I got this idea from Wynja. She made a Teen Titans thing like this. I liked it so much that I changed it to fit Naruto. I hope you guy like it!

Disclaimer: I own Nothing!

Warnings: Yaoi, SasuNaru, Crack, OOC-ness.

The Call

Four signals came through before there was a click on the other end of the line. The caller sighed silently.

"Hello. You have reached the Konaha Hotline. Please follow the menu.
Are you a Ninja? Press 1.
Are you a Missing Nin? Press 2.
Can't decide? Press 3.
Are you a villager? Press 4.
Are you a traveler? Press 5."

-beeep-

"You have pressed 2. You are a bad guy. Stop it.
Have we kicked your ass before? Press 1.
New around? Please press 2 to review our ass-kicking record before you leave.
Have you recently turned bad, and want to try some stupid plan out? Press 3 Are you Akatsuki? Press 4 and stop trying to hurt Naru-chan.
Are you Sasuke? Really? Press 5."

-beeeeep-

"You have chosen option five. You are officially a bastard. Please choose among the following options.
Are you a clone? Press 1.
Are you someone else in a henge Press 2.
Are you the real thing? Press 3."

-beeeep-

"You claim to be the real Sasuke.
Is your current goal to get Naruto to love you? Press 1.
Is your current goal to do something… else… to Naruto? Press 19-12-1-19-8 and leave a private message. Please be graphic.
Do you wish do to blow something up? Press 3"

-beep!-

"You have chosen option 1. My, my, aren't we ambitious?
Do you wish to lure Naruto into a trap? Press 1 and leave the address. He will show up, by himself, in thirty minutes or less.
Have you already taken Naruto prisoner? Press 2.
Are you wondering if it will be really worth it? Press 3 for a statement from Kyuubi regarding what it's really like to be living with Naruto for the rest of your life."

-beeeeep-

"You have pressed 2, you despicable, worthless, splotch of scum. Please continue to follow the instructions.
Have you succeeded in breaking him? Press 1.
Have you run out of ideas? Press 2 and consider some naughty ones.
Have you become bored and wish to return him? Press 3 and leave him by the gate.
Do you wish to know about Naruto's deepest, darkest fears? Press 4 and make a genjutsu about ghosts.
Has he claimed that you don't know anything about him? Press 5."
Has he claimed that he doesn't like you? Press 6. Just like Naru-chan would."

-beeeep-

"You have chosen option 5.
Do you wish to know his Favorite Food? Press 1.
Do you wish to know the strongest Jutsu he knows? Press 2
Do you wish to know his current place in kingdom hearts 1? Press 3. It's pathetic anyway.
Do you wish to know the name of the fox plushy he had when he was 5? Press 4."

- Beeeeep-

"It's Kyuu-chan. He's just that predictable.
Do you wish to return to the main menu, press 0. If not, thank you for calling. Good bye."
There was a click as the receiver was put down.

Heavy footsteps alerted the boy that his captor was coming back. He was chained to the wall, surrounded by bowls of ramen, there were graphs on how to do his jutsu all over the walls, he had a hickey on his neck and there were horrible fake ghosts grinning at him from every corner. Sasuke opened the door and Naruto glared up at him, still defiant.

"It's Kyuu-chan." He said triumphantly.

Naruto lowered his head in defeat and sobbed. How he know all this? It's like Naruto's whole life was at his fingertips…

I really hope that it made you laugh too!