Alright - I find this one extremely weird (you probably will too I think).

Warning: Angst, twincest, depression, and completely messed plot :P

Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club or the twin's act would be a hell of a lot more than an act ;)

I'm gonna mark this as M (I just think it's a little moer than T) but if anyone thinks I should down it to T then I will. :) please review! 3

"Haruhi!" Kaoru called as he pushed into the host club.

The girl looked up from her text book. It was only quiet in the host club when there was no hosting going on, technically when Tamaki wasn't there, and she liked to study during those peaceful times.

"Yes?" She asked. The younger twin walked to the couch she was sitting on and leaned against it.

"Have you seen Hikaru?" He asked. She frowned and shook her head.

"Aren't you supposed to be inseparable?" She asked. He shrugged.

"He disappeared after class and I've spent the past hour looking for him." He admitted, brushing hair from his face. "And his phone's off." He added glumly.

Tamaki walked in suddenly, smiling and flipping golden blonde hair out of his eyes.

"Great you two are in here! Honey and Mori will be here in about fifteen minutes. Kaoru do you know where Hikaru is? I can't find his beautiful face. We're going to have a meeting!" The king announced. Kaoru sighed.

"I don't know where he went." He admitted. Kyoya walked in, pushing his glasses up his nose.

"I saw him going that way about forty minutes ago." He said, pointing a pen in a certain direction.

"Is there a chance he would still be there?" Kaoru asked hopefully. He shrugged.

"Depends if you can find where 'there' is." He said and Kaoru nodded.

"Alright, fifteen minutes." He said and walked out.

He moved down the hallway swiftly, checking each room. Most were empty but a few had students in them. He reached an empty music room, much like their own, and opened the door quietly.

"Ah!" Kaoru's eyes widened when he heard the loud cry that was too familiar to him.

He quickly moved into the room and froze. Just around the first corner of the room he found his brother. The sad part was that he was on top of another, mid thrust. Kaoru recognized him to be a student in their science class, decently rich but not as rich as them. Hikaru hadn't seemed to notice him yet and continued to thrust into the male. The male who was slightly smaller than Hikaru, clutched at his arms, taking his thrust and meeting them with his own.

"You're so tight." Hikaru groaned and Kaoru's eyes directed to the hard member that penetrated the tight entrance of the other.

"Harder Hikaru!" The boy cried out. Kaoru decided that he had a nasally voice, and his skin wasn't the greatest either.

He felt sick though. A sour feeling that bubbled in his stomach. He watched his brother fuck the boy harder, obviously close to release. The boy came before him, spurting milky white liquid all over their bare chests. Kaoru winced and watched as his brother pushed himself in to the hilt, groaning loudly. He was filling him with his seed, eyes closed in bliss and head tipped back. His lips were parted as he breathed heavily, bare body shuddering with the climax; Kaoru knew that look. He opened his eyes and his gaze fell on his horrified brother. Hikaru froze and stared at his brother.

Kaoru couldn't speak. Never mind speak…he couldn't breathe. He turned and ran, bursting out of the room. He found the nearest exit outside and pushed out, feeling the warm air greet him. He didn't have time to enjoy that as he fell to his knees and emptied everything in his stomach behind a plant. He coughed and continued to vomit, feeling his stomach empty. His head felt dizzy, his body and lips felt numb, his eyes were sore, his mind hurt, his heart was pounding and his stomach was in knots. He stopped to breathe properly for a moment before leaning over to heave everything out again. Tears spilled down his cheeks and he held his hair back, spitting and coughing.

"Fuck." He whimpered and closed his eyes.

He crawled away from the spot where everything that he had eaten was and found grass. He cried and pressed his face to the earth, feeling the cool dampness of the grass. He couldn't help but remember what he had seen and he gagged again. No, it wasn't just gagging. He crawled to a tree and proceeded to vomit again, crying as he coughed. His stomach hurt now and he felt dizzy and too light.

"Kaoru!" He heard the relieved voice of his brother. That brought on another wave of nausea and he threw more up, body convulsing.

Arms reached down to grab him and he whimpered, pushing them away.

"Kaoru you need to listen to me!" Hikaru said but Kaoru couldn't listen.

He was busy spitting everything from his mouth behind the tree again. He suddenly pushed himself to his feet but swayed unsteadily. He fell, legs collapsing, and black out for a few seconds. He awoke to his twin frantically leaning over him.

"Kaoru! Kaoru!" He yelled, shaking his shoulders. This was bringing up more sickness and he weakly but firmly pushed his brother away. "Don't push me away Kao."

Kaoru shook his head to clear it and stumbled to his feet. And he ran. His body was numb and he felt like he was about to collapse, but he managed to run. Tears spilled down his cheeks and he felt sick and people stared, some called after him, but he ignored them. He ran as hard as he could and pushed into the building, passed other students. He knew his brother was following him, people called after him too, and he just knew. But he couldn't stop. He didn't think he could even look at his brother without wanting to vomit.

He made it to Music Room Three and pushed into it. Bad timing. Everyone was there for the meeting he had forgotten about. The others all turned and gasped, seeing Kaoru in his current state. He looked at them then crumbled, sobbing and shaking. Hikaru was still running down the hall, almost there, but didn't arrive until everyone was crowding around Kaoru. He fell to his knees next to his brother, pushing everyone out of his way. Kaoru opened his eyes and cried out, pushing Hikaru away with as much force as he could gather.

And suddenly everyone was yelling. Kaoru sobbed as everyone began to yell, asking what happened, what the hell Hikaru did. The older twin yelled back and glanced down at his twin every few seconds. Honey screamed at Hikaru, demanding to know, and Hikaru yelled back which got Mori involved for Honey's sake and Haruhi, gaining a sudden protectiveness over Kaoru who looked so lost and abandoned crying on the floor like that, began to yell. Tamaki, always taking Haruhi's side, yelled too but because he was over dramatic he really set of Hikaru who yelled louder. Kyoya stayed back but glared at Hikaru as he saw the helpless Kaoru.

Kaoru suddenly couldn't take it. These people weren't helping. He knew what would. He knew it was horrible. He knew Hikaru forbid him to do it after promising not to tell their parents. He knew he could really hurt himself. He didn't care. He simply crawled away from then stumbled to his feet. They were too busy yelling to notice until he was running. Kyoya hadn't realized a couple seconds too late and he knew what Kaoru was about to go do. He had seen the scars, he knew it happened.

Kaoru ran out of the music room and no one noticed until the door slammed. He ran down the hall and pushed himself farther and farther. He ran until he was home, which was a very long run. He was gasping for breath as he pushed into their mansion and made his way to their bathroom. Everything was clean and shiny, but he didn't care. He locked the door and opened the bottom drawer. He pulled out a slim sharp blade and closed his eyes. He pressed the tip to his wrist then dragged it smoothly across his skin. Gasping, he made himself do it again, then again, and again. He had seven slits that were pretty long and had blood spilling from them quickly. He was feeling light headed.

And he felt himself drain away. Blood dripping onto the white tile. He fell back against it and pressed his cheek to it and watched the blood pool around his arms. It was fascinating as he watched it. He could feel himself dying, he wasn't going to just pass out this time. He was drifting away, everything was fuzzy, when he heard the desperate banging at the door.

"No Kaoru! Open the door!" Hikaru yelled. Kaoru couldn't move his body, it was numb. His lips wouldn't move and he couldn't create sound. He closed his eyes and relaxed.

Death was becoming relaxing. And because he was numb he no longer felt the sting of the cuts. Everything felt peaceful. And then the door banged open. He couldn't force his eyes open though. What was going on? He tried to move or speak or at least open his eyes but he couldn't.

"KAORU!" The voice was horrified, petrified, shocked and scared. "No!" It was his brother.

He could feel his brother fall next to him, he knew his blood was staining Hikaru's clothing.

"Hika." He managed to breathe. He listened to his brother sobbing, holding his body.

"Don't die. Don't leave me. Please Kaoru. I love you! I love you, you can't die! Please don't leave me like this! I can't lose you, not now not ever. Kaoru!" His brother sobbed loudly and he felt the shaking body that clutched his own bend protectively over him. "No…don't die." He whispered desperately, holding him closer.

Kaoru felt tears, but they weren't his own. Hikaru was pressing his lips to his brother's, desperately seeking comfort and assurance that Kaoru would live to return that kiss. But he couldn't move. Hikaru sobbed into the kiss but continued to press his lips to the unmoving ones. He suckled the bottom lip gently like he did when they were alone at night. He felt a hand stroke his cheek shakily, and the body that matched his own pressed him impossibly closer.

"No damn it. Don't leave. You can't Kaoru, I need you! I can't live without you." He begged and kissed him again, lips crushing to Kaoru's.

And Kaoru drifted off into dark waters. Hikaru sobbed loudly, wishing the paramedics would hurry. He could feel the life leaving his brother as he held him, he couldn't allow Kaoru to die. He kissed his brother, trying to give him his own life to share.

"Please." He pleaded quietly, pressing his face to his twin's neck. He kissed every inch of skin and licked at every sensitive part he knew Kaoru had. One hand slowly trailed up and down the younger's spine like he had when Kaoru needed comfort when they were smaller. He buried his face in his lover's hair, breathing in the scent.

"You are my lover, yes I admit that now." He murmured. "I love you with all my heart. My life, body and soul belong to you Kaoru. If you die I do too. I can't exist without you."

And the paramedics came. They rushed Kaoru out and Hikaru rode in the ambulance. Silent, shaking and crying, hand holding his twin's. One of the paramedics wrapped him a blanket, seeing how pale and shaken up he was. His eyes were red from crying and all he could whisper was inaudible to the world.

"I love you…I love you…I love you…I love you…" This continued, his lips moving so quickly and his voice so quiet that no one could tell what he was saying.

The host club was being contacted, he didn't know who knew him but someone had informed him that someone he knew was phoning the host club for him. He didn't respond, just held his brother's hand. And then his brother was taken from him. With speed that was impressive, they wheeled him down the hallway until Hikaru couldn't follow. He crumpled to the ground and bawled, whole body shaking violently.

He remembered that weekend, Saturday, just five days ago. Kaoru had crawled into bed and whispered that he wanted Hikaru to make love to him. He didn't want to have sex, he wanted Hikaru to make love to him. And he had agreed. It had been pleasurable and perfect. Kaoru had moaned at every touch, begged him for more, came with cries of Hikaru. Hikaru sobbed harder as he remembered the way they lay in bed after that. He had his arms wrapped protectively around Kaoru, tightly and unbreakable. Kaoru had kissed him tenderly, then whispered he loved him. He whispered about how much he loved him. How magical it had been to experience such passion with the one person who meant the world to him. And Hikaru had hugged him impossibly closer, pressed his lips to Kaoru's ear, and whispered his sweet "I love you" to him too. And Kaoru asked why.

"Because you love me. Every time your heart beats I feel it, and when we're close like this our hearts beat the same." He had answered. "Because you're beautiful. Your smile is the only thing I know could revive me and your love keeps me going. Kaoru I love you because I do."

His twin had been content with that and fell asleep quickly in his arms. Hikaru had stayed up for another twenty minutes just tracing every detail of his lover's face. The face so like his own.

"Hikaru?" He looked up to see the host club looking down at him. And he looked back down to cry again.

"I betrayed him. I made him hurt himself. He might die." He whispered. And cried.

He felt a pair of arms wrap around him and looked at Honey. Honey hugged him tighter and pressed his face to his back. And, because Honey had, Mori hugged him too. Then Haruhi. Of course Tamaki. And Kyoya. They all held him together; each little piece that felt like it was crumbling. He cried in the middle of them all and they let him. It was silent in the hallway so Hikaru's sobs were clear and painful. It was clear how crushed he was.

"Are you Hikaru Hitachiin?" A soft voice asked. They had all stayed there for twenty minutes, holding him together as he wept.

The group dislodged around him and Hikaru looked up. She could see the pain in his eyes.

"Would you…like to come see him?" She asked hesitantly. He nodded slowly and carefully stood. He

wavered and the group steadied him.

She led him down another hallway as the host club drifted into the waiting room and they stopped at a door. She didn't open it though.

"I understand that he is your brother, right?" She asked. He nodded. "Alright. He has lost a lot of blood. We had to have a blood transfusion and the slits on his wrists are bandaged up. He's on strict suicidal watch, and he's still sleeping right now. But we were told that you had privileges…"

"Our parents…" he whispered He knew they owned or donated or something…it just meant that they had better treatment and better options at the hospital. She nodded and opened the door.

He shakily stepped in and she let the door shut, leaving the two alone. Kaoru was still sleeping, pretty face pale, body still excluding the rising and falling of his chest. Hikaru listened to the heart monitor which beeped consistently, taking relief in that. He found a chair and pulled it over to the bed. He sat in it and stared at Kaoru. He carefully took his hand and laced their fingers.

"I love you Kaoru. When you wake up I want to make sure you know that." He promised softly and kissed the fingers "And we're going to get married. I don't care what the law says, what people say, we're getting married because I know you want that. And I promise to make love to you every night, I promise to love you forever Kao."

"Hika." Was the whispered response. His eyes filled with tears and he looked to his twin's face.

"Thank god." He whimpered and he began to sob with joy. "Thank whatever god may be above."

"Hika…" Kaoru whispered again and amber eyes opened. Hikaru breathed in and stared at his twin,

giving Kaoru the decision as to what would happen as he let tears roll down his cheeks.

"Do you know how hard it is to hold the one you would kill for in your arms as their life leaves them? And it's slow. I begged for you to wake up, you wouldn't. Do you know how hard it is to hold the one you would kill for in your arms as their life leaves them? And it's slow. I begged for you to wake up, you wouldn't. I made such a bad mistake Kao. I love you so much." It all came out in one

gust, Hikaru felt dizzy afterwards.

The hand he held squeezed his fingers weakly and he began to cry again.

"Don't cry…" Kaoru whispered and Hikaru made himself go silent, though tears spilled down his cheeks steadily.

"I'm sorry." Hikaru whispered back, pressing his lips to his twin's fingers.

"Hika…" Kaoru breathed and squeezed his fingers again. "Please come." He asked.

Hikaru took no time in carefully slipping into the bed and wrapped his arms around Kaoru's waist. He pulled his twin against him and pressed a kiss to the back of his neck.

"What were you saying before?" Kaoru whispered. Hikaru laughed, he felt high. His brother/twin/lover was going to be okay.

"I said that when you wake I was going to make sure you knew I loved you. And we're going to get married. No matter the law. And I'll make love to you, as much as you like. And I promise to love you as long as I live and longer." Hikaru whispered into his ear. Kaoru turned to face him, feeling an IV cord tug at his hand.

"You'll make love to me. Marry me. Love me forever and longer. And make sure I know it." Kaoru whispered. Hikaru chuckled and nodded. "You sound so cliché." He judged.

"Harsh." Hikaru murmured and pressed his lips to Kaoru's.

And this time he felt the other kiss him back. He was forgiven. He was trusted again, and loved. Though he doubted Kaoru had stopped loving him, it felt nice to be sure.

"I'll love you too then." Kaoru whispered. "Promise."

"Promise." Hikaru whispered against the other's lips and they drifted into much needed sleep together.