Hey guys. This is my first (and probably last) time to write a fan fiction, so I thought I'd make it count. I'm also a closet Meg Griffin fanboy so I thought I'd do it about her. I hope people will forgive me for betraying the comedic nature of the show; I honestly am not that funny a guy.

Just to get this out of the way... I do NOT own any aspect or element of "Family Guy". Consider this a tribute to team Seth McFarlane, without whose series this fiction would not be possible. Enjoy.

Chapter 1: A Bouquet of Lilies

"Well, we're going over to Shannon's," Lois called over her shoulder. It was a lazy Saturday afternoon, and Meg, Chris, Stewie and Brian were all draped over the couch, taking in According to Jim reruns. "We'll be back before dinner, so no ordering pizza without us like last time."

"Your mother's right, kids," Peter chimed in. He had stomped into the living room from the kitchen, a bouquet of white lilies in his left hand. "Pizza's great and all, but when you get older it all just goes right to your ass. I learned that the hard way when I had a pizza party on my eighteenth."

"Well, Meg, I need you to watch everyone else while I'm gone, you hear me? No sneaking out of the house for anything, no having friends over, and no-Peter, don't hold the flowers like that!" Lois snapped; Peter had been holding the bouquet with the flowers pointing downwards, and one of the lilies was slipping off. "Here, let me." She scooped the flowers out of Peter's hand and into her own.

"Well... can I at least hold the cupcake?" Peter offered, referring to the strawberry cupcake in Lois' right hand with a candle in the middle. Lois' eyes narrowed, prompting Peter's mouth to form into a sheepish grin.

"Mom, Dad, why d'you bring flowers every time you go to see Shannon?" Chris wanted to know.

"Well, a long time ago, we made a promise to Shannon that every time we came to see her we'd bring her some," Lois replied. "Lilies are her favorite."

Meg looked up from her copy of Cosmopolitan, her eyes traveling to the cupcake in Lois' hand. All of a sudden, she remembered. "Oh yeah! Today's Shannon's birthday, isn't it?"

She recoiled at the sight of her parents' faces, which had turned wooden at the mention of Shannon's birthday. An awkward silence filled the room. It seemed to stretch on for hours, with Peter and Lois staring daggers at their daughter. Meg's lip curled, and she was sorry she ever asked. Every time, she thought. Every fucking time I bring it up, they do that! Why do they do that?

Finally, Peter broke the silence. "Yes." His voice was low and hollow, like an empty well. "It's her birthday today, and we're going to celebrate it with her. Just us." He and Lois turned to leave.

Brian called out after them. "Hey, could you guys stop by a newspaper stand on the way back? The new TIME magazine is out!" Neither Peter or Lois seemed to hear him; they slammed the front door, then the car doors behind them, then zoomed off, the tires of their car squealing in their wake.

Again, all eyes were on Meg, who was by this time trying very hard to concentrate on a picture of Kristen Stewart that seemed slightly off-grade. This time it was Stewie who broke the silence, cackling, "Ooooh, you really set them off this time! Thatta girl!"

"I just don't get why they get so pissed about it." Meg had put down her Cosmo and was massaging her temples. "I mean, is it so wrong to ask them whether or not someone's celebrating her birthday?"

None of her companions could offer her an answer. They all sat in silence for a while and watched Jim and Andy hide out in the bushes waiting for Jim's kid.

It was Meg's turn to break the ice. "Guys, I've got a question."

"Shoot," said Brian.

"OK but first you've got to promise not to judge me."

Brian raised an eyebrow. "Why would we?"

Stewie muttered under his breath, "A better question would be, 'why wouldn't we'?"

Meg ignored him and took a deep breath. "OK then... who's Shannon?"

She was startled at the look on Brian's face, which was not of derision, but of puzzlement.

"You know what, Meg?" Brian said after a spell. "That's a good question. No, I mean, that's a really good question. Because the thing is... I don't know either."

"For real?" Meg was befuddled. Brian was her father's best friend; they told each other almost everything so she assumed he'd know a thing or two about this Shannon person. When she pointed this out to Brian, he merely shrugged.

"I mean, I've pressed him for the answer about a million times, but every time I do, all he does is change the subject," Brian explained. "Your mom's no help, either. One time I asked her about it and she ran straight up to her room. I'm pretty sure I heard her sobbing the minute she came in." He sighed. "Eventually, I just let it go. I can't blame them for not talking. Sometimes things are better left unsaid, you know?"

Meg furrowed her eyebrow. "I just know I knew a Shannon once... I just know it!" She looked at Chris. "You wouldn't happen to know who Shannon is, do you?"

Chris shrugged. "I don't know! Hey, maybe she's not even real! Maybe mom and dad are actually spies on a secret mission to save the President of Uganda from the evil Dr. Evil!"

Meg rolled her eyes. "Yeah, very likely, Chris, thanks anyway." She gave Stewie a sideways glance, which Stewie returned with, "What're you looking at me for? I'm a baby, I don't know anything, remember?"

"Yeah, well, whatever." Meg was on her feet now. "I don't know about you guys, but it's a Saturday night, I'm bored with no plans, and right now, I think I'm gonna visit Shannon, too!"

"But Lois told you to stay put," protested Brian. "Besides, how the hell are you going to get there? You don't even know where this Shannon girl lives!"

"With this." She produced a white, rectangular object that resembled a cellphone. When Stewie saw this, he jumped up and began reaching for it, with Meg pulling the object away in response.

Again Brian raised his eyebrow. "A baby monitor?"

"Yep! I... err... borrowed it from Stewie. Apparently it doubles as a tracking device." Meg had balled her free hand into a fist and was trying to speak through the pain of Stewie's teeth sinking through her skin. "And Stewie's going to lend it to me for the day... that is, unless he doesn't mind pictures of him in makeup being shown to Mom and Dad."

At this, Stewie loosened his grip. "Y-you wouldn't," he stammered. "You bitch!"

Meg checked the screen on the back of the monitor. "OK, as we speak, Mom and Dad are a few kilometers north by northwest. I'll catch up with them, hang out for a bit to find out who Shannon is, then head back home. This is a team effort, guys, so I don't want anyone blabbing about my little field trip to Mom and Dad."

"Yeah?" Chris' arms were crossed. "What's in it for us?"

"Chris is right, Meg," Brian chimed in. "I mean, you're still in your parents' doghouse from when you kept that corpse in your room and told everyone it was your fiance. You're a great girl and all but I don't want this kind of crap to get to be a habit, so it's gonna take a lot more than our friendship to make sure my lips are sealed."

Meg heaved a sigh. How dare she let the excitement get the better of her, and make her forget something so basic! Obviously she had no choice in the matter, so it was time for her to bring out the big guns.

She got out her wallet and pulled out a card. To the uneducated, what she pulled out was little more than a small piece of plastic, yet it was enough to make the boys' jaws drop.

"No way." Chris sounded as though he had seen an angel enter the room.

"No way is right!" Brian's eyes were as big as dinner plates. "How the hell did you manage to get a lifetime membership card to Hooters?"

"Let's just say I'm lucky enough to have manipulated the system in such a way that if I weren't careful enough I could have been spending a lifetime behind bars." Meg toyed with the card in front of them. "Thing is, I'm not really a big Hooters girl-" she snorted at the pun "-and this card is non-transferable, so I'm going to need a few reasons to actually use this card. I mean-" her voice dropped to an excited whisper "-I hear there are only a hundred of these in existence."

"I love Hooters," said Brian, sotto voce.

"I would take Hooters out to a movie, a dinner at a very expensive restaurant with some light dancing afterwards, and make sweet, sweet love to it all night long," drawled Stewie.

"Boobies," was all Chris could muster.

A smile formed on Meg's face. Her plan had worked! "I guess we have an understanding, then," she said after a spell, at which her three companions nodded dumbly. "Since this is a lifetime membership card, I guess I'll expect sealed lips from all of you for my lifetime's worth of escapades, then?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever!" chorused the three, after stealing glances at one another.

"Great! See you soon! Love you guys!" Meg pulled the door open, slammed it behind her, and rushed to get her bike out of the yard.

"Damn," Brian blurted after Meg had gone. "That Meg might be a drama queen and a total dork but she really knows how to bring it."

"Ay-yup," Stewie nodded in agreement. "Strike where it hurts most, that's my sister, all right. Now I know whom I took after."

Outside, seated on her bike, Meg checked the tracker again. Her parents were far along by this time and were nearing the edge of town, where few people made their home. She checked her watch. It had been fifteen minutes since her parents had gone and it was a quarter to six (the Griffins almost always had their dinner at six-thirty. She would have to make double-time so they wouldn't arrive home before her and find out she had gone.

Off she pedaled, out of the yard and out of sight.