A/N: This is written as part of a contribution for a round robin, the prologue of which was written by Anime Monster. While you can understand the story without reading the prologue, reading the original is usually a plus…

This is a sort of spoof. And it has mild homosexual content. Just a warning.

That said, I would appreciate feedback; it's been a while since I've written. Enjoy. -SubChronDom.

Time and life and every other force that Harry could care less about spiraled around him as he traveled to a new dimension. He collided with the earth and made a thud worthy of anyone's endless praise, and though agony coursed through him a silly, pointless grin spread across his face. So the prophecy had been true. It was time to take care of Harry's primary need - sex.

He stood and found himself at the base of a labyrinth larger than every Twilight fan girl rally he had seen while cycling through worlds; this terrified and excited him. He knocked on the gates, sure that a guard would answer. When no one answered, he used his Voldemort Horcrux Dark Magic (TM) to melt the doors or strip them of their souls. Nothing. Damn.

"It would be easier if ye'd open it, yeh know," a creature grunted from behind him. Harry partially jumped with relief. He turned to see a dwarf staring at him, doing nothing to hide the bangles on his ugly wrist. I can do better than this, as feminine as he seems. he thought, frustrated.

"Do not blaspheme my awesome wizard powers! Everything must revolve around magic!"

"Nah - yeh jus' push the door open an' it opens. Like this…" The dwarf propelled his pinky forward and let it brush against the door, causing it to swing open.

"What? It chose a dwarf over the Chosen One? Who are you?"

The dwarf shrugged. "Hoggle."

Harry rolled his eyes. "I'm on a mission, and I don't have much time. This is your world, not mine. Help me find my way to your leader, Hogwarts-"

"Hoggle!" the dwarf corrected.

"Yes, yes, that's what I said! Come along!"

The unlikely duo trudged through the maze in light and darkness, Harry fighting his urges in the latter. He was going to melt into a turban-sized husk if he didn't find the king of the world sometime soon. To top it off, thousands of eyes that reminded him of Dumbledore and the infamous drunken holiday incident watched him, probing his soul… Well, they were annoying and arousing, at least.

"How far left, Heegdor?" he demanded, filled with righteous, celibate anger.

"I'm sick of you getting my name wrong! You, Sarah, Jareth! It's Hoggle! Hog-guhl!"

"I don't care about what your name is, Hermite! My wife was old! I'm sex-deprived more than even Mr. Filch was, and my wand prevented me from having strong arms! Now, take me to the setting of the smut scene! Do you understand?"

The dwarf cringed. "That may not be possible…"

"AND WHY NOT?"

Hoggle's eyes pointedly focused on the ground. This was supposed to be a T-rated fic… We're only in the Labyrinth fandom, not the actual labyrinth, you see…"

"Bullocks! The world is unjust! They give you a goblin king that sings while wearing tights and then expect proper ratings? Impossible!"

"You can suggest other things and leave it until the end of the fic," he suggested.

Harry was overwhelmed with a sense of hope and determination. "Let's go find Jareth."

-Several obscure background lyrics later-

"Why is the room filled with stairs going in every direction? And why is rock music playing in the background?"

The goblin king emerged, wearing tights and a feathered cap more elaborate than ever before. Several crystal balls twirled in his hands, around his shoulders and in his hair, which seemed to be alive because of the fan in the back of the set. However, he didn't sparkle, and Harry began to wonder if this Jareth was really gay or if it had simply been a cruel rumor spread by girls he'd rejected.

"At last, after all I've done for you, you come to me here." The words were sung.

"Who can pass up a British rock opera fantasy sex scene after a plotless chapter of fiction. I need to kiss you so that our rating is justified. No one can deny the Chosen One…"

Harry lunged for Jareth and plunged his tongue into the goblin king's mouth, shamelessly groping his pretty costume. The rest was hidden behind a staircase and an author's note, though if it were an audio book, adult fan fiction would have a new addition to its archives. The screams ultimately left Hoggle deaf, and he no longer noticed when he was called by the wrong name. Harry exchanged fandom addresses and prepared to travel once more.