/I AM ON A ROLL.

so yeah, I know this genre's a bit overused, but I wanted to try it! inspired by the many sasusaku dialogue fics that i've read that resulted in me rolling on my bed and having stitches at my sides. do read 'em! they are love (and humorous to boot). especially xdespondence's (over at lj) and the blanket's.

so yeah, even if this thing is a little bit of dialogue fic fail, whatever. here goes.

i disclaim this thing. as per usual./

skype you out

"ARE WE ON YET, TEME? SAKURA-CHAN? SAKURA-CHAN? I CAN'T HEAR YOU, SCREA—"

PUNCH.

"Shut up, dobe. There's a thing called the volume toggle. Use it."

"…uh, toggle? Isn't that a board game?"

"And the stupid who asked the question got his face slammed to the table by yours truly!"

"Thanks Ino! Can you hear me now, Sasuke-kun? Naruto? Is he alive? Poke him. Sasuke-kun stop sighing."

"…"

"It's you, alright! I might never bother with the volume whenever we're skype-ing with each other, since you're never talking anyway, and I know your monosyllabic response already."

"…hn."

"See? It's a good thing there's video, or we might just resort to phone calls, and as much as I am trained in the art of How to Communicate with Uchiha Sasuke, it is much more difficult to interpret your breathing. And I haven't had practice. Well, not a lot, anyway."

"Oh, and Sakura-chan!—"

"That was a fast one, Naruto, best time you've ever had bouncing back from the pig's hits."

Snort. From both sides of the connection.

"—ANYWAY, video's also better than phone se—OWW TEME STOP HITTING ME ALREADY! ISN'T THERE ANY JUSTICE IN THIS WORLD? SANCTUARYYY—"

SLAM.

"Yeah, that was me again, Forehead. You can thank me later. We're leaving—or well, it's me dragging the unconscious blockhead outside the door—so that you and your boyfriend can have time to yourselves. I'll talk to you later."

Pause.

"Oh, and if you failed to hear it because of Sasuke here, Naruto meant 'video sex is better than phone sex'."

Slamming of the door.

"PIG!"

"…"

"I can still hear her cackling!"

Sigh.

"I can hear you sighing, you know, Sasuke-kun. Notice me glaring at you."

Glaring war for five seconds.

Sigh again.

"So how's Suna?"

"Hot. Duh, Sasuke-kun."

"…tell me something I don't know."

"Hmm. Well, my apartment is so small it's like a room already, you know, like Naruto's? But whatever, I'm mostly going to be sleeping in an unused bed somewhere in the hospital anyway, so I really don't mind. And it's just going to be six months so yeah, like I said, whatever."

"Hn. The people?"

"Oh, I have yet to meet the hospital staff, I've just talked to Temari, Kankuro and Gaara. Remember them?"

"Vaguely."

"They're the Sand siblings, Temari's the oldest, blond with the scary iron fan, I wonder what she does with it. Kankuro's the jester wannabe; Gaara's the silent red-haired one. Did you know that Gaara's going to be appointed village chief in a week's time? He's just our age, too! Isn't that awesome?"

"Hn."

Hesitant laugh.

"Sorry, Sasuke-kun, you don't care much about what I'm talking about right?"

"…"

"Come on, of course you don't."

"…I do. Is the environment there safe?"

Smile.

"Of course it is. And I'm friends with the soon-to-be village leader's family, so I think no one will be attacking me or something."

"…hn."

"I'll be fine."

Nod.

"Say, do you miss me?"

Grin and wheedling tone.

"…"

"…I'm interpreting those red ears as yes, okay, Sasuke-kun? Nothing you can do about it."

"…hn."

"AWW you do miss me!—"

Grunt.

"—don't worry, I'm just going to be instructor for six months, and besides we have skype, emails etc. Just not the phone, you know how you can be at the phone, such a waste of minutes and all. And besides!—"

Finger point.

"you were one of the people who encouraged me—albeit silently—to take on this assignment that Tsunade-shishou gave to me!"

Shrug.

"Anyway, Sakura, about Gaara—"

"You remember him? Snaps for your diminishing self-centeredness!"

"…hn. Anyway, don't go near him. You know you're a sucker for those types."

Silence. Deafening silence.

"Close your mouth. It's unbecoming."

"A-Are you being jealous, Sasuke-kun?"

"…"

Laugh.

"You so are. And what's with this talk about being a sucker for 'those types'?"

"…Quiet, dark, broody, menacing.

…

…stop laughing, Sakura."

"You're basically admitting you are, oh wait, what were those, quiet, dark, broody, menacing? Well—HAHAHAHA—Sasuke-kun, I'm sorry I'll have to take back those snaps, aren't you too full of yourself? OWW HAHA MY STOMACH."

"…TCH. Shut up. Anyway, don't go near that Gaara thing."

"Tsk tsk, Sasuke-kun, you mustn't refer to him that way, what would happen to Suna-Konoha relations? And I can't ignore the village leader you know, even if he is still soon-to-be."

"…fine. Just…not too near. Tell him you have a boyfriend."

"I hope you can see me rolling my eyes. They do know about my quietdarkbroodymenacing boyfriend, okay? Goodness, your scary-tales of glaring men who just look at me into oblivion are so famous, it has reached Suna. Or maybe just Temari. I swear her iron fan's a gossip antennae of some sort. And I didn't even think of her as that person, I thought only Ino was that—oh well, a blonde's a blonde, I guess? But that's such a prejudice—"

"Sakura you're rambling. Again."

"—YEAH SO JUST LIKE THAT I don't care, I'm still meeting them again."

"I told you—"

"What, you don't trust me? Try saying that and I'll go home and kick you where the sun doesn't shine. And I'm not talking about your stomach."

"…hn. But if it makes you go home…"

"…Really, Sasuke-kun. You're really sweet and all, but we have already established that we miss each other, let's move on, and you're still romantically retarded. Your idea of flirting is…sick. So yeah, enough of that, okay?"

"…"

"…"

"…hn."

"Good boy, now, about what Ino said—"

"Are you seriously thinking about the video sex?"

"WHAT? I just wanted you to ask her when she's going to talk to me and howOHMY Sasuke-kun you pervert! We can't do that online, it's…gross!"

"…"

"…"

"So what? Other people do that all the time…"

"…"

"Sakura stop flailing around."

"WHAT HAS KAKASHI DONE TO YOU? ASVBSJDHDFS;"

"Sakura. I told you to stop flailing."

"YOU—! ASFJKFL:—"

"…"

"—I knew those three times were a mistake! STOP SMIRKING!"

"It wasn't just three times, don't you remember? It was more like three times…four."

"OHMYKAMI I need to sit down."

"But you are sitting down."

"…"

"…"

"Stop looking at me like that, Sasuke-kun."

"…"

"…"

Sigh. Loooooong sigh.

"…fine—I TOLD YOU TO STOP THAT UNHOLY SMIRKING. I am so committing a sin just looking at you looking like, like, that.—just…just not so soon okay? And not a lot of times—stop smirking!"

"Fine."

Smirk. A check to see if Ino locked the door behind her.

"How about now?"

"NOW? Didn't you hear what I just said—PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON!"

Smirk.

/uh, hi. *waves* HEEHEE./