Thesius: Check out my new girl [women crying on sidewalk] Hey! You, what's your problem?

Widow: We're from Thebes. Mean old Creon killed our men and won't give them back. He's so mean; I haven't gotten laid in a month.

Thesius: Oh no he didn't! [Stabs Creon] All better! [Gives bodies to women] Hey! Lookie! These ones are still alive. Let's lock them away in a tower forever. Muahahahahaha!

[Later, in the tower]

Palamon: Oh! [Jumps back from window]

Arcite: What are you crying about now! And I don't want to here anymore of this "woe is me, I'm in prison" shit. Get over it!

Palamon: No! There's a hot babe out there.

Arcite: What! Bullshit, there isn't a… [Looks out window] Damn, dude, check that out.

Palamon: Dibs

Arcite: You can't call dibs on her

Palamon: All's fair in love and war

Arcite: whatever, we'll never have a chance anyway.

Palamon: Douche

Arcite: Who's a douche? [Attack]

[a couple months later]

Background: Douche [slap] Double douche [punch] Douche times infinity [karate chop] um… but waxier [throws cup] you promised never to talk about that [tear]

Pirithous: Dude Arcite is totally awesome, let him go.

Thesius: no

Piritous: Fine then, we won't have any fun tonight, I'm putting this away.

Thesius: No! Fine, but I don't ever want to see his face again.

Arcite: Banished? How am I supposed to get giggly with her if I can't come near her?

Palamon: He's free? Shit, what am I supposed to do now?