Not nearly as good as Not Even Death or Killing Time, but I think it turned out reasonably ok. I wish I could say I was writing under happy circumstances and just wanted to write a deep piece involving my favorite type of measurement…but I'm not. I do my best work when I'm upset though, so at least something good's coming from it.

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Entropy, the decline of the world into a state of chaos. For every process there is a release of chaos into the universe, furthering the decline of our society into a complete train wreck. You can see it everywhere. The fall of Rome, Napoleon's defeat at Waterloo, the gradual downward sloping of a relationship into a source of pain and misery. Everything is chaos. And if it isn't already, it will be soon.

What is he talking about? I came here to ask advice, for someone to listen. I didn't want a high school Chemistry lesson.

That's the cold hard truth, love. Everything's destined to fail. Everything will fall apart. The world is a tapestry that's slowly being unwound into a mess string so jumbled up that no one will ever be able to put it back together. So why even try.

I tried once. I used to be just like you. I used to take every hit with a smile and assure myself that the next time it would be better. But the next time came. And the next. And the next. And it never got any better. For every hardship a little more chaos was released into my life. For every one of those heartbreaks, the ones you tell yourself are making you stronger, your life slips a little bit more down the drain.

At this point I see him take a drag of his cigarette. He never seems to quit smoking.

The truth is that what doesn't kill you doesn't make you stronger. The reality is that ii is killing you, you just don't notice. It works too slowly for that. It eats you inside like a slow moving poison until you're as good as dead. By the time you notice you're too far gone to care and you're just waiting for the end.

His words strike at me. I don't want to listen but I know he's right.

You know I'm right, I can see it in your eyes. You can lie to yourself, but you can't lie to me. I know you too well. You're too much like me to ever hide anything.

And he's right again. Is this what I'm destined for? Is this what I'll grow up to be? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, now does it?

Listen to me, ma fille, I don't ever want to see you hurt, but it's inevitable. There's no life without pain and no pain without life. People will tell you that the world is held together by love and that's what life is all about, but they're wrong. You can go your whole life without love, but no one can go through life without pain.

When did he lose his French accent? I hadn't noticed until now that it was all but gone. Is this really the man who cradled me as a baby and wiped away my tears as a child? Is this really my father?

Your life, my life, the whole world. It's spiraling down into chaos and there's nothing we can do about it. If you truly don't want to be hurt you should stop trying to create this fairytale life of yours. It won't work and you'll be left all alone. You're just one thread in this tapestry and it doesn't matter if you're the most beautiful or the most colorful or if you sparkle most in the light, you'll be thrown into the pile with the rest of us and dumped into the trash.

At this point he puts out his cigarette and lights another, still the chain smoking bad ass from my youth. But he's changed. I can see the lines in his face from years of sorrow. I wish I could wipe them away. I'd give anything to see him smile and hear his laugh again.

But the thing about being human is that we can't stop hoping. No matter how hard we try there will always be that glimmer of hope at the bottom of the box of sorrows unleashed upon our lives. While I live, I hope, as they say, non? But hope isn't the light as the end of the tunnel, it's the rockslide that closes off the exit and crushes us. Because you never get what you hope for and even if you do it's only temporary.

I knew I should have come to see him more after Mom died. He just hasn't been the same.

There's nothing in this world you can keep. Everything's on loan and if you don't have it ripped away now, you'll lose it when you die.

I ask him what he's trying to say. It's the first time I've spoken since I told him what happened.

I am trying to say that you should get out before it's too late. You can't have your cake and eat it too because you can't even have the cake. You're not invited to the party. No one is.

I look down at my feet, wondering when he'd gotten like this. This isn't the man I remember from my childhood. He's changed so much.

I care so much for you, another thing in life that's unavoidable. You grow attached, only to have those you love ripped away. But I can't help it, you're my daughter, ma cherie, ma princesse.

He reaches out and cups my cheek, a ghost of a smile crossing his face. There's some of the Dad I remember. He's not gone, but maybe he's not done dying yet. The slow poison is still working through him and I don't know how to save him.

This boy is only going to hurt you. He's done it already, just end it. It'll get more and more messy until you break up and can't even bare to speak to each other. Keep a friend while you still can. They last longer, though not by much.

I give him the same ghost of a smile he just gave me and get up to leave. Before I go I bend down to hug my father, the one man who's always been there for me. Maybe he's right and I'll end up alone, but as long as he's alive at least I have him. The one person who will always love me.

Je t'aime, ma cherie. Do what's right for you.

I kiss his wrinkled forehead and turn to leave, pausing at the doorway and giving him another smile.

"Goodbye, Dad."

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Don't take anything said in this seriously, I'm just a depressed old cow.