A/N: It has been forever since I thought about this story, but I wanted to share, so take a peek and be kind and review... please, please, please... :)
"She's gonna be okay," Alex's heart stopped at the sound of the familiar voice. He would have known that voice anywhere. But nothing prepared him for the shock of seeing her face.
"Claire!" his voice was unsteady.
"You were expecting maybe the Prince of Wales?" she teased him with a warm smile. "Gid'day, Ryan…" Alex turned his eyes away unable to comprehend what was happening. He could see it was her, and yet his concern wasn't about Claire, it was about his wife, his best friend. He wasn't drawn to Claire who stood beside him, the great love of his life, but his concern was with his inconsolable wife who laid crying and clinging to what looked like his own body. It had happened so fast, the tree, the push, the fear that gripped his insides when he thought something bad could happen to his pregnant wife. "And here I was doubting that miracles happen, I never thought you'd be one to remain speechless at a time like this," she was still teasing him.
"How?" he choked watching Stevie sob uncontrollably beside him.
"I dunno," she shrugged casually. "I don't make the rules."
"So what are you doing here?" he asked refusing to take his eyes from Stevie, afraid that she would disappear.
"I'm here to tell you, she's going to be fine, she was ALWAYS a fighter."
Alex knew that, but looking down at her now, it seemed hard to believe. "Look at her, Claire? She's pregnant and alone. She needs me," forgetting for a moment that before him stood the great love of his life.
"Yes, she does need you, but she lost you… and now she has to go on without you, those are the rules," she explained bluntly.
"The rules of what?" he asked as he felt the terror grab hold of his heart.
"Death, Alex."
Alex shook his head. "That's crap."
"No it's not. But she has a wonderful support system. The girls will be there to pick up the pieces, you know that…"
"But I need to be there!" he stated.
"Who are you really worried about, Alex?" she asked gently.
"What do you mean?" his eyes never leaving his wife.
"Maybe its not Stevie being without you that's your greatest concern, but you being without her," she guessed.
"You always did read me well, McLeod," he sighed after a moment. This was certainly something of a nightmare. When he imagined being face to face with Claire again, in the next life, whatever that maybe, he never thought it would mean standing and watching his wife and best friend grieve for him. He knew the pain of loss, he had lost Claire and never thought he'd ever go on. The very last thing he wanted was Stevie to feel that same pain.
"Yeah, well, you were pretty much an open book…" she smiled.
"What's going to happen to me?" he asked.
"You can't stay here. You need to let go…"
"What will happen to me?" he repeated with more determination than before.
"You'll sleep?"
"Sleep?" in his head he was laughing, on the outside, he couldn't seem to form any emotion but fear for his wife.
"Death is like sleep," she explained.
"Ain't I dead?" he questioned.
"Between," she answered. "You have to let her go, Alex."
"I did," he said. He remembered the goodbye before he fell asleep on the ground trapped under the tree trunk that had landed on top of him. "I'm here ain't I?"
"No, don't you understand, in order to pass over you need to let go…"
Alex knew inside he was still holding onto her. He didn't want to let go, there was so many things they hadn't gotten to do yet, he wasn't ready to let all that slip away. "I just got her back, Claire."
"I know that," she nodded with sympathy. "But it's time to let go. You can't hold on, Alex. It's not good for either of you."
Alex felt the anger rise. "How do you know what's good for me? You died! You left me! Maybe I would have been okay, had you stuck around for a while," he snapped.
"You didn't need me."
"Yes, I did." He remembered how he had felt when she was gone. It had nearly killed him.
"No, you didn't. She was there for you, Alex. She was there to hold your hand and keep your head above water."
"I needed YOU!"
"It worked out the way it should have," she seemed to believe that.
"How?"
"You let me go and you allowed yourself to fall in love again," she told him. Alex instantly thought of his words to Stevie, about allowing herself to love again, he knew the pain of letting go, but he also knew the joys that came to falling in love all over again.
Alex took his eyes from Stevie only a moment, to look at Claire. "Do you really think it was that easy? I NEVER stopped loving you, Claire."
Claire nodded and he turned to look at Stevie again. He would have done anything then to stop the obvious pain his wife was going through. Claire answered him. "I know that, Ryan. I never stopped loving you either, and you wont ever stop loving Stevie, a piece of your heart will ALWAYS be hers. But you're gone now, and she's still here. She has to go on without you, and you can't change that."
"I don't have to go…" he whispered. He thought about staying around, watching over her, he would follow her and their son everywhere they went. He would forever be at her side.
"It's unhealthy, Alex. It's not fair to Stevie, she wont be able to move on if she can't let you go and you KNOW that being around is too hard."
"I lost you, Claire. For a while I died-"
"I know," she agreed.
"Stevie's more than just my wife-"
"I know."
"She's my BEST mate."
"Alex, I know. I know what its like to let go. I left behind my own child, Tess and YOU… I never got to do any of the things with you, that I wanted to."
"So why are you pushing this?" he demanded.
"Because you can't help her, and I couldn't help you."
Alex understood then, and slowly he nodded. "I'll leave her by the end of the day…" there were things he wanted to do first.
"Okay," she agreed.
"Claire?" his eyes were still watching Stevie.
"yeah?"
"Are you really here?"
"No," she answered. "And neither are you."
"So where am I?"
"Between life and death," she stated.
"Can people stay here?"
"No, if enough time passes then you'll just disappear."
"And I'll sleep?"
"Yes," she nodded from beside him.
"Claire, I miss you… but I'll miss Stevie too."
"I know that," she smiled. "I wont ever take that away from you."
"So what happens after sleep?" he was curious about life after death. What would happen to him, to Stevie when he was gone?
"I dunno," she replied. "You just wait, I suppose…"
"I haven't even met my son," he said.
"You will," she promised.
"How do you know?"
"Have I ever lied to you before?"
"No," he answered. He couldn't think of a single time she did.
"Let her go, Alex. You can't save her…"
When Alex turned to look at Claire, she was gone, and so was the memory that he had even seen her.
Despite that, Claire had kept her word. He had watched the birth of his son, he had watched as Stevie rejected him, calling out for Alex, and turned to Grace for comfort when he hadn't shown up. But now, he stood in their bedroom at drover's run and looking across at her as she cried watching the video cam that Alex had left his goodbye on. He smiled feeling the weight of her pain lift slightly. He knew then that she was going to be okay.
His son lay crying in the bassinet, Stevie making no attempt to get up and attend to him, so Alex took the job and stepped up to the bassinet. He reached out and gently touched his hand to his son's forehead. He stopped crying instantly. Alex smiled. His son would be okay too. He watched with awe as Stevie approached and gently lifted her son from his sleeping place, she looked down at him smiling with tears in her eyes. It was the first time she had seen him since she had given birth, and she saw the resemblance between him and the husband she had lost on hours before. Alex knew without a doubt that he wouldn't be leaving her, he would live on, through his son and he would be able to love and protect Stevie always.
As he prepared to let her go, he reached out his hand and touched his wife's face, she was shocked at first, as she felt the warmth of someone's hand on her cheek. But once she knew it was her late husband saying goodbye and letting her know that she would always be looked after. She smiled, and she felt the warmth spread through her as she too realised, she was going to make it, she'd be okay. She had Alex Ryan's son, and through him he would go on. He would NEVER leave her.
Alex felt himself being forced awake, and when he did eventually open his eyes, he saw a landscape like nothing else he'd ever seen before. Perfect luscious green grass, hills for miles, healthy plants, trees and flowers, spread every which way, something like Killarny at it's best. Then he saw her.
"I've been waiting for you…" she smiled.
"Claire…" he smiled. This time, the pull he felt was not directed towards Stevie, who seemed to be too far away to consider, it was towards the love of his life. He smiled at her, wanting to bring her into his arms, the ache of remembering what it felt like overwhelmed him.
"I've missed you," she told him.
"Me too," he stated stepping towards her. "Where am I?"
"Paradise," she held up her hands to gesture the world that he was now looking at. "It's perfect here, Alex."
"It has to be…" he reached out and touched her, and when he did, all the memories he had shared with her came flooding back just like a title wave. "You're here!"
"I am," she assured him. She touched his cheek, and smiled at him warmly, the same look in her eyes that she had when she had uttered the words I LOVE YOU another lifetime ago.
Alex shook his head unable to believe that this was real and Claire was with him again. "God, I can't believe…"
"It's okay," she gently reached her hands up to cup his face, then gently, she kissed him. A kiss that seemed to remind him of their first, another lifetime ago. She pulled back to look at him. "I'll never leave you again," she promised.
"How can I-"
"Trust me," she nodded. "I won't be leaving again. I love you… I never stopped."
"I didn't either," he told her honestly. "I still you as much as I ever did."
Claire smiled cupped his face to bring him down for another kiss.
What did you all think? Reviews would be great, I miss this show and anyone that missed it too, maybe could tell me if I was any good... okay suck up? DAMN, ppl, I need to be a lil loved here :)