Disclaimer: not mine as usual

Chapter Eight

It was a few days after Roxanne's tiff that she had with Carter, and she was now in the infirmary getting a checkup from Keller, who was checking over her healed over wounds to make sure they looked good and was going to see if it was time to take off her cast on her arm yet or not.

"So, what's the verdict Keller?" Roxanne asked once the blonde doctor had finished looking over her and doing a scan on her broken arm to see how well it healed.

Keller turned to Roxanne before answering, "Well I'm happy to say your wounds are all healed up which is great news, everything has scarred over nicely which is what we like to see at this point." She said to her and made a few notes in Roxanne's chart.

"And the cast?" Roxanne questioned her impatiently, wanting the damn cast off more than anything else at this point – it was itchy as hell.

"Your arm is healed up, you're going to have to do some physical therapy to strengthen it back up but it's healed and good to go." Keller said to her with a smile. "But," she said pointing at her with a threateningly. "That does not mean you get to start sparring like you used to, you need to strengthen your arm first and then once I have a look over of how it's going, then you can go back to business as usual. Do you understand?" she questioned seriously.

At that Roxanne nodded in understanding, at least she knew for sure Keller didn't know about the sparring she did with Teyla a week or so ago otherwise there would be a whole lot more anger and yelling. "Yep, will do!" she said to her. "Now let's get this thing off!" she said excitedly, she was sick of her dominant hand being in a cast and having to do everything with her other hand.

Keller pulled a table up to where Roxanne was sitting on one of the beds and began to get things ready to take off the cast for her, "How'd you write your mission report if you couldn't write?" she questioned.

"I'm semi-ambidextrous. Not very well, it looks more like a fifth or sixth grader writing, but hey, at least its legible." Roxanne elaborated. "So, once this is off and I do the physical therapy shit does that mean I get to go on missions again?" she questioned. "You know you want to say yes, I mean just think of how much chaos and damage I could cause if you make me stay away from missions any longer. I might start picking fights with people on purpose." She teased.

Keller sighed, of course Roxanne was itching to go on a mission while she was still injured. Roxanne was committed if anything, she truly did enjoy working and going off world to help the people and the Pegasus galaxy. The multiple injuries she's come to the infirmary with over the years proved enough how committed she was to the people and to the work of the Stargate Program.

"Yes, once I am sure everything looks good and the strengthening in your arm is up to par, you will be able to go on missions again." Keller answered with a sigh.

"Thank god!" Roxanne cheered.

Once Roxanne had been freed from the infirmary, sans a bulky cast, she basically danced out of the infirmary and immediately walked right into a very hard but warm chest. But before she was able to fall from the unexpected impact two massive arms wrapped around her to keep her steady.

"Should watch where you're goin' Roxanne," Ronon stated as he set Roxanne back onto her feet.

At that Roxanne bit her lip and gave a playful smirk, "If I did that then you'd never have a reason to catch me, and really, where's the fun in that? This is so much more fun." She said with a hint of flirting, she may not be planning on confessing or making a move on Ronon but that didn't mean she couldn't do this at least.

While Ronon smirked down at the enigma that was Roxanne, Teyla who was also walking along with them was looking at them with a soft smile on her face and shaking her head in amusement at how the two interacted together. Roxanne's obvious flirting, and Ronon's own interest to the flirting that seemed to fly right over the woman's head. To Teyla it was obvious Ronon was interested in Roxanne, the fear and worries that her friend felt to revealing how she felt towards the Satedan, unwarranted.

"Oh! Ronon," Teyla said gaining his and Roxanne's attention. "I forgot that Carter needed me to tell Keller something, I will join you, John and McKay in the jumper bay in a few minutes." She said to him.

In response Ronon just gave a grunt and nodded that he had heard Teyla, smiling to herself, Teyla watched as the two continued on walking down with one and another and not paying her any mind or realizing that she didn't actually have to go to the infirmary to talk to Keller. All Teyla was doing was giving both Ronon and Roxanne as much of a chance as she could, she hoped that the more and more time the two spent together that one of them would give in and tell the other about how they felt. To Teyla, it was ridiculous that nothing such as that had happened yet.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~ Roxanne & Ronon ~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

"So, goin' on a mission, hmm?" Roxanne stated, looking up at Ronon who had his dreads pulled back for once, a look she definitely appreciated.

Ronon gave a nod, "Some villagers are getting stock and feed stolen during the night, said it they saw cloaked figures around the forests. We're heading out to see what's going on." He said as the two turned down a hallway. "Doesn't sound like much of a mission to me."

Roxanne gave him a fake sympathetic look, "Poor guy, bee happy you get to go off world at all. I still have to wait until I do some strength training shit on this arm before I get cleared for missions. But hey, I'm free from the cast at least." She said waving her right hand around.

"Good, we'll have to spar to see if you really can keep up." He said, a hint of an amused smirk on his face.

"Guess we will." Roxanne muttered coyly to him. "I was beginning to feel like a caged animal."

At that Ronon shook his head, "You sound like a Satedan, barely able to stand still and hating to wait to heal to get back out there." He pointed out to her.

Hearing that Roxanne grinned proudly, "I will be taking that as a compliment, so thank you Ronon." She stated.

"It's true." He said with a shrug of his shoulders.

Soon enough the two of them made it to the transporters, "Well have fun on the mission and try not to get yourself killed, and try and restrain from killing Rodney too no matter how annoying he is." She said to him jokingly.

"I'll try to restrain myself." He said and with that he stepped onto the transporter and Roxanne waved to him as the doors closed.

Sighting to herself, Roxanne leaned against the wall near the transporter and laid a hand over her heart, hoping it would help her hormones that seemed to go haywire anytime she was around Ronon. It was like she was going through puberty all over again. Once she got control of her speeding heart, Roxanne made her way back to her room and decided that it was time to send a video log to her family to let them know how she was doing and update them on her injuries.

"Hi mom, Stella, and the girls!" Roxanne said with a smile as she began to record her video log. "Nothing too interesting going on here, still stuck on the base for a couple more weeks but soon it will be back to business as usual. Best thing about this week so far, I have been freed!" she said gesturing to her arm that no longer had a cast on. "It's a bit stiff but otherwise it's good as new, just have to do a few physical therapy things with it the doctor said." She told them. "The food here still is disappointing at times; no Chinese food, or steak which is a crime against humanity. At least we get taco's so I should be thankful about that, but they're like Taco Bell level tacos so not the best or greatest and they don't even give us salsa verde. You know how I feel about food, especially food I like." She said into the video camera, when Roxanne first began recording video's back to her family she found it odd to talk to a camera like she would her family, she imagined it's how youtubers felt. "What's new in the outside world? What's considered pop culture now? Any new-fangled inventions that I'd definitely want to have if I was back home? Any good movie releases? What about music? I need to know these things." She said to them desperately. "Anyways, love you guys! I'll try and send another video in the next week or so. Bye!"

Just as Roxanne finished her video log there was a chime at her door signaling someone was there, getting up from her desk Roxanne opened the door to reveal Emilia and Lorne both of whom looked to be standing a bit too close for being just friends – something to look into at a later time.

"We've been looking for you and you weren't answering your earset." Emilia said to Roxanne giving her a stern look with her hands on her hips to which Roxanne mimicked, but within seconds the two broke into fits of hysterical laughter.

Lorne shook his head at the two girls that he called friends, "Okay giggle twins, calm yourselves." He stated as he watched the two attempt to control their laughter.

Once Roxanne had controlled herself enough to talk, she looked at Emilia. "So what's up?" she questioned.

"What, we can't visit our dear friend and see how she is doing?" Lorne asked seeing as Emilia was still incapacitated by small giggles. "We haven't seen you most of the day and we were on a mission the last two."

Roxanne grinned obnoxiously, "Awwe you guys really are the bestest bestie's here." She said playfully. "You really do love me!"

Lorne gave a snort at her antics, "Yeah, sarcasm and all and even the overdramatics." He said to her. "Lucky us."

Emilia elbowed him for that comment before looking back at Roxanne, "Anywho, Roxy, you're being kidnapped."

Hearing that Roxanne looked between her two friends in amusement, "I am, am I?" she said and crossed her arms under her chest as she looked between Lorne and Emilia.

"Yep, don't try screaming it won't help." Emilia joked threateningly as she pulled Roxanne out of her room by linking their arms together and began walking down the hallway, Lorne trailing behind them.

The three decided to hang out on one of the balconies that were throughout the city of Atlantis, and enjoy the nice warm weather of the planet. Somehow while the three were talking about Roxanne soon joining the team on missions once again in a couple weeks their conversation turned towards Roxanne and Ronon; Emilia and Lorne teasing Roxanne about how she and Ronon seemed to dance around one and another instead of admitting how they felt. When they said that Roxanne groaned at having to hear this from yet another person, instead she turned and looked at the two of them and asked why the two of them weren't dating yet.

"Are you sure you're ready to go on missions again Roxy?" Lorne asked in concern as he stared over at where Roxanne was sitting, her legs thrown up on the railing of the balcony and leaning back in her chair. "If you need more time we understand, you can take more time. We're not on a timeframe you know." He told her sincerely.

"Oh god, please Lorne, don't make me wait any longer than I already have. Please." Roxanne said to him, a desperate look in her eyes. "I'm going crazy here, I've never been out and down for the count for so long and it's driving me insane. I'm surprised I've survived this long without causing trouble out of boredom. Do not make me wait. Seriously. Two weeks tops and I am back to going on missions." She said resolutely, giving him a hard look meaning that she was not going to budge on that.

He held his hands up in a placating manner, "All right, all right. I just wanted to put it out there so you knew it was an option if you needed it." He explained.

Roxanne undid the braid her blonde curls were in and shook them out, "Thanks, but no thanks." She told him with a half grin on her face.

"Hey, Roxy?" Emilia questioned. "Can you braid this mess for me?" she asked as she grabbed at her black straight hair.

For a while after that the three friends and teammates hung out together, relaxing and just talking for a while about whatever came to mind. Had a bit of girl talk mixed with Lorne, the poor guy didn't want to hear some of the things that Roxanne and Emilia talked about but he soldiered through nonetheless. There were some things he wished he didn't know about females.

A few days after Teyla, Rodney, John and Ronon had returned from their mission Roxanne and Teyla decided that it was as good of a time as any to go and visit New Athos. Teyla was going to see how her people were fairing and to check on some trading relations and to check on the crops, meanwhile Roxanne was planning on getting some things in the market and hopefully finding a birthday present or two for her older sister.

"Are you ready to leave Roxy?" Teyla questioned, looking over at her friend inquisitively.

Roxanne nodded, grabbed a small wallet with some of the Athosian money she had so that she could buy things, and stuck it in her pocket. "Yup, ready to go."

Teyla gave a small smile, "Good, let us leave. We are meeting Ronon in the Jumper Bay." She replied and began to lead they way.

At those words Roxanne gave a surprise start, "Ronon's coming with?" she asked casually, or rather attempted to sound casual but failed miserably at it.

Glancing back at her friend Teyla gave a small smirk to herself, "Yes, I must have forgotten to tell you. He offered to come with us while we are there." She said and then gave Roxanne a knowing look. "That's not a problem, is it?"

Immediately Roxanne shook her head and plastered on a smile, "No, no, of course not. Just a surprise is all."

Teyla gave an audible snicker at Roxanne's reaction which earned a death glare from the woman, but soon enough the two of them arrived at the Jumper Bay and there waiting for the two rather impatiently was Ronon in all his glory. Ronon looked impatient at the moment which made his usual standoffish and unapproachable demeanor even more intimidating, adding that to his rather impressive height and his built form, well it made for one hell of a terrifying sight to the majority of people.

"Roxanne, you good?" Ronon questioned when he noticed she had a glazed over look to her eyes.

Shaking her head to bring herself to the present, Roxanne nodded. "Just fine, zoned out for a second there is all." She said to him and gave a hidden glance at him quickly before looking away, she was definitely not day dreaming about him. "Everyone ready?" she questioned and received two nods in agreement.

Walking inside the Jumper, Roxanne slid into the drivers seat and Teyla sat in the seat directly behind her, beside her in the copilot seat was Ronon which she was purposely done by Teyla. Checking a few things in the Jumper, Roxanne buckled herself into the seat and then took off up and into the air to head towards New Athos.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~ New Athos ~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Nearly the moment that Roxanne landed the Jumper on the outskirts of Athos did Teyla not even hesitate to unbuckle herself and basically run off into the direction of the village, barely giving a farewell and telling her companions that she'd meet them in a few hours at the local tavern. It was like the hounds of hell were at her feet waiting for her the moment she stepped out of the Jumper. Deciding to not question it Roxanne left the jumper and walked at a much more leisurely pace as she headed towards the village, Ronon following beside her.

"What exactly are you looking for?" Ronon asked as he looked down at Roxanne questioningly, realizing for the first time the great height difference between the two of them – he was at least a foot and a few inches taller than the blonde beside him.

Roxanne looked up at Ronon and then towards the marketplace, "Not a clue, I'll know it when I see it. Some kind of jewelry or clothing I think." She said as they got closer. "You do know that you don't have to come with me, right? You can go wait at the tavern if you want, promise I won't be insulted or anything." She said and he just gave her a look. "I just mean that you don't look like the shopping type of person and whatnot."

"If I didn't want to come I wouldn't be here." He told her gruffly, then unexpectedly leaned forwards and brushed a few strands of her loose hair back behind her ear surprising himself and her with the action.

Roxanne blinked a few times and swallowed thickly after he did that, her brain momentarily going offline. "Er, yeah. Let's go." She said rather mutely and briskly walked the rest of the way to the marketplace.

As Ronon trailed behind he looked at Roxanne intently; he had no idea where that had come from and what urged him to brush her hair out of her face like he had. Ever since Sateda had been lost, since he….since he lost Melena he's kept his distance from women and kept them at arm's length with a few exceptions such as Dr. Weir when she had been alive, Carter and Teyla but for the most part he kept his space. It was painful for him to think of Melena at times still, he loved her and always would but she was gone and there was nothing he could do about that. And no matter how much he tried to keep his space and considered staying away from Roxanne she was too interesting and different from most of the other Earth people that he wanted to get to know her. She was open and honest about herself, she was strong and fiercely protective, annoyingly suborn and was a hell of a force.

There were times he felt things, things that he thought he shouldn't feel for Roxanne, for a woman who was not Melena. Ronon tried to control those things that he felt, the emotions and the feeling of being pulled to Roxanne but he couldn't, he even tried to get away from Roxanne by volunteering on some missions sometimes so he could have some space to deal with what he was going through but they never worked. He always wanted to be back in Atlantis after a few hours so he could talk with her, enjoy the comfortable silence that both seemed to enjoy or just go to the East Pier with her to look out at the ocean or the sky. He's come to terms with the fact that Melena was lost to him, that she had died from the Wraith attack and that he couldn't let that hold him back and he knew without a doubt that if Melena could see him now that she would call him all sorts of names and tell him what a complete idiot he was. Melena would tell him to not live in the past, to not hold onto the idea of her that was now gone, to move on and live his life and to not waste it. Now that he's really come to terms with what he feels for Roxanne he had no idea how to approach her about it, how to tell her what he thinks of her and who is to say that she would like him in that way. He was from a different galaxy and she was used to Earth men.

"Ronon? What the hell are you doing?" Roxanne yelled back at him. "You look like an idiot standing in the middle of the road." She said.

Ronon realized that while he was lost in his thoughts that he had somehow stopped following after Roxanne and stopped in the middle of the road that led to the market, growling to himself for not paying attention to his surroundings he marched over towards Roxanne.

Over the next hour and a half or so Roxanne and Ronon wandered around the marketplace checking out different stalls and booths that were in the village, Roxanne paying for some of the things that she had ended up finding and wanting to get. For her sister Stella, Roxanne ended up getting her a few pieces of jewelry that had an ethnic/boho feel that were made from hemp like cord and leather cord with beads on them of many different colors and a specific necklace looked like the starry sky which her sister would love. She also ended up getting her sister a few of the corset like tops that Teyla wears so often when not on a mission of some kind of with the others, along with that Roxanne had gotten her two niece's a few random things that she thought they may like.

At the moment Roxanne was paying the merchant where she had finished buying things for her family when she heard Ronon's loud, booming laughter. Turning, she saw him talking with one of the village women who was shamelessly flirting with him like no one's business and he wasn't even attempting to rebuke the attempts. Roxanne narrowed her eyes and clenched the package in her hand tightly in anger and had to try and control herself so she didn't stalk up to the woman and shove her away or do something as equally petty and childish. Roxanne had no right to be jealous though, she had no claim on Ronon especially since she continued to refuse to tell him how she felt about him and thus, he had right to flirt with whoever he wanted to. That didn't mean that she still wouldn't get jealous though.

"Hey Ronon," Roxanne greeted with disguised anger and jealousy. "I'm done." She told him and narrowed her eyes at the woman who was in front of her who had her hand wrapped around one of Ronon's arms.

The woman was taller and thinner than Roxanne which definitely didn't help her mood or the jealousy that was raging inside of her, her self esteem getting lower the more she looked at the woman and thought how she would never look like that no matter how hard she would try. She had tanned skin like Teyla, had piercing blue eyes and straight caramel brown colored hair. Basically, she looked the exact opposite of Roxanne.

"You must be his sister," The woman said smiling sweetly, which caused Roxanne to look at her as if she was insane, she and Ronon looked nothing alike. "Aren't you a cute thing." She said and reached for Roxanne but she quickly swiped at the woman's hand, keeping her distance.

Roxanne clenched her teeth tightly, "Don't touch me." She growled menacingly. "And don't talk to me like a five year old, I'm an adult. Oh, and not that it matters but he's not my anything, definitely not my brother." She said before turning to Ronon to glare heatedly before she turned away and stalked towards where the tavern was, she needed a drink.

Flopping down at an empty table rather ungracefully, Roxanne had some hard cider or at least the Pegasus version of it. While sitting there Roxanne tried to tell herself over and over again that she wasn't jealous of that woman that made Ronon laugh, that Ronon wasn't her's to get jealous over and that Ronon wasn't anything to her but a friend. And she hated it, she hated every single damn moment of it. She hated that she was like this, that she felt this intensely for the man, that it felt like her emotions and hormones both were going haywire, that she couldn't have the man that she desperately wanted and….god, she just hated the whole situation.

"What's wrong with you?" Ronon asked as he joined Roxanne in the tavern after about fifteen minutes, taking a seat across from her with his own drink in hand.

Roxanne raised her brows at Ronon as she took a drink from her cup, looking at him nonchalant. "What do you mean?" she questioned evenly.

"That?" he said and gestured towards the door. "That wasn't you."

"Maybe you just don't really know me," she grinned sarcastically.

He looked at her for a moment, his green/hazel colored eyes bored into her dark brown colored ones, "What do you have against Cheruna?" he questioned.

Hearing the woman's name Roxanne couldn't help but give a scoff, "Even her name sounds like a hooker name." she replied unhappily, crossing her arms under her chest making her already large and very well endowed chest even more pronounced.

Ignoring that statement Ronon looked across the table at her in concern, wondering why earlier she was just fine and seemed happy and her usual self and now she was acting like she was, angry and a bit on the vicious side. "What's wrong?"

Roxanne didn't even look at Ronon when she replied, "What do you care Ronon?" she retorted nastily.

The moment she said it Roxanne internally cringed, she knew she shouldn't have said that and that Ronon didn't deserve it and she was only taking her jealousy and bitterness out on him but she couldn't stop herself. She was angry, hurt, jealous and bitter and wondering if that Cheruna was the type of woman he wanted, if maybe he just didn't find her attractive or like her in that kind of way.

Just as Ronon was about to respond to her Teyla walked up with a smile on her face, joining the two at the table and setting a bag or two down on the table in front of the three of them. "Hello." She said with a smile.

"Things go well?" Ronon asked.

Teyla nodded in answer, "Yes, very much so. The crops have been good this season and my people are giving us some to bring back to Atlantis to share. They were taking it to the jumper for me as I left them." She stated.

Glancing over at Roxanne, Teyla noticed that her attitude seemed to have taken a nosedive and she now seemed to be in quite the bad mood. Looking over at Ronon questioningly, he just gave a shrug silently telling her that he had no idea what was going on with Roxanne and why she was acting like she was at the moment.

"Did you find something for your sister Roxy?" Teyla asked curiously, breaking the tense silence that had settled.

At that Roxanne nodded, "Yeah, I found a few things that I think she'll like, she's always been hard to buy for." She said and then gave Ronon a menacing glare. "Ronon made a new friend."

Once Roxanne had said that it then all made sense to Teyla why Roxanne was such in a mood now – she was jealous. If Teyla was not in the present company that she was at the moment she would not have held back from laughing at the situation her two friend's found themselves in. The two needed to sort themselves out, they are just making things harder on one and another.

"Are you two ready to leave?" Teyla questioned, looking from the angry face of Roxanne to the scowling one of Ronon.

Roxanne closed her eyes for a moment before taking a deep breath, "Yeah, let's get out of here." She said standing up. "I promised Emilia and Lorne that I'd try and make it bac kin time for lunch." She said without looking at Ronon and striding out of the tavern without a look back to see if her companions were following.

The trip back to Atlantis was quiet and full of a tense atmosphere that was so thick that Teyla swore she would have been able to cut it with a knife; she glanced at Roxanne who she was seated besides and over towards Ronon and shook her head. They truly were two of the most stubborn people that she has ever met in her life.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~ Atlantis: Jumper Bay ~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

"You need help with the supplies Teyla?" Roxanne asked as she purposely turned her back to Ronon, and gestured to the bags of supplies that the Athosian's had shared with them.

Teyla gave a hint of a smile at Roxanne's antics and shook her head in response, "No, Roxanne, you go ahead. Ronon and I will be more than fine carrying these bags by ourselves. Go, meet up with Lorne and Emilia. I will talk with you later." She stated and motioned for Roxanne to leave.

Roxanne gave a quick, thankful smile to Teyla and then glanced over towards Ronon and gave him a dark look before heading out of the Jumper Bay. Roxanne didn't want to be anywhere near Ronon right now, and she didn't want to say something that she would later regret.

Once Roxanne was out of hearing range Ronon turned towards Teyla, "What's going on with her?" he asked genuinely confused on what was happening with her. "She was fine most of the day, then once she found me after she finished at the last stall she was pissed." He grumbled, a sigh of frustration escaping him.

Teyla looked up at Ronon a bit surprised, "Do you truly have no idea?" she questioned; she knew that Ronon may not be the most observant of people but she thought that even he would know that Roxanne was jealous especially since he's been spending so much time with her in the last month and a half.

"Know what?" He asked gruffly, tossing one of the bags of grains from Athos to one of the men in the Jumper Bay to take up to the kitchens. "I don't have a clue what I did to piss her off. She was fine one moment, then she did a complete flip."

It frustrated Ronon to no end that Roxanne, for some crazy reason, was angry at him and he had no clue what happened or what he did to piss her off so much. He knew that females were complicating, no matter what galaxy or world they were from that one fact was always true, but he didn't remember them being nearly as complicating as this thing with Roxanne was. Usually this kind of stuff didn't happen until a person was in a relationship with said female, not before.

Teyla searched Ronon's eyes for a moment before she gave in and had pity on the Satedan man before her, "Listen to me closely Ronon," she said to him dangerously, hinting at how serious what she was about to tell him was. "I am only telling you this for both yours and Roxanne's benefit, and you must under no circumstances ever tell her that I've done this. She will not forgive me if she finds out. Do you understand?" she questioned seriously, giving him a pointed look.

"Teyla, I'm not going to tell her." He replied gruffly. "Not like she's talking to me right now anyways." He stated.

Teyla nodded at him, "And if you use what I am about to tell you against Roxanne in any sort of way there is nothing in this galaxy that will be able to protect you from me. I will hunt you down Ronon, I do not care if you were a runner for seven years, not even your skills that you gained from that will be able to protect you from me. I will hurt you if you hurt Roxanne." She threatened with narrowed eyes as she looked up at the much bigger and taller man that stood in front of her.

It was after Teyla had said that, that Ronon began to get concerned about Roxanne and wonder what exactly she's been through to make Teyla so protective of the blonde woman who as far as he could tell was a strong, confident and stubborn woman who stood up for herself and got herself into trouble a bit too often because of her smart ass mouth. So hearing Teyla being so careful and threatening him on Roxanne's behalf made him concerned.

"I won't Teyla." Ronon uttered quietly, trying to convey to Teyla how sincere he was about that statement. "Why is she so angry?"

"Ronon," Teyla said slowly to him. "Roxanne likes you."

Ronon blinked a few times and raised a brow at Teyla, not connecting how that statement explained why exactly Roxanne was so angry at him. "Okay, how is that related?" he questioned.

Teyla gave a heavy sigh and rubbed the bridge of her nose, finding it unbelievable how oblivious Ronon could be with the opposite sex at times. "No, Ronon, I mean that she is interested in you in the romantic sense and finds you attractive. I would say that you think of her in the same way." She said, smirking and giving him a knowing look. "Do you like her in a similar way, do you find her attractive also?"

Of course Ronon found Roxanne attractive, it was hard not to. Roxanne may be short, not even topping out at five foot three making him tower over her, she was thicker than a lot of the other Earth women that were on the base but he liked that about her, she was a bit on the pale side but then again a lot of people looked pale compared to tanned skin tone. Roxanne had expressive dark brown eyes that seemed to pull him in, full lips that he's been tempted by on more than one occasion, her blonde curly hair was like her personality wild with a mind of its own and of course she had more than just a plentiful chest which was bigger than quite a few of the other females on base – he was male after all, its one of the first things he noticed about her. But it wasn't just her looks that made him attracted to her, it was her personality which was so different from most women he knew and came across. She was sarcastic, she was playful and had childish moments, she was a fighter, she didn't back down, she was so stubborn and she was protective and would sacrifice herself for those she loved and cared for.

"Ronon?" Teyla questioned, gaining his attention once again. "If you do not think of her in that way, if it is too soon after…after what happened in Sateda," She said hinting about Melena dying from the wraith attack. "Then I understand but you must put that out there and let Roxanne know. It is not fair to string her along."

"I do," he said gruffly, not used to telling others about his feelings especially when it comes to relationships and females. "Why is she so angry at me then?"

At that Teyla gave a small laugh, shaking her head. "I can tell you have not done this in a while." She responded off hand. "She's jealous Ronon, when she saw you speaking to that woman in New Athos she thought that you liked her more." She explained to him and snickered at the frustrated look on Ronon's face at how females worked. "Roxanne never told you because she was afraid that you would reject her, and she said that she would rather suffer by watching and wanting from the sidelines rather than ruining a friendship she cherishes and getting rejected. Roxanne does not take rejection well and never truly has. She may act strong and sarcastic, and act as if things do not bother or hurt her but they do. That is a defense mechanism that she developed from her past, she never told me what happened but that is what she says it's from." She said softly, a downcast expression on her face for what things she cannot imagine her friend has seen and been through to develop such a trait. "She's a woman Ronon, she is jealous and afraid to be rejected by someone she likes so much and is attracted to. If you move forward with this I warn you to be careful, she may seem strong from the outside but she is still breakable."

Ronon didn't know how respond to all of that; for one he was thankful to know that his feelings for Roxanne weren't just one sided and that he hadn't been imagining some of the things that Roxanne had done. But he was uncertain and worried about how to approach her, especially after what Teyla had told him about Roxanne and her fear.

"I need to talk to her," Ronon said fully intending to run after her so that he could talk to her but Teyla grabbed him by the arm before he was able to.

Ronon gave Teyla a look but she just shook her head at him, "Ronon, I believe perhaps it would be best if you would let her cool off before you decide to talk with her, she is angry right now and if you would go now she may end up yelling and saying things she doesn't really mean."

Ronon looked a bit put off that he had to wait to speak with Roxanne but knew that Teyla was right nonetheless, he needed to give Roxanne some time so that she could calm down. He'll be able to talk to her later.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~ Roxanne ~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Roxanne hated herself, hated that she was like that and that she wasn't able to verbalize her feelings for Ronon to him. Most people wouldn't be afraid like she was, wouldn't feel as if her heart was being squeezed to death just at the thought of admitting to a man she was friends with that she liked him more than a friend, but that is exactly what she felt each and every time she even considered it. Roxanne could take on the Genii without a problem, go into a Wraith infested hive ship or a planet that was inhabited by the Wraith with no problem, minor panicking involved and barely any fear but admitting to Ronon that she liked him more than just a friend. Completely debilitating fear.

She hated that she was like this, that she let her fear control her life so much and made it so she couldn't truly be a strong and fearless woman like she put on a lot of the time. Her previous relationship didn't help this either, if anything it made her even more afraid and scared of being rejected. She knew it wasn't healthy to be like this and to keep things like this in but Roxanne didn't want people to think less of her or realize she wasn't exactly like the persona she tried to put out for herself to be.

"Emi!" Roxanne yelled when she reached her friend's room, knocking incessantly at the door hoping against hope that she was there.

It was only a few moments later when the door opened to reveal Emilia wearing casual lounge wear clothes, she opened her mouth to ask Roxanne what was wrong but before she was even able to Roxanne basically threw herself at her friend in a tight hug as angry tears silently escaped her eyes.

"Roxy, what's wrong?" Emilia asked softly as she brought her friend further into her room. "What happened? I thought you were off world with Teyla and Ronon." She spoke as she carefully disentangled Roxanne from her and had her sit down on the bed.

Roxanne grabbed at her blonde curls angrily, not looking at her friend and instead closing her eyes and doing her best to control her erratic breathing, a sign that she was about to cry but trying to fight it as hard as she could. "I hate myself, I hate, hate, hate, hate myself so much. Why do I do this to myself? Why am I so afraid? I just want to be able to be like other people but I can't." She said and finally looked up at Emilia with wide sad eyes.

Hearing that Emilia looked at her older friend sympathetically, "No, no, no Roxanne don't say that about yourself. You're fine just how you are, okay. There's nothing wrong with you." She told her.

Roxanne gave a scoff, "Then why can't I tell him how I feel, why do I get this debilitating fear whenever I even think about it. That's not normal Emi, no matter what you say that isn't normal." She said to her.

"That's just how you're built Roxanne, you can't help it." Emilia said to her caringly, an arm wrapped around her friend's waist as she laid her head against her shoulder.

No matter what Emilia said Roxanne knew that wasn't how she was built, that she didn't just come out like that. It was a learned behavior from how she had grown up with an alcoholic parent. She may have been lucky that her father was a lazy and carefree drunk compared to the violent sort but even so that didn't mean that she didn't get any kind of trauma from living in that situation, living and dealing with the personality of an alcoholic and all of the habits from that makes a person have to grow up fast and find ways to protect themselves (Roxanne using sarcasm and humor to a defense mechanism). People think that it's a success when a child of an alcoholic doesn't become one themselves, but they have mental damage that happens that no one really realizes or understands.

"What brought this on Roxy? Hmm?" Emilia questioned curiously, she knew something like this wouldn't just happen out of the blue.

"On New Athos, Ronon was tagging along while I shopped but I was almost done and told him I'd meet him at the Tavern, figured I made him suffer enough, you know," she said with a hollow laugh. "After I was done I saw him talking to this…this thing, Cheruna. She looked like a hooker and looked barely more than eighteen or whatever." She said and sighed as she pulled herself up into a sitting position. "If she can go up and flirt with him without any hesitation or fear why can't I tell Ronon how I feel, I've known him for months now. I'm friend with the man. Why is it so hard for me?"

Hearing that Emilia just sighed, "Its just how you are Roxy, some people can charm the pants off of the devil some people it takes time and preparation. You're great at friendships and joking around with people and kids, relationships are just your kryptonite." She explained to her. "You're strong, beautiful, confident in most other things and are one hell of a fighter Roxanne. Every other aspect you are fine, it's just little part of life that is a bit harder for you. And how things ended with your ex on Earth didn't make things any easier, probably made it harder for you." She said.

Thinking about her ex and the life they were building together at one point made Roxanne bitter and angry with herself, with the time she wasted on him when he really didn't want any of the things she did. HE didn't want the same kind of future she did, he didn't want to build a life with her like she did. Roxanne wanted the whole nine yards; she wanted to fall in love, she wanted to get married, to have kids and all of it. Her ex said he had wanted the same thing, that he wanted all of that with her and the two had nearly gotten married, but things changed and he didn't let Roxanne know in the nicest of ways either. H preyed upon her insecurities.

"Roxanne, if you don't want to feel like this then you're going to need to do something about it. You need to tell him ow you feel. Soon." Emilia told her. "I know it's terrifying but you got to."

Sighing heavily Roxanne ran her hands over her hair and pulled it over one shoulder, "What if he doesn't feel like I do?" she asked quietly, her voice barely over a whisper as if she was afraid of cursing herself.

Emilia gave her friend a soft smile, "Roxanne, I have no doubt that he feels exactly the same way as you do. Everyone can see how you two are, people have even placed bets." She pointed out to her in amusement. "But, if for some crazy unbelievable reason he doesn't feel the same and can't see how amazing and awesome you are then he isn't worth it. You just need to take a leap of faith and tell him."

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~ Author's Note ~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

This was one of the harder chapters to rewrite, especially since I did change a lot from the previous version and it was just a bit emotional for me but here it is. I hope you all enjoy!

Love yourself for who you are, and trust me, if you are happy from within, you are the most beautiful person, and your smile is your best asset.

Ileana D'Cruz