Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: the Last Airbender. Please do not sue me. All you'll get is a bunch of highlighted textbooks and a laptop that makes a weird clicking sound.

Warnings: General spoilers for the series, particularly Zuko Alone.

Zuko is 10-years old when his mother tiptoes into his room in the middle of the night. It's pitch black and his eyes are so bleary from sleep that he barely notices the glow of her candle.

"Zuko, I need you to wake up. But you need to be very quiet." She presses her finger to her lips as she guides him out of bed.

"Mother, what's going on?" The floor is cold as Zuko stands up, and even though the air is warm he shudders. "Is Father okay?"

"Shh." She smiles weakly as she drapes his thick traveling cloak around his shoulders. "Everything will be fine. I just need you to be quiet."

He's never heard that tone of desperation in her voice before. It scares him, so he silently follows her out of his room and down the hall. She holds his hand the entire time, grip so tight that it hurts him. But he still doesn't utter a sound.

Ursa hurries through the place so fast that Zuko almost has to run to keep up. They weave through hallways and corridors that he hasn't seen since he was little and played hide-and-seek with Azula until a servant scolded them for hiding behind a priceless tapestry. But that was a long time ago. He's panting when they arrive in the pantry, where he watches one of the chefs give a small package to his mother. For a moment he wonders if this is all a game; a surprise picnic by moonlight. But the grave expression on his mother's face as she thanks the chef banishes that idea.

Zuko is 10-years old the night he sees the palace for the last time. He looks over his shoulder as he mother helps him onto the Komodo-Rhino's back. He can barely see the building's outline against the night sky, but he knows it's there. He feels his mother mount-up behind him, taking the reins and urging the beast forward. He keeps looking back as they sprint off into the night.

The journey is the longest of Zuko's life. Longer than his family's yearly trips to Fire Island, and longer than he imagines it taking to get to Ba Sing Se. He's seen countless maps of the world, but he never considered that something drawn the length of his finger could take days to travel across. He suddenly feels very small.

His mother sells the Komodo-Rhino to a butcher outside the capital. Zuko knows what this means and turns his head to hide his sadness. He refuses to eat the sausages she buys with the money until his hunger pinches so painfully his head spins. His mother also buys them both new clothes, forcing him to wear a rough brown tunic that smells funny and itches around the shoulders. He's miserable as they trek through the Fire Nation, his hair in a commoner's topknot.

"Mom, I'm tired. My feet hurt." He stops walking and crosses his arms. "Why can't we just go home?"

"We can't go home." Her voice is barely above a whisper, but it's strong as steel. "We can never go home." There are tears in her eyes as she bends down and places her hands on his shoulders.

"But why?" Zuko feels the hair on the back of his neck prickle and his throat goes dry.

"Because… because I wasn't suppose to take you. To save you." Ursa looks into her son's eyes. "Because your father wanted to do the unthinkable."

Zuko swallows hard, fighting back tears. Princes don't cry. "Mom, you're scaring me," he whispers. "What did Father want to do? Did he do something wrong?"

Ursa nods her head. "He wanted to hurt you Zuko. He wanted…" She bites her lip, debating how much to say. Finally she sighs, voice breaking as she speaks. "He wanted to kill you."

Zuko shrugs off his mother's hands, even as her fingers dig into his shoulders trying to hold on. "No!" he shouts. "No! Father would never…" He balls his hands into fists, tears blurring his vision. "He wouldn't do that!"

"Yes. Yes he would." Ursa rolls up the sleeves of her robe, showing him the bandages that cover her arms.

By the time she unravels the bandages and shows Zuko the burns Ozai caused to silence her protests, they're both crying.

Zuko is 10-years old the first time he leaves the Fire Nation. He and Ursa wait until nightfall to approach the harbor, sneaking through the port in the dark. He's shaking when they reach the dock, watching silently as his mother gives the last of their money to an old fisherman. He thinks the old man recognizes him, even with commoner's clothing and a sunburned face. Brown eyes study him closely, and Zuko finally narrows his own eyes and stares back. This makes the old man laugh.

The fisherman ruffles Zuko's hair as they all board the boat, telling him not to get seasick. The gangplank closes loudly and the fisherman grunts as he lifts the anchor and does a hundred other little things Zuko can't identify. It feels like forever before the boat takes off into the open ocean.

Zuko is only 10 when he leaves his entire life behind.

Zuko is 11-years old when he finally stops scowling every time someone calls him "Lee." He hates the name. It reminds him that he's no longer a prince; he's just some peasant trapped in a back-road village somewhere in the Earth Kingdom. He's a peasant who sweeps floors and feeds ostrich-horses for spare change. A peasant whose mother works all day washing and mending clothes for money until her back aches and her fingers are raw. He's a peasant who's not allowed to Firebend because that could get him caught, and getting caught means death.

But he's also a peasant whose mother reads with him by candlelight every night, helping him through whatever books she can borrow or scrounge from other villagers. She plays outside with him even though she's so tired she can hardly keep her eyes open. She buys him cakes instead of material to make herself a new dress. He's a peasant whose mother loves him.

Zuko is 12 when he kisses a girl for the first time. Her name is Nhan, and she dares him to kiss her for a custard tart and a bun filled with sweet bean paste. Her mother is the best baker in the village, and Zuko's mother hasn't had the money for sweets in weeks, so he agrees. Nhan's built tall and thin, and her lips are slightly chapped. The kiss is chaste, and she runs away giggling a second later. Zuko watches her go, and thinks she looks a little like Mai.

Zuko is 13-years old when the Azulon, the Fire Lord, his grandfather, dies. He and his mother hear about it from a traveling tinker who passes through the village. The tinker says that the Fire Lord's dying request was to pass the crown to his youngest son, not the crowned prince. Zuko and Ursa pretend to be shocked to hide their disappointment.

"Do you think we can go home now?" Zuko whispers the question in the middle of the night. "The Fire Lord, Grandfather, was the one who wanted me dead. So maybe…"

"No." Ursa's voice is tried, but firm. "Your father won't let us return. We defied him. We betrayed him."

Zuko sits up, peering at his mother through the darkness. "But he's Fire Lord now. He can do whatever he wants. He can forgive us and…"

"Your father never forgives anyone. Ever." Ursa shifts on her bedroll until her back is to Zuko, and he knows this is the end of the conversation. Before she drifts back to sleep she murmurs, "Zuko, you have to trust me. Please don't do anything foolish."

Zuko never gets the chance to do anything foolish, even though he thinks about it. A week later, Fire Nation troops come through the village. They set fire to the houses with callous precision, faces hidden behind their masks. When they reach Zuko and Ursa's modest home, Zuko runs outside despite his mother's attempts to hold him back. He's wielding the broadswords he bought from the tinker with the money he saved doing odd jobs. When the soldiers get close enough, he attacks them. The blades whirl and he Firebends, really Firebends, for the first time in three years. The attempt is sloppy and weak from lack of practice, and Zuko's pretty sure he forgot to breathe properly, so it's no surprise that the soldiers overpower him in minutes.

With his arms pinned behind his back, Zuko kicks and shouts as the soldier enter his house and drag his mother out. He doesn't hide his smile when she fights back, managing to slash one man's arm with a kitchen knife. He renews his struggle and one of his hands comes loose. For a moment he thinks they may have a chance, but something hard hits him in the back of the head and his world fades to black.

Zuko is 13-years old when he sees his father for the first time in three years. The new Fire Lord looks harder and crueler than Zuko remembers, and his courage wanes. He can see his mother nearby, face proud even though her hands are bound behind her back and a guard is watching her every move. When he tests the shackles around his own wrists they don't budge, but he feels the prod of a soldier's lance at his back.

Ozai tells them that most of the Fire Nation thinks they're dead; killed in an Earth Kingdom assassination attempt on the entire royal family. He tells them that only his most trusted allies know the truth, and that they were offered a bounty to find the traitors. He says the last word like the death sentence it is.

Zuko feels his throat tighten, and he tries to pull his arms free again. All he wants to do is burn the smugness off his father's face. Tears of rage sting his eyes and he tries to blink them away, but he remembers that he's not a prince anymore and wonders if traitors are allowed to cry. He wants to scream out every hardship he's experience in the past three years, to rage over the injustice, to tell his father that he's not a traitor. But the only word he can choke out is, "Why?"

"You abandoned your duties to your nation, your titles, and your people in a time of need." Ozai stares coldly as he speaks. "You were both supposed to make a sacrifice for the greater good, and instead you fled."

"My life is just a sacrifice?" Zuko tries to leap to his feet, but the guard behind him holds his shoulders down. All he has left are his words. "Did I ever mean anything to you? Did you ever even love me?"

Ozai doesn't answer, turning his head instead. It's Ursa's voice, her quiet, determined voice that breaks the silence. "None of this is Zuko's fault! I dragged him away. It was me." She glares at her husband with all the anger of a protective mother. "Punish me, not him."

In this moment Zuko knows that it doesn't matter if his father ever loved him. His mother loves him, and that's enough. In this moment, he wants to do anything to protect her like she's protected him for the past three years.

"Of course it's your fault. His weakness was always your fault." Ozai sneers as he looks at his wife. "But because you asked, I'll spare him the pain of watching you die." He smiles coldly, walking towards his son. "He'll die first and you, Ursa, can watch."

Everything happens at once. Zuko pulls at his shackles with all his might because he's only 13 and he doesn't want to die yet. He can see the lightening forming around his father's hands and he hears himself scream, but the sound seems distant and he knows he's not capable of making that bloodcurdling noise. And then he sees his mother. He doesn't know how such a slender woman tired from years of manual labor could break free of the guard holding her back, but somehow she does. Zuko remembers how hard the mother turtle-duck bit him despite being so small, and he thinks the love of a mother must be stronger than any bending.

Ursa dives in front of Zuko just as the lightening arcs towards him. The bolt hits her square in the chest. Zuko screams again, but this time it's full of rage and resentment and love. Most of all, there's love. Ursa falls to the ground, twitching once before laying perfectly still. Zuko leans over his mother's body, tears pouring down his cheeks and falling onto her robe. He wonders if his tears can wake her up, because she once read him a story about a prince who revived his true love by crying over her corpse. But Zuko's not a prince anymore.

Zuko is 13-years old when he watches his mother die saving his life. Saving him from his father.

Fire curls from his fingertips and the shackles heat until they glow. The skin around his wrists blisters and cracks, but he doesn't notice the pain. Physical pain is nothing compared to the emotions swirling around his head. He pulls at the weakened shackles and the chain snaps and his hands are free. He really Firebends for the second time in as many days, and this time the flames are brilliantly bold. The soldiers duck as the fire ignites the forest around them, but his father stands tall, shooting a ball of flame back at him. Zuko tries to dodge, but he's too slow and the fireball scorches the left side of his face. The pain is worse than his wrists and suddenly he's running because his mother saved his life and he still really wants to live.

Zuko thinks he got away until he sees his sister blocking his path. She has their father's cruel expression, and he thinks she's the most terrifying 11-year-old in the world. "Hello Zu-Zu," she purrs. "It's been a while."

He should keep running, but the pain is starting to hit him and he just wants to catch his breath. "Azula," he pants. "Move."

"I'm sorry Zuko, I can't do that." She narrows her eyes and flames ignite in her palms. Zuko wonders when she learned to purify her fire enough to burn blue. "You see, you're the one thing standing in the way of my crown. You may be a banished traitor, but some rebels will still follow you as the 'true' prince." Even her smile is cruel. "I just can't let that happen."

Trapped in place by pain and fatigue, Zuko knows Azula has a clear shot. But he also sees the tug of a frown at the corner of her lips and the glimmer of doubt in her eyes as she shoots her fire at his head. The flames are close enough to singe his hair, but she still misses. Even if Azula has their father's smirk, she's still only 11 and Zuko is still her brother.

Zuko doesn't give his sister another chance because he knows she's not capable of two moments of mercy in one day. He's up and running again before she can regroup. He hears her chasing him, but she's only trying to catch her crown. He's running for his life and he's also taller, so of course he outruns her. He keeps running until his legs collapse and he feels like he'll never catch his breath again. He passes out on the side of the road and waits for death to come.

Zuko is only 13 when he wakes up in a stranger's home and realizes he's completely alone in the world.

Zuko is 14-years old the first time he sees Ba Sing Se. He stares at the city from across Full Moon Bay and is suddenly impressed that his uncle was ever able to breech the walls. He's tired and hungry and wonders if this is what it feels like to lay siege on a city. If it is, he'd lose heart after 600 days and he guesses this makes him a coward and a failure just like his uncle. But he doesn't feel like either one of those things. He's survived alone for a year, even on days when all he had is the dream that someday life will be good again.

He's heard a rumor that his uncle went insane after him and his mother "died." Two towns back someone told him that Iroh left the royal family and set-up a tea shop in Ba Sing Se's outer ring. Zuko wants to believe that his uncle is just across the bay and that he finally has someone to run towards instead of from, but he knows a lie when he hears one. The rumor is just a trap to lure him into the city. His uncle isn't a coward or a failure, and he would never abandon his nation.

As he turns his back on the impossibly tall walls of Ba Sing Se, Zuko wonders what Iroh is really doing. Is the old man still trying to buy Azula dolls? Or has he given up on that idea? Deep down, Zuko hopes that his uncle is still trying to bring out the good in his sister. He needs to believe that there's still one member of his family trying to do the right thing. He's out of money for food again and dreams are all he has left.

Zuko is 15 when he meets the Freedom Fighters. They find him wandering through the forest after fleeing yet another town with his Wanted poster plastered on the walls. They give him food and shelter and for a moment he dares to think he found a home. But they hate the Fire Nation even more than he does, and he's afraid to tell them who he is. Who he was before he became a lost teenage boy who works odd jobs for spare change and sabotages Fire Nation camps when he can. Their leader, Jet, invites him to join them on a raid and he accepts because he has nowhere else to go.

But Zuko doesn't stay with the Freedom Fighters for long. He recognizes a little too much of his father in the way Jet thinks, and that way of thinking is what he's been running from. Jet's memories are full of fire and pain, but Zuko still remembers the kindness in his mother's eyes and the tenderness of her touch and he can't warp her death into a reason to hurt innocent people. The Freedom Fighters are battling against an entire faceless entity, but Zuko's fight is much more personal. He leaves the tree house in the middle of the night because he doesn't want to see the hurt on the younger children's faces when they find out he's gone.

Zuko is 16-years old when he hears that the Avatar has returned. He doesn't believe it at first, because every Fire Nation child knows the Avatar was killed 100 years ago. But one night when he's trying to get some sleep in a field because he can't afford a room right now, he sees a giant creature that can only be an air bison fly overhead. Suddenly, he's a believer.

He spends the next weeks traveling between towns and villages trying to collect information on the Avatar and his friends. After three days he decides these kids must be nuts, because they're obviously nothing but trouble. After a week he decides he must be nuts because he's still trying to follow these damn kids and he's not even sure why. He's too old to believe in fairytales about one person saving the world, and he's not looking to make friends because everyone he gets close to ends up either homicidal or dead. These kids have the Fire Nation chasing them and it's really not smart to keep running towards the people who want him dead. But he must have a death wish because he keeps chasing after the Avatar and somehow it feels right.

The first time Zuko sees the Avatar he realizes that the world's savior is just a kid, and he really doubts some kid can bring an end to 100 years of war. But then, he's the ex-crowned prince of the Fire Nation who now travels around the Earth Kingdom mucking out ostrich-horse stalls for a living, so he guesses anything is possible. He hasn't believed in much of anything since his mother died, but maybe, just maybe he can believe in this boy. Maybe that's why he really loses his mind and starts secretly helping theses kids.

Zuko is 16-years old when he meets the boy who's suppose to save the world. He's sprawled on his back, regaining consciousness after being knocked out while saving the kid from Fire Nation troops yet again.

"You're… you're just a kid!" Aang smiles brightly at this discovery.

Zuko wants to point out that he's not a kid, but his head's still ringing and talking seems like too much work.

"Are you the one who's been following us?" Katara studies the Firebender. "The one who caused the explosion that saved us from those pirates?"

It takes most of Zuko's concentration to nod as he struggles to sit up.

"And you're the reason all of those komodo-rhinos got lose." Sokka points to him, grinning. "Man that was great! The Fire Nation troops were so busy recapturing them that they lost our trail."

Zuko nods again as he climbs to his feet.

"But if you were helping us all this time, why didn't you just tell us?" Aang watches the older boy quizzically, expression brightening. "Hey, now you can come with us to the North Pole! And after I master Waterbending there and Earthbending from Bumi, you can be my Firebending teacher!"

Zuko wants to explain that he's just helping these kids the same way his mother helped him six years ago. He wants to explain that it's the only way he can ever come close to thanking her for sacrificing her life. He wants to explain that any victory against the Fire Nation is a victory against his father. Instead he shakes his head and says, "I have to go," before walking away without looking back.

Zuko is 16-years old when he finds his place in the world. He decides to join the Avatar because it's a means to an end. He doesn't care that Katara and Sokka don't trust him, or that Toph studies every word he says trying to find a lie. He doesn't care that he doesn't trust them enough to say who he really is. His name is Lee, and he's just another refugee. He and his mother fled the Fire Nation when he was little so that he wouldn't have to join the army. It's close enough to the truth, and really what does it matter since Prince Zuko died six years ago.

The Avatar is the only one powerful enough to break into the Fire Nation capital. He's the only one who can get Zuko into the palace. Even though Zuko's mother did everything she could to keep him away from that building, it's the only place Zuko really wants to be. It's the only place he can face his father and get revenge on the Fire Lord for being a murderer and taking away the one person who ever really loved Zuko.

"So, when you master all four elements, you'll help me face the Fire Lord?" Zuko peers at Aang, who's still struggling with Earthbending.

"Why do you want to face the Fire Lord so badly?" Aang stops trying to move a rock and frowns at the older boy.

"Because I have to." Zuko turns his face.

"You don't have to. I mean, I'm the one who's supposed to face the Fire Lord and bring balance to the world." Stamping his foot, Aang makes the rock soar through the air. "If you try and face the Fire Lord, you might get hurt." His voice becomes heavy for a 12-year-old. "And I don't want to see anyone hurt because of me."

Zuko doesn't push the issue because he's afraid of saying too much about his own past. Instead he nods like he understands and decides that maybe he'll explain everything another time. Maybe he'll tell everyone about his mother, and the way she use to read to him by candlelight, and the way she use to hold him close during thunderstorms, and the way she died to save his life. Maybe he'll tell them that the monster they're all afraid of is also his father. Maybe then they'll understand why he needs to be the one to bring Ozai down.

He can feel Aang looking at him strangely, but he doesn't care because he's thinking of the time he was 10-years old and his mother tiptoed into his room in the middle of the night…