Lol so, I was introducing a friend to fanfics, and I told him to pick any two Harry Potter characters, and there will be a fic about them… of course he chooses like the only pairing that doesn't exist on here, ladies and gentleman I present to you, Gilderoy Lockhart and Pamona Sprout.

This one's for you Mike.

There was a lot of buzz going around the staff room, the famous Gilderoy Lockhart was going to be joining the faculty this year and it was causing quite a stir. There were the men grumbling about it, the women squealing and gossiping, with the exception of Minerva and Pamona.

"It's utter nonsense, that man is full of it." Minerva continued ranting to her colleague and friend.

"The way those ladies, for lack of a better term, drool. They act like he's a veela, charming smile my arse." Pamona agreed, brushing the dirt off her hands with a little more force than necessary.

"Good evening ladies!" they heard him exclaim as the "veela" himself just walked into the room. "May I interest you in an autograph?" He offered, whipping a fancy golden quill out with a flourish.

"Umm, no… thanks, I'm good, that man over there though" Minerva said pointing, "yes the one with the black hair and long black robes, that's the one. I bet he would adore one, though I'm sure he's too shy to ask you for one himself." The women tried to hold in their giggles until he was out of earshot, blossoming into full out laughter when they saw the look on Severus' face.

Later that evening Pamona was sitting in the staff's common room by the fire, writing some letters to her children. They were all grown up now, living in different parts of Europe, she didn't see much of them but they wrote when they could. Her summers were mostly spent tending to her garden that took up most of her lawn.

"That wasn't funny" she heard a man grumble from the other end of the couch startling her a bit, she hadn't even noticed anyone sitting down, "the man you pointed to, about the autograph…"

"Oh, yeah, that, I'm sorry but it actually was pretty funny," she couldn't help herself and started to giggle again. Sometimes her antics with Minerva almost made her feel like a young witch again, some of the pranks they pulled in their day, yes, I know, Professor McGonagall, the uptight transfiguration teacher, a prankster? Well it's true they had their fun. Meanwhile Professor Lockhart had gone back to sipping his tea and staring at the fire. There was something different about him, Pamona thoughtbut she couldn't put her finger on what.

As Pamona finished up her last letter and sealed it in its envelope, she noticed he was still there and finally figured out what was different… he wasn't smiling!

"Are you okay deary?" Her mothering instincts kicking in, after all he was still a young bloke, and he it wasn't right to see him looking so down.

"Yes , I'm fine, and don't call me deary, do I look like a young lad to you?" Professor Lockhart snapped at he.

"Well, I'm sorry Professor!" she replied a bit taken aback, "you just looked a little down that's all, where's that award winning "charming smile"?" she mocked.

"Gilderoy, please, and yes of course, my oh so handsome smile, and while I'm at it that heroic bravery too. Anyone with a brain can see it's all a load of crock but my god those slags will eat up anything won't they, it sickens me."

"Oh, umm, yes well, everyone loves a hero," Pamona tentatively agreed, looking at him as though he had just swallowed a flobberworm. She was completely confused by his words, and had no idea how to react, so she didn't she just sent off her letter and went up to bed.

The next day Pamona avoided all conversation about the infamous Gilderoy Lockhart with her companion as best she could, she still hadn't figured out what his behaviour was about the night before. Though of course it couldn't be avoided completely and Minerva was getting a little suspicious of her friends reaction to the topic, but knew to leave it well enough alone. Pamona kept herself busy in the greenhouses all day long, she knew she was acting silly, it's not like she could avoid interaction with all staff members forever, but it was nice not to contemplate what was going on with Mr. Charming.

CRASH, BANG, SMASH

Pamona turned around and saw that one by one the plants she had set up for the first years were being knocked over, it would take forever to replant them! She bustled over to the table, trying to figure out what was causing them to topple over.

CROAK

It was a toad that one that Longbottom kid carries around… when he can find him. She picked the toad up out of the mess and headed off to Gryffindor tower to return the toad, against her better judgement, she's sure it would be much less of a hassle to set him free.

By the time she had finished replanting the Grea Pods, it was getting dark out, she knew that the great hall would be empty but she could still catch some dinner if she hurried. As she entered the Great Hall she saw that it was in fact empty, save for one person, just her luck, it was Mr. Lockhart himself.

"Good Evening professor," she said politely, sitting down a few seats away from him.

"I didn't mean to snap at you last night, I apologize, you might as well come sit with me. I promise I won't bite." She shocked herself with mental images of him breaking that promise. Pamona! This is Gilderoy Lockhart, fancy pants arrogant prat, get those images out of your head immediately. As she scolded herself in her head, she did the polite thing and took a seat next to the young wizard.

"So, Gilderoy," she still felt a little funny using his first name, " what are you doing eating dinner so late?" she inquired accepting his offering of mashed potatoes.

"Well, uhh" she rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, "I was signing autographs actually, and you?" she smirked a little as he said it, there's the Lockhart I know and scoff at.

"Oh just an incident in the green house. Listen I, uh, wanted to talk to you about last night, you seemed a little… tense."

"Well, these mashed potatoes are getting a little cold, why don't I have an elf serve us a nice hot meal somewhere a little more comfortable and we can talk there." He smiled a little as he said that, not that cheesy magazine cover smile, but more or a cute, awkward, genuine one. Cute? Genuine? These are no words to be describing this man Pamona, get your head on straight, and a dinner with Gilderoy Lockhart? Say no!

"Yes, that sounds lovely,"

"Great, I'll go take a trip down to the kitchens now, why don't you meet me at my quarters in say, an hour."

And so this is how Pamona Sprout found herself pacing in front of a young wizards private quarters, all dressed up and asking herself what in the bloody hell she was doing here.

"Welcome madam," the young man greeted her, opening his door with a flourish, cheesy grin plastered on his face. She was sure kicking herself now. What was he, bi polar? Split personality? She wasn't sure, but whatever it was she had an idea that this man would end up in the psych ward at St. Mungo's someday. (tehehe) She took her seat silently and politely, a little disgruntled that she would be fool enough to agree to this.

"I must say Professor, you are looking radiant tonight." He complimented, taking in her new appearance, so earth soiled robes, her hair not frazzled and tangles from her work.

"Thank you, though if we are going to be getting together after hours and having dinner together, you might as well call me Pamona too."

The small talk continued, and after a bit he seemed to get less arrogant and his grin fades into a more normal content expression. The dinner was excellent as well, a wonderful medley of steamed vegetables, high quality, tender pork, with the most delicious gravy she had ever had, clearly he was famous amongst the elves as well.

"You know, we did meet here with something specific to talk about, and I am just dying to hear your story."

"Well, luckily I wrote it all down, you can have a copy of my autobiography if you like," he offered feebly, knowing exactly what she was talking about. She didn't find this amusing in the least and just glared at him. "Okay, I'm sorry, I know. The truth is, I didn't mean to end up this way. I had always wanted to be an author, that much is true, and I have always been popular with the ladies, that is also true, but I never aspired to be such an arrogant, pompous, cunt." Pamona was too stunned for words to hear him say this about himself, it was as though hell had frozen over. "And truth be told, I'm not, not really, I just play one, it sells. When I was younger it was all about the money, and it still is, in a way. I'm supporting my mum right now, and the old hag has given direct orders to my manager to keep me making as much cash as possible, and so, he's kind of conditioned me to be this way. I know it's no excuse, free will and all that rubbish, but I can't seem to get out of it. I mean I'll admit, I kind of liked it at first, the fame, the fortune, the ladies. But none of it matters anymore, I kind of just want to be me again, all these hair products make me feel ridiculous, not to mention the pain in my jaw from that constant idiotic smile, and do you know what kind of slags people like me attract, it's disgusting, all they know about me is what I look like on the cover of witch weekly and they're ready to jump in the sack! Just once, I would like to attract decent women and share an evening with her without all the ridiculous tales, shallowness and smooth, charming, seduction. A night to be me." He finished, blushing and looking away. Pamona was grateful he did, as her eyes were welling up with tears and she had a chance to wipe them.

"Oh Gilderoy, I never knew. I…" He looked back up and locked eyes with her, causing them both to stop everything and forget whatever they were about to say. Before they knew it, they had both shakily stood up and circled around the table toward each other, not stopping to think about it as their lips locked with each other. It had been some time since Gilderoy had actually felt this while kissing someone. He could feel the emotion, as their kiss grew more passionate he could feel it's depth, it wasn't shallow, or lustful or greedy, it was… nice.

"How does tonight work for you?"