Austria has been having some trouble with Hungary and decides to IM Russia, an expert with, let's say, 'Marital Problems.' It's just some short crack-ness.
Enjoy.
I own nothing.
DiscipleOfChopin has signed on.
DiscipleOfChopin: Servus Ivan.
CommunismIsSexy: Privet Roderich, what a nice surprise.
CommunismIsSexy: To what do I owe this honor?
DiscipleOfChopin: Um… How do I put this… I have, a problem.
CommunismIsSexy: I'd be more than happy to help you with any problem. I believe I've helped you in that way before.
DiscipleOfChopin: No, No. Not that kind of problem.
CommunismIsSexy: I'm not sure I understand then.
DiscipleOfChopin: Let's call it a marital problem.
CommunismIsSexy: I am not married.
DiscipleOfChopin: But I believe you may still understand.
CommunismIsSexy: I do not wish to talk about marriage.
DiscipleOfChopin: Ivan, just hear me out.
CommunismIsSexy: Neyt.
DiscipleOfChopin: … Ja.
DiscipleOfChopin: …
DiscipleOfChopin: So Ivan, how's Natalia?
CommunismIsSexy: Eh...? She's o-okay, I guess.
DiscipleOfChopin: Really now,
DiscipleOfChopin: What has she been up to lately?
CommunismIsSexy: W-why are you asking me these things!
DiscipleOfChopin: because they put me in a rare position of power ^.^
CommunismIsSexy: Neh, go play your piano, da.
DiscipleOfChopin : I can't, Hungary is near it .
CommunismIsSexy: Da, is she as scary as my sister?
DiscipleOfChopin: Not quite, she doesn't stab. That is actually why I've come to you for advice.
CommunismIsSexy: Da….
CommunismIsSexy: Do you wake up in the middle of the night to scratching on your padlocked door?
DiscipleOfChopin: That, yes. Actually she knows where the keys are now.
CommunismIsSexy: Or worse, do you wake up in the middle of the night, bound and chained to your bed, the padlocked door lying off the hinges nearby?
DiscipleOfChopin: I've woken up in handcuffs, that was after she found the keys T.T
CommunismIsSexy: Da.
CommunismIsSexy: She knows where the keys are. They are on my person.
DiscipleOfChopin: Oh, that's a good idea.
CommunismIsSexy: Neyt!
CommunismIsSexy: The day she was searching was a hard one for us all
DiscipleOfChopin: Oh.
CommunismIsSexy: Latvia and Estonia still suffer from the shock.
DiscipleOfChopin: What about Lithuania?
CommunismIsSexy: Lithuania...
CommunismIsSexy: …was with me at the time...
DiscipleOfChopin: So that's where that scar came from...
CommunismIsSexy: Things happen.
DiscipleOfChopin: I-... that's nice
DiscipleOfChopin: Why are you so mean to the Baltics anyway?
CommunismIsSexy: Mean?
CommunismIsSexy: I'm not mean...
CommunismIsSexy: I love them…
DiscipleOfChopin: ...
DiscipleOfChopin: With your faucet pipe?
CommunismIsSexy: Both of them...
DiscipleOfChopin: Wait… both?
CommunismIsSexy: Da... Austria-san.
DiscipleOfChopin: Isn't one enough?
CommunismIsSexy: You didn't think the faucet pipe sticking into your back that time, was the one in my hand, did you? The Baltics call all the ways I play with them as "using his faucet pipe."
DiscipleOfChopin: But...But... it was just as long as your faucet pipe.
CommunismIsSexy: Da, it is.
DiscipleOfChopin: ...
DiscipleOfChopin: No wonder Belarus loves you so much.
CommunismIsSexy: Are you, lesser than me, Austria-san?
DiscipleOfChopin: ...
DiscipleOfChopin: I'm not sure if that's something I should...uh...
DiscipleOfChopin: That's not...
DiscipleOfChopin: ...
DiscipleOfChopin: Ja.
DiscipleOfChopin: But I think everyone is.
CommunismIsSexy: Da.
CommunismIsSexy: Don't feel bad.
CommunismIsSexy: And with Veta, remember,
CommunismIsSexy: Her love for you is her weakness.
CommunismIsSexy: You can use it against her, da?
DiscipleOfChopin: Not really. I don't have any power over her, she just does what she wants.
CommunismIsSexy: Da. Pravda.
DiscipleOfChopin: At least she doesn't regularly carry around sharp things.
CommunismIsSexy: Roderich, must you bring that up?
DiscipleOfChopin: Oh, sorry.
CommunismIsSexy: I've had to grow a thicker skin.
DiscipleOfChopin: I'm honestly not surprised.
CommunismIsSexy: Da…
CommunismIsSexy: Speak of the devil, I'm afraid I must vacate to my closet now.
DiscipleOfChopin: Good luck.
CommunismIsSexy: I shall need it.
CommunismIsSexy: This was a nice talk.
CommunismIsSexy: We should do it again sometime.
DiscipleOfChopin: Ja. We should.
DiscipleOfChopin: Wait, which it are you talking about?
CommunismIsSexy: Dasvidanya!