A/N: There was a 3.6 magnitude earthquake in Maryland this morning and I felt it at exactly 5:05 am. It inspired me to get off my lazy ass and get back in the game. I'm a big fam of the Vampire Diaries show, the books stink and this is how I think Elena feels.

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Vampire Diaries. if I did, Damon would be featured much more, Elena would already be a vampire and katherine would be roasting slowly on a spit.

"It is not light we need, but fire; it is not the gentle shower but thunder. We need the storm, the thunder, the earthquake."

-Frederick Douglass

The quake had woken her up, but it was her thoughts that prevented her from escaping back into her dreams.

She knew what the answer should have been, but the conflict she felt in her heart wouldn't allow her to so quickly speak the words.

Stefan was the safe choice, the wise choice. Everything was so calm with him; there was no pressure, no need for worry or fear. He was her rock, someone she could talk to about her problems, someone who understood her need to write down all her thoughts, because writing it all down cemented it in her mind, and she needed the stability and certainty the experience offered her, after everything that had gone wrong in her life.

It should have been an easy decision and yet, it wasn't, not when he was around. Damon.

Damon was the night to Stefan's day, full of fire and cockiness and fight. He laid waste to the serenity of daily life, and laughed as it all fell apart around him. And, based solely on that, there didn't seem to be any doubt as to whom she should have chosen; but still she labored with her thoughts, with her feelings.

There was always more to the story.

For although Stefan was the 'logical' choice she grew to resent him as their relationship deepened. He sought to protect her, to wrap her in a bubble where she would be safe from the myriad vampires and other issues wouldn't reach her. He lied to her constantly, but only because he felt that it was too dangerous for her to know, to shelter her from a world she was determined to live in, and to shield her family from.

And Damon, for all his flaws, never judged her or looked down on her because of her 'frailty'. He challenged her at every turn, argued with her, fought with her; and it felt good. Her heart pounded and adrenalin raced through her veins and it felt good. She was never more alive than when her life was in danger, and he understood that.

He knew her in a way Stefan didn't; couldn't because of the way he lived and the way he felt. The guilt he constantly shouldered dulled him and made him less aware of the fun that came with slaying the dragon.

And so Elena Gilbert drove aimlessly and tried desperately to calm the storm that raged within her mind. A choice would have to be made and soon, she had already began to pull away from Stefan and Damon both and she knew they would not leave things as they were, either of them.

It was not fair of her to string them both along, she was no Katherine and had no desire to become her, but she couldn't stop the thought from blooming in her mind, picturing how it would be to have them both.

With Stefan in the morning, relaxing and talking and writing down their thoughts, of sharing in a companionable silence that bound them together and shaped their relationship. Of relaxed days making love slowly and lazily, the emotion drifting as the sun peeked from behind the clouds and the sounds of the world crested about them.

And Damon at night, drinking in the darkness and the shadows, feeling the intoxication mix of danger and freedom. The hidden aspects of the world laid bare before them as they teased and riled each other. Passions exploding in the bedroom as they christened the sheets with lust, wrestling for position, a constant battle that ended with no winner, only two satiated beasts bathed in moonlight.

The best of both world; and hers for the asking…it was an unfair thought but it existed nonetheless and she could see the appeal in it, understood Katherine in a way she never wanted to. Why choose between the sun and the moon when you could have both?

Even as she thought it she cast it from her mind. She could never do that to them, not after the hell that Katherine put them through, was still putting them through. She was not Katherine and though the thought called to her like a siren song she resisted and took comfort in the fact that soon it would all be over, everything would be decided tonight.

Her body knew the way, for even as she juggled the two in her mind, the car turned onto the driveway and she finally came to a stop.

The light was on in the living room and she could practically see Damon in her mind, with a glass of aged bourbon, sitting in the chair that rested in front of the fire, taking the occasional sip as he watched the dancing flames and remembered his days as an army deserter fighting for the love of another brunette. And Stefan, in his room writing about the day, the ups and the downs and all of his thoughts, the words spilled over the pages as he wrote them, leisurely but with purpose and calm.

Her heart pounded in her chest and she knew they could hear it, hear her the second she pulled up. She didn't know what to do, didn't know how it would end with them, she hadn't made up her mind even now, seconds away from confronting them both.

But it was now or never; she was done with waiting, with weighing the pros and cons in her mind and in her journal. Countless pages filled with lists and sketches and pleas for clarity.

Before she knew it she was out of her car and at the door, everything coming to a head at this moment.

She raised her hand to knock at the door, but before her knuckles could connect with the wood, the door was opened and they stood there before her, framed by the firelight.

One cast in shadow, the other caressed by light.

And she caught hopelessly in the middle.

Do I love Stefan…or Damon?