War Machine vs. The Fly

Hello, folks! L1701E here! I was working on the latest chapter of Misfitverse: The Korvac Saga, and I happened to read upon Persiana13's fic "Cookin' With Disaster", and an idea hit me for this little short fic. Basically, in my Misfitverse, there are feuds. X-Men vs. Misfits, Persiana vs. Miss Marvel, that kinda thing. This little short story examines the origin of the greatest feud in the West Coast Avengers' short history: James Rhodes vs. a housefly. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own any Marvel characters, and Persiana/Farrah Willows is owned by Persiana13. Enjoy!

The West Coast Misfit Manor

"Hssssssss..." Farrah Willows, the fearless feline known as Persiana, hissed. She was sitting at a table in the kitchen, glaring at Carol Danvers and Leon Maxwell, aka Miss Marvel and Crisis. The two of them were playing Super Mario Kart in the next room. A glass of milk sat in front of her.

"Let it go, Farrah. Just drink your milk." A Russian-accented voice told her. Natasha Romanoff, the young super-spy known as the Black Widow, was eating some toast. A mug of coffee sat next to her toast. The cup was black with "World's Best Super-Spy" on it (The mug was a joke gift from the Falcon. Natasha thought it was hilarious).

"Look at that blonde Barbie-wannabe." Farrah snarled. "If you ask me, I think she's trying to steal my Leon from me." Without even looking in her direction, as if she had heard, Carol shot the white-furred lioness the finger. "You see that?"

"Carol, grow up." Natasha called with a sigh. "I think she does that because she knows she can easily get a rise out of you."

"The fact is, she enrages me by breathing." Farrah grumbled. "She's constantly trying to take my man!"

"If you ask me, I think that's your territorial nature talking." Natasha countered. "You consider Crisis your territory, and you don't like Carol nosing around."

"Oh gee, ya figured that out by yourself?" Farrah snorted, sipping her milk.

"I'm just saying, I think you just need to relax a little bit." The redhead explained. "Leon is loyal to you to a fault. I highly doubt he'll try anything with Carol. One, it's not in his nature, and two..." The Russian spy smirked. "We've seen you angry. It's something to avoid."

"Heh." Farrah laughed. "I do tend to get emotional, don't I?" Natasha nodded. "You're right. I shouldn't worry. Leon would never hook up with Carol. I'm twice the woman she is."

"Your waistline certainly proves that!" The blonde mocked from the next room. "I've seen planets that're thinner than you!"

"Carol, be nice. Just ignore her and play the game." Leon sighed.

"Up yours, Barbie!" Farrah roared. "At least I'm not some beach-blonde bimbo who shames her mother!"

"At least my mom loves me!" Carol mocked. "I'm not the one with the psycho-Doctor Frankenstein-wannabe bitch with a mom! Certainly explains a lot about you!"

"YOU DIE TODAY!" Farrah screamed as she leapt into the next room. The sounds of a fight breaking out could be heard.

"Hey!" Leon yelled. "Watch it! This Super Nintendo is an antique!" Nat rolled her eyes.

"Sooner than I expected." She remarked dryly, sipping her coffee. She then heard singing.

"Blondes in black cars! Burning up the boulevard!" Sam Wilson, the Falcon, and Hercules, the God of Strength, danced by, singing loudly. They had on iPods, and were playing air guitar. "Blondes in black cars! And they're here for me!" Nat chuckled. *

"Those two are clowns." She noticed Jim Rhodes, War Machine, walk in. "Hello, Mr. Rhodes."

"Mornin', Nat." Jim greeted, taking a seat. He peeked up from his paper at the sounds of a catfight. "Farrah and Carol."

"Yup." Natasha nodded.

"Knock it off, you two AIE MY NOSE!" Leon was heard yelping.

"LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!" Farrah screamed.

"WELL SAW-RRY! I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS BACK THERE! AND I'D LIKE TO KEEP MY HEAD!"

"NOT LIKE YOU HAVE ANY USE FOR IT!"

"EAT FIST, YOU-!" Farrah and Carol continued their catfight.

"Sorry I cannot keep you company, Mr. Rhodes, but I have to go run a few errands." Natasha got up and left the room.

"Have fun, Nat. Be careful."

"You know me, Mr. Rhodes." The redhead chuckled. "I'll be back later." Jim went back to his reading of his paper when he noticed a fly on the cupboard. He put the paper down and slowly stalked towards the fly. He tried to hit it with his hand, but the fly flew away, landing on another wall. Cursing, Rhodey picked up a fly swatter and tried to swat the fly.

WHAP!

"Dammit!" The Air Force man cussed as he tried to swat the fly. However, he kept missing. The fly kept managing to dodge the swatter at the last second, frustrating the Air Force colonel more and more. "Stupid fly! Hold still so I can swat you!" The fly flew out of the room, and Rhodes immediately gave chase. "Die, you stupid fly!" He kept swatting at the fly, hitting the walls and various objects.

Wham!

He knocked a painting off the wall.

Kresh!

He knocked a vase over, breaking it. "Ha!" He took a swipe...

WHAP!

"OW!" Monica Rambeau, the light-manipulator known as Pulsar, screamed as she clutched her nose. "Rhodey, what the hell?"

"Oh, sorry Monica!" Rhodey winced. "I was trying to swat this fly. Now where did it go?"

"Rhodey, you really need to watch where you swing that thing." Monica sighed.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I'll be more careful." Rhodey nodded.

"Alright. I'll be in the Playroom, working up some new sims for the kids. Try to keep them out of trouble." Monica left.

"Yeah, sure." Rhodey chuckled. He then noticed the fly on the wall. He narrowed his eyes at the small insect. "You are dead, fly."

"WHO BROKE THIS VASE? IT WAS EXPENSIVE!"

Some time later

"I am really growing tired of this." Leon sighed as he sat down in the kitchen. Sitting across from each other were Farrah and Carol. "I am not asking you two to become friends. I just want you two to try and be civil with each other."

"It'll be easier to just send this ugly animal back to the pound we got her from." Carol grumbled, glaring at Farrah. "It obviously needs to be put down."

"Maybe we should send you back to that brothel we bought you from!" Farrah hissed, glaring back.

"Girls, enough." Leon sighed, putting out his arms. "Carol, I am flattered that you think highly of me, but Farrah is my girlfriend."

"Nyeah!" Farrah smugly stuck out her tongue. Carol grumbled.

"The only reason I can think of why you're with her is pity." The blonde Air Force brat grunted. "Leon, you deserve to be with a real woman, not some horrifically-sewn-together stuffed animal."

"When I get through with you, you're going to make Frankenstein's Monster look handsome!" Farrah snarled, starting to get up.

"Bring it, Queen Tramp!" Carol snapped, her fists glowing. Leon sighed.

"Girls, that's-!"

KABOOM! BLAM BLAM BLAM!

"What the-?" All three young heroes blinked in unison.

"DIE, YOU STUPID FLY!" Rhodey, in full War Machine armor, roared as he ran by, his shoulder-mounted machine guns and missile launchers firing full blast, causing the wall to be blown open. The three teenagers' jaws dropped.

"I may be going out on a limb, but I am going to assume that this is Farrah's fault somehow." Carol quipped.

"Up yours, Barbie." Farrah hissed.

"I see you two are not concerned about Col. Rhodes going around the bend." Leon frowned.

KABLAM!

"EAT MISSILE, YOU STUPID FLY!" The powerhouse known as Crisis sighed.

"As if things can't get any worse."

"RHODES!" Pulsar was heard screaming. "YOU ARE FIXING THIS HOUSE!" The sounds of a brawl were heard. "What is Thunderbird of those West Coast Misfits doing here?"

"He appears to be brawling with a giant chicken, ma'am." Falcon answered.

"Me and my big mouth." Leon sighed.

Thanks for reading!

* - "Blondes in Black Cars" by Autograph, from the 1985 album That's The Stuff. An underrated band, if you ask me.