Dead In The Family (Redux)

"…We plan to win, and we plan to have a lot of fun….We have to leave you breathing …but the more terrible your plight, the faster the war will be over." I struggled against the leather binding my arms. Eric, please? Eric hear me, please. Eric? ERIC? ERIC?

I startled myself awake and immediately realized that I'd had the nightmare again. I'd been sweating and my nightgown was stuck to my chest. I climbed out of bed and got into the shower knowing that I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep. I'd begun having the dreams about a week after I was returned to Bon Temps, and now they were a regular fixture of my week. Being kidnapped and tortured was by far the worst thing that had ever happened to me. I fought the impulse to call Eric for the fifth time tonight. I wanted to tell him about the dreams and how awful things had been without him all these months, but I couldn't; he wasn't taking my calls. He had already been through a lot with me. I had begun to feel like a liability, only calling when I needed help.

Right after my kidnapping, Eric hadn't been able to give me any more blood, and he and I decided it would be best if we just didn't tempt each other. At first, we called each other two or three times a week. But as the days and nights passed, I realized that maybe Eric was just as disturbed by what had happened as I was. He told me that at some point he would explain why he was unable to come to my aid, but I couldn't think of a single reason why unless he was being held captive himself. When I brought it up, he insisted that he couldn't tell me yet. I felt as if he was hoping that I would forget about the whole incident. But that just made it more pressing for me. I finally gave up and stopped asking but it left a hole in my heart because maybe I'd overestimated my importance to him and he didn't want me to know it. He knew I'd stop seeing him if he was just using me for his own purposes. It became awkward to be around him, like this huge weight between us that we couldn't shake. It was easier to just stay away so we spoke less often. Pretty soon, it was down to once a month, if that.

I'd been struggling with the idea that Eric and I were reaching some sort of point of no return in our relationship as well as our blood exchanges. I wouldn't proceed any further with him until I could decide what being with him entailed. When I told him what I was considering, he was surprisingly upset, but I chocked that up to Eric not liking anyone challenging his will. I'd had the courage to go to his office at Fangtasia to deliver the news. I'd worked up my nerve all that day to tell him that I just didn't think that we should continue as we were without taking some time to assess.

I had hoped that he would take this as an opportunity to either tell me how he felt about me, or let me go. I was also hoping that he would see that I really did want to know why Bill rescued me, and not the man who'd been telling his bosses that he was my husband. He took this to mean that I wanted to see other people, and I guess part of me did want to find someone with whom I could pretend to be normal. He said that as confused as he had been, he didn't need or want time apart.

I hadn't expected Eric to be quite so cold when I told him. I wasn't breaking things off, but that was how he treated me. He offered to release me from our bond, but I told him that I didn't know what I wanted and that I just wanted some time to think. I swore to him that I wouldn't have sex with anyone while we were separated. He was very quiet. I'd tried to kiss him, but he moved very quickly away from me and held the door open. I didn't let that stop me, I tried to kiss him again and this time, he allowed me to brush his lips lightly with a kiss. I promised him that I would stay in touch, and I asked if he would consider coming to see me occasionally. He said that he would consider it, but I didn't believe him.

For weeks, I kept to myself. I cleaned my house, I read, I even signed up for an evening writing class at the rec center. I accepted the two dates that I'd been asked on, but in the end, I found that pretending just didn't suit me.

Jason and I spent quite a few evenings talking, and I found my brother to be quite interested in helping me recover my sense of self. I took the little guest bedroom some nights, too forlorn to make the drive out to Hummingbird Road.

In April, I received a letter from Eric saying that Quinn had requested to see me again, and that he had informed Quinn that we were no longer exclusive enough for him to care. I was crushed, and I sat on the floor in my kitchen staring at the letter. It was handwritten in Eric's elegant script. Eric was probably done with me. I wasn't sure why I was upset, given the fact that I was the one who had protested the pledging in the first place. But I spent that evening in my pajamas crying. The letter was as formal as a tax bill.

Eric stipulated that it would be in everyone's best interest if he and I made appearances together at vampire events. I understood that to mean that if I didn't at least pretend to still be Eric's wife, I could be conscripted by any number of Supernaturals who wished to "borrow" my services. Eric was decent enough not to throw me to the wolves, quite literally. At least there was that. I held onto the hope that I would at least get to spend time with him at public events, however infrequent.

The letter stated that Quinn would continue to be banned if he could not accept the terms and conditions that Eric was spelling out. Eric was still making decisions for me, as I hadn't agreed to see Quinn.

Maybe it was partly revenge for the letter, maybe it was partly emotional fatigue, but when Quinn called, I agreed to see him for one evening. I told him that I was not up to any more declarations about relationships, and that I needed to take things slowly. I told him not to expect too much from me because I was in tatters, and I meant it. I'd gone from thinking Bill was the love of my life, to thinking that Eric was the man for me. Things had gotten so complicated between Bill's betrayal, and Eric's refusal to acknowledge my feelings, that I just didn't trust my heart anymore. I also told Quinn that I was not sexually available to anyone while I figured out my relationship with Eric. At first, he took this badly. I started to wonder if I was being used as a pawn to piss Eric off. When Quinn realized that I meant no sex, he eventually came around and I know he probably thought that I would break and give in to his charms, but I'd sworn to Eric. And even though Eric wouldn't see me, or speak to me except as dictated by politics, I would remain faithful in that respect. Quinn accused me of delaying the inevitable break up, but every time he brought up Eric, I shut down; the subject was completely off limits. He began to see that he would get nowhere on that subject and he stopped asking. I think he felt grateful for any attention that I paid him, and if I was honest with myself, a part of me thought he was pathetic.

He spent a lot of money on fancy dinners hoping to impress me. I always ate silently, grateful to be out of the house. But I caught myself wondering what Eric was doing more than a few times. I let Quinn hold my hand at movies, I let him open doors for me, and I let him take me dancing. I wasn't a complete stick in the mud, but I wasn't trying to get his hopes up either.

I kept thinking that Quinn would give up and tell me that he just didn't see how this could work out and I would say, okay and just be alone; my own person making my own decisions for a while. I realized that I was dating Quinn because I didn't know what else to do. My Gran might have said that I was missing the days when Eric would fight for me, and in my heart, I knew it was true. But Eric didn't ruffle one blond hair trying to stop me.

Dates with Quinn were always the same: He always drove, he always asked if he could come in for a nightcap, and he'd always try to get me into bed by claiming that he was too drunk to drive home safely. I knew that he thought he'd gotten me drunk too, but I was well aware that he was attempting to wear me down, so I kept ordering gin and adding water when he wasn't looking. When he'd declare himself unfit to drive, I offered him the guest bedroom. After each subsequent date, Quinn's attempts became more and more blatant. He kept trying to kiss me, and at first I flat-out refused, but lately I'd given in and let him. He seemed to perk up and stopped being so moody. He asked if he could stay with me while he was in town for the first annual Were Athletes Association meetings. I don't even know why I'd said yes, but I had.

That first night, he slid into my bed hoping that I would allow him to stay. I rolled away from him. He kissed my shoulder and rubbed my hip under the sheet. I asked him to go back to his room and he pressed himself against me. He moaned in my ear, telling me how badly he needed to be inside me. It would have been so easy to give in to him. I had to admit that I was so starved for affection that I could hardly stand it. I wanted to roll over and just give in. It would have been really easy. But I slid out of the bed and stood waiting until Quinn gave up and stormed out.

We had a huge fight. He asked why I thought it was okay to lead him on. I argued that I told him upfront what he was getting into. He yelled that I was teasing him, letting him get close. He stood in my doorway, filling the frame and telling me that Eric wasn't going to call me if that's who I was holding out for. I locked my door and wept silently. I was so different from who I recognized myself to be that I wasn't sure I knew what I wanted.

The next morning, I told Quinn that I was thinking of leaving Bon Temps, and I was telling the truth. For the first time in my life, I thought about selling Gran's house and heading out west. I could re-invent myself and no one would know who or what I was. I became excited by the idea and I began to research where I'd like to go using Hadley's computer. That afternoon, Quinn called me at Merlotte's and said he had news to tell me when I got home. I didn't care what his news was, but I said great and got Jane Bodehouse's turkey club.

When I got home, I saw a bright yellow envelope in the mail. My heart raced a bit because those envelopes have always brought me bad news in some form or another.

I turned it over and saw my name handwritten in large, flowing letters. It was a letter from Eric. I didn't want to open it at first, expecting a formal declaration that we were un-pledged if that was even a word. I tore it open and held my breath. It was a summons from Eric and I found myself secretly smiling the whole evening at the prospect of seeing Eric again for the first time in months.

The letter stated that he would provide transportation to and from the event, as well as a clothing voucher if I needed something to wear. We were to attend a charity function for the League of Beneficent Blood Drinkers. They raised money to fund research into Sino-AIDS, the only disease that could actually harm a vampire. Quinn was frustrated when he heard that I'd need to attend a function with Eric. I think he'd hoped that it would never come up and that Eric was making idle threats.

I climbed out of the shower, dried off and threw on sweat pants and one of Jason's Bon Temps football t-shirts. I could never get back to sleep after a nightmare, so I decided I could just get my day started a little earlier. I went downstairs, made some mint tea and sat by the fireplace. Eric and I had made love in front of it when he'd stayed with me. He was so gentle and giving. We talked and kissed, and he asked to stay with me forever and even though I knew it would be a false premise, I had been sorely tempted to let him.

I walked over to the mantel and patted the little fairy statue sitting there. When I was a girl, I thought it was whimsical that my grandmother had a statue of a naked fairy woman with her arms outstretched. Now, knowing what I knew about her, I wondered if she was thinking of her lost fairy love. I wondered if she had hoped that some of his magic would rub off on her. I had never been allowed to touch it when I was little, and now, I dusted it carefully in honor of my Gran. I'd told Eric about it, and how much it meant to her. He'd nodded and rubbed its belly for luck. I'd laughed and told him I thought that was for Buddha. He said he was hoping for luck with a certain fairy girl of his own.

I thought of his bright blue eyes. I could almost feel his super soft hands on me. I thought of the look in his eyes when he'd call me Lover and lean in for a kiss. I was on the verge of tears with wanting him. It was only four in the morning; I still had time to call before he turned in for the night. I considered what I would say. Why was I really calling? Would he see through me and call me out? I reached for the phone and set it down on its cradle. What would I say? Eric, I was a fool, I can't wait to see you? Eric, thanks for abandoning me, you can suck it if you think I'm going out with you? I didn't want our first conversation to be in the parking lot of The Langley Hotel, there was too much time and space between us. I grabbed the cordless phone and sat down on the floor in the living room. I could see the moon nearly ending its arc for the night. We'd lain here together under my Gran's afghan looking at the moon. He told me that he often missed the sun. I dialed the phone and put it to my ear before I could change my mind. My heart raced, and a lump sprouted in my throat. He didn't answer right away and I figured he was probably staring at the phone deciding whether or not he wanted to answer it. I almost hung up until I heard a sharp "Yes?" I wished I'd hung up; I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he'd gotten to me with one word.

"He- hello?" "Um, Eric? It's me." I was surprised by how constricted my throat had become. He'd ruined me.

"Hello, Sookie. I must say that I am surprised that you are calling me." He was as smooth and unfazed as ever. I heard chatter in the background and knew that Eric must still be at Fangtasia. I don't even know what I meant by calling, but I had him on the phone.

"I got your letter." I felt myself shivering and walked into the bathroom for my robe. He sat silently waiting for me to go on. When a vampire feels entitled to hurt feelings, they really string it out.

"My second letter, you mean." He let the conversation hang there, without adding to it. He wasn't going to make this any easier for me.

"Second letter? No, this is the only…." I didn't say more because I realized suddenly what must have happened to the first. I sighed, "I just wanted to say that I'll be there." I sat on the edge of the tub, which was still wet from my shower.

"I expected that you would be. You made a promise." I didn't say anything for a moment, hoping that he could tell that I was struggling and would jump in to rescue me at any time. But something about his tone told me that he wasn't in the rescuing Sookie business anymore.

"Uh, it's-it's been a long time since I saw you last and I just- I just wanted to let you know that I'm really looking forward to seeing you tonight."

"Oh." He couldn't have said that more dispassionately if he'd been watching grass grow.

"Eric, listen," I felt the dam bursting. Tears welled up but I tried to hold it together. "I just want to-" he interrupted me.

"If this is not important, I have a business to run." I choked as if he'd slammed a door shut in my face.

"It's not. I'll, I'll see you tonight." I was about to hang up, but he cleared his throat. Is it possible that Eric was choked up too? No, way. I thought. Not Eric.

"I could pick you up myself instead of sending a driver." I smiled because the iceberg between us was melting even if only a little bit.

"I would like that." I sniffled. "It would give us a chance to talk."

"Nine then?"

"Eight?" I was bargaining like a schoolgirl for an extra hour with him.

"Eight-Thirty?"

"See you then." I waited for him to hang up, but he didn't right away. I realized that he was waiting for me to hang up but I didn't. We sat like that for nearly twenty seconds. I wasn't quite ready to end my connection to him. I whispered, so quietly that I could even deny to myself that I'd said it out loud. "I….miss….you." But of course he heard me and I sat there bravely waiting for a response, but the line went dead. I held the phone in my hand and stared at it.

"Sookie, what are you doing?"

Quinn stepped out of the shadows and into the bathroom. I wondered if he'd heard me talking to Eric, or if he had just walked up. He'd arrived around 10 saying that he had news for me, but when he saw that I was distracted he said he would tell me another time. I was furious that he'd kept Eric's first summons from me, but I didn't want a whole scene. Tonight, I just wanted to think about the possibility of seeing Eric.

"Uh, nothing. Sorry. Couldn't sleep." I pushed past him, trying to conceal the phone and the fact that I was on the verge of tears. I'd hang the phone up properly much later in the day. He stayed in the bathroom to use it, and I slid the phone under a stack of papers on the kitchen counter. I ran up the stairs and climbed into bed, half smiling, half crying. I heard him climb the stairs and the floor creaked outside my door. I buried my head in my pillow, willing him to go away. After a moment or two, the floor creaked again and I heard him go downstairs to the guest bedroom.

I awoke around 9:30 excited and happy for the first time in months. I jumped out of bed and practically ran down to make coffee. Quinn was up and had made toast. I didn't even mind that his robe was not properly tied. I sailed past him to grab orange juice from the refrigerator.

"What's got you so happy this morning?" He took a bite of toast and leaned against the counter.

"Nothing in particular, I just finally got some good rest." I poured a bowl of cereal and sliced a banana on top. I could feel his eyes boring into the back of my head.

I would have to tell him that I was going out with Eric tonight, but right now, I was enjoying keeping that all to myself. As if he'd heard me, he said,

"I have reservations at Dalloway's in Shreveport. I have news for you."

I shook my head at his lousy timing. "I'm really sorry that I won't be able to make it Quinn, Eric and I have to attend a function this evening." I looked back down at my cereal. I didn't want him to see that saying "Eric and I" made me happier than I'd been in months.

"When did this come up? When were you going to tell me?" I heard indignation in his voice and that started to piss me off, considering I didn't get Eric's first summons.

"It came up when Eric sent me a request to accompany him. You remember the terms of the agreement that you made with him that would allow you to continue doing business in this area?"

"I did that so that we could try to have a relationship. Which I have to say, I feel as if I'm the only one wanting this to work."

"You asked for a chance to plead your case, you asked me to see you so that you could feel as if I had given you a fair shake. I agreed to it. God help me, I don't know why, but I did. But now you're upset with the terms?"

"For weeks, I've been showering you with attention, trying to get you to notice me, trying to get you to want me. You act like you do, but it's all an act. I thought that after a few weeks of moping over that dead son of a bitch, you would be ready to accept love from a real man."

"I told you not to expect anything from me. You knew going into this that I was going through emotional hell. I don't know why you've been hanging onto the idea that we are going to have a perfect relationship right this moment. I told you I don't know what I want. I told you that I was not going to have sex with anyone until Eric and I have some sort of resolution."

"You haven't done anything to resolve it Babe. You're just stringing us both along actually. Why are you doing this to me?"

"What I am doing to you? You are free to go at any point. In fact, when is your conference over? I thought that you were heading back to Memphis two days ago." I left the bitter edge in my voice. He had seriously overstayed his welcome.

"I did go back to Memphis. The news that I had for you was about us, and my mother. I found a facility for her that is not too far from my house. I'm still trying to make arrangements for Frannie, but I'm close. You said that if my situation changed…."

" Quinn, I'm glad that you are going to be able to have some peace in your life."

"So, you didn't actually mean it when you said that my baggage was the reason that you weren't interested in me?"

"No, I meant that." I cleaned my dishes and put them away. I didn't want to explain myself further. I'd said enough. "If you would leave my key after you've locked up, that would be great." He turned me around and glared at me.

"So that's it? I get the bum's rush when Eric calls you?"

"I didn't say that, nothing has changed between Eric and me. But I don't think it's a good idea for you to continue staying here. You told me it was for a few days. I need my space back. And close your robe for God's sake."

I changed clothes and headed into town to find something nice to wear to the event. Eric's clothing voucher was only good in Shreveport of course, so I hopped in my little car and headed for the highway. The extra money helped solve my issue of where to shop, just not what to buy. I spent a little extra time and care choosing my outfit. I didn't want anything too sexy, but I didn't want to look unsophisticated. I let the clerk suggest something for me and when I saw myself, I knew she'd nailed it. I drove back to Bon Temps with the radio up loud. I was so happy to see Eric that I sang along at the top of my lungs; tone deaf as you please.

I picked up my check from Sam, stopped by the bank and visited with Sharice Clark, who had recently moved back to Bon Temps after living in Austin, Texas since graduation. We talked about having the courage to pick up and move away, getting over the fear of finding a place to live, finding a job, making new friends and how she'd managed. She confided that she felt like a failure returning to Bon Temps, but someone had to run her father's auto parts business after he'd had a second heart attack. I assured her she was just being a good daughter and that everyone I'd talked to in Bon Temps saw her as a success considering she recognized her obligation and returned to fulfill it. Sharice was genuinely glad to hear this, and it made being a telepath not quite so sleazy when I could help someone feel good about themselves. I didn't quite know what to do with a whole day off and a few more hours of anticipation. I decided to work on my tan just a little since I was wearing a white dress. I had definitely slowed down the tanning though, Jenny-Lyn Wilmer, the owner of the salon where I tan occasionally, came into Merlotte's with Jason two weeks ago and she looked forty. When I mentioned this to Jason, he reminded me that she is four years younger than me; that got my attention.

I had gotten most of the way home when I felt the car lurch to the right suddenly. I pulled over and saw that my tire was flat. I kicked it, took my packages out and began walking towards Hummingbird Road. I would call Jason later and ask him to help me.

I walked home for the first time in a few years, noticing all the ways in which my little town had changed since I walked these roads as a child. For a moment, I wondered if this was what it was like for Bill Compton to see his home spring up from farmland, to pavement, to intersections, neon signs and internet cafés. Eric was even older. I thought of Eric, his blonde hair would be sleekly pulled back into a ponytail, and tied with leather. I wondered what he would wear. I thought of dancing close to him like we had at the summit. I thought of kissing him at that awful orgy years ago, and how he'd helped me get dressed for the evening. Being with Eric was like having your best friend and lover all rolled up into one person.

As my heart fluttered in my chest at the idea that in a few short hours, I would be beside him, I came to the realization that I might be in love with him. I whispered it to myself. "I love Eric." Then I said it again out loud and it wasn't so scary.

I ran up my driveway and into the house. I drew a bath and poured extra bubble soap into it. I would soak, and tan and nap and dress, then Eric would be here. My Eric.

Someone knocked on the door close to eight and I had a moment of panic that Eric had cancelled our plans for the evening. I hadn't heard a car, so I was being extra cautious. I looked out the peephole and saw Quinn with a bottle of wine, a bouquet of daisies and a card. I put my mood in check. No need to flaunt my happiness in front of him. He was sullen, but cordial, as he looked me up and down.

"You look really nice, Babe. Eric's lucky to spend the evening with you."

"Thank you, Quinn. Would you like to come in for a few minutes?" I hoped that if I kept him cheery, he would leave of his own accord and I could spare myself a drawn out argument.

"Hey, I just wanted to throw something on the table for you to consider." He crossed into the kitchen and got two wine glasses down. I opened the bottle and he poured. I was doing a mental checklist of what else I needed to finish before Eric showed up.

"You mentioned that you're ready to leave Bon Temps. I wanted to know if you would consider moving to Memphis with me. I'm getting my mother settled in at the Morningside adult care facility and Frannie is going to live with my Aunt Bette in Tallahassee. That means I have time to focus on you and only you if you will have me."

I didn't say anything at all. I took a big drink from my glass and set it down slowly.

"Quinn, this is really unexpected. I—I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything right now, just promise me that you'll think about it, okay?"

"I can promise you that I will give it some thought. But I have to tell you that this feels like I'd be jumping into the fire so to speak. My head and my heart are a mess right now and you deserve someone who is unencumbered." I hoped I was using that word correctly. I had glanced at it last Tuesday on my calendar, and thought wouldn't it be nice to be unencumbered? He poured more wine into my glass but I caught a flash from his brain that he wouldn't mind antagonizing Eric by having me sloppy drunk at the dinner party. I would have to sacrifice one of my lovely wine glasses, but I didn't want anything to spoil this evening. I reached for the glass but overshot it by a few centimeters, knocking it into the sink. The glass broke and wine spilled into the drain.

"Gosh, I'm a bundle of nerves, it would seem." I smiled up at him sweetly and began picking shards of glass from the basin.

"I can get you another glass." He walked to the cabinets.

"You know, I'm going to pass. I still have to switch my purse. Did you need anything else?" I wanted to meet Eric without him hanging around.

"Uh, no. I can see that you're anxious for me to go, so I'll leave. Have a good time tonight." He pushed the card towards me again and strode out to the foyer.

"Quinn, thanks for stopping by." I smiled again and he stepped out into the growing darkness.

I didn't want to appear as if I couldn't wait for Eric to arrive, so I tried to sit calmly in my room. I checked my lipstick for the tenth time. I smoothed my hair for the millionth time. I fretted over which earrings again. Then settled on the ones I had on.

When he knocked softly on my door, I thought my heart would leap from my chest. I glided down the steps in my new white and pink silk strapless dress. The bodice had pink pearls in a cascade that trailed down to a cinched waist. The waist flowed out and down which gave the dress a retro feel, but a modern look. I'd thought about wearing black, but so many human companions wore black that I felt like it was cliché. I had wrapped a delicate pink silk shawl around my shoulders, and wore very high white heels. I'd splurged on the shoes because I wanted to show off my long legs. The shoes were a little racier than anyone could claim to ever have seen me in, but there was something dead sexy about them.

I took a deep breath before I opened the door. Eric stood before me in a black suit with a crisp white shirt and silver tie. His hair was slicked back and he looked magnificent. Neither of us spoke for a few moments. I don't know that I could have. He stared at me and I stared right back. I smiled involuntarily. He put his hand out and I took it. He kissed my hand and I felt his cool lips against my skin. He inhaled deeply and looked at me with curiosity and something else. I turned around and locked the door. I turned back and looked up at him. I didn't know why tears were coming, but I felt my throat tighten. A solid minute passed of us staring at each other on the porch.

"Well,….Shall we?" He led me to his car and opened the door. I looked up at him as I got into his car and he closed the door. A movement caught my eye along the trees. Come to think of it, I hadn't heard Quinn's car come or go. Eric must have noticed something too, because he lingered outside for a moment longer. I wondered about it briefly, but Eric was beside me then and he smelled so good.

"Eric, " I croaked. "Thank you for picking me up."

"Thank you for keeping your word." I wasn't sure if he only meant about going to parties with him. So I added, "I kept my word about everything." He didn't look at me; he only stared at the road ahead. I knew that I could sit demurely and wait for him to make a move, but I didn't think that he would. I reached across us and took his large hand. I pressed it to my lips and kissed it. He didn't pull his hand away from me so I kissed it again. I pressed his hand against my cheek and a tear slid down onto his hand.

I kissed his hand again and placed it back on his leg.

Eric didn't say anything to me at all the whole way to Shreveport. We reached the Langley Hotel and a valet approached the door. Eric beat him to it and opened the door for me. I gave him my hand and allowed him to lift me out of the car. I saw a little dried blood in the corner of his eye and I wet my thumb, reached up and smudged it off. He leaned down and let me.

We walked a red carpet and there were photographers upon us. Vampire charity events were almost no different than human ones. According to VQ magazine, no self-respecting vampire should pass up the opportunity to look charitable. I smiled brightly, not because I was vain, but because I was impressed by how many photographers wanted pictures of Eric and me together. They crowded around us yelling for Eric to turn around and show off his date. Eric surprised me by turning us towards the throng, "This…., is my wife, Sookie. Isn't she beautiful?" He leaned down and kissed me. I was three kinds of stunned. Eric had publicly declared that I was still his and that we were married. I didn't know how I felt about a public declaration, especially since technically, we weren't legally married. I let him lead me into the ballroom of the hotel and before I knew it, I had a glass of champagne in one hand, and his hand in the other.

There were nearly fifty couples gliding from table to table, dancing, clinking glasses. I felt like I was in a movie. There were dozens of flowers spread on tables draped in white linens. The room was lit by a combination of candlelight and the soft glow of chandeliers overhead. A band was playing classical music, but I couldn't have told you which song.

Eric led us up to a table near the front of the room. He explained that the seating was organized by status, but if your date was human, you were relegated to a lower rank, thus forfeiting a good seat. As we'd passed those tables, many of the human females made internal comments that I was too much of a lady to dwell on. Eric either had a lot of pull, or they didn't regard me as totally human. Either way, we had an excellent table with our own tableside server to attend to our needs. Eric handed the server something, and he crossed the room to the orchestra. I saw him hand something to the band director. I couldn't believe how many eyes were on us as we waited for my plate to arrive.

Eric asked if I was hungry, and I was. He fed me crackers with pâté, which I found a little too creamy for my taste. I was surprised to discover that there was a chef who specialized in creating blood-based appetizers for the vamps. One particularly popular dish looked like a deep burgundy cranberry sauce but I knew better. Eric explained that none of the blood items contained anything other than thickeners and coagulants. I grimaced a bit and he laughed. I hadn't heard him laugh in a long time and it made me smile.

He took my champagne glass and replaced it with a fresh one. I was feeling a bit giddy, but the food helped. I ate another crab puff and waited for the charity auction to begin.

Every place setting had a catalogue of jewelry designed by the famous vampire Naomi Van der Sar. Her original creations were to be auctioned off tonight with the proceeds benefiting the Sino-AIDS research fund. I thumbed through it while Eric made small talk with a vampire named Wyatt. A pair of diamond earrings caught my eye, but the starting bid was $1200.00; that was just about what I had in savings.

We watched the auction attentively. The cluster of human females behind me had become noisier the drunker they became. As the auction progressed, they became more and more vocal with their disappointment at not winning particular items. They were also yelling indelicate statements at each other when one or the other's vampire boyfriend did attempt to win an item.

The music started up again and Eric stood. I figured he'd seen someone else that he needed to address. He placed his hand out and waited for me to take it. I rose and we were gliding smoothly on the dance floor. I recognized the song as "Why Would I Cry For You? " by Sting. Eric had requested this for us. I smiled at him, and he smiled at me. He spun me around, pulled me in close and whispered in my ear,

"You look radiant tonight."

"Thank you. You're pretty stunning yourself." I was emboldened by the alcohol and the nearness of him. I laid my head on his chest and swayed with him. We held each other and I felt his need pressing between us. I know he detected the little dance my heart did as I pressed right back against him. He spun me out away from him again and pulled me in close.

"Everyone is watching you." He kissed my ear tenderly as he held me.

"They're watching you too" I turned my head and kissed his cheek. "Eric, I'm sorry about everything."

"I know. So am I. I wasn't trying to trick you. I really am looking out for you. Has the king contacted you at all?" I hadn't heard from anyone since I'd asked Eric for a separation.

"No, and if that was your doing, then thank you from the bottom of my heart."

"You're welcome, lover." I missed him calling me that. I missed everything about him. I promised myself I would tell him that I loved him.

"Eric, how long do we have to stay?" He stopped where he stood for a moment and looked so hurt that I figured he must have misunderstood. "I just meant that I would like us to go someplace else….together." I kissed him gently and he took my meaning.

"Come with me, now." He looked around to see if anyone would miss us if we slipped out. While I went back to the table to get my handbag, Eric retrieved my shawl from the coat check. I met him in the lobby and he flashed a plastic key. I took his hand and pulled him to the elevator. The doors opened and I pulled him inside.

The glass-lined walls gave me three perfect views of him. I felt myself being lifted up and I was pressed against the glass, his tongue in my mouth. I clung to him so I wouldn't fall. I didn't notice when the bell dinged and the doors slid open. Eric set me down and straightened his tie. I smoothed my skirt and we exited the elevator looking for room 919. He got the key in the door. We fell through it and were at each other's clothes. He slid his hand up my skirt and pulled. My panties fell away, so I knew that he'd torn them. I didn't care one bit. I threw his tie onto the floor and saw a button fly across the room. His pants were in a pile by the door. He unzipped my dress quickly and I flung it over my head. I pulled at the clasp of my strapless bra and he threw it down. I had him on the floor in moments. He flipped me over onto my back and glided into me, easily.

"Oh, Sookie, you're so ready." I covered his mouth with mine and we moved together urgently. I begged him to take me and he was very obedient. It had been so very long since we'd been together. I cried out as he moved his hips. He pulled me up off the floor and onto his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried his head in my chest. He flicked his tongue over my breasts and I put my face in his hair, inhaling. I kissed the top of his head as he worked me over. I shifted beneath him, and sparks shot out from my core. I grabbed his hair and held on. He pressed me down onto him, willing me to ride out the storm. I felt my back arch away from him, and he pulled me close to him again. I felt his hand wrap around my hair and my neck being pulled back.

Then his mouth was on me. He didn't bite, but I knew he wanted to. I was nearly incoherent. I mumbled for him to drink, but he was showing amazing restraint. I said his name over and over again, begging him not to stop; begging him to make me his. He groaned in my mouth and then he was near his end. I remembered how good it had been for him when I'd bitten him before. I sank my dull teeth into his neck and bit as hard as I could. His blood rushed into my mouth and I had to swallow fast to keep up. He actually shivered as he exploded inside of me. I held onto him and we sat like that for a few moments with his back pressed against the couch and my thighs on either side of his.

"Sweet Valhalla." He circled me in his arms and I stared into his eyes thinking that this was the moment. I would tell him.

"Eric, baby….I…." He put his finger over my lips and shushed me. I shook my head in protest. "No, I want to tell you…" He covered my mouth with his and kissed me.

He whispered into my mouth, "Just, be with me." I looked at him to be certain he knew even if he didn't want me to say it. I saw a shadow cross his face, and I thought I had a flash from his mind.

"Did you just read…?" I shivered then, and he lifted me off of him.

I was beyond a wreck. I gathered my shawl and purse. I had to look for my shoes. He found his tie in a chair, his shirt, which I couldn't totally remove, was blood stained and ruined. I looked in the mirror and saw that I had some of his blood on my neck. He licked my neck and I rubbed against his thigh. I wrapped my shawl around his neck and pulled him close to me. I looked up at him and we both laughed. He leaned down and we kissed. We took another look around the room. He handed me my torn panties and I put them in my purse. Nothing else but a few buttons for anyone to find.

The valet pulled the car around and I kissed Eric's cheek before stepping in. I must have flashed the valet because I heard him mentally giving Eric a high five. I quickly closed the car door and put my face in my hands. Eric tipped him and climbed in.

"What's wrong?"

"Just drive." Eric drove away quickly.

"Seriously, what's wrong Sookie? Are you unwell?

"Geez, I'm just embarrassed. I accidentally flashed that guy." He roared with laughter at my embarrassment.

"Is that all? You made that poor kid's night."

"I'm so ashamed, and yet part of me doesn't give a damn." We exchanged glances throughout the drive back to Bon Temps. I suspected there was something that he wanted to discuss with me, but I didn't want to ruin our great evening. But as we got closer to my road, I knew that we'd have to have this out in the open.

"I'm not sleeping with Quinn. I would never do that to you."

"I know. You gave me your word, Sookie. And while I'm not sure what you've gained by imposing this distance on us, I hope that it has been worth it, because I have been miserable."

"Really? I find it hard to believe that this even registers with you." What did Eric care if I didn't see him, I was probably more nuisance than anything.

"You find what hard to believe? That I could have feelings for you? That I could miss you and want you and maybe love you?" He seemed to be getting angry. "Thanks."

"Oh, Eric, that's not quite what I meant. I just don't understand what we are to each other. One day, I'm an employee; your own personal telepath. The next, we're bonded by blood exchange. Days later, I'm your wife….in a ceremony that I didn't know I was participating in. Talk about whirlwind courtship, I didn't even know we were heading down that path. Tell me something. Do you love me? Or am I just great in bed?" We pulled up to my backdoor.

Instead of answering me, he handed me a box. I stared at it for a moment, unsure what to do. He stepped out of the car, opened my door and lifted me out.

"I asked you if you love me Eric…." He looked at me for a long moment, shook his head in what appeared to be disbelief or irritation and climbed back into his car. He drove off as I stood on the porch wondering what the hell had just happened. I stepped into the house, put my keys on the rack and began undressing. I carried the box up to my bed and got my pajamas on. After removing my makeup and brushing my teeth, I sat down to open the box. Inside were the diamond earrings that I'd admired at the auction. The only way he could have known that I was interested was that my pulse had quickened a little as I daydreamed about wearing them. I got up, took out my cell phone and called him.

"Yes?" He was back to being his dispassionate old self with me.

"They're beautiful. Thank you."

"You're welcome." He hung up. And with that, I realized that maybe Eric loved me too.

I was so grateful that Sam opened the bar late on Sundays. I could hardly sleep thinking about the evening I'd had with Eric. I had missed his smile, his laugh, and other things. I smiled to myself and put a load of work clothes in the dryer. I could still smell Eric's cologne on my shawl and I pressed it to my nose for the thousandth time. I was wearing it tied around my neck as a scarf so that I could do house work and still catch whiffs of his wonderful scent. I didn't know when I'd see him next, but I would call him tonight and maybe make plans to make that happen soon. If I wasn't smitten before, last night convinced me that Eric and I had something more than just a blood bond going on.

I heard a car approaching and was glad that I'd washed my Noxzema off. I looked out the window and saw Quinn climbing out of a silver Lexus. I decided to finish this once and for all. I threw the door open and met him on the porch before he could get to the door.

"Babe, before you ask why I'm here. I wanted to tell you that I bought a new house. I want you to come live with me. I'm dead serious. I will quit my job, if that's what it takes, but I can't stand the idea that I'm going to lose you to a dead guy. Think about it, Sookie. Please come be with me." He held out a set of keys and waited for me to take them.

"Quinn, I was wrong to lead you on. I was wrong to promise you things that I could never deliver. I really was a royal bitch to use you to make myself feel better about being away from Eric. I'm so sorry. You don't deserve to be treated that way. I know that you've had a tough life, I know that I haven't made it any easier, but I'm genuinely sorrier than I've ever been that I hurt you." I really was sorry. Quinn had only made the mistake of trying to be in love with me. He'd gone through so much being the Vampires property for three years. I had seen the movie Gladiator with Jason and Hoyt many years ago, but after I'd found out about Quinn, I thought of him as Maximus struggling to avenge his family. He thrust his hands into his pockets.

"So, that's it then. Eric calls, I'm out. Did you fuck him? Was it worth it? Did Eric tell you all the things you wanted to hear? Did he promise you the moon and stars?" I could feel his rage bubbling to the surface. "Where was Eric when your gutters needed to be cleaned? Who took care of you after the nightmares started up again?" He looked down at the ground. "You're right, I don't deserve to be treated this way. You're a miserable cold-blooded bitch. The two of you are perfect for each other." I pulled at the tails of my shawl and absorbed what he had to say. It was a long time coming. I had led him on and I'd been a piss-poor human being. Maybe in that respect he was right. Maybe I was becoming more vampire than human through my blood exchanges with Eric. I didn't recall ever being this mercenary about my feelings.

"Quinn, I'm so sorry. My relationship with Eric is complicated. I'm connected to him in ways that I can't describe."

"I could end that connection for you. If he was dead, you would be free of him."

"This is the second time you've threatened to hurt him." I felt the blood rush to my cheeks. "I don't want you to misunderstand me when I say that if something happens to him, I will make certain that you pay." I felt my fingernails dig into the soft skin of my palms and I knew that I'd drawn blood.

"Wow, he's really got you messed up." He took a step towards me and I took a step towards him. I wanted him to know that he wouldn't intimidate me even though I was shaking. "Just leave, Quinn."

"No problem, Babe. But I won't be your go-to guy when he dumps you for someone younger, and prettier."

"Thanks, but I really am done this time." He climbed into his car and slammed the door. I sat down on the porch steps and longed for Eric.