Chapter Eight: There Was a Door

Things were not looking good for the Alliance and Horde.

"Tirion, we're running out of time here!" yelled Thrall as he dug with a shovel as quickly as he could manage We've only got three minutes left!"

"Don't worry." Said Tirion, throwing a pile of dirt behind him with a shovel. "I've already ordered the main army to head for Vengeance Landing. Once we hit one minute we'll evacuate our remaining forces."

"Well that is something, I suppose." Said Thrall, before stabbing his shovel into the dirt, and hearing a shattering noise. Moving the dirt to the side, they saw a glass case, it's top broken open byThrall'ss shovel. Within it lay what looked to be a ton of C4 explosives."

"…Attempt to disarm explosives detected." Came a computerized voice. "Explosives will activate in thirty seconds."

"Uh oh…" said Thrall, as he realized that he would not be able to escape the explosion radius in time. He knelt down. "Tirion, come on! We need to throw this thing now!"

Tirion bent down to help, but even as their hands grasped the container the voice spoke again. "Interference detected. Activating electric shock defense system."

"What the- AHHHH!" yelled Tirion, before keeling over in pain as he was blasted. Thrall managed to maintain his grip, thanks to his control over nature. But he found that the case was simply too heavy, and his hands were burning with pain.

"DAMN IT!" he cursed, as the pain got worse "Could this get any worse!"

And then Garrosh Hellscream arrived over the hill. His assembled followers with him. "Foolish humans!" the Warsong Clan leader yelled. "The Horde will triumph over-"

And something in Thrall snapped. The presence of Garrosh Hellscream at this particular moment was the tipping point. Garrosh Hellscream, who had never once shown gratitude for anything he had been given. Who cared about nothing except his own childish ranting. At this particular moment, it made Thrall angrier than he had ever been. He went from bloodcurdling fury to white-hot rage. Then he was beyond both to terrible clarity. He did not roar in rage, he did not scream or yell, or rant at Garrosh. All that would be noticeable on his face would be a slight narrowing of his eyes.

"Stop talking." He said. Then he whirled around and hurled the case towards the Warsong clan. It sailed from his hands like it had been made to fly, spinning over the camp to land squarely in front of Garrosh.

Garrosh looked down to where the explosive-carrying crate had landed.

"Explosives activating. Have a nice day." said the cheery voice. And the entire hill was consumed in red flame.

,

There was a burst of violet and red light. It shook the airship and splintered the deck. It sent every single creature except the three of them flying away in a circle of flailing limbs. The Frostwyrms which had before seemed beyond number were utterly destroyed. The Skyfall was sent careening down towards Icecrown in the distance.

Bolvar and Calia were thrown off their feet and slammed hard against the already deck. Bolvar managed to catch hold of the steering wheel of the ship. However, Calia was thrown farther and barely caught a hold of the edge of the rail.

"Calia!" called Bolvar. He grabbed her hand as she was thrown free. For a moment she dangled there and he struggled to keep her from falling to her death.

After a few tense moments, Calia braced her legs against the side of the ship. Getting ahold of the railing with her free hand. With one final haul, Bolvar pulled her up over the rail, before they both collapsed, panting for breath.

"…Thank you." Said Calia after a moment.

"Pray don't mention it." He muttered, wiping the sweat from his brow with one hand. "Where is Jaina?"

"Over here." Came Jaina's calm voice, and they glanced over to see her at the steering wheel. Her light blonde hair and her skirt were flying in the wind. The magical energy crackling around her and forming into a shield in front of the ship. "Brace yourselves. Things are about to get rough."

Even as she said this, Bolvar and Calia heard the sounds thousands of canons. They were muffled by distance but the explosions of their firing could be seen in the distance.

And then their shots collided with the shield. They smashing into them with a force that would have obliterated Stormwind. Bolvar rushed forward, though he knew it wouldn't do any good. Yet the shield did not falter. Even as it smashed into the shield, Jaina remained upon the prow. She steered the ship, and keeping it falling at a level pace.

And as he came to her side, she saw that her face had a serene smile on it. Thousands of shots smashed into the shield. Bolvar realized just how little of a threat the Argent Crusade had been. Had he brought siege equipment of his own, Arthas would have obliterated him.

But the shield held, unwavering, unbreakable. It shuddered only slightly from the thousands of canons firing constantly.

Then he looked to see where they were headed. "Uh… Jaina, we're getting to close to the gate…" He was quite right. The massive gatehouse of Wrathgate loomed over them like some invincible fortress.

"Oh, I know." She said cheerfully glancing over at him. "This way we can kill two birds with one stone."

"…Three!" yelled Calia "And we're the birds! If we don't-" And then they crashed into the gates head on.

The gate was constructed from the hardened blood of a dark god. It was enchanted with dark spells to make it capable of withstanding cannon fire. It also shattered as they collided with it, and the whole of the gatehouse peeled back before them. Even they slid onwards without being even slowed down. They obliterated every wall that stood in their way. Finally, they ground to a halt. Dropping down among blasted ruins Jaina let out a breath.

For a few moments both Calia and Bolvar stood stock still. Jaina released her shield, stretched, and summoned her staff to her hand.

"Siege equipment is for wimps." She said in a casual tone, as her comrades gazed across the utter ruins around them. "Anyway, let's go save Arthas!"

Without another word, both of them nodded and followed her. As she leaped down from the remnants of the Skyfall Jaina began to walk over to the inner gate. It had survived by being just out of reach of their path.

To their surprise, they did not meet any resistance. Even after Jaina blew it down with a single spell and they began to walk through. If the idea were not so absurd, Bolvar would have thought the undead afraid.

The undead were afraid of something.

The shockwaves were dimly felt within the inner sanctum of the Lich King. Arthas Menethil's demeanor had grown cold. Gone was the casual ease with which he had conducted himself in the face of his enemies before. Gone was the

Arthas stood quickly. "What the hell was that!" He said, reaching out to look through the vision one of his mindless minions. They were running away. "Return to battle!" he yelled in its mind.

The responses from said slavishly loyal, mindless undead minions were simple enough. "Fuck that shit! Deal with it yourself."

"Oh this isn't good…" said Mal'ganis, eavesdropping on the connection.

Arthas paused for a moment as he realized what had just happened. He sent a message to Kel'thuzad. "Kel, rally our forces, it seems we've got a legitimate threat at last."

"…Really?" asked the Lich in surprise "Which faction."

"Alliance?"

"What? But I thought that we agreed that the Alliance and Horde were both a complete joke. It's the only reason we let them make landfall in the first place. Hell, they only exist because we find their utter failure at everything amusing to watch."

"Well… it's not so much Alliance as the sole competent member of their factions and two friends…"

There was a pause.

"…You mean your ex-fiance?"

"Yup." said Arthas with a sigh.

They had only begun to walk through the endless halls of shattered ruins. As the undead fled before them there was a ringing sound from Calia's pocket. "Hang on a sec." She said, taking out a cell phone. "I need to take this."

"Is that as-" began Bolvar.

"We live in Azeroth. Don't question it." said Jaina bluntly.

"Right…" said Bolvar, remembering that there was no consistent tech level in their world.

"Hello." Said Calia, putting the phone against her ear. "Oh, hey honey, how is it going?" there was a response that they could not make out. "What? Are you sure? I mean, it doesn't seem very likely that that would work? Seriously, you want me to do that 'just in case'." she paused as the voice grew louder and sighed. "Oh very well, I suppose. You may have to wait a bit, though. Wait for the opportune moment and all." another pause. "Bye, love you." she hung up to find Bolvar and Jaina staring at her.

"…I didn't know that you were married." Said Jaina, raising an eyebrow to which Calia laughed.

"We haven't been in touch for seven years." Calia replied dryly. "How would you have the chance to know, what with running Theramore and all."

"Point taken, I suppose." Said Jaina, turning round to look back to the endless halls. "So how far do you think this thing goes down, anyway?"

"I don't think any of us have an answer to that." Admitted Bolvar as her approached a corner. "However, I wouldn't make any plans to go exploring until after we-"

And then they turned to corner to run straight into Sylvanas Windrunner and company.

There was a long awkward silence as the two groups looked at each other. With Sylvanas was the Demon Varimethras {who was looking rather more put upon than usual.} and…

"Kael!" said Jaina in surprise. "I thought you got killed by the Alliance!"

"I am not Prince Kael!" replied Kael'thas "I am Roy Redcloak and-"

"Eh hem!" said Sylvanas, and Kael looked nervous. "I mean that I am the one formerly known as Roy Redcloak. Before Sylvanas Windrunner threatened me with brutal physical dismemberment. If I did not change my name to Kael'thas. But I am not the Prince Kael'thas who utterly despised Arthas Menethil. Or attempted to clumsily romance you at Dalaran."

There was a pause in which everyone took this in. "…Couldn't you just admit to being Prince Kael'thas?'"

"Well sure it is." said Sylvanas "But I also threatened him with brutal physical dismemberment. If he didn't pretend to be Roy Redcloak. Pretending to be Prince Kael'thas." Varimathrasfacepalmedd as Jaina looked at her.

"…Why, exactly?" Asked Jaina.

"I dunno, bored." the Dark Ranger replied with a shrug. "Also, I haven't killed anyone important in the last week so things are getting rather dull around here."

"You just got finished murdering Lorthe'mar Theron with a chainsaw, milady."

"Who?" asked Sylvanas.

"I'm afraid I don't know who you are speaking of." Said Jaina.

"Yeah… the name doesn't ring any bells." Admitted Bolvar.

"Who is this Lorthe'mar person, and why should I care?" Asked Calia.

"He's kind of like the Drenosh Saurfang of the Blood Elf race." Explained Varimethras, prompting another long pause.

"…Who?" asked Sylvanas.

"I'm afraid I don't know who you are speaking of." Said Jaina.

"Yeah… the name doesn't ring any bells." Admitted Bolvar.

"Who is this Drenosh Saurfang person and why should I care?" asked Calia.

"…Nevermind." said Varimethras "In any case, what are you Alliance doing here?"

"Oh us?" Said Jaina, motioning to herself. "We're here to find and confront the Lich King directly and put an end to his evil once and for all. Then redeem him and give him the throne of Stormwind after we murder Varian Wrynn!"

"Hold on a minute!" cried Sylvanas in anger "We're here to kill the Lich King!"

"Well, then I'm sorry you wasted the trip." Replied Jaina smugly, to which Sylvanas' eyes narrowed. "Because we were here first?'

"That's nonsense!" Shot back Kael'thas. "We both got here at the same time, and anyway killing the Lich King is not a matter of first come first serve anyway."

"I'm inclined to agree with Ka- I mean Roy." Said Varimethras, cutting himself off and giving Sylvanas an irritated look. "There is hardly any reason why we should fight each other while the Lich King still remains a threat."

"Oh please!" said Calia with a contemptuous snort "We need your help about as much as Kalecgos needs to exist."

"Yeah, well I don't need you to exist at all." Replied Sylvanas. "So if any of you fools get in my way, I'll knife to shreds."

"Uh… guys…" began Bolvar. "I think we should calm down…"

"Milady, perhaps-" began Varimethras before being cut off.

"Bring it on, you screeching harpy!" said Jaina "I'll burn your miserable soul in fires that the Demons of Hell would find excessive!"

"Oh no, the Chaos God of mewling pacifism is threatening me." Said Sylvanas with a laugh. "Just go back to signing peace treaties that no one reads while wearing a belly shirt, it's all your good for."

"Look, let's not let this descend into petty insults…" began Kael'thas.

"Why not?" asked Calia, cutting Kael off. "Petty is what you Blood Elves are all about isn't it. That and blaming other people for problems.'

"Look here, Milady." Said Kael, his voice annoyed. "We are in the heart of darkness here, do you think we could show some emotional maturity-"

"'Hi, my names Kael'thas!" continued Calia in a mocking imitation of the elf in front of her. "I have a Naga fetish and sound like Raiden from Metal Gear. Tempest keep was only a setback! Soon my evil plan of becoming the Elven version of Arthas Menethil will be complete! Except without the accomplishments, or cool runeblade.'"

"That's it, bitch, you're FUCKING DEAD!" screamed Kael as his hands became alight with red flame. "Felo'Malorn motherfucker!"

Varimathras had just enough time to sigh before the Flame strike went off. "It's just one of those weeks."

Arthas lounged upon his Frozen Throne, awaiting the coming confrontation with the destined heroes of Azeroth. Soon he would confront the shadows of his past. Jaina Proudmoore and Sylvanas Windrunner.

Then Tirion Fordring arrived at the top with a fifty-man raid group.

"What the fuck?!" Said "How did you get past all my soldiers! And you were on the opposite side of Northrend a moment ago!"

"You know," said Tirion "I have no idea. It really doesn't make any sense.'

Authors Note:

So we've nearly finished updating Bolvar's Folly. I kind of regret never finishing this story. It is nowhere near the quality of my later works. Characters don't speak how they should. Much of the humor is derived and there are serious issues with the writing. Even so, I would have liked to mark it complete. Maybe someday.

Also I completely removed Chapter Nine. I did this because Chapter Nine was awful and had nothing to do with the actual story. It really marked the point where I ran out of ideas. So I transplanted the only good part of it over to chapter eight.