Chapter One

"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone."~ Harriet Beecher Stowe.

Spencer could hear the rain pounding outside and the thunder crashing. There was a flood warning issued to all neighboring counties and reporters urged views to stay inside. A rueful smile came to his lips as he considered the irony of his situation. He was in one of the safest places possible, yet he had never felt so unsafe or uncertain in his entire life. He paced the pristine white floors, wondering how it had come to this.

In fact, he wondered what had happened to his life in general. A year ago he was on top of the world. He had everything he had ever wanted, but never thought he deserved. Now, he had crashed and burned, since the universe was seeming to confirm that yes, indeed, he didn't deserve to be happy. And Spencer couldn't think of a better way for the universe to make its point than to take away the people he loved most.

He slumped against the wall, not knowing what to do. For once in his life his amazingly powerful brain was of no use to him. In fact, if had any sense or intelligence at all none of this would have happened. His insensitivity and thoughtlessness had hurt the person he loved most and he didn't know how to make things right. In fact, he didn't know if he could make things right.

He was so lost in his own little world that when he felt a hand on his shoulder he jumped back. He turned around and found himself looking into the eyes of his sister-in-law. Spencer had grown so accustomed to her joie de vivre that seeing the trepidation burned deep into her dark stare made the situation that much dire. Morgan was right at her heels, looking concerned as well. At least Spencer was fairly certain that his best friend didn't hate him. He could no longer say the same about Ashley.

"What's going on, Spencer? What have the doctors said?" she demanded, her expression turning from fear to hatred instantaneously.

Ashley crossed her arms in front of her body, the look of death permanently etched onto her face. A year ago Ashley had deemed him exempt from her 'Douchebag List.' Now, he was number one on her hit list. The difference twelve months made was both astounding and heartbreaking to Spencer.

"They haven't told me anything," Spencer replied, running his fingers through his hair, emotion cracking his voice. He looked so pathetically woebegotten that if Ashley wasn't so eager to unleash her whoop ass, she would have given him a hug.

"Have you even asked?" Ashley demanded. If Saul was a raisin with attitude, Ashley was a Kiwi on a rampage. "I mean, what the fuck are you even doing here? No one wants you around, especially Lila. It's obvious you don't care about her so why don't you do her and her real family a favor and go away?"

"Alright, Mama, that's enough now," Morgan said, pulling her towards him, trying to diffuse the situation. He knew his friend felt lower than he'd ever felt before and certainly didn't need Ashley's assistance in that department.

"But Spencer is a dick! He should be the one in there and not my sister and..."

"Ashley, I understand you're feeling scared and upset, but lashing out at Spencer isn't going to help matters. Why don't you go to the nurse's station and see what you can find out?"

Ashley cast her loathed brother-in-law one more glare before doing as she was told. The men walked her walk over before Morgan turned his attention back to Spencer.

"How are you holding up, Kid?" he asked.

Spencer turned back to Morgan, his dark puppy-dog eyes filled with tears. When Morgan calld him 'kid' Spencer wished he was one, because nothing that had happened to him in childhood compared to this. He would live his childhood again ten times over to shield his family from this pain.

"I can't lose her, man, I just can't," he choked out, his entire body constricted with agonizing pain.

A sob escaped from his lips and Morgan pulled him into his strong, sure embrace. Spencer unleashed his sorrow, sobbing onto Morgan's shoulder. Morgan said nothing, gently patting his back and letting Spencer scream and cry as much as he wanted. When Spencer finally pulled away, Morgan reached into his pocket and handed him some tissues. Spencer wiped his eyes, diverting his gaze to the floor.

"You're going to make fun of me for this, aren't you? You said if you ever saw me cry you'd never let me here the end of it."

"Those were different times, man. I would never laugh at you for being upset over this. You have every right to feel this way. Please, is there anything I can do for you? Anything at all?"

"Can you turn back time?" Spencer asked helplessly. "can you let me go back to the beginning and prevent myself for pushing away the person I love most and causing her so much pain?"

Morgan looked at him sympathetically and pulled him back into his arms. As a fresh bout of emotions escaped from his body, he let his mind wander backward, to a time where everything was happier, simpler. A time where he had it all and hadn't taken it for granted.