed her to the front room where his daughter enveloped him in a tight hug.

"Missed you bunches, dad."

"You too, sweet-pea."

Finally, Jennifer pushed out of his arms and drew Rodney forward. The physicist tried to smile but it felt more like the face he made after he'd eaten too much spicy food. "Dad…" Jennifer told her father with obvious pride, "…this is Doctor Rodney McKay. Rodney, my father, William Keller."

Jennifer's dad was a few inches taller than Rodney with an imposing nature. At least to Rodney. He didn't smile back as he took Rodney's proffered hand, watching him warily. "So you're the guy who's been sleeping with my daughter. Thought you'd be taller."

"Da-ad!" Jennifer blushed and rolled her eyes.

"Uh…" It had been on the tip of his tongue to say he was happy to meet the man but wasn't quite sure how to respond to that remark.

The older man gave the physicist a blatant onceover, his expression indicating he would reserve judgment. "I hear you're pretty smart."

"Oh, uh, n-n-not as smart as Jennifer, sir, but I do okay." Rodney glanced at the faces of his sister, girlfriend and best friend who were gaping at him with stunned expressions. He ignored them.

"That's not what she says." Will wiggled his mustache, hooked his thumb at Jennifer then poked Rodney in the chest. "To hear her tell it, you're the smartest man in this or any other galaxy."

Jennifer took the hand of the self-proclaimed smartest man in two galaxies and gave him a loving smile. "That's because he is."

Rodney returned the smile again not really knowing what to say so he gestured at John with his free hand. "Um, this is our friend, John Sheppard."

Totally ignoring his earlier promise, John gave Will his best Kirk smile, the one usually reserved for charming gullible, barely legal females and extended his hand. "Pleasure, Mr. Keller."

Not one to beat around the bush, Will, who was still frowning, said, "Why are you here, Mr. Sheppard? I thought this was a family get-together."

Jennifer answered huffily before John could formulate a response. "First off, dad, he's a Colonel in the United States Air Force, second, he's Rodney's best friend and third, Jeannie invited him."

Will looked contrite but was unapologetic. "I was just asking, Jen. You don't have to make a federal case of it."

John watched the McKay/Miller/Keller family interacting. Not for the first time he wished he had that same sort of camaraderie with his own family. If he did, he'd be shootin' a curl off the coast of Maui or kicked back with an ice cold beer in one hand and a warm bikini-clad beach bunny in the other instead of in Vancouver where they only had two seasons: winter and not-winter. No human being was meant to live anywhere that wasn't tropical, dammit! He thought.

His mind had wandered to that white sandy beach but snapped back to reality when Jeannie literally put her foot down.

"No! It's settled!" She urged everyone to follow her upstairs with their bags, pushing doors open as she passed. "Will can stay in my room-it has its own bathroom. Rodney and Jennifer will stay in the guest room. I'll sleep in with Madison-she has a double bed. Here's the bathroom-we'll have to share. John can sleep in the den downstairs. I've already put an air mattress in there. Sorry it's not a regular bed but I kinda ran out. There's a bathroom downstairs but you'll need to come up here to shower."

"Uh, did I miss something?" John whispered to Rodney as he and Jennifer rejoined them in the hall after dropping their bags on the guest room bed.

"Apparently we've all…" he made air quotes "…agreed to stay here instead of at the hotel."

"I don't remember that."

"Yet here we are."

"She's kinda pushy, isn't she?" John whispered in Rodney's ear.

"Yeah, takes after mom."

John also noticed that Jeannie had left one very important name off the list.

John stowed his gear in the den then went out to the back yard to examine the grill he hoped they'd have a chance to use. He gave the big wooden swing a push wincing when it squeaked, glanced at the tilled area where the vegetable garden used to be, walked the perimeter of the property enclosed by a chain link fence then went back inside to loiter in the kitchen doorway, uncertain if he should enter. "Uh, hi."

Jeannie was preparing dinner and glanced up at him with a small smile. "Hey. You're just in time."

"I am?"

She motioned him over and he came to stand next to her as she took a second knife out of the drawer to her right, laid it in front of him then went to the pantry. He didn't see what she'd taken from there and nearly jumped out of his skin when she slipped the loop of an apron over his head then tied it in back. It must have been a gift from her daughter because it was pink and had "World's Greatest Mom!" hand-painted on the front.

"Yeah." A colander filled with a variety of fresh vegetables was placed between them. "You can help get dinner ready. Cut the ends off the zucchini then cut them in half lengthwise then in half-inch slices."

"Don't remember volunteering for KP." He said ruefully as he went to the sink to wash his hands.

"You didn't. Volunteer, that is. You were shanghaied."

His eyebrows climbed up his forehead at the word "shanghaied" but he followed her instructions while she expertly cleaned, cut and sliced an eggplant. "So, uh, how you been?"

"Good. You?"

"A little bored since we got back home." He lowered his voice. "Is it wrong that I miss messing with the space vampires?"

She smiled and nodded. "Maybe a little."

"So, uh, where're Madison and Kaleb?"

"Maddie's in school, she'll be home soon. Kaleb's teaching classes at the community college. She'll be spending the weekend with him." Her good humor drifted away and she heard him pause. Without looking up she said, "Kaleb and I are divorced. Mer didn't tell you?"

John started cutting again. "No, he didn't." He glanced over at her but she had her head down and was no longer smiling. He wondered what had gone wrong but wouldn't be so crass as to ask. They hadn't known each other that long. "When, uh…"

"It was final three months ago. Everything was very civilized."

"That's good. The civilized part. Sorry about the divorce."

"I was too."

He heard her lay down the knife then saw her reaching for a high shelf. She was on her tiptoes and stretched full-length but still fell a little short. She wiggled trying to get hold of the box and his eyes traveled down her body involuntarily. She was wearing a burgundy-colored sweater that looked like it would be incredibly soft, the sleeves pushed up to her elbows. It lifted up as she stretched and showed barely an inch of the smooth skin of her back. When his eyes reached her backside where her black slacks had pulled tight he mentally called himself a pervert and brought his gaze back up to what would have been her face had she been turned toward him.

"Here, let me." He reached over and around her shoulders to pull the box down.

"Thanks…" Jeannie could feel him behind her, close enough to be able to hear his dog tags moving beneath the material of his shirt.

John handed her the box just realizing they were very close though not actually touching. Inhaling brought the clean scent of melon and cucumber to him. He stepped back until they both had their personal space again just as Jennifer entered from the living room.

"I came to see if you needed help with dinner but it looks like you're all set." She glanced at the Air Force officer in a pink apron with a slight smirk. "Didn't know you could cook, John."

John's forehead creased in annoyance at her tone and the amusement in her eyes. He gave her a glare that had intimidated more than one subordinate but had no effect on her. She answered his scowl with a sweet smile. "I can't but I can use a knife without severing a tendon in my hand, unlike a certain physicist."

Jeannie laughed. "And he's such a baby about it, too. Every time he gets a paper cut or a splinter…"

"…he acts like someone shot him in the ass." John finished the thought with disdain.

"That was the first injury I ever treated him for. The splinter, I mean. Not the, uh, other thing." Jennifer added. "He came into the Infirmary calling for Carson but I was the physician on duty so he had to make do with me, complaining the whole time." Jennifer wanted to say more and glanced at John willing him to leave. Thankfully, he took the implied hint. He put the knife down, rinsed and dried his hands, took the apron off and handed it to Jennifer.

"I better go check on Rodney and Mr. Keller. Make sure they're 'playing nice.'"

Jeannie watched him go then turned to see Jennifer smirking. "What?"

"Nothing." Jennifer put the discarded apron on, picked up the knife and began cutting the vegetables with surgical precision. "What were we talking about?"

"Mer."

"Oh. Right." The sound of cutting and chopping started again and Jennifer heaved a sigh. "I don't think he even liked me when we first met. Doctor Weir introduced us the day I arrived but he barely even looked at me. Shook my hand then ran off on some life or death errand that involved Radek and that creepy Doctor Kavanaugh. Ever meet him?" Jeannie shuddered and nodded. "Then a day or two later he came in and I took the splinter out. He was seeing Katie Brown then."

"Yeah. I thought Katie was sweet the one time I met her. Gave me some great tips for organic gardening. I just never thought they were right for each other, but then he never approved of…" Jeannie stopped because she was about to choke up again.

Jennifer stopped cutting then glanced over her shoulder to make sure they were alone. "I know. I'm sorry." She wasn't certain if she was remorseful for Jeannie's divorce, Rodney's past behavior toward his now ex-brother-in-law or the wasted years. Probably all three. She was just glad Rodney'd refrained from gloating, at least in his sister's presence.

The women got quiet then, with a sharp flick of her wrist, Jeannie turned the radio on and tuned it to a rock station trying to lighten the atmosphere. Jennifer started humming along to an upbeat tune then began dancing around the kitchen. Jeannie didn't join in but the song, Fly like You Do It by the Romanian singer Inna, did make her feel better.

Will was sitting in an armchair watching John and Rodney as they played Speedway Champions on the Wii. They argued and insulted each other like battling siblings making the older man roll his eyes and wonder what his daughter was getting into wanting to marry into this family. From the kitchen he heard the radio come on and saw Jennifer dance past the doorway. For a brief moment, he thought he been dropped into a '70's sitcom. With a sigh he thought this was better than what had been happening before Sheppard arrived, which was nothing. He and Rodney had just been sitting there not speaking. He turned when the front door opened hoping for a distraction.

"Mom?"

"In the kitchen with Jennifer, sweetie! Go give your Uncle Mer a hug and say hello to Colonel Sheppard and Jennifer's dad."

A moment later Will saw an adorable blond girl in pink and purple top and slacks carrying a Hannah Montana backpack come into the room. She stopped next to him watching him curiously. "Hi. I'm Madison."

"Please to meet you, Madison. I'm Will Keller."

"I know. Jennifer's going to be my Aunt when she marries my Uncle Mer."

He'd started to scoff then did a double take when he realized what Madison had called Rodney. His bushy eyebrows came together over his nose. "Mer?"

"Yeah. He likes to be called Rodney but Mom calls him Meredith because she knows it annoys him." Madison glanced over at her uncle but he and John were still arguing.

"Really? Huh." He thought that bit of information over but wasn't sure what to make of it. "Well, you can call me Uncle Will, if that's okay with you."

"Mom said I was supposed to call you Mr. Keller but it'll be okay if you say so."

They were interrupted by an angry shout from Rodney. "You cheated!"

"It's not my fault you don't know how to play the game, Rodney." John pointed out smugly as he searched the titles of the games stacked to the right of the television before choosing one and loading it into the console. "Here's one more your speed…Meredith."

Rodney exhaled loudly. "What is it?"

"Freddie, the Ferret 2: The Great Princess Rescue. Ages 3 to 6."

"You are so funny, Sheppard. What you do, eat a clown for breakfast?"

At the snarky comment, John's smirk turned to aggravation in a split second as he wondered if Rodney was making fun of his dislike of clowns.

Will and Madison watched the men arguing then Will said, "They do that often?"

Madison watched Rodney and John as if examining an uninteresting species of amoeba under a microscope. "Only when they're together. Mom says they do it because they're friends and that's what friends do sometimes."

The older man nodded and twitched his mustache. "You're mom's a smart girl."

"I know. My dad's smart, too. And so's Uncle Mer and Aunt Jennifer." She was obviously very proud the adults in her life though understandably a little sad. Jennifer had taken him aside when he'd first arrived and asked him not to mention Kaleb unless Jeannie brought him up.

"Madison, come set the table!" Jeannie's voice called out from the kitchen.

"But mom, I wanna play Wii with Uncle Mer…"

"No video games until after dinner and homework. Now!"

"O-kay." She heaved a very put upon sigh, dropped her backpack beside the chair, took off her jacket then went to do her mother's bidding.

"Why don't I give you a hand? That way you and I can get to know each other." Will pushed himself out of the chair, gave one last look at the men still arguing then followed her thinking that the women were the only sane ones in this family.

Eventually they were all seated at the dinner table. Jeannie sat at one end with Jennifer at the other. Madison was to Jeannie's right with Rodney next to his niece because she insisted. Will was across from Rodney and this left the space next to Jeannie for John. He held her chair then sat down taking the napkin from under his fork and laying it in his lap.

Rodney reached for the casserole but snatched his hand back when Jennifer slapped him. "Rodney! We have to say grace first."

"Oh. Yeah."

When Rodney turned his head, Will was watching him with a frown. The older man opened his mouth to say something but Jennifer shook her head.

Jennifer and Will extended their hands and one by one the others did the same until they were a complete circle. John and Jeannie hesitated a fraction of a second before taking each other's hands and when they touched their eyes met for a moment then they bowed their heads and closed their eyes with the others.

"As the eldest in this little group, it's my place to say grace." Will heard no objections so he cleared his throat. "Dear Lord, we thank you for this food. Please use it to nourish our bodies and minds. We also thank you for the presence of family and friends and ask that you shower them with your blessings, keeping them safe when they're far from home. We ask this in the name of our Lord. Amen." Jennifer opened one eye and looked at her father to see if there was some hidden meaning in his words but his eyes were closed.

The rattle of silverware against dishes and bowls and the tinkle of ice in glasses filled the air until everyone had food and drink then Will, an electrical engineer, started the conversation off by telling a funny story about one of the men on his project team at Conway Industries having an entire plate of Fettuccini Alfredo dumped on his head followed by the remainder of a bottle of red wine by an irate girlfriend and how much fun they had teasing him afterward.

Next, Jeannie announced that she'd be starting back at university in a few weeks. Rodney was ecstatic. Finally she was seeing things his way as he'd always known she would. "That's great! Will you be going back to…"

"Yes. I applied for a grant just before the divorce was…" she stumbled to a halt and looked down at her plate then back up, putting on a false smile. "I, uh, start in four weeks. Already have my books and class schedule."

Rodney kept grinning paying no attention to his sister's sorrow. "I'm really proud of you, Jeannie! I-ow! What was that for?"

"Sorry." Jennifer looked at him with an innocent expression as she clenched her teeth. "It was an accident."

Rodney got the message. "N-Not that I wasn't proud of you before."

"Thanks, big brother. You don't know how much that means to me." Jeannie said sincerely. She decided to take his words at face value and ignore the byplay between him and Jennifer. Will, however, did not, but he also didn't say anything. He just kept shooting looks from Rodney to Jennifer and back as if he were making a mental list of Rodney faults that he was going to reiterate for his daughter as soon as he got her alone. He finally stopped staring at Rodney when John asked him about his work as an electrical engineer.

Rodney caught John's eye and gave him a small nod of thanks.

A few moments later, all conversation came to a stunned halt when Madison asked in a loud voice, "Uncle Mer, when are you and Aunt Jennifer getting married?"

TBC