A/N: For a more detailed summary, this story takes place two years after New Moon. When Bella left Forks and Jacob behind to go after Edward in Italy and save him from the Volturi, she never returned. Charlie still has his hopes that his daughter is still alive, even though no one has received even a phone call or a letter after her disappearance. The Pack in La Push came to a tough realization that she must be dead. What else could have happened when she went to those evil, carnivorous vampires? This will be a very tortured story. It will be rated M 'cause I'm vulgar and there may be a mature scene or two. I'm taking a stab at Bella's POV.

Overview: Bella is 20, Jake is 19(it's summer, slowly nearing Bella's big 21), you will not know what happened to Bella with the Cullens/Volturi for some time. It will be drawn out. Yes, she is still HUMAN.

Oh, and a disclaimer: Steph. Meyer owns the characters. I'm making no profit or whatever from this.

Warning: ANGST. Rated M for mature themes and the occasional f-bomb.

Ch. 1 "Return"

Leaving was easier than returning. Simple words, simple statement.

Leaving allowed me to block all thoughts and reminders enchanting me to leave and turn my back, yet capturing a piece of my heart and never relinquishing it. It was palpable, easier to digest as my mind continually bickerd and encouraged that I did the right thing, to leave behind my home. To leave behind the people that made up my home, the space that encloses it in familiarity.

Leaving was easier than returning because of that trigger our brains can do; to block and seal away the memories, never having to think about them.

Returning…well, returning took courage. I couldn't just expect my mind to go into its 'shut off' mode and not think about the pain I directly caused, because even at the thought of returning it all comes flooding down, knocking the air out of me while simultaneously mocking me. Because returning didn't mean hiding any longer or having the option of a fake alias, it meant facing the place my demons came from, and more importantly it meant forgiveness.

This pep talk wasn't doing much pep. Or much of anything else, really.

You wouldn't be in this position if you only came back in the first place…

Ah, I was wondering my sub-conscience had disappeared off to throughout my six hour drive from Sandpoint, Idaho to the very grim looking Forks.

"What are you runnin' from, little lady?" Lance, the man who graciously let me rent out a small, rusty old apartment for low rent had inquired earlier in the morning when I packed three bags into my car with the intent on leaving, running.

"More like what am I running back to…"

Was that what I was doing? Running back? Retreating to a safer world I'd demolished exactly two and a half years ago? Was I ready? Of course I wasn't. I'd never be truly ready to face those I loved after two years of silence, on my end.

Yet more importantly, I wasn't really living. I worked forty five hours a week at a local café, came home – no, it was never really home – to an empty apartment with empty feelings. Lather and repeat.

But that was what I was for most of the time. Just empty. I would admit my selfishness, my own stupidity and just how I downright screwed up. But I couldn't think back to those months – years – that left me in a stupor as I passed the Welcome to Forks signed pinned at the side of the road. The same one I passed three years ago on my dreaded arrival here from the sunny Phoenix.

It was all too overwhelming as I drove with uncertain ease down Central St. The roads, the buildings, the stores…nothing had changed. Except me. Except me. What was I thinking? I couldn't come back here, I couldn't risk it. My breaths came in rigid breaths close to hyperventilating as the roads started winding slowly down the streets in the suburbs where my home – my real, warm home – resided. Oh God, how I missed it… I dreamed about this. Dreamed and dreamed. Yet in my dreams I didn't imagine my hands shaking, palms sweating, heart stammering into overdrive…

With ample and glazed over eyes I took in sight of the white, two story home. The once cracked and paled color had been repainted a new shade of off white, and the front door was now a dark black instead of its musky brown. The lawn looked more organized; less weeds, more care, and even a garden. When had Charlie – my simplistic father – done this?

My orange, Chevy truck sitting near the side of the house surprised me. Who it reminded me of – the memories it reminded me of – sent tears streaming down my cheeks. I had to suppress the sobs with a hand over my mouth as parked my Jeep Cherokee in the spot I would have normally once parked my truck on any other given day, if things hadn't all changed the day I cliff dived and Harry Clearwater was pronounced dead.

My forehead rested on the steering wheel, the sudden rush of tears and nausea catching me off guard. The tears, the weakness, I grew to accept. Crying myself to sleep each night for two years was the only aching reminder, and yet it was comforting. The only sort of comfort I could find.

Minutes ticked on. My mind was screaming negative profanities; I made it two years – barely – I can't retreat now. But my heart…my heart that's so bruised and badly broken felt the first signs of life since that night…

My eyes clenched closed.

You made your decision when you left Sandpoint. This is it…this is what you need…

In three swift movements I had stumbled out into the misty rain with one bag in hand. A smile formed my lips at the feel of the rain. The rain and wetness I once despised now felt more incredible than ever. I laughed in vain attempt to ease my own mood, my own nerves and the voice ringing in the back of my head…dangerdangerdanger.

No longer would I succumb to these fears that kept me alienated for two years.

It was a quiet and calm early day in June.

Somehow I found myself already standing in front of the freshly painted black door, my shaky fist tapping lightly on it.

No answer.

I looked down at the keys in my hand. The first silver and black one was to my car, the next a small gold one to the mailbox I wouldn't be using anymore, and the final key…a small silver, nimble key I kept over the years after Charlie had given it to me. I trailed a finger over the contours of the metal then hesitantly slid it into the keyhole on the doorknob. I stared down at my hand, slowly twisting the key until the door clicked open. My knees quivered as I stepped inside, bracing myself against the nearest wall as I dropped my bag to the floor.

Everything smelt, looked, and felt the same. Gliding my fingers along the wall, I walked down the hallway which led into the kitchen and the living room on the opposite side. My eyes took in every square inch they could find. It looked…clean, and smelled of orange and melon fabreeze. My wobbly legs moved me into the kitchen, where I continued to brush the tips of my fingers over the counters. Feeling and memorizing the texture…

On the counter were stacks of bills and envelopes, next to two coffee mugs…one with a lipstick stain.

What? How? Who?

My scattered thoughts were cut short by the front door reopening, the sound of heels clicking along the tile causing me to quickly turn around and grab hold of the counter for leverage. My very confused, frightened and questioning expression was reflected on the woman's face in her mid thirties, standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

My heart skipped a beat. Did…did my dad move? No…where was he? I needed him. I needed this.

Suddenly tears streaked down the woman's face. She was Quileute, with long brown, curly hair and hazel eyes. Tears? Why tears?

"Bella?" The woman asked in a soft voice, one of her hands resting over her heart. Before I knew it her arms were wrapped around me in a hug. I was too stunned, too shell shocked to even move.

"I'm…I'm sorry…I don't know who you are…" I fumbled, my voice far too weak and scratchy to even show emotion.

The woman pulled back, an apologetic frown forming on her lips before she was smiling and running a hand through my hair which fell in waves down to my waist.

"Oh dear, I'm very sorry…I should have introduced myself. But…I'm just so…so…shocked. My name is Ali Akkins, I'm Collin's mom."

"Collin?" I would have stormed out of the house, thinking Charlie had moved if this woman hadn't broken done in tears and knew who I was.

"He's my son, he hangs around with all the boys in La Push…I knew you used to be good friends with them…" she trailed off as the expression on my face didn't change from anything but huh?

"Wh-where's Charlie? Why are you here?" I gasped out, my frantic eyes searching around the house.

"Oh, darling…your father's at work… I should call him…after all these years of searching, oh my. He'll be so relieved…I can't believe this…" Tears continued to fall down her face as Ali made her way towards the phone, still on the same wall near the fridge.

I was hit with the memory of the last night I was in town, in my home…standing pushed up against the counter, Jacob's breath on my lips, his body on mine as the phone rang, interrupting…

"Charlie!" I was drawn back into reality, my own tears now swimming down my cheeks as Ali spoke into the phone.

"Honey, you'll never believe this…I came home and Bella-" I tuned out the rest of what she said. Honey? Was my dad…married? Something rolled in my stomach, shaking my body as I rushed to the sink, nausea sending up heaves from nerves, from the overwhelming presence of being here, from the memories, from the news, from my mistakes. The little food in my stomach left me choking up dry heaves. My ears began to ring as I felt hands on my shoulders, holding back my hair with one as the other gently rubbed my back.

Minutes passed after the waves of gagging settled, and minutes continued to drag on as I stood there, hunched over the sink. At one point I was handed a cup of water which I graciously accepted, swallowing down the elixir that forced away my cotton mouth and relieved my clenching stomach. Five more minutes ticked by as my head swarmed with all the memories of this town that I'd locked away when I left(thanks to the ever sufficient 'blocking' of my brain); Charlie, school, La Push, the pack, Billy, Jacob, life…

"Bella?" Ali softly asked, politely encouraging me to turn around and face her. My skin burned from a fever, my face felt pasty and dampened with sweat, and my eyes held a million secrets as I met the almond shaped eyes of my…stepmother?

The sound of me swallowing noisily echoed in the too quiet room.

"Maybe you should sit down and rest, sweetie. Your father should be here any minute now…" I bowed my head, having no words to say to this woman. Everything was spinning too fast, out of control.

Her offer was taken once my knees buckled and I sunk into the nearest stool surrounding the lone isle in the center of the kitchen.

"A-are you alright, Bella? You seem frightened…"

My head sunk into my hands before they pushed through my hair, pulling tightly in an attempt to steer the pain away from the hole resurfacing in my chest like a faint scab.

The door slammed open with a loud bang, causing me to jump from the sudden and out of place noise. My eyes sought the doorway, where a very disgruntled and shaken Charlie stood, suited in his police uniform with a few grey hairs tinting his beard and the auburn hair on his head. The next second I was tripping into his arms, tears of pure joy building in the corners of my eyes as I felt Charlie's own tears fall onto the top of my head.

I don't know how long we stood there, me grasping on for dear life until Charlie pulled back, still with his arms around me, his eyes rimmed with tears and his expression going completely blank and pale. My lips parted, the expression on his face showing as if he'd just seen a ghost.

No questions were asked after that. Only murmurs of disbelief, of awe, of love and fear were spoken.

Faintly I heard, "I knew it, I knew it…I knew you were alive," being repeated into the crown of my head.

Charlie and Ali had mutually agreed to let me go shower and relax, and then come down for lunch and to talk. Though neither said it, there would also be an interrogation, but we all needed time for contemplation, for realization. Charlie deserved answers. Ali, whoever she was, made me feel unsettled. She cried at the mere sight of me, yet I'd never met her or even seen her before.

Where had this come from?

I took their offer and ran. I stood underneath the showerhead, the heat all the way up. I continued to stand there until the water ran cold, which I let cease my flustered and red stained body before I shivered my way into my old room.

Everything was the same. The desk, my computer, the drawers on my dresser still slightly open, my closet bombarded by clothes and shoes…I took a closer look at the wall behind my dresser, looking over the pictures of my family, of my friends that were smiling back at me. And I smiled. It reached my eyes, my whole being. The picture of Renee and Charlie holding me as a baby, a picture of my dad and me on my eighteenth birthday, a picture of Billy and Jacob out on the rez…

I noticed someone had dropped off the three bags from my car on the floor in the room. I ignored them and began digging through the drawers filled with my old clothes. The day I left for Italy, I only pack a small backpack with a change of clothes and my wallet. Nothing else.

A smile danced on my lips the whole time as I pulled on the grey sweats I used to wear to sleep almost every night, followed by a black tank top and a simple black cardigan pulled over it for extra warmth. Then I fell on my bed, curling on my side and soaking in the familiarity. Sleep tugged at me, but I wouldn't suffice. I had just gotten home, I had just gotten back. Sleeping was the last thing I wanted.

Slowly I crept down the squeaking staircase, holding onto the guardrail for support. Once in the kitchen I caught sight of Charlie and Ali sitting at the table, a sandwich in front of each of them and one left at an empty seat for me, with a mug of what smelled to be passion tea. Gingerly, I took my seat, sipping down the scorching tea eagerly.

"Bella," Charlie started slowly, reaching over to lightly squeeze my arm, "Honey, where have you been these past two years? I…I thought you were dead…I-I could sense that you weren't but…but…where—?" His voice cracked as Ali soothingly rubbed his upper arm.

The guilt I already felt multiplied into a gazillion. I wiped away the lone tear that spilled over, "Dad…" I mumbled apologetically, taking his hand in mine to gently squeeze it, "I know I owe you an explanation…but can we just…talk about it later?" Truth, how could I explain to him my intentions that related to vampires? I needed time to think over a proper explanation.

He wasn't having any of it, "Were you with those Cullens, young lady?" Though his voice has slightly risen, it held no sign of anger. Only hurt. Which stung worse.

"For four months I was," I whispered, hanging my head to stare at steam rising from the tea in my trembling hand.

Charlie let out a rigid sigh, "Why didn't you call, or write? Or let me and your mother know your were alive and safe? All you left me with was a letter. Isabella, I've been searching for you ever since you left, everyday. Your mother has barely survived these past two years! Not to mention Billy and Jacob, and the rest of those kids down in La Push! We all thought the worst…" He choked back a sob as he held tighter onto my hand while Ali occupied the other, creating a broken triangle.

I winced at his words, finding none of my own. I felt like someone had sucked the air straight from my lungs and sent a cheap shot straight at my heart and gut.

Charlie still had much more to say, "And you were with those fucking Cullens? Did they make you do this? I tried calling them, Carlisle said he had no idea that you were missing! But you Jake told me you left with Alice, so I know that's where you were. They could have killed you!"

I flashed my eyes to meet his. What? My mind was so boggled, "A lot has changed over the years, Bells."

"Clearly," I muttered, looking from him to Ali.

"Look, after you left things were bad for me…" His lips twitched, "I met Ali almost a year and a half ago, and her son Collin. I found out all about those vampires, the Cullen's, and about the pack in La Push."

My eyes bulged from my head.

"I went out to Ali's house one day in La Push, and Collin was there and he phased right in front of me for the first time. Ever since then Billy's and the council have told me all about the wolves and those goddamn Cullens. They also said you knew all about this?" I slowly, cautiously nodded my head, "You knew about them, and still ran off with them? I went crazy, thinking they killed you! Every time I went to go find the Cullens, they were always gone; moved someplace else. Last I found out was that they were in South America. Is that where you've been?" He was seething now.

My head shook from side to side, "No, no…I just told you I only stayed with them for four months, Charlie. I've been living in Idaho…" I didn't allow my eyes to meet his. Did this Ali chick have to be here for all of this? And the fact that my dad knew about all this folklore, about the pack and the vampires, was somehow daunting. I still had no intention of telling him where I was, why I was there, even though the concept would be better understood since I didn't have to lie about the Volturi and the Cullens.

Yet still, I wasn't prepared for that.

"Dad, please…can we talk about this tomorrow? It'll be too much for either of us to bear right now…I'm fine, I'm here…and I'm so sorry…" I willed myself to look him straight in the eye as I pushed a hand through my still wet hair.

Charlie rubbed a hand over his face, letting out a defeated sigh. I leaned across the table in my seat to place a chaste kiss to his forehead, hoping somehow that he would let it go. For now. Nothing was ever simple with Charlie, the chief of police.

"I guess you're right, honey. I'm just so overwhelmed…and fucking happy that you're here." I gave him a half smile which he gratefully returned, taking a bite from his sandwich.

"Let's just enjoy this reunion right now and talk later…" he finished.

My gaze flickered between him and Ali's laced fingers. The questioning look on my face didn't go unnoticed, "So…?"

Charlie cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably, "We're recently engaged, Bella. I proposed last month," I nodded my head slowly, registering the information. Ali lifted her left hand so I could catch a small glimpse of her ring finger, where a sterling silver ring with a medium sized diamond was perched.

I tried my best to muster up a smile. I was still thrown a surprise, yet weren't we all. "Sorry about…earlier," I mumbled awkwardly to Ali.

"No need to apologize, sweetie. You had no idea who I was," she gave me a smile before pointing to my tea, "There's chamomile in there, hopefully it will help your stomach settle."

"Thanks," I replied awkwardly, taking another sip as things calmed around the table.

After a few minutes of silence, the question on my mind began eating at me. I started simple, "How's Billy doing?"

"Oh, he's doing great. He's been seeing Sue for a while now, they seem happy," My dad's smile radiated.

"Sue Clearwater?" I gaped.

"Yep. After Harry's death they become real close."

I processed the information, suddenly moving into my next, more important question, "And how's…Jacob?" My voice cracked at his name as my fingers clenched around the mug still settled in my hands.

Charlie's eyes softened as he looked towards me, aware of our history, and probably also aware of how much pain I caused him.

"The kid's doin' good. He graduated high school a few weeks ago a year late. I think he plans on opening a mechanic shop maybe, he didn't mention going off to college…guess none of the kids are since their duties to the pack and everything."

The last statement caught me off guard. I'd have to get used to that, "Sure, sure." I instantly clamped my lips shut into a thin line as the very Jacob comment slipped past my lips. I back peddled quickly, "So…you mentioned that Collin is part of the…" Luckily I didn't have to finish my sentence for Ali to realize what I was talking about. It still felt awkward, with Charlie sitting there acting as if it was not a big deal.

"He was one of the last ones to phase. I'm part of the council, I knew he was bound to at one point…he was only 14 at the time, he's 16 now. There are ten of them now, altogether."

My jaw dropped, "W-who?"

"Well, there's Sam, Quil, Jared, Paul, Jacob, Embry, Seth, Leah, Collin and Brady."

"Sue's kids?"

Charlie's head nodded, "Yeah, surprising huh?"

I took small bites from the sandwich, hesitant to test my stomach which could turn its back on me at any second. Things continued in silence for another few minutes.

"Dad?" Charlie glanced up at me from his own meal, "Do you think I could…head down to La Push? I know you probably don't want me leaving when I just got back but…I just need to…" I bit my lip, not being able to finish my sentence, which Charlie seemed to have understood.

"Well, as much as I'd like to ground you, I do realize you are almost 21 and can do as you please. But, since you're back in my house, there will be stipulations unless you decide to get a place of your own. I'm not going to keep you from going to La Push, only because I know how much Jacob and Billy have worried over you. I'm letting you go for their sake and not for yours. But I want you home early. We still have a lot to talk about tomorrow," He reminded.

After I graciously thanked him, I caught a glance of something on both my dad's and Ali's features. As if they were holding back on saying something, they way their lips twitched and how they gave each other the same, weary look. I couldn't muster up the courage to ask.

Instead, after changing into a pair of jeans, I made my way to La Push with a bundle of nerves and fear plaguing my body each second I got closer.