Cooler Than Me
After Jim goes to Scranton, when Ryan moves to his old desk...
I wish she would stop looking at me. I know its because of where I am sitting, it has nothing to do with me. But that since of longing...I can't handle that much longer.
I will just ignore it.
Shit, she's looking this way again. I know that the emotion in her eyes has nothing to do with me, and I couldn't be happier about the fact...Then why am I turned on?
I want her on the counter, kissing me. Sighing my name, not glancing at me, wishing I was taller and my name was a letter shorter.
Damn.
"Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam." She answers, "Just one second."
My phone starts to ring, I look at her, she is smiling.
It is so weird to see someone other than Jim. I am so used to seeing him, that even though Ryan is there, I forget, and look anyway. Ryan is usual working, unlike Jim, but sometimes he is looking back.
I miss Jim.
I look over, expecting him to send me a shrug. Instead, I get a look with something I can't describe. I feel out of breath. No one has ever looked at me like that. I raise an eyebrow, I wonder if he is aware of how he is looking at me, and how it is making me feel.
He stands up, taking slow short strides to my counter. He runs a hand across the counter with a strange expression, before grabbing a couple jelly beans.
"Hey, Pam." he says, and I feel heat rushing to my cheeks.
He is going to comment on the stares...I know it. He probably thinks I am a weirdo or something for staring at him.
I can't believe I walked to her desk.
The counter was so cool, I could only imagine the heat of Pam's body warming it as I...
I shouldn't be thinking about this.
I look like an idiot just standing here, I need to say something.
"So, you want to hang out after work?"
Smooth, Howard...smooth.
Pam blushes and smiles, "What about Kelly?"
Wait, is this actually happening?
"We're not together anymore." I say, so glad that I broke things off with her last week.
"Okay, where do you want to go?"
This has to be a dream.
Did the temp just ask me out?
Did I just say yes?
Why not? I am not with Roy anymore, and Jim left the state to get away from me. And, Ryan just said that he was no longer with Kelly Kapoor. So it is perfectly okay for two single people to go on a date right.
"Poor Richard's?" He suggests.
I shake my head, "Roy hangs out there, and I think that would be a little awkward for our date."
"Date?"
Oh, shoot. Did I just say date? He just said hanging out, and I called it a date? Now he is going to think I am a weirdo.
Pam just called it a date.
Awesome.
This was easier than I thought, why didn't I try this earlier?
Her face fills with panic, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to jump to-"
I cut her off, "Date, sounds perfect."
She relaxes and smiles, "What about Meg's?"
"I've never been there." I admit, "I may have been in Scranton for awhile, but I haven't really 'explored' it, you what I mean."
I have nothing to wear that constitutes as 'date' material. All my clothes are either work clothes or lounge clothes, but nothing that I would want to wear on a date...especially with someone like Ryan.
Ryan could do so much better than Scranton, than Dunder Mifflin, than me. Yet, here we are in Scranton going on a date.
If I can find something suitable to wear.
I fling through the clothes in my closet, and stumble upon it. I had bought it on impulse last year, it had been a size too small, for inspiration to lose weight. It was tight and sexy, and thanks to the stress of working for Michael Scott, breaking my engagement, and Jim leaving it fit.
I usually tried not to wear black, but tonight, it was just right. It made me seem like more than just the Dunder Mifflin receptionist.
Pam looks amazing. I felt the breath leaving my lungs and not returning for several moments.
"You look..." I try to describe, but the words clog in my throat.
She takes my lack of words positively, and smiles, "Thanks."
I never imagined that Pam would wear something like this little black number. I imagined her wearing a cute sweater and maybe some flattering jeans, but never this.
This was a Pam, I don't think anyone thought possible.
I lean over her threshold and kiss her cheek, because I can't help myself.
She takes a sharp breath and kisses me, this time on the mouth.
It is over quick, and I just want to kiss her more.
"Are you ready?" She asks.
Ready to what?
A million ideas enter my mind, and I look at her, not knowing what to expect.
"Our reservation is in twenty minutes."
Oh.
She was talking about the restaurant.
She isn't the type to sleep with a guy on the first date, and that only made me like her more. I didn't want to sleep with her.
Okay, I did, but only when she wanted me. Only when Jim Halpert is a mere memory and I am the one she is wanting to see when she turns her head at the office.
She was too good for Halpert.
And, Halpert is way better than I am.
Ryan didn't try anything when he dropped me off after our first date.
Or our second. Or our third...
And, if I am truthful, I wanted him to make a move when I kissed him before our first date.
I have started to long for him to touch me, not only in a sexual way. Just to know that he is real, that this is real.
I watch him while he works. His fingers lithe on the keyboard, I am jealous of a piece of machinery.
Its been almost a month, shouldn't he have already tried to jump my bones? I would have probably let him too.
He looks up. I don't even care when he catches me staring anymore. I am hoping he will get the hint and drag me to the nearest supply closet. But then Michael would probably walk in and fire me, he is so obsessed with Ryan. A few people here know about Ryan and I. Obviously not Kelly, because she would probably kill me.
Actually everybody but Michael and Kelly know, and Dwight, only because he'd tell Michael.
No one said anything. We filled with HR about our relationship. That was Ryan's idea, so he is taking us seriously, even if he didn't touch me.
I think I am falling for him.
She is staring at me. I can tell when her eyes are on me. It must be something to do with the fact, I am falling in love with her. I never thought I would fall in love, not really. I had always imagined meeting a girl that was pretty enough, marrying her, having little Howards and being extremely successful.
Not falling in love with someone who knows me in this current state of pathetic.
I am just a temp...wait, not anymore, I am an actual salesman, even though I haven't technically sold anything. Its still pathetic.
She smiles at me. The look in her eyes arouses me. I think she wants me to kiss her, but if I do, I'll want more, and I don't want to rush sex with Pam. I love her too much to mess things up. Hell, I'd wait to have sex with Pam till we're married, even if we are engaged as long as her and Roy.
Marriage?
When did that come into play?
I love her and I want to marry her.
What has happened to me?
Something is going on with Pam and Ryan. They are always giggling and he is always at her counter. Just like Jim.
No.
Jim loved Pam, he told me himself, and they acted the same way.
Could the temp be falling in love with the receptionist?
A receptionist and a temp walk into a bar...that sounds like the good start to a joke.
There is no way that Pam and Ryan could be together.
"They are." Toby says.
I must have thought out loud, I have been doing that alot recently.
I laugh, "Yeah right. Like Ryan would tell you before me."
"They submitted their relationship to HR, two weeks ago, Michael." Toby replies.
I hate Toby.
Toby groans and walks away.
I must have thought out loud again.
"Pam-a-lam-a-ding-dong!" Michael is at my desk. I look behind him, and Ryan looks amused.
"What do you want, Michael?" I snap.
Ryan still hasn't kissed me, and it has started to frustrate me.
"OW! Gosh, Pam, one would think that love would soften you." Michael says in his annoying voice.
Shoot, someone told.
Shit, someone told Michael. I stand up, to defend Pam.
"Sit back down, Ryan." Michael says without even turning around.
Pam sends me a desperate look, and I stay standing.
"It seems that two people have been having an affair in the office without telling their boss." Michael starts, loudly, making everyone face them.
I catch Dwight sending Angela a shrug.
Pam groans, "Its not an affair, Michael. And we told HR, it doesn't say anywhere that we have to tell our boss."
"What about your friend?" Michael sounds pathetic. He always did when he tried to make it seem like we were all friends.
"We were waiting for the right time to tell you." I say, knowing this particular piece of bullshit will content Michael.
"You were?" He looks content.
"Yes, we were." Pam says.
Next thing, he'll be finding out from someone else is that we're engaged...if she says yes.
At Meg's again. We have been dating for a whole month. Guess Ryan is more sentimental than I thought.
He is wearing a dark suit, not one of his work ones either. I had bought another dress, actually five. I decided to wear one, I hadn't previously. I am sentimental...
He is smiling across the table.
I never thought that I would be here with Ryan on our one month anniversary.
I never thought I would be this happy.
Ryan gets out of his chair, I guess he has to go to the bathroom.
He stands in front of me, "Pam, I am in love with you." He drops to his knee.
This has to be a dream?
Pam's jaw drops.
I grab her hands in one of mine. I never thought I would be doing this.
"I love you." She whispers.
My breath leaves...I can't believe she just said that.
"Marry me." I had a whole speech, screw it.
"Ryan." Just my name escapes in a sigh.
Damn. Jim Halpert is coming back, along with a bunch of Stamford scum. I try to convince Michael to fire one of them, make an example. Have the new ones fearing me and Michael...he won't do it. And stupid Jim probably already made me out as a laughing stock to them all.
The temp doesn't seem to be worried, and I know that if I could get him to tell Michael to fire one of them, that Michael would. But every time, I try talking to the temp, he is looking at Pam and totally spaced out.
Don't know what the hell that is about? I guess it has something to do with the new jelly beans she set out. They are delicious...
When Michael told us that the Stamford branch was merging with us, I felt nothing. I was worried thinking about Jim would bring back old feelings. But, Ryan filled my mind and heart completely. Jim is just an old friend.
I love Ryan and nothing was going to come between that...
I hope.
If I was completely honest, I was worried when Jim walks in the office. Pam didn't smile like she did with me, she smiled like she does at Dwight, and says "You can take the boy out of Scranton, but you can't take Scranton out of the boy."
Jim laughs, and looks at me.
Someone must have told him.
"You are mighty pretty." The new guy, Andy something, says in an exaggerated western voice.
I try to resist rolling my eyes. I don't want to seem rude on his first day.
Jim hasn't said anything. I don't want him to hate me...but I don't care about him that way anymore.
I make an excuse and leave Andy standing at my counter. I go in the kitchen. There is Jim.
"Hey." I say, forcing myself to smile.
"What the hell happened while I was gone?" He asks.
"I-I-I fell in love with Ryan." I reply.
"I leave and you are engaged to Roy, I come back and you are engaged to Ryan." He says bitterly, "Guess you only go for guys whose names start with an 'R'."
I sigh, "Jim, don't be like this. You left me, not the other way around. You can't help who you fall for, and I love him."
"You seen how he treated Kelly, and you still get engaged to him." Jim sounds like an asshole, not one of my oldest friends, "I think you've got a weakness for pricks."
"He loves me, Jim. And he didn't wait two years to tell me, get over it. I am going to marry him, on July 11th. And there is nothing you can do or say that will stop it."
"That long? Guess he doesn't want to marry you that badly."
"It's my parents wedding anniversary." Ryan's voice comes from behind me.
I didn't like Jim before, and I really hated him now.
Pam turns and gives me this look. I feel weak.
"Oh." Jim looks depressed.
I walk up to her, and throw my arm around her, "Halpert, don't be a dick about it."
He moves past us and to the door, "Don't worry, I won't."
July 11th
I felt so happy. Standing with my best friends at the head of Scranton Baptist Church. Everyone I knew and worked with was crammed into the church. Jim sat with a very pregnant Karen, Kelly with Daryl from the warehouse. Everyone was actually getting along, and Michael wasn't there. We picked this day, not only because it was my parent's anniversary, but also because we knew that Michael would be in Jamaica with Jan. He had spent too much on the trip to cancel.
The Wedding March begins and Pam's bridesmaids file in. Soon, my eyes connect with her, and that same rush fills me. I never imagined loving someone as much as I loved Pam.
This would be our last time in Scranton. I had gotten promoted to corporate, and she decided to give art school a try. We already rented an apartment in the city, that was waiting for us after our honeymoon.
Ryan says he doesn't remember our wedding. He says all he remembers is my eyes. I usually jokingly nag him, but thats all I remember. Staring into his eyes, thinking of how lucky I am.
Fin
AN: I was inspired by the song "Cooler Than Me" by Mike Posner, it really doesn't fit, but I really like it and I was thinking of how Ryan thinks he is so much better than everyone else as Dunder Mifflin/Sabre. Especially when he goes blonde, haha.
I recently started like the idea of Ryan/Pam. Pam/Jim is just so boring anymore...
If it hadn't been for Pam, Karen/Jim might have succeeded, so it did in this.
Review.