I don't own Glee, but I could probably own you at Wii baseball.

Enjoy~

It didn't take Puck long to spot him in the hallway. Kurt was wearing some ridiculous top hat and he stood out in the sea of hoodies and jeans.

"Yo Kurt. Wait up," Puck called as he hustled to catch up with him.

"What do you want? Make it quick." Kurt glared at Puck, remembering the last time the jock had voluntarily conversed with him. It had resulted in Kurt forking over some cash to pay for the slushies Puck had thrown in his face that month. Needless to say, Kurt wasn't expecting to hear anything pleasant.

"So dude, guess what?"

"Let's cut to the chase, Puck. How much money do you want?" Kurt's bitter tone produced a smirk form Puck.

"I don't need any money this time. Although I wouldn't really mind if you like, really wanted to give me some or something. Did you know that they raised the prices of slushies by 30 cents? Dude, what a rip-off. It's just crushed ice and flavoring. That crap should be free." Puck grumbled to himself. His pool-cleaning money was running out and he wasn't looking forward to thinking up more frugal forms of torture. That Jacob kid was always getting on his nerves, and he knew slushies couldn't be easy to wash out of that kid's hair.

"Then what do you want? School's over and I have an appointment shortly."

Puck scoffed, "Please. How many damn facials do you need? It's not like the dudes here are exactly paying attention."

"I am offended by that. Just because my complexion is flawless does not mean you can assume that I excessively schedule facials." Once a week wasn't a lot. It was perfectly normal for a skin-conscious individual.

"Whatever dude. Anyway, you know Finn?"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "How can I not? I live with the boy. We share a room, Noah. And even if that weren't so, how could I not notice him? The boy's as tall as Abraham Lincoln was. With the hat."

"It was a yes or no question, Hummel."

"It was also a stupid, pointless question that you already knew the answer to." Kurt tried to leave, but Puck sped up so he could plant his feet firmly in front of Kurt, blocking his way. Kurt stopped so abruptly that his hat nearly fell to the ground, but Puck caught it.

"Thanks. You have no idea of the damage that you just prevented," Kurt said as Puck proudly presented his hat to him. Kurt placed the hat daintily on his head and adjusted it at an angle to properly display its magnificence.

"Dude! Did you see my mad ninja skills? Damn, no wonder chicks dig me." Puck sighed and leaned against a nearby locker. Kurt rolled his eyes and tried to march past again, but Puck held his arm out saying, "C'mon, Hummel. I haven't even told you what I was going to tell you yet."

"Then I suggest you get on with it. You're wasting my time that could be better spent plotting to end the repulsive reign of stirrup pants."

"Finn's birthday's coming up." Puck's gaze drifted away from Kurt as he thoughtfully continued, "I was thinking that since he's my boy and all, I could rustle up a little surprise party for him. And since you live with him and whatever, I could use your help."

Kurt concentrated on keeping his face clear of emotions while excitement bubbled within him. Planning parties was almost as good as executing a successful makeover. He needed to handle this just right to get exactly what he wanted. Okay, Hummel. Hands on your hips, stand straight, chin up, look the mohawked moron dead in the eye. "What's in it for me?"

"Oh, c'mon dude, you get to, uh, you know, hang out with Finn and stuff. You ain't his type and all, but don't think I haven't noticed how giggly you get around him."

"Puck. I'm not even going to go into how ridiculously wrong you are." And Puck was wrong. First of all, living with the boy meant Kurt spent more time with the kid than anyone else at school. Perhaps more time than he exactly enjoyed. Secondly, Finn and Kurt had long before established the need for a platonic relationship between them when they realized how serious their parents were getting (although Finn had just looked confused when Kurt said 'platonic' and said that they should just be 'bros'). "That being said, good day." Kurt tipped his hat like a gentleman and turned to keep Puck from seeing the smug look on his face.

Kurt started to walk away, but Puck grabbed his shoulder and said, "Wait!"

He turned slowly and looked up at Puck, hand on his hip and waited, looking as uninterested as possible.

"Okay, fine. I'll tell the jocks to lay off of you. No more freaking slushies," Puck had already pretty much given up slushies anyway. He needed to save up for the new Mario video game.

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "…Aaaand?"

"Dammit! Fine! No freaking dumpster diving either." Puck grumbled. It'd be harder to convince the jocks to stop that than with the slushies. He knew how funny they thought it was when Kurt obsessed over ruined outfits.

"Let me plan the party too, and you have yourself a deal."

"Whatever. I was going to let you do that anyway. But I get veto power. This was my idea anyway. Just don't think that this means we're gonna be best buddies or anything."

"Of course not. I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to hairstyles that were out of style before I was born. Now excuse me. I have to rush to my appointment." Kurt smirked as he walked away. Boys were just too easy to manipulate sometimes.

"We'll talk about this at Glee tomorrow, Ladyfingers!" Puck called behind him.

"Sure thing, Buffy," Kurt said as he walked.

"…What?" Kurt could barely stop himself from laughing as he heard the confused tone in Puck's voice.

"Nothing, just admiring how buff you are. Gay guys love them muscles." Kurt said mockingly, but in a way that was convincing enough for Puck.

"Damn straight! No one can resist the Puckster."

Kurt knew Puck was flexing behind him and he let out a hard chuckle. Oh, the simple minds of the teenage football player.

Kurt was discussing messenger bags with Tina at Glee the next day. She had walked in with a simple black one slung over her shoulder and Kurt was trying to convince her to go shopping with him to find something with more color. He needed a lavender-colored vest to perfect the outfit he was planning on wearing to Finn's birthday, but he didn't want to go shopping alone because that's just depressing. Mercedes was discussing Trig homework with Artie and Mike. Despite being a football player, Mike was in the advanced class with Artie, and Mercedes had a big test coming up, but instead of studying, she had gone to see the latest Harry Potter movie with Kurt and Tina (No regrets there – they had all fervently agreed that the Weasley boys were fine and Malfoy wasn't so shabby either. Screw Harry.). Brittany and Santana were giggling quietly in a corner while Matt talked football with Finn. Rachel was pestering Mr. Schuester with suggestions for new numbers that would heavily feature her on vocals and Quinn was dozing in a chair.

Noah Puckerman sauntered in the way he always did, but instead of going over to Finn and Matt like he normally would have, he stopped in front of Kurt and looked down at him.

"Yes, Puck?" Kurt raised an eyebrow testily.

"You know what I want." Puck dropped into the empty seat next to Kurt.

Kurt sighed and turned to Tina. "Sorry, you'll have to excuse me. I need to discuss some things with Noah here. I'll pick you up tomorrow at noon to grab a bite to eat before we head to the mall."

Tina scrunched her eyebrows together in confusion, but nodded at Kurt before going to sit with Artie.

"Congratulations, you now have my full attention. Kindly inform me of your general plans of the event and I will strive to make sure my decorations and theme go along with what you have in mind." Kurt crossed his legs primly as he waited for Puck's response.

"Dude, why can't you talk like a normal person? You sound like a total douche half the time." Puck crossed his arms and slid down in his seat so that his head could rest on the back of his chair.

"I'm speaking English in a way that makes me sound smart. You could try it sometime. Although you're probably incapable of it."

"I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear that last bit, Hummel. Next time, I'll pummel you so hard that you won't be able to sound smart or dumb because you can't make a noise if your mouth has been punched to fragments, right?"

"Oh, I'm so scared."

Puck sighed and put his hands up. "Look dude, I know we don't get along. And as much as this pains me to say, let's try to act civilized here."

Kurt brushed a portion of his hair away from his face as he replied with a sigh, "You're right. For Finn. But only temporarily. Because I loathe you."

"Well, don't that just warm my heart right there. Never gonna get tired of hearing that."

"Let's get on with it, Puck. What exactly did you have in mind?"

Puck sat up enthusiastically, his hands gesturing wildly as he said, "I was thinking of a Super Mario theme goin' on. Like, what if all the guests had to like, crawl through a giant green pipe to get into the party, and people'd have to dress up as all the different characters – dibs on Bowser, that dude's badass; you can be Yoshi 'cause y'all have the same voice – and the cake would be shaped like a mushroom, and we could hang those block-things from the ceiling and they'd be like piñatas, only people'd have to break 'em open with their heads and–"

"I'm going to go ahead and stop you right there because this is beginning to sound like the birthday party of your childhood fantasies that you were deprived of, which almost makes me feel sorry for you and I just can't tolerate that." Kurt pinched the bridge of his nose and tried not to start ranting about the absurdity of Puck's plan (especially the last bit with the blocks. Kurt had wanted to shove his new scarf in Puck's mouth when he heard that. And he adored that scarf).

"Dude, you don't know what you're talking about. That game changed the world." Puck's eyes got all misty as he looks off into space.

"Right. There're all sorts of things that I am dying to say but can't. They aren't exactly what one would call civilized." Kurt crossed his arms.

"Fine." Some people refuse to see the light, Noah figures with a shrug. "Football theme?"

"No. I refuse to do a sport themed party because one, sport themed parties are incredibly tacky, and two, I don't support sports. Sports are just adrenaline-fueled, sweaty guys chasing after a ball in hopes of finding an excuse to punch somebody."

"What the hell do you suggest then, Hummel?" Puck hissed, leaning close to Kurt, trying to look threatening. "A ballet theme? Princess glitter everywhere? Heart-shaped confetti? Barbies hanging on the walls? Tiaras instead of birthday hats?"

"What, you want it your way? Fine, let's all dress up as freaking Mario and while we're at it, let's show football games on a plasma TV while chugging cheap beer – or better yet, let's hire strippers!" retorted Kurt, hands thrown exasperatedly in the air before crossing them tightly across his chest.

Kurt says the last part rather loudly and they both realize that the rest of the Glee club is staring at them in confused bewilderment.

"…Dude. What the hell are you guys talking about?" Finn asked slowly.

"Why are you guys even talking to each other in the first place?" Santana scoffed.

"Did you say something about strippers, Kurt? As your teacher, I don't think I can tolerate that," said Mr. Schuester sternly.

"I'm with Mr. Schuester. In addition, I would like to make clear that I most definitely do not support strippers. I believe that as a growing woman, it is insulting to my very gender that –" Rachel started, hands on her hips.

Quinn cut her off before she could work up a rant. "Oh my God, do everyone here a favor and shut up."

"It was a joke," Kurt added, adjusting his scarf. "And you think I'm the sexist one? You're forgetting that I'm gay, so it wouldn't make sense for me to want female strippers, now would it? I say 'stripper,' and you automatically think of a female one. Don't you find that interesting?"

Rachel looked around flabbergasted, for once at a loss for words. Kurt smirked.

"…Right!" Mr. Schuester loudly said after a moment of awkward silence, "As you all may or may not know, a member of Glee club has a birthday coming up. In honor of this, I think that Finn should pick our next Glee assignment."

Everyone turned to look at Finn, who just ran his hand through his hair and mumbled incoherently. "Um…"

"C'mon, Finn. What's the first thing that comes to mind?"

"…Bon Jovi?" Finn shrugs. It seems like a pretty safe idea to him.

"Bon Jovi it is! Good choice, Finn." Mr. Schuester clapped his hands and continued, "You guys remember when the boys performed that mash-up with Bon Jovi, right? You guys did great – and this time you're going to do even better. …Without the 'extra help.'" His voice trailed off towards the end as he remembered when his ex-wife had given the students decongestants that had resulted in them acting like 12 Energizer Bunnies. He shook his head and told the kids to start working.

Rachel crossed her arms, clearly unhappy with how the meeting had turned out. She comforted herself with the idea that when her birthday came, she would pick Broadway hits as her theme and she'd get all the solos she'd ever dreamed of.

Kurt turned to Puck, eyes wide. "That's it. Bon Jovi," he said breathlessly.

"Yeah, dude. That's what Schue said."

"No. I mean for the party. Bon Jovi. We'll all perform a Bon Jovi song for Finn. No ridiculous over-the-top theme. Finn's simple, so we keep the party simple. But we add the karaoke rock that Finn for whatever reason loves. Beautiful." Kurt was so excited that he was starting to get breathless as he started planning the fabulously extravagant simple party in his head. Puck contemplated Kurt's idea and nodded.

"Yeah. I like it. Question though."

"What?"

"Are you even capable of doing something simple?"

Kurt smiled smugly and said, "You've forgotten who I am. I can do anything."

Puck laughed quietly and asked, "Need me for anything?"

Kurt took out a notebook and started scribbling down various ideas and designs while he answered, "Yes. Go tell our fellow Glee club members that a surprise party will be held for our good friend in precisely one week. Inform them of our decision to perform the Bon Jovi thing there, too."

Puck nodded ran his hand through his mohawk and went over to tell Mike, Artie, and Mercedes first.

"Okay, my dad and Carol are going to keep him busy for about an hour while we set up," Kurt announced to the people gathered in his room as he hung up the phone.

"What exactly are they doing with him?" Artie asked.

"They're taking him to some random restaurant," answered Puck.

"Knowing Finn, it's Mexican," Kurt said in disgust, wrinkling his nose.

"Okay. So what exactly should we do, Kurt?" Rachel adjusted her skirt and stood up straighter as she waited for an answer.

"What you should do is go home, change, and burn that ridiculous outfit you have deemed is something acceptable to wear in public, despite the fact that it should never have been worn at all. However, I sense that you find it 'cute' or 'flattering' and we all know how much you want to impress Finn," Kurt said disapprovingly before continuing, "Anyhoo, let's move on. I'd rather not spend time thinking about what you're wearing. It's bad for my health. Therefore, you, Rachel, are going to go out and buy the food for the party. That way, you aren't around to make me want to drown myself in the toilet bowl from a combination of having to listen to your irritatingly grating voice and the repulsive thought of that particular skirt entering my home. And I know you've already got the routine memorized perfectly, because out of all of us here, you have the most free time." He handed her a list of snacks and money and turned his back on her dismissively. Kurt was mean when he was stressed, and Rachel knew him well enough to realize that. Nonetheless, she stuck her tongue out at him and left feeling somewhat better.

"Everybody else, make sure you have the dance moves down perfectly. I'm talking to you, Puck," Kurt ordered. Puck just rolled his eyes as Kurt continued, "Now, excuse me. I have to go get ready."

"Get ready? What do you mean?" Artie asked in confusion. Kurt was wearing a pinstripe button down shirt with a v-necked vest and the usual skinny jeans, so Artie thought he couldn't have meant having to change outfits.

"Every moment of your life is an opportunity for fashion!" Kurt sang as he grabbed an outfit hanging in closet and pranced into his bathroom, before beckoning at Mercedes to join him. Mercedes nodded at Artie in agreement before following him, shutting the door firmly behind her.

"Is he seriously getting changed with her?" Santana said, "Isn't it like, awkward or something?"

"I'm pretty sure they're related or something," Brittany said, as if that solved everything. Quinn shook her head in frustration while Tina and Artie shared a dumbfounded look. Everyone else was too accustomed to Brittany's confusing logic to care.

"Dudes!" Puck commanded, "We don't have enough time to be screwing around. We got less than an hour to make sure we got this thing down. We haven't practiced in Kurt's basement yet, so we should do that to make sure we don't like, break his… tiara collection?" Puck looked at Kurt's desk confusedly.

"I heard that!" Kurt called from his bathroom, "Touch my babies and you're dead!"

"No problem with that, dude," Puck muttered under his breath with a grimace before instructing the Glee club members to start dancing.

Hey, so this is my first fanfic, ever. This is how I'm choosing to deal with my Glee withdrawal.

I'm somewhat it love with Kurt Hummel, and it just seemed so much fun to write a Puckurt fanfic. It's not going to be a romance, I'm going to go ahead and tell you that. I think that Puck loves breasts way too much to give them up for Kurt (foolish boy, that Puck).

I'm about to go on a vacation to various European cities [OH GOD YES], so I'm not sure when this'll be finished. Maybe while I'm lounging on a lounge-able piece of furniture, I'll be able to finish this up. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be busy observing the scenery (the scenery being the uh, landmarks and not at all the hot European boys) so like, I said, not sure about when it'll be done.

Thanks for reading, and if you have the time, I'd appreciate reviews!

Because, y'know. Kurt Hummel really likes people who review, if y'know what I mean.