A/N: Hello adoring fans that have yet to exist. We're two university students with too much time on our hands this summer, and we've decided to write this fic for you. We like reviews. A lot. See you soon with the next chapter!
James Potter walked into his apartment, literally.
Normally, the door opened with a push but his brilliantly evil roommate had decided today was the day he would actually lock the door, probably on purpose. His roommate Sirius had been on sick leave for nigh on three weeks now and his boredom was becoming obvious to James in these sort of juvenile pranks.
After James peeled himself off the door and gathered all of his belongings that had clattered to the floor he whispered a quick "Alohomora", kicked the door open and took a practiced step backwards as the bucket of water splashed to the floor.
"This is getting ridiculous Sirius!" yelled James, still standing outside the door waiting for a sign that it was clear to enter the apartment.
"Tsk, Prongs. This wasn't directed at you, it's our new security system," as his roommate came into view
"And this would protect us from who? Muggles? We're up against Death Eaters, not eleven year old pranksters," said James crankily as he finally crossed the threshold of his apartment and was hit with a Jelly-Leg curse.
"You sodding bastard, get a hobby! Build a fucking flying motorcycle for all I care," yelled a very wobbly James as he made his way into the kitchen and dumped all of his auror gear on the kitchen table.
"Hmm...so maybe it was directed at you. There isn't much for me to do around here Prongs," as he gestured to the messy apartment, where the floor hadn't been seen in weeks, "And a flying motorcycle? What in Merlin's name would I need a flying motorcycle for? Silly muggle contraptions probably wouldn't be able to handle flying anyway. I should back at training soon as this leg is healed up. The dragon didn't do that much damage and I'm 96.4% sure it won't get infected," stated Sirius confidently from his spot at the table where he was drinking his tea.
James grunted. He was too busy scavenging for food at the moment as he had been craving a sandwich all day.
"You're about to get a lot more bored, Padfoot. Moody dragged all the trainee aurors into his office today and sprung a completely batty assignment on us. Apparently he's been telling us to prepare ourselves for this assignment for months but its the first I've even heard of it. The barmpot said he had posted all the information on the auror trainee board in August," said James.
"There's a auror trainee board?"
"Yes, as I found out today it's located in the third basement of the Ministry of Magic Annex B, right beside the job postings board for werewolves."
"Ah, yes that board. I bet Evans knew where it was though," smirked Sirius.
"Sodding perfect Prefect Evans, of course she did. Anyway, I wasn't really listening he just kept going on about how this assignment will help us get better at learning how to deal with foreign situations and get culture or something or the other. Culture? What does he think I am? Yoghurt? I couldn't concentrate on a word he said because I was so bloody hungry and Evans! The tease, she was shoving the most mouthwatering, overstuffed, delicious looking sandwich into her face during the entirety of the meeting," said James as he put the finishing touches on his own sandwich and went to sit down with Sirius.
He gently balanced his plate on top of the precarious piles of junk that littered the table and continued his story.
"All I could do was stare, the silly cow thought I was leering at her! Me? Leer! James Potter does not leer," he said huffily, as huffily as he could between mouthfuls of his sandwich, "Cutting things short though, I've been assigned to some frigid Eastern European country for the next three months with Evans of all people. Donnatella won't be too pleased that I'm living abroad with a broad." Munch munch munch went his sandwich.
"Prongs, the woman flies into a jealous rage when a poofter hits on you, she's completely off her trolley and according to the Rule Number 57 of the Marauder's Guide to Dating Women this one should have been gone 3 months ago. But darling, do tell me where will you be off gallivanting to for the next three months? said Sirius absentmindedly as he tried to desperately fish out the biscuit he had dropped into his tea that was now crumbling and making his tea grainy. Ugh.
James mumbled something incoherently.
"Bollocks?"
"Boloxisnom," muttered James.
"Bollocks is numb?"
"Boloxisnom NOM!
"Bollocks is nom nom?"
"BOLOXISNOM"
"You're going to Boloxisnom? This is going to be freakin fantastic. I can't wait to start addressing letters to you. Or better yet telling my owl where to go!" howled Sirius in laughter.
"You're such an arse, this is going to be the worst three months of my life. I hope Boloxisnom has some hot chicks"
"Bugger it all!" Lily Evans exclaimed, thoroughly exasperated. "Accio house-key!" she said, waving her wand hopefully. From the other side of the door to her flat, she heard the key hit the door and fall flat on the floor. 'So much for that,' she thought. It had been a clever idea; bewitching the door of the flat she shared with Marlene McKinnon so that magical spells like alohomora wouldn't work. The only problem was that now she had a key to lose, and she did. Frequently. She banged on the door and whined, "Marlene, if you're in there, you HAVE to let me in!"
"Having a bad day?" Marlene asked a few moments later as she opened the door with her hair wrapped in a towel and her bathrobe on.
"Only the worst day ever," Lily complained, dropping her bag and cloak on the floor beside the sofa and flopping down into the brilliant purple cushions. Marlene sat beside her and picked up a dog-eared copy of Witch Weekly. A beautiful witch posing with skin-care potions winked and waved at Lily from the cover.
"It can't have been worse than the time when Sirius Black put frog spawn in your shoes back in fourth year," Marlene grinned, amused at the memory.
"Oh but it is!" Lily exclaimed, leaping off the sofa and marching across the room, fuming. She wanted to kick something, but luckily there was nothing close enough.
"We got our country assignments today, for the Foreign Immersion portion of our Auror training."
"Mmm?" Marlene said, not even looking up from her magazine. She was used to Lily coming home from Auror training, all riled up about something or another.
"I have to go to Boloxisnom!" Lily cried, throwing her hands in the air. Marlene looked up at this.
"I am paying attention, you know. You don't have to make up things like that. Now where are you really going?"
Lily huffed and glared at her roommate, "I am serious. I'm going to Boloxisnom."
"Boloxisnom? Seriously? Do they even speak English there?" Marlene was trying to stifle her laughter.
"Yes! No, maybe! And that's not even the worst part!" Lily turned around and promptly hit her head on the corner of an open cupboard door. "Bollocks!" she exclaimed in pain.
"Exactly," Marlene snickered under her breath. She said louder, "Are you ok, Lil?"
"Fine," Lily groaned, massaging her forehead. "Anyway, as I was saying, Moody called James and I into his office today at lunch. James was being a complete sleazeball, even worse than usual. He was leering at me the whole time! It was so grotty. He was actually drooling at one point. Drooling! You'd think he was raised by ghouls. No. That's a compliment. Even ghouls have better manners," she said scathingly. "It's not like he doesn't have a girlfriend already," she added on as an afterthought.
"Oh yeah," Marlene said, turning the page carelessly, "He's not still with that trollop is he? What's her name again? Darlene? Dolana?"
"Donnatella," Lily said dismissively, "I can't believe he's put up with her for four and half months. I wouldn't have put up with her for two weeks."
"Four and a half months? Got their anniversary marked in your pocketbook, Lil?" Marlene asked curiously, looking up from Witch Weekly.
Lily rolled her eyes, avoiding her friend's curious gaze, "James talks about her all the time. They celebrate their weekiversaries. It's totally barmy."
Marlene laughed, "So that's not too bad of a day. James was being a plonker, what's new?"
"Oh, I haven't even gotten there yet," Lily said, suddenly outraged again, "We have to go to Boloxisnom together!"
"Huh?" Marlene said, the magazine forgotten on her lap.
"I have to spend three months in a bloody freezing, backwards country with no one for company but James Potter, the smarmy git!" Her outrage finally got the better of her and she turned and swung her foot at the wall. "Bloody hell!" she cried, hopping around in pain, deeply regretting that impulse.
"You really are having a bad day," Marlene remarked, picking up her magazine and thumbing through it again.