Blackbird Singing
Summary: In the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly. On forgiveness, on healing, and, most importantly, on what it means to be a sibling.
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see. All your life you were only waiting for this moment to be free.
All he wanted to know was why. He demanded you of it, he snarled it, he declared it to the world.
"Why."
You simply look back at him. Even if you know that it wasn't ever proper to look upon a king without a crown.
"Why."
Without a throne.
"Why are you doing this."
Without power.
"Why, Yoh, why?"
You crouch down beside him as he jerks his arm away from you and buries his face in his sleeve.
"You know why already, Hao." You tentatively put your hand on his back. Never before have you seen anyone, human or not, be so…broken down.
He turns to face you painfully. "Really, Yoh? I don't. You…"
You sigh and resign yourself to sitting next to your older brother. "What am I, Hao?" You smile, thinking that if the two of you in a different world, in a different day, had grown up together, you smiling at him would've calmed him down since childhood.
"Defiant." Hao cringes as he rolls over onto his side and sits up to join you.
You are unable to hold back your laughter. "Defiant? Me? Wow, you really don't know me."
He begrudgingly gives a half-hearted laugh back at you. Very small but still noticeable. "I suppose. And yet…" He crosses his legs on the ground and stretches out. "You defy everything."
You extend your left leg out, opting to bend your right one and rest your head on it. Hao's line of thinking usually hurt your brain ever since. "I don't get it."
"You wouldn't." A wry smile spreads out over his face. "You defy everything I know. Everything I've encountered, Yoh."
"Does that make you mad?"
"At first. You were so frustrating. I didn't understand you. I've been on this world for thousands of years. Millennia. I've seen dynasties and kingdoms come into power, reach their pinnacles, collapse, their remnants fading away, their legacies be turned into a blurb in a student's glossy colored textbook. I've seen the creation and destruction of everything you know. I've seen wars spread out over countries, wars tear families apart, wars bring countrymen together. I've known diseases by their symptoms and lived through plagues. I have encountered nearly every type of person to the point where every new man or woman I meet just seems like someone I've come into contact before, just with a different face. The news on the television, all the natural disasters, all the manmade chaos in this world sounds like stories I've already heard countless times. I can write love's very essence on paper if you wanted me to. I know what the most basic fiber of hatred sounds like and I can paint sadness on the ground we're sitting on. I've been able to cheat death and cheat life. I can bend the elements to my will and end everything in two seconds and everyone in three." He exhales and looks at the sun setting over the destruction of the landscape he had inflicted during the entire tournament. "And then there's you."
"Well, I feel special now," you joke and he smiles again but you know that it doesn't have anything to do with what you said.
"You defy all logic. All reason. Rationality jars so much with your actions, with your words, with your being that it is almost sickening to even look at you sometimes. You forgive those who hurt you. You are most welcoming to those who want you dead. And…" Hao's voice trailed off, his eyes slightly narrowing as the sun dipped lower into the horizon.
You simply pass him a cigarette. You thought of passing him a lighter as well but then remembered that it was Hao after all.
It was a harmless courtesy, an almost routine, expected social obligation amongst boys over the age of fifteen. But as Hao stares down at the cigarette and you see the look on his face…you want to capture it, pull it out of the air and keep it with you forever. In that moment, Hao became vulnerable. In that moment, Hao became human.
Because in that moment, Hao became your brother again.
He takes the nicotine infested offering, his hands shaking and he is almost unable to light it. He takes a long drag and his nails play with the soil you two are sitting on, his nails etching designs and patterns of lost affection, lost love, lost memories that you could've shared with him but never got the chance to. "And yet you still love me."
You shrug as if it were the most common thing in the world. "Of course I do."
His eyes drop and become dull when you say that, almost as if it pains him to hear it. "Don't say that." He clears his throat roughly, excruciatingly.
"Why not? You're my brother."
His voice grows distant and you realize he isn't listening to you. "Don't say things you don't mean."
"Hao, I do mean what I'm saying. It's…it's almost instinctual that I love you. You're my own flesh and blood.
"Don't say things you don't understand."
You feel your heart break just a little bit. "Hao, you're going to be an uncle."
He blinks, as if to adjust his eyes to light he has never seen before. You inwardly laugh because it makes him look like a small child who has been surprised by something. Innocent.
"I'm…what?"
You smile and repeat it. "You're going to be an uncle!"
His lips curl into some semblance of amusement. "So…you and Kyoyama…?"
You sigh. "Yeah…we're going to have a kid. Weird, huh?"
He shakes his head, still unable to believe that you're going to be a father.
Your face grows serious. "Hao, that's why I still need you. That's why I still love you. My kid… my kid is going to love you because you're going to be his uncle. And I hope that you're going to…No, I need you to be there for him. I need you to look out for him when I'm not there and when Anna's not there and all he has is you."
He smirks because he knows his own limitations and flaws. "I can't do that."
You begin to protest. "But why—"
"I've been subsisting off of millennia old hatred for my entire existence. How can you expect me to start…loving?"
"Because you're my older brother." You stare at him as if he should have known that by now. "You're part of me and I'm part of you." You put almost the entirety of your weight on your left arm. "We complete each other, whether you like it or not."
He snorts. "Yoh, I tried killing you—"
"So what—"
"—on multiple occasions." He quirks an eyebrow at you. "Again with the defying of logic. Doesn't it get to be rather troublesome to be that irrational every single day?"
You interlock your fingers and put your hand behind your head. "It comes with practice."
"Would you like to teach me how to? Perhaps I would be able to lead a happier existence that way."
You look at him and grin. "Learning how to love isn't a matter of getting an explanation. It only comes with practice."
"And what if one doesn't know exactly how to practice loving?" he asks, his voice completely serious.
"Then, I guess, it comes with experiencing love from other people."
He puts the burnt out cigarette to his lips one last time before stubbing it out on the ground and throwing the limp paper body behind him. The bloody orange sun finally drops out of sight, leaving the sand and ground confused as to whether they should be pink or blue or every color in between. The heady scent of smoke and tobacco hung thickly in the air between you two as mutual understanding transcended the centuries upon centuries of hatred that Hao had encountered and the lifetime of loneliness without your brother that you had endured.
And with that, you realize that this was the first time that you talked, really talked, to your brother. There hadn't been any underlying mocking tones or twisted manipulation or disgust or sheer hatred.
It had been just brother to brother.
"Humans have always been rather interesting."
Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly into the light of the dark black night.
A/N: lyrics from the Beatles song "Blackbird." which I love. to pieces. yes, I am shamelessly copying and pasting this author's note to all my updates today (count 'em: FOUR UPDATES, GUYS)
other things I'm updating tonight:
1. Critical Condition: ONE MONTH HIATUS. I'M BACK.
2. The Mismatched Adventures of Tao Boy and Ainu Girl: HOLY SHIT, I'M BACK FROM FIVE MONTH HIATUS.
3. Our Story: YOH AND ANNA FINALLY MEET UP AGAIN YAY
PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW. I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER (mind you, I'm running on one piece of toast....I probably should go and eat something now. meh.)
Check out Testimonies and Strangers and that will make me happy.
And...if you're interested in the contest, please go to my profile and clink on the contest info link there. it would be awesome if you commented on the LJ post so it'll be easier to see who is participating (people who don't have a livejournal can still comment! I've enabled anonymous commenting)
KTHANKS. and thank you for all the offers to help out with the prizes guys! I'll personally respond to all your reviews on all my stories after AP's.
I'm so proud of myself. So productive.
Don't forget to leave a review!
happy days! and check me out!: shatteredlyre . livejournal . com