Hello!!

This will be a two-shot, maybe even three... MAYBE!

The song that inspired me is in Finnish and the translation doesn't really do it justice but I hope you like the story anyway. I MIGHT be a little confusing...

So...

"Wolfram talking" is Wolfram's thoughts

Sing sing sing is the original song

English English English is the translation.

Disclaimer: I do not own Kyou Kara Maou

Wolfram's POV

Jos sä tahdot niin, olen sulle joku aivan muu.
Jos sä tahdot niin, olen virhe, joita tapahtuu.
Jos sä tahdot niin, tulen jouluksi kotiin.
Jos sä tahdot niin, en enää lähde uusiin sotiin.
Jos sä tahdot niin, jään vahtikoiraksi ovelles
Tai painan pääni sun povelles.

If it's what you want, I'll be someone completely else for you
If it's what you want, I'm a mistake that happens
If it's what you want, I'll be home for Christmas
If it's what you want, I won't go to new wars
If it's what you want, I'll stay as guard dog at your door
Or press my head down on your chest

What happened to us?

I see you there, smiling and talking to our guests, keeping your hand on their shoulder for longer than what I think is necessary or laughing at what I don't think is that funny. You're being a perfect king. You're even being a perfect husband, sending a smile to me every now and then, letting me know you haven't forgotten that I am here, too.

And I just stand here. I am not hanging onto your arm or leading you away from someone who I think has gotten enough, if not too much, of your time. I stand here, next to my brothers, being a gentleman that no one thought I would ever grow up to be. I am waiting for the music to start because I know you will come and lead me to the dance floor for the first dance of the night because that's who you are these days. You don't forget little things. You don't make me look like an idiot. You don't humiliate me or give me a reason to snap at you.

You're no longer a wimp.

Jos sä tahdot niin, et enää koskaan ole levoton.
Jos sä tahdot niin, kaikki minun myöskin sinun on.
Jos sä tahdot niin, otan sinun uskontosi.
Jos sä tahdot niin, on mulle valheesikin tosi.
Jos sä tahdot niin, muutan kirjoille Andorraan,
Jos vielä siellä sut nähdä saan.

If it's what you want, you will never be restless again
If it's what you want, everything that's mine is also yours
If it's what you want, I will take your religion
If it's what you want, even your lie is truth to me
If it's what you want, I will move to Andorra
If I can see you there again

And it hurts… I didn't think it would, I thought this is how I wanted you to be like. Maybe you have just matured, like Conrad said, but why this much? Why so quickly? I wanted to be us again. I didn't want to just stand here. But I know you prefer this version of me. This version that I forced myself to be so that you would get the husband you deserve.

I was so afraid that if I didn't change, you'd fall out of love with me. After you confessed, everything was perfect for a while and then we started fighting again. Little things, things we had always fought about: flirting, cheating, you being or not being a wimp. We even fought after our wedding… We always made up but every time I was left thinking if you loved me as much as you did before the fight.

I had to change. For you and for myself. Because I couldn't lose you… I can't. I would abandon anything for you! I'd even move to Earth if for some reason that was necessary. I'd leave behind everything and everyone I knew if that was the only way for me to be with you forever.

Never did I think I would start doubting all this. Never did I think I would doubt my own feelings towards you.

This wasn't supposed to happen. Now that you were the king you were supposed to be, I'm supposed to me more in love with you than ever before, right? Then why not? Why did I long for that stupid, naïve wimp?

You aren't mine anymore. You are everyone's.

Sillä ilman sinua hukun öihin sekaviin
Ja ilman sinua, no niin...
Ilman sinua olen puolitiessä helvettiin...

Because without you, I will drown in confusing nights
And without you, oh well...
Without you, I'll be halfway on my way to hell

I sighed.

"Bored?" someone next to me asked, snapping me out of my thoughts. Conrad was smiling a little; looking at me as if knew exactly what I was thinking.

Maybe he did. Wouldn't surprise me.

I grunted my response and kept my eyes on Yuuri. Conrad chuckled, making me even surer that he was able to read minds.

Or maybe my thoughts were just written all over my face.

"Don't worry; I'm sure the dancing will start soon. Heika won't have his eyes on anyone but you from that moment on."

On my other side, Gwendal's hand formed a tight fist at Conrad's words, in which the cheerfulness was just a little forced. I could understand why thinking about their little brother as someone's husband was weird for them no matter how long they had had to get used to the idea. Gunther and Mother hadn't made it any easier for them either, too often hinting what was probably going in the royal bedchamber when the doors were closed. Gunther wept. Mother giggled.

"Wolfram?"

I blinked and saw Yuuri's hand reaching for me. The music had finally started and everyone was looking at us.

What Conrad had said seemed to be true, though. His eyes were only on me. His smile was wide and genuine and it got even brighter when I took his hand, as if he had been expecting me to decline.

Like I could ever.

I let him lead. I'm used to it by now. As much of a soldier as I am, when we are like this, I always let him be the one in control. I still don't know why. It's not just because he's the king or because he's the one who "proposed". There's something else, too, something that is beyond obvious reasons, something that makes this normal not only in everyone else's eyes but in our minds, too.

I wasn't making any sense even to myself anymore. I must have looked distracted because I suddenly felt Yuuri's hold tightening. I looked at him in the eye, only then realizing I had looked away, and saw him raise his eyebrows, silently asking if I was okay.

Somewhere in there you are the wimp I fell in love with…

His concern hurt. It was polite and quiet and he wasn't declaring it to the whole room. And we were still dancing, his feet moving perfectly on the dance floor, not taking one false step.

Why did I want him to step on my foot? Why did I want him to stop thinking about the dance and just worry about me?

Why couldn't I be as mature on the inside as I was on the outside?

Jos sä tahdot niin, nimeäsi enää toista en.
Mut vaikka tahdot niin, kuvaas mielestäni poista en.
Jos sä tahdot niin, tulen kallioiden läpi.
Jos sä tahdot niin, what ever makes you happy.
Jos sä tahdot niin, tuon sulle Tiibetin vuoteeseen
Tai siirrän pohjoisen luoteeseen
Ja aina uudelleen ja uudelleen
Sun muistan joskus mua suudelleen.

If it's what you want, I will not repeat your name again
But though it's what you want, I will not erase your face from my mind
If it's what you want, I will come through rocks
If it's what you want, whatever makes you happy
If it's what you want, I will bring you Tibet to bed
Or move North to North-West
And again again, I remember you kissed me sometimes

I let go of you. Now you look confused, maybe even hurt but I don't care. I just look at you, my eyes sad, and whisper that I am not feeling too well.

And then I left.

I don't turn to see if you follow me or not. You probably don't. Because you are truly a king now and know how to behave in formal events. You can't leave unless something really horrible happens. And as far as everyone knows, I am just tired, not dying.

But I want you to follow me. I pray that you will. I even think about turning around and dragging you to come with me so we could be alone but I don't. I want you to understand. I don't want to help you to see what I'm feeling.

Are we not in love anymore?

If you kissed me now, would it feel like it did the first time?

If we did what everyone knew we did behind closed doors now, would it feel like it did the first time?

If you told you told me you loved me now, would it feel like it did the first time?

Or would it just be pretend? Are we still married just because it is more convenient than breaking up? What would it look like? After everything our relationship had gone through, what would it look like if we ended our marriage?

Well, Yuuri, what do you think? Can we live like this?

Can you?

Can I?

Do you love me or not?!

Mutta ilman rakkautta hukun öihin sekaviin
Ja ilman rakkautta, no niin...
Ilman rakkautta olemme puolitiessä helvettiin...

But without love, I drown in confusing nights
And without love, oh well…
And without love, we are halfway on our way to hell…

I can't lose you.

I changed.

I can't lose you!

I heard steps behind my and my heart flutters. He came after all!

I turned around quickly and the smile that was almost on my face disappeared. It wasn't him. It was Conrad. And the look on his face told me that knew exactly who I wanted him to be.

He was sorry he wasn't him. But for once, he wasn't apologizing for him or making excuses as to why he was acting the way he was.

So I didn't run away from him but let him come close. I knew I looked lost and confused, I looked like a child. That's how I felt and I was tired of concealing it all.

Why had everything changed?

Why had Yuuri changed?

"Are you alright?"

"No," I answered honestly, my voice hoarse as I was fighting back a sob. "What happened to him?" I wasn't really expecting an answer; I just wanted to say it out loud. "Why does it feel like he's a… stranger?"

Because he was. He wasn't my Yuuri anymore. I didn't know the boy, the man, I had been dancing with just a few moments ago.

"I want him back…" I said and the sob I had been holding escaped. "I have to get him back, I can't live like this! Bring him back…"

It wasn't a request for Conrad but to anyone who had the power to do it. I kept repeating it as Conrad, and this would have surprised me if I wasn't so confused as I was, gathered me to a hug.

Come back, Yuuri… Please.

Sillä ilman sinua hukun öihin sekaviin
Ja ilman sinua, no niin...
Ilman sinua olen puolitiessä helvettiin...

Because without you, I will drown in confusing nights
And without you, oh well…
Without you, I am halfway on my way to hell