Hi. I can't believe the fact that I've been writing so much today. It's almost a first. And 700 words is sorta long (for me anyway). Anyway, enjoy!

Dear Anton,

I guess I should say what kind of school I go to. I go to a high and mighty private school. It is not fun. You gotta wear an ugly uniform. It's black. I don't like how black looks on me. My skin is almost white. It's sort of grey. Wait! It's worse! I've heard, that if you're a chick and you break the oh so serious rules, you get fondled. One of my friends named Natalia brought a can of pop to school, and the headmaster touched her in places if you know what I mean. I've heard that it's gone farther than that. Natalia said that this one girl actually got molested for leaving some pubes on the toilet seat. Keep in mind that the headmaster is in his late 50's. Pretty gross, eh?

Anyway, I'm glad that you're happy. Happiness brightens up a dreary place, doesn't it? I'm sure it is rare for serial killers to get letters, especially from people they've never met before. I've told this to my psychology teacher and he said, "Sergei, you know what I've taught you. Communication with a serial killer is not smart and you shouldn't send letters to him anymore." I'm going against his wishes I guess. It's pretty fun and it fills me with adrenaline each time I read your letters. That is why I'll continue writing letters to you, no matter what.

Yeah, I'm sure you've told me about Mexican night. So during Mexican night, do the guards wear sombreros? I'm just wondering. And you don't have to worry; I'm not going to prison anytime soon. And no, I could never imagine bad borscht. So what would they put in the borscht in prison, squid? If they did, that would be terrible. Squid is the worst thing I've ever tasted.

I think I like being called Dragunov. I think they do that in the military. So I guess I should get used to it before I actually go to the military, right? I think it would be smart. At least it doesn't take long to get used to. Sometimes I don't like change if it's too drastic.

Well, at least you won't have to worry about hitting your head against the top of a door, right?

Sincerely,

Sergei Dragunov

Dear Dragunov,

Wow. That's some pretty heavy stuff there. Little 17 year old school girls getting touched by old men? I can understand if they weren't old... and were their boyfriend. If you want I can tell this to the security officers here. But that's only if you want. I think it would be a good idea though. Who said serial killers were bad people? Wait... don't answer that. Most serial killers are bad people. And old pervy men are gross.

Happiness does brighten up a dreary place. Actually, it makes me want to paint my cell a nice bright color. But you aren't allowed to do that. It kinda sucks, I must say. You don't have much freedom here. I myself have the extra burst of adrenaline when I read your letters. I don't know why. Psychology teachers are stupid. Don't listen to them. Ever. Most are under qualified to be a teacher. Most only have a degree in psychology, and it's only a bachelor. Don't show this letter to your teacher. If you do, I will find a way to kill you. Trust me. I can.

I love Mexican night. Yes, they do wear sombreros, and they also wear ponchos and try to talk with a Mexican accent, and fail miserably. It's very funny. I dare you to try to talk with a Mexican (or Spanish) accent and you will laugh at yourself. Trust me. Um... I honestly don't know what they put in the borscht other than beets. I think it may be a mix of squid and salmon. Squid is my least favourite food as well, and I'm sure you can tell what my favourite food is.

I think they do that in the military. And yes, it would be very smart to get used to it before you get sent off. People in prison never get used to the outside world. A lot have been sent out, and they come straight back within months. It's very sad.

Yeah, I guess I don't. And your doors must be for dwarfs or something.

Sincerely,

Anton Romanov

At first I didn't know where I was going with this, but now I do. I'm crafty. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this. Happy hunting.