Yes! This is my first story! I'm glad you're reading! Hope you enjoy! And yes, later on there will be…fun between Kendall and Logan. ;) Oh, you probably want the details. Well, here you go:

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush! Trust me! If I did, there wouldn't be a need to write this! We'd all be getting our daily dose of gay just by watching it! (Not that I don't with Big Time Crib, but you catch my drift.)

Warnings: Yaoi, slash, guy on guy, that genre! Foul language and later on some serious, explicit smexing. No likey, no read-y!

I wanted him.

I wanted to be the one he held, the one he made scream and writhe in pleasure, the one he gave that special smile to while we sang.

I wanted him.

But God knew I couldn't have him.

No, it was that sparkly, bitchy, annoying little brat that he loved. It pissed me off, but it's not like I could do anything about it.

Or talk to anyone. Kendall himself was the one who was making me feel this way; him and his goddamn lover, James. So they were out. Carlos and I were always fighting – I doubted he would take the time to listen to me. And Mrs. Knight and Katie didn't need to suffer through my rants.

So I was basically alone.

Great.

That was sarcastic.

I sighed. This Hollywood life was beginning to annoy me.

"Yo, Logie! Wake up, we gotta go to practice soon!"

I stood up. "Be right there!" I yelled back. I groaned at the irony. Those two sentences used to mean hockey practice at five in the morning. Which really, I hadn't minded back in Minnesota. Hell, I still wouldn't have minded it in Hollywood. And we wouldn't even practice with the team. We would just do it for the fun of it. And now I hated those two sentences with a passion, knowing that at the end of the day my limbs would be in scorching pain.

And then that nickname…!

Only Kendall called me that name, and fuck did it hurt. Maybe if he wasn't the only one, it would hurt less. Maybe it wouldn't feel like he was indirectly teasing me with what I wanted him to call me lovingly, holding me in his arms…

I sighed again, stepping into the bathroom to take another one of my notoriously short showers. As soon as I was out and dressed, I walked out to the kitchen with a towel still hanging around my neck.

Kendall looked up. "Hey, guess what?" He asked loudly.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "What?" I sighed. As much as I yearned for him to love me, when I was tired I wasn't a people person.

"That outfit looks better on you than a dress!"

I froze, blushing at the memory of the previous day's events. I glared at the wall while making an obscene gesture with my hand in his direction.

Everyone laughed, and even I let out a quiet snigger.

"So how much longer do we have to wait until being dancing dogs?" I asked.

"Like, ten minutes." Carlos replied. I groaned.

"Who else agrees that Gustavo sucks ass?" I asked, massaging my temples. I looked up and saw Kendall and Carlos raising their hands in the air.

"Oh, come on, guys!" James cried, jumping off the kitchen island. "Without Gustavo, we wouldn't be here right now!"

"Waiting to get forced into ridiculous poses by a guy who probably doesn't even have a high school diploma?" Kendall joked. Carlos and I sniggered while James whined, hugging Kendall around the neck.

They didn't act like much of a couple in front of us. Just hugs and arms draped around each other. I was grateful for that, that I wouldn't have to watch them call each other pet names and cuddle and stuff.

If I did, I would've ended it all long ago.

And I don't mean their relationship.

"Whelp, we better get going!" Carlos said loudly, running out the door.

"Good plan." I said in a normal tone, running out just as fast. Once out in the hallway, we pounded fists in celebration of avoiding an awkward moment.

Kendall and James walked out and Kendall locked the door. "Alright," he started, smirking. "I have a plan."

I grinned. Kendall was wicked clever when it came to his devious plans and schemes; it was just one of the many things that captivated me so.

"What's the plan?" I asked.

"Come on, man!" Carlos urged when Kendall paused.

"Well, I'd like to tell you. But I can't. It's part of the plan." He smirked wider as he strode off ahead of the three of us.

I sighed. Sometimes I wonder what goes on in that mind of yours, Kendall… I thought wearily, following him.

Practice went just as normal…almost.

Yeah, almost. Except for one, tiny, miniscule thing that no one else noticed and was probably a fluke.

But it still happened.

Okay, so during singing practice, we got a new song. A love song.

"Wait. I thought we already had one of these?" I had pointed out, raising an eyebrow curiously at Gustavo and raising my hand in the air.

"Boy bands can never have too many love songs." Gustavo had shot back. I had made a face at his turned back and sunk deeper into my chair. This was going to be a long practice, I could just taste it on the air.

In the chorus, Kendall had a small riff on the words, I'll never forget what we have, what we can be while I sang an accompanying descant – never forget, never forget, never forget.

And the weirdest thing happened.

He had looked over at me.

Not like, turning his head completely. It was just a look from the corner of his eye.

For a second, I thought I was singing it wrong. But then I realized that he had kept doing it. Maybe every ten or fifteen seconds.

And James had been on his other side.

What was especially weird was that one time, he had even smiled.

No, I'm just over analyzing this, I scolded myself in my room that night. I was lying in my bed, waiting for my thoughts to shut up and let me get some sleep, but my guess was that they were far from shutting up. And so I waited while my thoughts warred.

He definitely smiled at you!

No, he didn't! It was probably just an 'oh, you're doing pretty good today' smile!

Either way, it's still a smile.

I hated my three main sides. There was my jump-to-conclusions side, or as I liked to call it, my inner girl. And then there was my reality check, the one who slapped my inner girl in the face at the slightest hint of a ridiculous notion. And last, my glass-half-full self, my optimist, who always found the bright side.

Can you see why I hate them?

I sighed as I realized that that night was probably going to be another sleepless night spent analyzing the littlest details and fantasizing over someone I could never have.

I turned onto my other side, facing Carlos's side of the room. He was out cold, snoring loudly.

Nah, I was alone on the matter…

-Kendall's POV-

He was perfect.

He was innocent, he was wicked good looking, and SO smart! I knew he would one day be an awesome doctor.

What? Thought I was talking about James?

No! Hell no! I loved Logan, I loved him so much that sometimes I couldn't bear it. It hurt, I loved him so much. I shed tears of a secret pain that I harbored because I was a love-struck idiot.

So, why was I dating James?

I wasn't.

I was using him as a ploy to gain some kind of emotion from Logan towards me. Preferably something like jealousy.

When Logan was jealous, it was easy to tell. He'd get bitter towards the person, and soon enough his 'three sides' would start fighting. When he slept, he'd mumble things from his more aggressive side, mostly because that side always won the fights.

He would try to hide his envy, he would try so hard. But we would all pick up those tiny hints. And if we didn't, he would suddenly crack and tell someone, who would then tell Carlos, who would tell James and I.

I always wished he wouldn't put himself in such emotional turmoil over the littlest things.

But he did.

And I tried so desperately to keep him from doing that without him realizing my feelings towards him.

But, anyway, if he got jealous of James, I would be able to throw away the little bitch and get on with my life – with Logan.

But so far…

No jealousy.

Nope. Not one bit. In fact, he seemed like he was trying to avoid me. And when he was around me, he would barely look at me.

That's why I would joke and talk to Logan in the mornings. He wasn't much of a morning person (at least, not until he had his coffee), so maybe I could train him to wake up a little by talking to me.

A selfish plan, but it probably had a chance of having an effect.

Maybe…?

So I wasn't lying when I said, "Alright. I've got a plan."

Logan grinned. He had such an adorable smile… "What's the plan?" He asked.

For a second, I debated whether to tell them an improvised plan and then execute it (I did that more often than you would think) or just telling them not to worry about it.

"Come on, man!" Carlos's voice woke me from my daze.

I smirked wider, realizing that I had already been smirking. "I'd like to tell you. But I can't. That's part of the plan." I started walking ahead of my three friends.

I heard someone sigh. I wondered briefly who it had come from, but then Logan popped up in my mind and I kinda just spaced out thinking about him.

As usual.

It was usually about how cute he could be sometimes. Like when he freaked out under pressure, knowing I would save him most of the time. The look on his face would always make me smile on the inside, even if I was freaking out, too.

Sometimes, I wished I hadn't started 'dating' James. At least then I could still wrap my arm around Logan's shoulder in a 'friendly' way, while spazzing out and high-fiving myself in my mind.

And then singing practice happened.

It was a half-mistake. I hadn't been able to resist it at first, and had tried stopping it, but eventually I just gave up and went along with it.

We had gotten a new song. 'What We Could Be'. While singing, I couldn't help myself but to glance over at Logan. As soon as I did, I had actually heard his beautiful voice. It had seemed especially angelic and alluring.

No matter how many times I had looked away, somehow my gaze had always traveled back to his delectable self. I was driving myself insane.

He would never like me back; much less harbor the same love and admiration I held for him. Hell, I didn't even know if he liked guys.

So I let myself go…just this once.

During the second chorus, while I sang the lyrics I'll never forget what we have, what we can be and he sang never forget, never forget, never forget, I had looked over at him and smiled.

He hadn't seemed to notice.

Thank God.

As much as I wanted him, I would never force him into anything. And knowing him, if he knew I liked him, he would feel compelled to 'date' me through politeness and pity.

That was definitely not what I wanted.

So that night, when I was sitting in my bed, I solemnly acknowledged the fact that I was dutifully sharing my room with James instead of Logan. What hurt more was that said genius was just in the other room, probably sleeping like the innocent little angel he was.

"You're sulking again."

I looked up at James, feeling my death glare slide into place.

"Shut the fuck up." I growled. "Just know that as soon as I'm ready, I'll drop you like molten lava and get the one I really want."

"Geez. You're really pissed off, aren't you?" James chuckled softly. "You realize that we've gone over our little agreement so many times, I've found a pattern to your words? And I could recite it all without even looking at you?"

I didn't reply.

"Listen, what I mean is…" He took a deep breath. "You love him. So it's understandable why you would get pissed off sometimes. But don't take out that anger on me, please."

"What's in it for you?" My sudden question shocked me. Where had that come from? And since when did my voice sound like a rattlesnake mixed with a grizzly bear on a bad day?

He paused, then laughed again. "Same as you." He replied. "It's a ploy for attention from my crush."

"Oh." I suddenly felt guilty. I looked down at my hands which were resting on my crossed legs. It would be another night where I would go to sleep, anger boiling through my veins like liquid fire. I glanced over at James.

He was already asleep.

I sighed. I always wished sleep could come to me that easily, but I had always been a 'challenged sleeper' as my mom put it. I turned around and glared at the wall behind my bed.

Don't worry, Logan…

I set my jaw as I heard my clock make twelve, almost inaudible clicks, symbolizing that it was already midnight.

You won't have to wait much longer.

-Meanwhile in Logan's POV-

I shivered as I turned off the lamp on my nightstand.

For some reason, I felt a weird chill run up my spine, causing goosebumps to form on the side of my arms.

I glanced at the wall behind me.

They probably turned on the air conditioner to cool themselves off after another romp.

I frowned, narrowing my eyes.

God damn bastards.

xD Angsty!Logan and possessive!Kendall are pretty fun to write! Listen, I know it's all a little OOC, but it'll get back into shape by either next chapter or the third chapter.

At the moment, I don't know how long this story will be. But I'm thinking at the very least, ten chapters. If you can't deal with the smexy heat, get out of the Kogan and Jarlos kitchen! Yeah, that's how blunt I get. And this is the first fuckin' chapter!

Rate, review, whatever. Flames will be used to make s'more tacos! Or, maybe just s'mores. Because we all know that the boys here don't like 'tacos'…

Kendall, Logan, Carlos, James: *glare*

Tee hee!