TARA'S HEART

I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer

*Thanks for the review. I have added the tweak you suggested.*

Willow reluctantly came down for breakfast, only to find all her friends sat around the dining table. They were waiting for her.

"Hey Will," said Xander, "Great to see you being you again!"

Willow didn't move from the doorway. She felt very unsure of herself.

"Kennedy told us what happened." explained Buffy, getting up and gently leading her friend to a chair. "Why you turned into Warren. We never … we never really talked about Tara." Buffy sat beside Willow and took her hand. "You've come back to this house. It must be full of memories."

"Don't." begged Willow.

"We all miss her." said Dawn quietly.

"It's like someone ripped all the warmth from our lives." said Anya with her usual blunt eloquence.

There was a moment of painful silence. Then Xander silently stood a picture up in front of Willow. Tara was smiling out of the photo frame.

"We all loved Tara!"

Willow looked up at Giles surprised; she hadn't expected him to say 'loved'.

"She was a wonderful person," he continued. "We've all been treating her like a taboo subject. That was wrong. We want to share how we feel about her."

Willow looked around at her friends.

"You don't have to."

"We want to." insisted Buffy.

"It's like – when we first got to know her," began Xander. "I mean she was really nice; super nice - Just kind of hard to figure out."

Xander' Tale

Tara cautiously peered around the open door into Giles' apartment. She'd only been a few times before and this was her first time without Willow. The apartment was a wreck. Only Mr Giles and Xander were there. Mr Giles was picking up some pieces of broken pottery, while Xander was in the background struggling with bits of wood.

"Tara!" exclaimed Giles, noticing her hovering in the doorway.

"Um…monster?" she asked.

"Cursed Amulet."

"Oh. C-ccan I help?"

"Feel free." said Giles, waving her in towards a battered bookcase.

"Hey there!" said Xander as she approached.

"Um… Hey!"

Timidly Tara crouched down and started collecting the fallen books.

"You missed quite a thing." confided Xander.

Tara just smiled in reply; secretly cursing her nervousness.

"So? No Willow?"

"I was early." explained Tara, not having the confidence to look him in the eye. "W-willow has a class… um… still."

"Cool." said Xander, nodding. He was totally unable to fathom out Tara, or why she was so damned terrified of him.

"Chairs, hey." said Xander, just as something to fill the silence.

Tara looked up. The mass of wood Xander was battling with was indeed starting to resemble a chair.

"Y-you know you're quite good at that." she said.

"Yeah!" he smirked, "Xander! – unskilled, barely employable, but when you need your junk needs fixing, he's your man!"

"W-wwell," continued Tara, frowning slightly at herself. "It looked all complicated before. Now it looks like a… um… chair."

Xander looked down at his handy work.

"Carpentry might be a good gig to get into." added Tara, "What will all Buffy's battles." She smiled at the joke, but stopped when Xander's return glance was terribly serious. Tara's confidence burst again and she spiralled back into the stammering freak. "It's just w-wwith all the… um… b-b-broken f-furniture and st-stuff… um."

Willow chose that moment to arrive.

"Monster?" she asked.

"Cursed amulet." sighed Giles. "Come in. Come in."

He ushered her in and closed the door.

"Tara!" she exclaimed, a huge smile brightening her face, "And Xander!"

Willow stood between them glancing from one to another, glad to see her oldest and newest friends together - Except Xander was staring at a broken chair in serious contemplation, while Tara was paying equal attention to the floor.

"So?" Willow asked after a moment." Whatcha talkin' about?"

"Chairs." they replied in unison.

"Oh!"

…

"It wasn't until we met her family that I understood what she was so scared of." said Xander sadly. "They treated her worse than a dog. She was incredible Willow; really, truly incredible."

Willow looked deep into Xander's eyes and they shared a warm smile.

"She was so kind." said Dawn. "She was like a sister. She was family. I loved her so…" Dawn stopped to bite back a sob. She took a breath and continued. "She was always there for me, right from the start. Like when I found out I was the Key."

Dawn's Tale

Dawn glared at the party dip on the coffee table. She could feel everyone watching her. Barely a word had been spoken since they got back from the hospital. Dawn felt wretched and her arm hurt; but it wasn't really her arm. Buffy sat beside her and took her hand.

"Dawnie are you okay?"

All Dawn could think was 'What a stupid question!"

"What does it matter." She moaned, "I'm just a thing."

"No. Darling… " began mum, only she wasn't really her mum.

"What do you know!" snapped Dawn. "What do any of you know about being a thing? No one knows what it's like!"

Willow, Tara, Giles, Xander and Anya were all watching from the hallway. Dawn was surprised when Tara spoke up.

"I know." she said softly. "I know and trust me Dawn; you can never be a thing." She gestured towards Dawn's bandaged arm. "I tried to cut myself when I was younger than you. I didn't want to be a demon. I didn't want to be evil. It's not that I wanted to die. Not really. I just wanted my father to love me. Make it all alright again. He came in when I had the knife. He actually dared me to do it. S-said I'd be doing him a favour. He didn't love me. I was just a thing to him. Dawn look around this room. Everybody here loves you. Would and have risked their lives for you."

"But it's not real!" moaned Dawn. "It's all fake memories. It's all fake!"

"It's not fake Dawn. I'll never forget how you stood up to my father. That was real. That was you. You are part of my family and I love you. Dawn you can never be a thing if you have love."

Dawn looked around at the concerned faces of her unorthodox family.

"I'm sorry." She said and burst into tears.

…

"And it's true what she said." finished Dawn, "As long as you're loved your real."

"And she had so much of it." said Giles.

"She loved you so much." said Anya looking at Willow. "But she still loved all of us. You wouldn't think a heart could be so big."

"She had compassion." agreed Spike.

Willow turned to see the vampire standing in the kitchen doorway.

"And for someone who spoke so little she always seemed to know the right thing to say." he added.

Spike's Tale

"GET OUT!" snarled Spike, his face contorting to its demonic form.

"We need your help." begged Willow.

All the Scoobies stood around reluctantly in Spike's dark crypt.

"You promised Buffy.. " began Giles.

"And I failed!" snapped Spike. "I failed and she's dead!"

"You promised to protect me!" protested Dawn.

"What promise? She's dead! D-E-A-D Dead! Buried! Gone!" he roared.

"Only if you let her be." said a quiet voice. Tara took a step forward. Her hushed tone holding his full attention. "She's dead, but she is only gone if you let her be. You made a promise to Buffy. Keep it and you keep a piece of her alive. Keep it and she'll never really be gone."

Spike made a noise of disgust and turned away.

"He's not going to help." said Xander bluntly and the Scoobies turned to go.

Tara stayed where she stood.

"Then she's really gone." She said.

Spike turned back to her, his face human again. She could clearly see the pain in his eyes.

"Wait." he said at last. "I'll help." Only Tara heard him add under his breath, "For her."

…

"She had Class." insisted Spike.

"She gave so much of herself." added Giles. "She didn't hesitate." Giles began reaching up to his glasses and then stopped; suddenly conscious of his nervous habit. "Even after all she'd been through; her family, Glory… she always came back fighting. Always because of you Willow. She loved you even when you broke her heart.

Giles' Tale

With Buffy gone to rescue Dawn from the musical demon, Giles looked around the Magic Box at the remaining Scoobies. Anya and Xander had disappeared into a corner to do whatever it is they do. He was surprised to see Willow sat alone at the centre table. Tara was standing by the window in a very obvious attempt to avoid the other witch. Concerned he moved to Tara's side.

"Is something wrong?" he asked "Have you and Willow have a fight?"

Tara looked up the sound of his voice.

"No. It's not…" she tried to answer. "I'm fine." Giles frowned at her unconvincing lie.

"You don't seem fine. And I am aware a moment ago we were singing together. I'm not sure what you were singing as I was… well lost in the lyrics, but it was not a happy song."

"It's all too much." sighed Tara in way of an explanation.

"What is - The singing?"

"All… Everything. I've been through so much. I just thought it was all over I thought… I…"

"You should talk to Willow." interrupted Giles, aware of a song brewing. "You too can get through anything. Death and Glory." He joked.

"I can't. Willow… she's part of it."

"What's happened?"

"I don't know." sighed Tara, "I don't know anything anymore…"

#To tune of "I'm Under Your Spell"#

"I thought I'd be free,

No more tears to cry,

I could kiss the past goodbye.

I'd live out my dreams,

Happiness was here with me,

I want to believe!"

#To tune of "With Arms Wide Open" by Creed#

"Well you got lost." sang Giles.

"Not long ago.

Seemed pain was all,

You'd ever know."

"My youth was spent," sang Tara.

"In a Hell on Earth.

Until she came

I thought I had no worth."

Giles took Tara by the shoulder and turned her to face Willow as he started on the chorus.

"But then she found you.

Brought out the real you.

And we wondered how,

You ever made it through."

She picked up the harmony.

"Then she found you/me,

Then she found you/me."

Tara looked away from Willow. Giles turned her again, this time to face him. He lifted her chin and earnestly sang,

"Then we learnt,

Dawn was the Key,

Protecting her,

You faced Glory."

But Tara looked down as she carried on singing.

"Plunged back in hell.

In evil's thrall.

Tormented, gone.

No hope at all."

Giles turned her back to Willow, who was now leaning on the counter talking to Xander and Anya. They were all oblivious to the duet occurring a few feet away.

"But then she found you.

Brought back the real you.

And we wondered how,

You ever made it through."

Tara picked up the second half of the chorus; lost staring lovingly at Willow.

"And then she found me.

There was no more pain.

I was loved.

I was whole again.

Then she found me

Found me."

The instrumental came. Giles was looking relieved that his words had helped Tara. However Tara's loving gaze was turning into one of hurt. With the last guitar cord she cried out,

"I only wish I knew how to reach her now.

All the spells she casts could endanger her."

Tara turned to Giles.

"She'll forget right from wrong. Create the world her way.

It already begun, because she's changed me."

Giles looked horrified as Tara began the chorus.

"Then she changed me.

Altered my memory.

She doesn't know I know.

I don't know what to do.

Then she changed me,

We'll never be the same.

I feel lost;

Never whole again.

Then she changed me.

Has she lost me."

"Tara." was all Giles could say when he had finished his harmony.

"I love her so much," sighed Tara, "But I don't know what's happening to her. I don't know how to help her. I want to It's just… I don't know if I can."

"If anyone can." assured Giles," It's you. You have to talk to her."

"I know. Only not right now. I'd just start singing. I can feel it. And if I start I don't think I could stop."

…

"She was so brave. So strong. We sometimes forgot just how much she'd been through. She found her courage from you Willow."

"Oh Tara." sobbed Willow.

There was silence. Willow was crying freely and Buffy put her arm around the witch's shoulder.

"It will never be the same again." said Anya. "I miss her."

"We all miss her." said Xander.

"I know." said Anya." I know. That is the whole point of us talking - To share our love for Tara. I'm sharing. She was a true dear friend and I miss her."

Anya's Tale.

Tara walked out of her Art Appreciation lecture, her head lost in mellow Renaissance vibes.

"Hey!" called an all too cheery voice.

"Anya!" said Tara knowing who it was before looking. When she saw the ex-demon standing by the water fountain, she added a wave.

"I want to talk to you."

"Okay." said Tara with a slightly furrowed brow. She was unsure what this was about. She hoped it wasn't Willow. Anya smiled briefly, nodded her head and then stood in silence as if waiting for something.

"Um.. I'm free now," added Tara, "If you don't mind walking."

"Oh." said Anya, suddenly grinning."Great!"

The two women set off down the hall.

"I want to talk about my wedding." explained Anya. "Xander and I have agreed on a traditional human ceremony.

"That's great."

"Yes it is." agreed Anya. "It won't be completely traditional with my demon friends and Xander's dysfunctional family, but human customs seem the most appropriate."

"That makes sense." said Tara, hearing Anya's pause for approval.

"Xander has decided on his Best Man; only it's Willow so maybe it should be Best Woman or Best Lesbian."

"Or Best Friend?" suggested Tara.

"Yes." agreed Anya. "Although he's marrying me so he loves me more."

"Of course"

Tara realised she had touched on a sensitive subject.

"So." continued Anya. "He has a Best Man and I need Bridesmaids. I've asked Hally a friend from my demon days. We were very close… and of course Buffy. I asked Dawn too as you have to have a small child; although come to think of it Buffy is actually the smallest."

Tara finally caught the thread of the conversation.

"You want me to be a bridesmaid too." She asked, pleased to be included.

"No." exclaimed Anya, looking surprised at Tara's suggestion. "I don't want you to be a bridesmaid…"

"Oh."

"I want you to be my Maid of Honour. Of course it's not really like being a maid. You help me dress and get ready, Okay so it's a bit like being a maid…"

Anya stopped when she noticed Tara was not longer by her side, but frozen in shock several paces behind.

"You want me to be your Maid of Honour."

"Of course." said Anya. "It has to be someone you're close to. I'm marrying Xander but you're my second-best best friend. My best girlfriend!" She smiled a big trusting smile.

"I'm…?" started Tara, before realising there was no way to finish the sentence without hurting Anya's feelings. She tried again.

"I'd love to."

"Great." cried Anya flinging her arms around Tara. "Yay!"

Tara patted the ex-demon's back. When Anya let go the two women continued their walk outside and into the sunshine.

"Xander thought I'd ask Buffy." confided Anya." I know she's saved my life a few times but we don't click."

"And we click?" asked Tara, unable to keep the disbelief from her voice.

"Yes." said Anya, uncertain about her friend's uncertainty. "We were both demons before. Okay so you only thought you were and I was the real deal, but that was a bond. You've saved my life like Buffy. And we talk! Not just about Scooby stuff - Other important stuff like money, Xander and the Discovery Channel. And we had that long conversation about camel butter."

"Camel Butter?"

"Yes. You know when Glory made you insane."

"I don't really remember that." said Tara awkwardly.

"That's okay. "said Anya giving Tara's arm a reassuring pat. "That's when I realised you were my second-best best friend. You were talking and it made no sense. Not like when you tell a joke and have to explain it to me. It wasn't quirky; it was really quite scary. You weren't you. But I wanted to help. I wanted to care for you and make you well again. I missed you. The world was going to end. I was worried about me. I was worried about Xander. And the last little bit of me, that wasn't worried about me or Xander was worried about you. You've always been so kind to me." Anya suddenly hugged Tara. "I love you." She pulled back and added, "In a friend way."

"I love you too." said Tara pulling her back into the hug, "In a friend way. I'm glad I'm your second-best best friend. And as your Maid of Honour I'm going to make your wedding the best I possibly can."

…

"And she did; even if it didn't happen."

"Anya." warned Xander. "Not now!"

"What." snapped an emotional Anya. "This isn't about you. This is about Tara and how much we all cared, and how much I miss her."

The Scoobies watched uncomfortably as Anya started crying.

"Willow." said Buffy softly. "Your girlfriend was amazing."

"I know." sobbed Willow.

"She always put others before herself."

Buffy looked up briefly at Spike, but continued,

"When I came back… When I thought I'd come back wrong. I asked for her help. She was so worried it was about you - So scared for you. When I told her about Spike… When she saw how much I was hurting… Anya was right her heart was huge. I was so messed up but she was so understanding, so tender."

Buffy's Tale

"Please don't forgive me!"

A wretched Buffy wept into Tara's lap.

"Shhh." whispered Tara, running her fingers through Buffy's hair.

Then Tara lifted Buffy's shoulders and slid off the couch to sit beside the slayer on the floor. Buffy buried her head in the witch's chest and Tara hugged her until the crying subsided. When Buffy pulled herself together and sat up; Tara brushed the slayer's hair back from her tear stained face.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Tara asked softly.

Buffy shook her head and looked close to tears again.

"Oh sweetie." sighed Tara and kissed her forehead.

Buffy glanced up, slightly horrified by a sudden intense need. She felt lost. She needed something to ground her; something real. Not the cold comfort of Spike. Buffy suddenly craved warmth. She moved to kiss Tara on the lips. Tara jolted her head back looking a little surprised. Their eyes locked. Buffy felt ashamed but Tara's look changed from shock to concern. Buffy leaned in again to kiss her and this time the witch didn't move away. Tara returned the kiss tenderly. Buffy lost herself in the moment, feeding on the warmth and trust. When she pulled herself away, Tara gave her a gentle smile.

"Better?"

Buffy didn't know what to say. She was so confused and embarrassed.

"Come on." said Tara, helping Buffy to her feet. "I know what you need."

Then with an arm around the slayer waist Tara led the slayer upstairs to her bedroom. Buffy was unsure what was happening as Tara hands began to pull off her boots and unfastened her hair. Tara pulled back the bed covers and got the slayer to lie down. Then she pulled the bed cover back and tucked it under Buffy's chin.

"Close your eyes." whispered Tara as she sat on the edge of the bed. Buffy lay frozen muddled about what was actually happening.

"Close your eyes." soothed Tara again, and with a gentle motherly affection she began brushing her fingers lightly across Buffy's forehead. "I'll stay here 'til you fall asleep. My mom used to do this when I was small, and things never seemed so bad."

Buffy closed her eyes and opened them again. She didn't know if she wanted to smile or cry.

"Hey," scolded Tara with a smile. "This only works of you close your eyes."

"Tara." sobbed Buffy.

"Shhh." hushed Tara." Just sleep. I'm here. Let me be your comfort. I wish there was more I could do. But in this moment I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. Just close your eyes."

Buffy obeyed, as Tara gently stroked her hair. For the first in the longest while Buffy felt warm, safe and loved.

…

Willow held her hand up for a moment, a puzzled frown on her tear stained face,

"Wait! You kissed her?"

"I'm sorry. I was so messed up I didn't know what I was doing." confessed Buffy, suddenly uncertain. "She was just being kind."

Buffy waited for what felt like an eternity for her friend to forgive her. In fact it was only a few seconds before Willow with a small smile gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Tara was so amazing." said Buffy.

"And so protective." added Spike, remembering Buffy's Birthday party.

"She loved without prejudice and with all her heart." continued Buffy. "Will, we can't begin to understand the pain you were going through; well I guess we did see it… We just need you to know you are not alone."

"It's like she said to Spike." said Xander, speaking up. "As long as you keep a piece of her in your heart she's never really gone."

Willow broke down in tears after that. Buffy held her tight and Xander placed a comforting hand on her back. Then Willow pulled herself together again.

"There's something I want to share with all of you." said Willow, sniffing back her tears.

Willow's Tale

Willow loved Tara. She fell for her almost as soon as she met her, and then was delighted to discover Tara loved her too. But there was still a niggle that something wasn't quite right. It wasn't because Tara was a girl. Willow was quick to appreciate the fact that she was a breast kind of girl. It wasn't because of Oz. When he came back there was barely a flicker of doubt in Willow's mind as to where her heart belonged. It wasn't because of Tara's family and the secrets she'd concealed. That awful night the floodgates opened and Tara had unburdened her battered soul. They had no secrets any more. The niggle was still there though. Willow loved Tara. She could see of there being no way she could possibly love her more. There was still something, she just couldn't put her finger on it.

Willow sighed. This wasn't a problem easily solved. She filled it away for later and walked through the door to the Magic Box. Tara, Buffy and Xander were sat around the table doing demon research. Dawn was there too but doing her homework.

"So what's up?" asked Willow, taking a seat beside her girlfriend. The two witches shared a warm smile and clasped hand under the table.

"Dawn's having an English crisis," explained Xander.

"Ooo. School!" said Willow, pleased, "My thing! So what's the crisis?"

"Riddles," sighed Dawn. "We're doing riddles. You know! 'My first is in camel… blah, blah, blah.' I have to write my own."

"But that's not a riddle." protested Giles, as he walked down the steps from the restricted section. They all turned to stare. "I mean of course it is. But there are lots of different kinds of riddles. That was more of a word puzzle. A riddle can be any kind of puzzle."

"Yeah." agreed Willow, ever the keen educator. "Like the Sphinx's riddle. In the morning on four. In the day on two. In the evening on three. What am I?"

"Huh?" said Xander.

"It's a man." explained Willow. "The life of man. Starts crawling as a baby. Then walking upright. Then when he gets old he uses a stick."

"Not quite life of man then." said Buffy, considering for a moment. "Just man mobility."

"It still makes no sense." said Anya hotly, she was stood behind the till. "That would mean man spent, what, thirty-two years crawling before he could walk. That's if you take a day as twelve hours and this guy lived until he was ninety-six."

"It's not meant to be taken literally." said Willow with a pout.

"It's allegorical." agreed Tara, giving Willow's hand a supportive squeeze.

"Still makes no sense." said Anya flatly. "Anyway I prefer the other leg one."

"I think I know that one." said Buffy. "Two legs picked up one leg, sat on three legs. Four legs stole one leg. So two legs threw three legs at four legs. Or something like that."

"Huh?" said Xander lost again.

"I know! I know!" cried Dawn. "A man with a leg of meat sits on a stool and then a dog steals the meat."

"Ah." said Xander. "Makes sense now."

"That's not the legs one I meant." sulked Anya. Then she told her riddle. "What goes ninety-nine bonk?"

"What!" said Xander giving her a double-take. "What's that got to do with legs?"

"Anyway." protested Willow. "That's a joke not a riddle."

"Surely they're part of the same thing." said Giles, joining them after seeing to a customer. "Some jokes are called Riddles."

"So what is it?" asked Dawn.

"What?" asked Anya.

"The answer."

"I forget." said Anya off hand.

"You can't do that!" gasped Xander. "Tell a riddle and not know the answer!"

"It's cruel." agreed Willow.

"A centipede with a wooden leg." said Tara suddenly.

All the Scoobies turned to stare at Tara.

"Ninety-nine bonk – a centipede with a wooden leg."

"That's right." said Anya smiling.

"Not a joke then." said Xander light-heartedly.

"Meany." teased Buffy. "Can you do any better?"

"What do you get if you cross a sheep with a supermarket?"

"Wool-mart." They all said together, and everybody laughed.

"Too easy." said Dawn, glad to be briefly escaping her assignment. "Try this. What's brown and sticky."

"Brown… and sticky. Gross." exclaimed Willow sticking out her tongue.

"It's not something rude is it?" warned Buffy.

"No." said Dawn, pouting in annoyance to her sister.

"Oh come on. You must know this one." gasped Tara looking around the table amazed.

"Fenic Demon!" cried Anya suddenly. "They're brown and quite sticky in places."

"Nope." said Dawn, sharing a smile with Tara.

"We give up." sighed Buffy. "What's brown and sticky?"

"A stick."

There was a series of theatrical groans. Dawn and Tara laughed together at the other's reactions.

"You seem to know a lot of jokes." said Dawn.

"Too many," admitted Tara, "Certainly all the bad ones."

"Go on then." said Xander.

"Okay." said Tara. She paused. "How's this. Two parrots sat on a perch. One turned to the other and asked 'Do you smell something fishy?'"

There was silence.

"And?" prompted Xander, after moment.

"That's it." said Tara laughing.

"That can't be it!" said Buffy confused.

Suddenly Giles giggled, hiding it behind his hand.

"Oh." said Anya. "I get it. Very amusing. Perch." And the ex-demon was laughing too.

"What." cried Xander frustrated. "There was no joke!"

"A perch is a kind of fish." explained Anya helpfully.

"That was a good one." said Giles, still sniggering.

"But not a riddle." admitted Tara smiling. "Just couldn't resist."

All the Scoobies were laughing now. Mostly because of Giles' constant girly giggles. The good mood was suddenly very contagious.

That was the moment Willow recognised the niggle for what it was. It had nothing to do with how she felt about Tara. It was how Tara felt about herself. She had always been hidden. At first it had been Willow's fault. Keeping her a secret from her friends and then hiding how they really felt for each other. However Tara continued to hide. Not only her harrowing past, but she hid herself. Tara remained lost behind her shyness and stutter. In that moment, Willow felt her friends had seen the real Tara. The compassionate, warm, fun-loving woman she was inside. Tara was accepted and she felt accepted. She hadn't felt the need to hide. Willow realised Tara hadn't stuttered once.

…

"I was so happy when I realised how much you loved her too. She deserved to be loved."

"And she was." reassured Buffy. "Loving her was easy. We all loved Tara. Just like we all love you."

"We did." said Anya fondly. "I went to see her, when Willow was trying to destroy the world. I went to say good-bye. Good-bye to her body." Anya paused, suddenly serious. "It was lying naked on a slab. They'd already started working on her. Her chest was cut open and her organs exposed."

"Oh God!" gasped Dawn horrified.

"Anya." warned Giles. "This isn't the time."

Anya carried on regardless.

"I could see her heart. It wasn't really that big. And… and there was this little hole. And I couldn't help but think that when Warren's bullet made that little hole, in that exact moment it ripped through all of us and made an identical hole. The only trouble is we have to keep living with the emptiness of that little hole."

Anya looked around the stunned silent table.

"But then I think, she filled us with so much of her strength and warmth and love. We can never really be empty, because she's with us."