I do not own anything Twilight...gosh, don't I wish!!

BPOV

BOOM! Another clap of thunder shook the window panes and blinding lightening turned the deep night into day. THREE YEARS. Three years to the day since Edward left me. My body felt numb. My brain felt like sludge, simply unable to process the vast amount of pain that attacked my weary system. The window was open and the rain was splashing in, onto me and the floor, but I didn't move to shut it. What did I care about some rain? I kept the window open almost constantly, denying myself it was for hope of his return, but deep down, I knew that was truly why. I shivered from the soaking cold, that went straight through to my bones. I knew a shower would help me, warm me, but I couldn't seem to get my legs to work. So I didn't bother.

I sat in the corner of the room on the floor, ignoring the furniture around me. How could he have just left like that? He didn't even say goodbye. Another tear escaped and slid down my stained cheeks. My eyes felt raw, swollen and like they were full of sand. How many tears had I cried the past three years for Edward? A thousand? A million? That was too much to think about. The past three years of my life had been nothing but pain, tears and burnt bridges. Edward leaving took a toll on more than just myself.

It took about a year for Jake to finally give up and leave me to the darkness. Try as he might, he couldn't heal the gaping, ragged hole in my chest. For a time, I thought he might. I even gave myself to him, completely thinking it would change my heart and help me love him. It didn't. The hole got bigger. All I could think was it wasn't Edward lying naked with me, it wasn't Edward making love to me for the first time. It wasn't Edward. That ended it for Jake. He realized he couldn't bring me to the light, and the bitterness against Edward for destroying who I was, destroyed our friendship.

Why, why did he leave?

Then there was Charlie. After two years of watching me only go through the motions but being empty inside, Charlie couldn't handle it anymore. He told me, absolutely I had to leave. He had threatened that so many times, I didn't believe him at first. That is until Renee showed up on the doorstep one day with a ticket to Jacksonville. As I was 20, I promptly packed my bags and moved out. Angela was gracious enough to let me stay with her until I was able to get a place of my own. My job at the outdoor supplies shop wasn't enough income, so I had to start working at the local grocery store too. The job sucked, but I had rent to pay. I couldn't afford much in the way of furniture, but that didn't matter to me now, as I couldn't be bothered to move from my spot on the floor.

In my hands I looked at the porcelain jewelry box that Edward gave me for my 18th birthday. Despite my insistence that he not buy me anything, he had surprised me late that night when it was just the two of us laying in my bed. On the top, a beautiful hand painted picture of a scene from Romeo and Juliet. I turned it over in my hands, remembering that night, the last night I had seen Edward, knowing it was going to cause me greater pain.

"I have something for you," Edward said breathlessly. He had just pulled me off of him as I was mercilessly attacking his lips, praying he'd finally let his impeccable control slip, just a little. I suddenly realized why he'd allowed my assault to go on for so long, he was hoping it would dissuade me from rebuking his gift. I thought he may be right, as my head was still buzzing and fuzzy and I wasn't thinking straight.

"I want you to try to accept this with an open mind and an open heart. I saw it and simply couldn't resist it for you."

And with that, Edward pulled out a small, simply wrapped gift. I tried to steady my breath long enough to tell him how much he shouldn't have spent money on me, but as I stared at the gift again, he bent down and brushed his lips against the curve of my neck. My breath hitched and my heart skipped a beat. I felt him smile against my skin.

"Breathe Bella, and open your gift." he whispered softly, his cool breath sending chills all over my body.

My hands shook as I pulled at the beautiful silver paper. Once it was carefully ripped away, I had a green box in my hand. I closed my eyes as he grazed my neck again with his lips.

"Try to concentrate Bella, you are almost there." Edward chuckled

"I'd be able to do this a lot better if you would stop distracting me!" I said with a pout.

"But you'd also be yelling at me. I'd rather keep you distracted." I could feel him smiling again.

I slowly opened the box and extracted a beautiful heart shaped porcelain jewelry box. I looked at the top and recognized Romeo wooing Juliet on her balcony against a starry sky. It was beautiful.

"Edward, I love it. Its so beautiful."

"No my Bella, you are so beautiful..." he whispered, as his golden eyes smoldered. I melted into his embrace, where I happily had spent the remainder of the night.

Another painful tear slipped down my cheek. I wrapped one arm around my torso, trying in desperation to close that awful hole that now burned hotter than before with the memories of our last night. The next day, Edward didn't come to my house that morning before my work shift, as was his custom on Saturday's. Edward's cell was no longer in service. I felt a little panic. Could vampires forget to pay their phone bills? After work, I drove straight to his home, to ask him why he'd not come by, why his phone wasn't working. The big white house, the house the was the home to the most important people in my life, Edward and his family...was empty.

My vision was blurry now. Edward, where are you. Edward. Edward. Why didn't you love me? I contemplated all the time he'd said he loved me. Lies. I thought about all of the passionate kisses. Lies. I mourned all of my hopes and dreams. All of it, ALL of it was a lie. The pain and the rage burned, tearing at the edges of the hole in my chest. I felt like I was going to split in two. I heard a heartbreaking, mournful sobbing, and realized it was me. How could you have done that to me? How can I live without you? How can I live?

A sudden burst a rage made me throw the jewelry box across the room with all of the energy left in my body, and with that sudden exertion, I crumpled into a sobbing heap on the floor. The rain continued to pour in on me. As I laid there, listening to my ragged breathing, the relentless thunder and watching my eye lids light up from the lightening, I suddenly wished it would rain enough for me to drown. Or wait, maybe I would be hit by lightening. Sure it would hurt, but I would only last a moment, and then this awful life I was left with would be over. I realized, I wanted to die. The thought scared the shit out of me, but oddly thrilled me as well. It would be over. The pain, the aching loneliness, the desperate longing for Edward. I would be free. I sat up suddenly, the energy returning to my body.

The porcelain glass lay scattered across the floor. It sprayed out when it had shattered against the wall. I crawled over to it, and grabbed the first piece I saw. It wasn't sharp, I dropped it and looked for another. I wasn't even thinking now as my fingers searched desperately for the instrament that would finally give me relief. I didn't think of Jake, I didn't think of Charlie. I merely thought of an end, and end to the unbearable pain. FINALLY, my fingers found purchase. I nice big piece, sharp too. I sat for a moment. Wait...wait. Another moment past. I am done waiting, he's not coming back.

I pressed the cool sharp glass to my wrist, bit my lip and pushed. A sharp pain traveled up my arm, but nothing, nothing compared to the hole in my chest. I pushed it deep and watched the crimson blood spring forth. I breathed through my mouth (no need to throw up as well). I switched hands, and repeated the process. Digging the glass deep into my flesh and dragging it across. I waited, and waited. The blood was flowing, but not fast enough. This was taking too long. I know that Alice had probably seen this, and would likely be here soon.

I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. I took a breath, " I am sorry Alice." I brought the knife to my throat, and dragged it quickly across.

I could feel the hot, sticky lifes blood, my blood quickly flowing out of me. My knees already felt weak, and I sat against the counter. This was better. This was quicker. I would be over soon. My eyes closed with the thought the end of the pain was near. I was weary. So tired and ready for endless sleep.

"BELLA! What have you done!"

This is my first fan fic. Please review.