A/N: So, I happened to notice a few days ago that most people seem to think that Kid would be a total uke even if he was with a girl. But I'm not too sure I agree with this. If he was with a guy? Most definitely. But I could see Kid topping at least sometimes if he was with a girl.

I mean Kid's not the most manly guy in Soul Eater, but he's definitely not super girly, at least not in the way most people think of anime girly, like the whole bishie, pretty-boy, Tamaki-thing. He can be kind of masculine sometimes. It's just, in comparison to other men on the show, like Soul and Black Star, his masculinity tends to be undermined, I guess.

So in honor of helping Kid keep his manly pride I thought it would be funny if I wrote a fic in which Kid surprised everyone by being a total dominant kink-bear. Just because.

Of course, this is probably sort of crackish, because I don't really think Kid is a kink-bear, I just thought it would be funny.

Surprise, Surprise

"Okay, you guys, I have to tell you something." Liz whispered excitedly. "But it has to be somewhere quiet."

"Why?" Maka asked, perplexed.

"Did something happen?" Tsubaki looked concerned. She and Maka both paused in the middle of picking out shirts. They were currently in Death City's mall, deciding on some new clothes. Maka wasn't completely surprised that Liz was planning on telling them something. After all, she had seemed rather jittery the entire time they had been shopping, and even before that when Maka had first invited her and Patti to come with her and Tsubaki on the phone that afternoon. Maka had asked her what was wrong, but Liz had seemed so secretive, speaking furtively into the phone, as if thinking someone might be listening in on their little conversation. She had told Maka that she would explain it all to her, Tsubaki, and Patti when they arrived at the mall.

"No. It's just-no. Let's just go somewhere else so I can tell you." Liz looked around her conspiratorially, as if at any moment someone would jump out and admit they had been eavesdropping on them.

"Erm, okay?" Maka dropped the shirt she was holding back onto it's shelf, casting Tsubaki a nervous glance. Liz turned to look at Patti who was simultaneously flirting with and threatening a mannequin wearing a green hat.

"C'mon, Patti. Let's go."

Patti followed the other three girls out of the store obediently, and the four of them walked across the street to the secluded little restaurant on the opposite sidewalk.

When they were seated inside a small booth, Patti and Liz facing Maka and Tsubaki, Liz proceeded to drop a bomb.

"Me and Kid had sex last night."

Maka dropped the menu she was holding and Tsubaki's jaw fell open as she spat out her drink, promptly flushing red at this display of a lack of manners as her hand flew to her mouth. Even Patti stopped coloring on her complimentary kid's menu, her eyes even wider than usual, and her lips in the shape of a tiny "O".

Liz's eyes were closed in anticipation of the questions she knew were coming.

She wasn't disappointed.

"You-you what?" Maka's face had drained of color.

"Wha-?" Was all Tsubaki could manage.

"Where? How? Why? With each other? What?" Maka's voice was getting increasingly frantic with each word, her voice rising in pitch.

"Shhh. Keep it down will you? And one question at a time."

"Okay then, let's start with 'what'?"

"I had sex with-"

"No, no! I think we got that, it's just….wow."

"Yeah, I know."

"How did it- how did it happen, if you don't mind me asking?" Tsubaki joined the conversation again sounding shocked, and even that was an understatement.

"I don't know. One minute we were talking and then the next we were upstairs rolling around on his bed. And that's not even the most unbelievable part."

"It's not?" Maka asked warily, her voice wavering, as if she wasn't quite sure that she wanted to know what Liz was going to say next.

Before Liz could say more on the subject however, Patti broke into song. Liz shook her head. Oh well. She should have expected it. She was actually grateful that Patti had contained herself this long before saying anything ridiculous or embarrassing.

"Sis and Kid sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then come sex, then comes Liz with a miscarriage!"

….."Patti, what?" Maka stared. "That's horrible!"

"And more importantly, that's not how the freaking song even goes Patti! That didn't even rhyme!" Liz glared at her sister.

"I know, but I just had to make up lyrics that fit."

Liz shook her head. "Patti, I am not going to have a miscarriage, because I'm not pregnant. Kid used a condom. I had one in my purse."

Tsubaki practically choked on her large coke again. Maka smiled at her comfortingly and patted her back in a sympathetic manner, the fingers of her free hand massaging her own forehead exasperatedly.

"You had a condom in your purse? What are you doing in your spare time Liz?" Maka demanded. Or maybe the more appropriate question is 'who are you doing?' Maka mentally rolled her eys.

"Whatever the hell I want! Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. That's not even the most unbelievable part-"

"You said that already."

"Would you just let me finish, okay? The most unbelievable part is" –here Liz dropped into a whisper again-"he-he used a whip.... And rope."

"Wait, what?" Tsubaki's eyes were even wider than her plate at this point. Patti stopped her maniacal giggling to stare at her sister.

"We are talking about Kid, right? Our Kid?" Maka queried after venturing a look at Tsubaki's face and deciding that she was the only one in any shape to ask.

"Yes. Definitely."

"I-but…I-I always- forgive me for mentioning this, but I always, well, you know- I always thought you would be the one on top, Liz." Tsubaki said this in the process of recovering, so her voice sounded weak. Not to mention she wasn't really used to having discussions like this, so her words were little more than embarrassed squeaks.

"I wasn't. Once we got around to it, he was very in charge. Believe me."

"Holy shit." Everyone at the table delivered Tsubaki a look of utter disbelief. Tsubaki never swore. Never. And yet, there she was, staring at the opposite wall, her whole face slack with incomprehension. Her voice sounded impassive, as if she was too dumbfounded to even muster any emotion in her voice.

"I know right? One minute he was typical chaste, prissy, prudish Kid, the next he was like a - like a horny dog or something! This is the same boy who always tells me how he thinks girls wear too little clothing on TV nowadays, and then I find out he's into all kinds of kinky shit!"

"It's always the quiet ones." Maka sighed, her head turning down to look at the table in slight horror, as if the table's reflective, wooden surface would carry the answers that she needed to help her understand the insanity in her life.

Tsubaki flushed in confusion when everyone at the table turned to look at her again.

"Wh-what? Why are you all staring at me?"

"Wait, what?" Soul asked, both eyebrows raised in surprise. Maka didn't think there was anything that could ever bring enough of a reaction out of stoic, blank-faced Soul, especially when he was so absorbed in the television. But then she told him what Liz had mentioned to her that afternoon and any trace of the couch-potato he usually was, was gone.

"I know. That's was I said too."

Soul grinned, his sharp teeth bringing to mind a particularly nasty bulldog with its feral undertones. "Didn't think the scrawny little pansy had it in him."

Tsubaki blinked up shyly at Black Star through soft, ebony lashes as he pushed her against a wall in his excitement, fingers gripping her hips with nearly painful pressure, his lips latched onto her neck so tightly, she felt as if they would never come off.

"W-wait, Black Star...."

"Hmmm?"

"The-the chains. Don't forget the-ah!-the chains!"

Black Star chuckled knowingly, the rumbling of his chest sending delicious vibrations through her whole upper-half. She could feel him smirking against her skin.

"Don't worry. I didn't forget. I know how much you like them."

A/N: XD Oh, God. I am such a pervert.

Maka's right. It is always the quiet ones.