John stared at him then shook his head exclaimed, "No! No don't do that to me! Fuck Randy I just...I…" he bowed his head then hissed, "I just fucking hurt one of your lover! Don't you dare tell me that you…" his voice caught in his throat and he gave a strangled gurgle.

He turned obviously planning on leaving but Randy's hand lashed out grabbing his older lover and pulling him back. Wrapping his arm around Johns'; chest Randy pulled him in tight ignoring the way John was fighting the embrace.

He pressed a kiss to the side of johns neck whispering, "Don't go. Please. John I…" He closed his eyes, rumbling, "It was my fault. I'm o sorry. We shouldn't' have done this drunk. None of us. We should have… I should have talked to the others, explained to them I should…"

"I hurt him!" exclaimed john bitterly ripping away from Randy. Turning on his one time lover John snarled, "I hurt him just like I hurt you. I don't deserve to be with anyone all I ever do is fucking hurt people. And I'm so sick of it…" Tears started to fall down John's face and it was breaking Randy's heart.

"John no," Randy reached out for the older man as the door opened and Cody and Evan returned.

"John I'm ok," Evan smiled with a small limp seeing the man crying obviously a sign he regretted over doing it in bed.

"No don't be nice to me, fuck," John tried to leave the room but Cody and Evan blocked the way. "Get out of the way," John shoved past the two men heading down the hall.

The party was long over and Randy's house was empty save the four of them John want nothing more to jump in Randy's pool and drown himself. John opened the patio doors and just stood in front of the pool. "No one loves me why not. Randy's got his boys and he's lying to make me happy."

"John!" Randy came out the sliding glass door moving quickly to John's side. "Baby, Johnny, come back to me," Randy had grabbed his robe on his way to follow John and now their they stood John nude and Randy clothed in front of the pool stars shining down on them. "The boys aren't mad they just think you were drunk it's ok," Randy rubbed John's cheek. "We can all be together," Randy leaned in to kiss John.

"No," John snapped. "I don't want to share you, with them they don't know what they've got," John growled tears filling his eyes. "They don't deserve you and if I can't have you neither can they," John grabbed Randy by the throat and swung both their bodies into the pool.

Randy gasped the moment he hit the water his mouth filling with water. Struggling to get free he fought against John but the tight drip John had on his throat would relax. Panicking Randy lashed out struggling more and more to get free but the water was soaking into his robe making it heavier and heavier dragging him further and further down. John was just staring at him tears mixing with the pool water as they sank deeper into the brightly lit pool. Randy clawed at John's arm trying desperately to get free but nothing worked. Randy blinked rapidly trying to clear but everything was starting to fade as his eyes started to close he saw John mouthing "I love you…"

John watched as Randy's eyes fluttered shut then hands falling away from his arm he wanted to scream but before he could think he found himself flying backwards strong arms ripping him out of the waters embrace and forcing him to breathe. Struggling against the surprisingly strong grip, John screamed, "Let me go...leave me alone..."

"Shut up!" ordered Evan dragging John to the side of the pool. Despite his small size Evan managed to heave the sobbing John up onto the side shoving him out of the way. Glancing back Evan saw Cody struggling to get Randy back up to the top. Diving back under the water Evan swam over and started to undo Randy's' robe the thick towelling now so heavy it simply sank to the bottom of the pool and lay there. Together they managed to get the unconscious Randy to the side of pool. Pulling Randy out they stared at him, Cody already tilting Randy's' head back as he started to administer CPR to the unresponsive viper.

"Randy," Evan shoved John to the ground and sat their wide eyed in horror at what was happening.

"Dammit Randy breath," Cody pushed on Randy's chest before going back to the mouth. Evan glared at John and crawled over to Randy's lifeless body lifting his hand into his.

"Breath, please god, breath!" Evan screamed as Cody said nothing and just continued CPR. John stood looking on at the man he loved laying on the pool deck struggling between life and death.

John was shaken he didn't know what had come over him trying to kill himself and Randy; it was like something told him he'd never be alone if they died together. Like their souls would intertwined by the tragedy.

Now there was a new tragedy for John to face a life without Randy because even if he was revived Randy would never forgive him, never want him. Those feelings made John hope that Randy would stay unconscious forever, in perfect youth and perfection to never grow old. Then John could just join him later.

Warm tears fell from John's eyes. He was a zombie he didn't even realize he was crying for Randy. So conflicted between if his tears were of joy that he would no longer share him, or tears of sadness but John was brought to reality with a sting slap to the face.

"What have you done," Evan had tears streaming down his face as Cody continued trying to revive Randy. John didn't answer. "If you love him how could you!" Evan screamed not understand why John would strangle Randy in the pool.

"Evan, call 911 get away from him, he's not stable," Cody looked up from Randy's cold body. "Go!"

"They'll never get here in time," Evan ran back to Cody and Randy's body.

"It's the cops we need," Cody whispered tears now falling from his eyes.

"No," Evan took Randy's wrist and pressed his fingers to the vein. "No pulse, oh god, he's got no pulse."

"He's gone, I can't revive him," Cody touched the cold face.

"Let me try," Evan pushed Cody away and tried CPR. Cody looked at John who just stood there.

"You're going to pay, you will live with this everyday so help me god," Cody kept his eyes on John as he walked in to the house grabbing the cordless phone on a table that was positioned near the door. "Hello 911, I need police and ambulance there's been a murder."

6 months later…

"Why are we here," the small man looked at the tombstone.

"Because I can't let go," the man bent and touched tombstone. "You didn't have to come you know."

"I'm here for you, not for him," he watched the taller man sit down in front of the grave. . "After what he did, I still don't get why you care," Evan whispered.

"I know, Evan can I have some time alone?" He let his fingers trace the name.

"Ok," Evan huffed and walked away.

"You loved me that much. Should have never happen like this my love, yes you are still my love," he closed his eyes. "It's my fault…if only I had," he chewed his lip. "You wouldn't have run and they wouldn't have chased you. If only I'd open my eyes a minute sooner, baby I could have fixed this helped you. I don't care what you did," he pressed his cheek to the cold marble. "That you wanted to die with me," he turned his head and kissed the stone. "You're always in my heart John."

Randy stood fighting back tears of a tragedy he caused over wanting to love and be loved. Turning he walked down the path towards Evan the young man seeing the unshed tears in Randy's eyes.

"Cody's waiting for us," Evan took Randy's hand.

"I know. I'm not going to make people wait for me any longer."