A/N: Well, Primus, I don't know what I was smoking when I started this… This is ridiculous. Everything and everyone (nearly everyone) (hopefully everyone) is OOC. There's no real plot unless you think there is. Mostly takes place in the Animated! Universe. Bear with me; I have forgotten which episode happened when… Please don't hate me!

(09/26/11) Update: Well I've just gone over this and re-written some stuff, changed a few errors I noticed, if you find anymore, let me know! I'm terribly lazy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. It is the sad, terrible truth.

Warnings: General OOC (Not that the All Spark in the original story was any less out-of-character) and failed attempts at humour.

The last thing he saw were everything around them disappearing in a haze of brilliant white light and an airy voice somewhere around him muttering,

"Crap…"

He re-awakened with a pained groaned as his body ached all over. What had just happened? He slowly opened his eyes, surprised to be blinded by sunlight. Wait…had he lost the All Spark? The buzzing in his head had subsided. A quiet, light chuckle startled him from behind. Whipping around, he saw the boy with the strange silver eyes and alien tattoos which were patterned up his left arm.

"I-but-what-you-how-noooo-why-?" He flopped over his attempted sentence.

Somewhere in the world, an English major died.

The being behind him just smiled,

"Indeed Samuel, indeed," The All Spark spoke as if it understood what the human had said, "You will not get rid of me, and I am stuck with you." Sam wasn't sure whether or not he had just been insulted. For a moment, they simply stood there, before Sam stammered out,

"So…uh, where are we, exactly?" The All Spark looked up, searching their surroundings. Something wasn't right, ever thing looked…different. He couldn't quite put his finger on it.

"…I would say possibly somewhere in Detroit, but I will say I'm not sure." Sam blanched, staring at the All Sparks form.

"I-what-how…? Detroit? How do you know?"

"First off my dear Samuel, there are things I just know because I am me. And secondly, we have arrived in a different universe. Though, I am unsure if there are any Cybertronian life forms in this particular one."

"R-right…so what do we do? Can you get us back?"

"I could, but I don't particularly want to at the moment." It looked entirely too smug for Sam to be comfortable.

"I feel it would be wise to explore this universe; to get a feel for it…" The All Spark paused for a moment, looking up into the sky, "and before Primus decides to show his fat aft here." Sam just stared as the All Spark continued to mumble to itself about healthy eating and the consequences of lying around doing nothing for millions of years.

Now he was confused.

"Ow! Frag it Ratchet, why does this have to hurt?"

"Sit still, you're acting like a sparkling. It's not my fault you're hearing voices!" The medic grouched. Ironhide mumbled something about it being completely his fault and the medic went from zero to soccer mom in record time.

"YOU'RE GOING TO BLAME THIS WHOLE PRIMUS DAMNED MESS ON ME NOW?"

Sam and the All Spark had been walking for some time now.

When the All Spark suddenly stopped, staring up at the sky again, Sam of course, ran straight into it.

Rubbing his face, Sam too looked up at the sky, seeing nothing he turned back to the All Spark.

"What is it?"

"I- whoa. I can sense my own energy signature here." The All Spark looked around, confused. Sam could practically hear the Twilight Zone music playing in the background.

"That means there's Autobots here!" Inside he was cheering silently, but the flashing glint of silver eyes made him gulp. The All Spark nearly towered over him, glaring full force.

"I wouldn't be cheering yet Samuel; just think about it, this means there is another me out there somewhere just waiting to found!" It finished in a terrifyingly jovial tone.

The human form of the All Spark seemed to grow more and more excited at the thought. Grinning evilly at Sam, the non-human began walking ahead. One All Spark was bad enough. Now there may be two. He was going to be gang-raped by a couple of nutty energy incarnates wasn't he?

Sam was distracted from lamenting over his doom, when several screams and more then several explosions happened somewhere further into the city.

Near where the All Spark had felt its own energy signature.

As they got closer, huge shadows fell from over head. Looking around frantically, Sam found the source. Robots. Giant robots. Sam knew he recognized, though vaguely, several of them. A red and blue one reminded him of Optimus, and…well that was all he recognized as of now. He thought one might be Ratchet, from the ambulance symbols, but he wasn't sure.

There was one unnecessarily large explosion as a larger, dark being flew out of the top of one obscenely tall building. Sam shuddered, just when he thought he had been free of ridiculously tall buildings…

But his attention was focused back on the being, who landed on the pavement hard. He couldn't quite put a finger on it, but as soon as the humongous robot spoke, he was sure of whom it was,

"Come to me, my loyal Decepticons!" He shouted loudly. Two other Cybertronians who he didn't recognize landed next to who he could only assume was Megatron… Well crap, he had thought it was bad enough that there was one of him too. He hated his life.

Just as the bigger one knelt and was about to speak, another form landed on top of him. Decked out in magenta (read: pink) and heels, the flier spoke in a voice that had disturbingly reminded him of SpongeBob.

He turned to look at the All Spark as the two watched the confrontation from a distance; the All Spark had locked its gaze on the one he assumed was Megatron, though he wasn't sure why exactly. The Decepticon and Autobots began their confrontation, the All Spark huffed and grabbed Sam's wrist, easily dragging him away.

"Wha-? Hey! I wanted to watch that!" The teenager whined. The All Spark growled,

"I took you away to get away from the fragging war!" Turning to the sky, it continued to shout, "IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?" Panting slightly, the All Spark stopped, turning to smile eerily towards Sam. The bi-polar thing was starting to creep him out. Just a little bit.

"Well, since their fighting, again, and we have no way to get back to my city, why don't we…" The All Spark grinned, "…do something to pass the time?"

"No! Don't put that there!"

"Ha! I got you!"

"I almost had that one!

"Hey! That's cheating!"

"Come one, how can you cheat at this?"

"Shut up, would you? People are staring!" Sam half-whispered, half-shouted; which could also be considered 'talking'.

He was sitting on one side of a picnic table, across from the All Spark's human form. In between the two was a Connect-Four game along with several unused pieces. And indeed, the busy park was chock full of people staring at the two shouting people as they fought over the game. The All Spark frowned as it looked as though it had lost. Grumbling silently, it stood up swiftly,

"They should be finished fighting by now, shall we go see?" Sam shrugged before he answered,

"Sure I guess, but why? I thought you wanted to leave?"

"Yes… but they have my-this universe's body, or carrier...that, and I want a souvenir." Sam smashed his forehead into the picnic table as the All Spark promptly began to walk off in the wrong direction.

Finding the Autobots was rather easy, with the All Spark sniffing out it's this universe self, they were brought to an old looking warehouse. It didn't look extremely promising, both were thinking, though one had an infinitely larger amount of knowledge about Transformers, whereas Sam was merely trying not to flash back to the last abandoned looking buildings he had the unfortunate experience of running into.

But the All Spark insisted its other self was indeed in this building. About to try and open the large hanger doors, Sam squeaked and jumped back into the All Spark as they slide open themselves. A bot stood in large door way. He, Sam assumed it was a he, was a combination of black, brown and gold. Smaller then the Autobots he knew. This mech had a blue visor which was staring them down. Though this Autobot was shorter then what he remembered of Optimus and the others, he still felt intimidated. Clearly, the All Spark shared no feelings with him as it took a step closer,

"We demand entrance to this facility!"

"We? As in you and I?" Sam squeaked (in a totally manly kind of way), the All Spark sighed,

"Alright then… I demand entrance to this facility!" The All Spark smirked up the bot, "Prowl."

The visor seemed to widen, if that was remotely possible.

"How did you know that? Who are you two?" He questioned suspiciously. The All Spark grinned widely at a stunned Prowl.

"Why, I'm the ALL SPARK. I know everything! See? My name was bolded. Has your name ever been bolded?"

"…And you've got a name tag on." Sam sniggered. Prowl looked down at his chassis. Sure enough, a large white, sticky piece of paper reading, 'Hello, my name is: Prowl'. The ninja bot hummed quietly in interest, wondering how that got there while the All Spark had turned and protested that it was indeed all knowing. Which Sam countered with;

"Then what's my favourite colour?" The All Spark, who had been smirking, ready to answer, faltered, human form drooping.

"Ah, well…um…blue?" It finished weakly, Sam let out a rather loud 'HA!' and proclaimed that his favourite colour was indeed, yellow. The All Spark found itself cursing again, it was becoming a habit.

"Hey Prowl, what's all the slaggin' racket about?" A grouchy sounding voice called form inside the warehouse. Sam and the All Spark halted their argument about his favourite colour.

A white bot with a red chevron and the red lines of an emergency vehicle emerged from the warehouse, now deemed 'Autobot Headquarters'. Prowl turned along with the All Spark and Sam.

"One of these humans claims to be the All Spark." The red and white bot looked incredulously down at the two. The All Spark waved enthusiastically.

"That's impossible."

"Is it, Medical Officer Ratchet?" The smirk evident in its voice.

"How did you-?"

"I AM THE ALL SPARK!" It cried, glaring at the sky. "Why must I explain this over and over again? I. Know. Everything!" Sam slide sideways, nudging an elbow into the All Spark's side,

"Y'know, technically, you don't…know…everything…like my favourite…colour…" Sam was not normally one to comprehend the shut-up-before-I-murder-you-slowly glare, but today, he seemed to gather the idea.

"What are you two talking about?" Ratchet asked in his I-am-a-grumpy-mech-for-no-reason-most-of-the-time voice.

"We aren't from this, whatever it is…"

"Universe."

"Right…universe. And we have come for my counterpart!" The All Spark declared.

"Uh-huh. And you suppose we'll just, let you in? I don't know how you acquired this information about the All Spark, how do I know you two aren't Decepticons?"

"Dude, do I look like a Decepticon to you?" The old medic shrugged. Gesturing over at Prowl who was struggling to get the sticky piece of paper unstuck from his chassis.

"Stranger things have happened."

After ten minutes of convincing Ratchet and Prowl to let them inside to see the other All Spark, Sam and the All Spark entered the old warehouse.

"My God, I thought an advanced alien species could've found something better than this." The two Autobots chose to ignore Sam's comment and continued in when two blurs rushed into the room. A yellow and black bot stood, as short as Sam saw those here, a girl stood next to him, but she wore a helmet of some kind and struts on her back. Still, she was pretty hot. He fell out of his daydream however, when the All Spark rounded a fist to the back of his head.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"Don't think because I'm not in your head anymore that I can't read it!"

"Hey, doc bot, who are these two?" The yellow mech asked. Ratchet shrugged, heading back to his 'med-bay' and gesturing at Prowl to explain.

"One claims to be the All Spark, Bumblebee." Sam's head whipped up,

"Bumblebee?"

"Do I know you?"

"Bumblebee!" Sam shouted, squealing like a small child. He ran over to the small bot, hugging one leg. Temporarily forgetting he was in a different universe,

"Are you okay buddy? What about your legs? Ah! Your legs, do they still hurt after Starscream blew them off?" Sam nuzzled his face into the yellow metal of Bumblebee's leg. The poor bot looked down, confused,

"Uh…what are you talking about? Fly-boy never got a scratch on me." Sam looked up, shiny eyed.

The All Spark smacked a hand to its human face before half whispering to Sam,

"Wrong universe…"

"Wha-? Oh, well never mind." The teenage boy detached himself from the bots leg and they continued, following Prowl towards where the supposed other All Spark was laying.

The small group entered a storage room where Optimus was placing the latest fragment into the All Spark's holding chamber. After a brief, emotionless explanation from Prowl, who had several large scratches across his chest armor, Optimus eyed the two guests curiously, but allowed them to continue closer forward, to get a view of the opened All Spark chamber. The ethereal blue glow emitting from it was similar, Sam recalled, to the blue orb from his universe. The two stepped closer, the All Spark eager to see what awesome powers this All Spark held. They slowly peered over the edge and…

"This is it?" The All Spark said deadpanned. There were only around four or five fragments of glowing blue stuff sitting inanimately inside of the orange container. Optimus looked down at the two humans. They weren't from this universe as Prowl had said, so an explanation was, difficult. Heh, not really.

"Well…" He started, "This All Spark may have, sort of…"

"Spit it out already!"

"…Exploded."

Silence. Dead silence. Sam looked over to the All Spark's human form to see one silver eye twitch, before…

"YOU BLEW ME UP?"

It was Sam's turn to face palm. Of all possible things that could have happened to this universes' All Spark, this had to be it. Groaning, he peered through his fingers towards where the All Spark he knew had been. In a matter of seconds, his universes All Spark had gone from shouting to bawling its eyes out. He rolled his eyes; the thing was going to drive him insane.

Meanwhile...

Primus watched over all of his children, in every universe they were in. So far, everything was going as fate had been written, with one major setback, the All Spark from the, how could he put this, the…crude universe. He sighed, it seemed as though his brother Unicron had too much fun contributing to a large part of the creation of that one. That All Spark, it seemed, had too much power. Warping dimensions at ease. It was making his obscenely large processor hurting having to follow it everywhere. Folding his arms over his metallic chest, Primus mused that the All Spark from the crude universe –that was what he was going to call it from now on- was causing too many problems he didn't want to deal with...

And his aft was not fat.

Bonus:

After the All Spark had been consoled and calmed down, Sam asked the question he had been meaning to ask the moment they'd arrived.

"So...can we leave now?"

The All Spark sniffed and stared at the painfully orange container in the corner.

"Possibly. I don't know."

"...Wait, what? You don't know?" You don't know? You don't know? How can you not know?"

"Possibly. I don't know."

"Well," The All Spark stated matter-of-factly, "I would know, but I've been blown up. So now I'm not sure."

"Somebody kill me."

"...I was under the impression I already had."

End

-DrHooksTowingandCo