My Last Fall

Sometimes I dream of the weirdest things. Like falling off of nothing, down into the black pit where it doesn't ever seem like I will reach bottom. Then again I don't want to reach bottom, the bottom means death; once I hit it, its over. I don't scream anymore, I've learned that no matter how hard I scream, it wont save me. I never hit though, I wake up seconds before I'm about to hit. Sometimes I think, hitting bottom would be for the best, mine and West's. The wind blows around me as I watch the ground near, I feel scared but knowing that if I hit, I'll be in a better place. The ground is just feet away, I close my eyes ready for impact - just like always.

I jolted up in my bed, covered in sweat. My pillow, blanket, sheets and even mattress are soaked. West makes me sleep on the air mattress now because he was tired of washing everything everyday and I couldn't; I'm too weak to even hold myself up. I fall back down, my arms and back, tired from holding myself up. I truly felt bad for leaving West like this. Leaving him to do the chores; cook, clean, work and take care of me. While West works, Feliciano, Elizaveta or Roderich comes in and checks up on me, asking me if I needed anything. Of course that was pointless, I lost my ability to speak years ago. Yes, years.

I have been like this for three years, three many long years. West began to notice I was slipping away when I would start talking about Fritz, see things that aren't there, saying things that don't make sense, forgetting who I was, where I was and who anyone else was. Once I would come back to my sense I would have no recollection of what happened.

I would then proceed to tell West that I was fine and it would pass. He takes my word for it but I know, deep down he knows. This is a few of my last days as a country, I would have liked to spend it better. There were a lot of things I would have like to have apologized for, words wanting to be forgiven. As expected no one has willingly come to see me, not that I expected them to; I was a jerk to everyone. Like me, they are all just waiting for me to die off, finally getting rid of one of the 'annoying countries'. We all knew this time would come and now, I'm ready for it.

I never expected to go down this way, not this badly at least; never expected to be half paralyzed. Of course who could predict this kind of thing? I painfully turned my head to the side to see what time it was; 4:34AM. Well this was unusual, I always would wake up sometime in the afternoon, hoping that soon, someone would come in.

I still craved human presence, but not a much as I used to. I carefully put my head back into its strait position and let out a soft sigh along a small wheezy cough. Mein Gott, I sounded like an old man- to which I technically was, older than West anyway. Just a bit of light was filtered into the room from the window. The curtains were always closed, my eyes couldn't take the sun light anymore. When that first started me and West would joke about 'that's how albino's are'. I smile.

Before I knew it, my eyes began to get heavy with sleep. I was always slightly afraid to sleep, knowing it could be my last. Then again, I wouldn't be in anymore pain- well I hoped so anyway. Where ever countries go after they die- which couldn't be heaven, we've killed too many innocent people for that- I digress. Though, wherever I go, I hope its something where I could at least be without pain; no more fighting over land, no more blood. Before, I wished for a place where I could rule; I changed my mind. My eyes began to force their way shut and my mind began to slowly slip away into dreamland.

I was now running. Running in a large open field. This was always how it started, running. Unlike in reality, here, I could use my legs to stand up, my arms could move with out giving me immense pain, my voice, well, I still can not use. The breeze was light but enough to keep me cool. I saw West up ahead, he was staring at me with a large smile waiting for me. Though, I knew I would not be able to stop. Here, once you start running, you can't stop. Ever. Well, that is till I start to fall. Tears run down my face as I run right past West and him giving me a hurt expression as I run out of site. Out of everything, this hurt the worst. I couldn't even say goodbye.

I kept on running though, I knew I would eventually start to fall, and I was right. Suddenly I dropped and plummeted downward into the darkness, awaiting my fate. Like I said, I don't scream. No one can help me, no one can reach down and pick me up, telling me it would be okay. As much as I denied it, I loved the affection I would get. Yes, I would gloat then do something stupid, but secretly, I loved it.

The wind cool wind blew around me this time it picked up speed; I was falling faster. My heart- was calm. I air started to prick my skin and throat like sharp pieces of ice. Every second, every breath - hurt. The stinging began to spread out through my whole body, but I kept back the scream waiting to be let free. As proceeded to descend I began to wonder if I would ever reach the bottom. Just them the ice pricking at my skin stopped and was replaced with warmth. Though as I kept going it got warmer and warmer till it was scorching hot.

My lips and mouth were dry and every time I took a breath it would be like inhaling smoke and I would cough - hard. I closed my eyes wincing at the pain. I decided to just hold my breath for as long as I could and hoping I would reach bottom soon. The temperature started to rise and it felt like my limbs were on fire, it hurt; but I kept the screams away.

As I began to think I couldn't take it anymore it instantly cooled down. I opened my eyes to see the oh so dimly-lighted bottom. At that instant I knew. Memories started to wash over me as I took in my fate. I was nearing the bottom knowing that in seconds I was going to be free. I closed my eyes and for the first time in five years, I smile, now waiting to embrace the impact.

I knew for sure, out of all my battles, this was going to be my last fall.

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