AN: Umm hey first real attempt at a fic please let me know if I should continue or give up. Thanks 3

Ghosts

I decided when I was three that I didn't like my birthday. I told myself that because, after three, I finally realized that even as I got older I was still just as unlucky and just as clumsy every year. I also realized that 13 September 1991 was a Friday. I was born on Friday the thirteenth and every day of my life and every year on that day I now have to remember that I was born unlucky.

The day I turned nine my life fell to pieces. You do not know me, but I had a life. I loved and I was loved, but September 13th, 2000 I died. Well that is not exactly true, but Edward did and to be honest I haven't been living since.

I was nine granted, but Edward was my everything. He was my best friend, my brother, and now I realize what he would have been, my lover. We lived in the same building in Phoenix he lived up above me with a much better view, but our moms were really good friends.

He was born one year four months and three days before me. He already knew everything I was learning. He, however, was not clumsy. He did not trip over air, and he always managed to catch me when I did.

That was Edward. He was sweet. We would hang out at his house and he would have played dolls if I wanted, but I was more of a tomboy anyways so G.I. Joe was fine with me. Like I said we were the best of friends and we were inseparable.

That summer he died was horrible. We were nine and his parents decided to take him on a hiking trip. I couldn't go. Not because I wasn't asked, but I declined stating that I would probably trip over a rock and fall of a cliff with my luck. I wish I had gone now. I wish I had had those months with Edward. Now all I have of him is the clipping from the obituaries section

Edward Masen

Born: May 9, 1990

Died: September 13, 2000

Cause of Death: Falling off a cliff

I had been prophetic in my reasons for not going. I think all the time now I wonder if I had said nothing if he would be all right. They never found his body though. They never found him and I blamed myself. I died, but Edward had told me once that I could never hurt myself or I would surely die because I accidentally hurt myself all the time. I promised him I would never try to hurt myself and now I cannot even join him in the peaceful slumber.

September 13, 2010 (Morning)

I should feel older. I think that every time I have to start saying a different age, but really nothing ever changes. I am frozen. I am in the same place I have always been, same person different body. Maybe I am older, maybe other people see me as older, but I don't. I know I have stopped maturing, I knew that when I was 18 now I am 19 it is no different.

My friends told me they are going to get me laid tonight. I don't know how I feel about that. To be honest I don't feel much of anything at all. I know I should. I should either be screaming YES or NO!, but I am not. I am instead thinking about how different my life would be if Edward were here to say Happy Birthday. Instantly I wish I hadn't.

In high school I just stayed away from people. I didn't want to get close to anyone because I didn't want to hurt them when they realized I could never love them back the way they loved me. I didn't want people to see my scars so I hid.

College changed everything though. I began to drink in college, and I am not going to lie, but I love drinking. The only time I can love and let my heart go a little is when I am drunk. I love it. I feel so good, and hangovers are non-existent, at least for me. So I started making friends. I realized I couldn't get alcohol otherwise. People normally do not know how often I am drunk, but I would be all the time if I could.

So I made friends, and they are the partiers. They drink all the time, which is fine by me, but when they wanted to celebrate my birthday I almost snapped. I hadn't celebrated that godforsaken day since 2000 when my world fell apart, but I kept my mouth shut because an actual celebration called for actual booze, the good stuff. I also wouldn't have to pitch.

"Bella, let's have some fun tonight" shrieked Alice. She was a loud drunk never got on my nerves though.

"I don't know I am fine just chilling" I replied, dreading the thought of having to go out on this sacred day.

"Bella I think you need to get out. You always stay inside hating yourself."

Rosalie. She always tells it like it is, which normally is something I like about her.

"Fine guys I will go out and have fun tripping over a dance floor with drunk ass guys grabbing up on me so you can go make out with your boyfriends before fucking their brains out." Clearly I was not in a good mood.

"Oh, she's crabby today!" cried Alice.

Yeah it's the worst day of my life.

They didn't know that though. No one really understood how horrible this day was for me. The only person who knew everything about me died today. The only other person who came close was Angela, my therapist before college.

I should tell them, but I can't. I could tell them why, but no one would care. All they care about is partying.

"I guess I am going out tonight." I ceded.

September 13, 2010 (Night)

We got to the club at a decent hour. I was dressed to the nines, as Charlie would say. Alice had me in a dress that made me seem beautiful. I had legs that went on forever according to Rose and when I looked in the mirror I felt confident. The only problem was the shoes. I can't walk normally so heels sort of make me want to wretch when I see them. I made it to the door though, and I guess being a little tipsy helped my balance because I actually felt confident walking around in them

So we get to the club and I make a beeline for the bar. I order us three shots and I head over to the table where I see them sitting.

Emmett shows up first saying something about a cousin, but this is a few drinks into the night and to be honest I almost always tune Emmett out. He tells me Happy Birthday. I mutter a thank you before Alice and Rose simultaneously pull me onto the dance floor.

"So Bella why you all depressed all of a sudden?" Alice trying to act casual is never going to work.

"It's my birthday and I just don't like it." I reply failing at the same thing.

Rose explains, "You can't hate your birthday until you are over thirty."

"I hate my birthday always have, always will." I am getting angry now.

A voice in my head asks Always?

I love when his voice speaks to me. It is one of the reasons I end up drinking so often, he speaks more often then.

We start really getting into the dancing after the little talking we managed to get in, but I really wanted to get off the dance floor. I claimed to be light headed, and headed outside. I realized I needed to stop drinking. I always knew that, and tonight I would drink no more because the voice only came out once a drunk.

I heard it again though. This time the voice was not in my head. This voice was real. I was so excited, but also scared. I knew Edward was gone, but the voice was almost exactly as I had remembered it.

AN: Leave me a review letting me know what you think.