A/N I've been using first person, present tense a lot lately. I'm probably better at third person, limited omniscient in past tense. Internal monologue is one of my favorite literary devices, so here we go! This'll be a few chapters. Not sure how many.

There were many reasons Jade West would not break up with the Beck Oliver; he was gentlemanly, understanding, good-hearted, popular, and accepting. Even if she was often kind of (well, more than kind of) a bitch to him, he nearly always was sweet and patient with her.

There was one problem with this high school romance: one Catarina Valentine. No matter how much Jade tried to ignore the red-haired girl, she always wedged her way into Jade's thoughts. It was entirely disturbing to be on top of her boyfriend, kissing him furiously, to pull back and know that something did not feel quite right. And then she would continue kissing him with increased vigor, as if that would make the idea of a smaller girl in Beck's position be banished.

It didn't work.

Jade found herself snapping at Beck for no good reason. His hurt expression made her feel awful inside, but she was too proud to apologize. He was a good guy- no, a great guy. Any girl in the school would probably commit a minor felony to have in his pants.

But he wasn't enough.

They had sex together quite often. This recent development in their relationship had come in about three months ago. It felt pretty good, but Jade had a feeling that she made an in-equivalent amount of noise compared to what she felt. When she was alone in her bed after Beck left, she couldn't resist thinking that maybe someone else could make her see stars. Or cupcakes.

Jade had a dream one night that it was Cat under her. Even in the dream, she knew this was wrong, but it felt so damn good when Cat nipped at her bottom lip cheekily and brushed a hand across her breasts. They were clothed in this dream, but it made her feel more than at her most intimate with Beck.

As attracted to adorably quirky girl as Jade was, she could not deal with the social ridicule that would come from hypothetically dating another girl. When two boys in the grade above them at Hollywood Arts started dating... it was not pretty. It actually hurt Jade when even her Beck would make a casual comment against homosexuals. She had never been for political correctness, but she found herself chastising her boyfriend for intolerance on issues even further than simply homosexuality. When he (or anyone, really, but mostly Beck) negatively commented on the "trannies" or the Mormons, she took it as a jibe at herself. Jade had never felt so empathetic before realizing she was not so much of a perfect heterosexual WASP herself.

It did not escape Jade's notice that Cat never made insults in reference to stereotyped groups.

But Jade knew that politically correction and actually acting on these impulses were not synonymous. If she wanted to have the school fear her, she knew that she couldn't show cracks of weakness in her stoney facade.

It was only really when Beck broke up with Jade that she started to feel unsafe. A free woman, she was more liberal with touching Cat. The object of her affections seemed none the wiser, but the rest of the group thought this immensely weird. Jade knew this because because Tori's group of friends did not know the definition of the word "whisper".

"Why's she still sitting with us?" Tori did not whisper to Andre.

"I don't know. I thought she was just with Beck and tolerated us, but he's with Alicia two tables over. Right?"

Robbie looked over his shoulder quite unsubtly. "Yeah! I mean, I thought she hated us."

"She doesn't hate Cat," Tori said, half-gesturing towards the oblivious girl eating a sandwich.

Robbie and Andre simultaneously intoned, "Oh...!"

"But why?" Tori queried, stroking an imaginary goatee.

Robbie made Rex shrug. "Ask her yourself."

Tori hissed, "No! Then she'll know we know!"

Jade rolled her eyes at her table-mates' ridiculous lack of surreptitiousness. Although, she realized, her hand was definitely resting on Cat's leg. Jade pulled her hand back to herself reluctantly while Cat offered her a heart-melting smile. Pressing her lips together to prevent a reciprocating smile did not quite work.

Goddamit, this girl made her feel so strangely bubbly.

And weirdly enough, Jade felt like she actually needed somebody to talk to. Even though the kids at Hollywood Arts respected her talents and methods of emotional crippling, they weren't confidants. She had told Beck a hell of a lot more than she told anybody else, but he hadn't wanted anything else to do with her after breaking up.

Who was she supposed to talk to? Cat? That seemed counterproductive, seeing as Cat was a big part in this whirlwind of drama. Oh, what would she say? "Oh, so there's this... person that likes this other person. One of these people may or may not be myself. And one of them likes that other person a hell of a lot but shouldn't and I'm a fucking loser"? Ah, no. That would definitely be an unhelpful situation.

But what other choice did she have? She was starting to lose sleep and burst into anger more often than usual. Yeah, she was going to need to tell the girl eventually. Her own mental health was at stake. And more importantly, people seemed to be realizing that Jade actually did not have close friends. Before her higher social standing ran out, maybe she could make homosexual relationships cool or something.

And now she was just being hopeful. What with the empathy, the hope, the feelings... something about Cat Valentine was making Jade West crazy.