...not sure what to say about this. I guess if I had only one thing to write, it would be, "This sounded better in my head." WHY AM I SO BAD AT HUMOR?

Kaito: Aw, come on, cheer up. You're not THAT bad. At least I can read it.

me: ...

Kaito: Are you sad because this story's not about me?

Aoko: Why would anyone want to write a story about you? Why would anyone even want to read a story about you?

Kaito: Unless you'd rather read a story about Kaitou Kid...

Aoko: *pulls out mop*

Kaito: ahh...gotta go! Bye!

Disclaimer: I do not own anything! (Well, duh. I mean, you've probably read all my other disclaimers, right?)

The story awaits!

N is for Never...(never unpredictable, that is)

oOo

Satou stared sleepily at the clock that blinked 6:02 A.M. She yawned.

Takagi stared sleepily at the same clock. "It's going to be a long day, isn't it?"

Satou sighed. "When do we not have long days?"

Shiratori came by with a cup of coffee in his hand. "Pretty soon we'll get calls to a murder."

Satou raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Then Mouri-san, Ran-chan, and Conan-kun will be there, waiting for us."

Chiba walked in, a hamburger in one hand and a cup of soda in the other.

"CHIBA-KUN! YOU'RE LATE!" Practically the whole office shouted at him.

Chiba blinked. "By three minutes…besides, nothing has happened yet, right?"

Just then, the phone rang. Satou, who was closest, picked it up. "You've reached the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department."

After a while, her eyes widened. "Really? We'll be there. Don't worry." She slammed the receiver down. "Conan-kun just called. They're stranded at an abandoned villa in the mountains, and—"

"The ropes for the bridge are cut," Shiratori said without taking his eyes off some paperwork.

"There's probably a serial murder taking place," Takagi remarked.

"The murderer hasn't been caught yet, so they want the police to come over and protect them," Chiba finished.

Satou stared. Then she shook herself out of it. "Yeah, that's what happens every single time they visit villas, huh?"

oOo

It was an impossible murder. The alleged culprit had fled out the window, leaving no footprints in the snow, and the murder weapon had vanished without a trace.

Mouri scratched his head. "It just can't be possible!"

Ran shivered. "Maybe the ghost really killed all of them?"

Conan studied the room carefully and then put on a fake, childish expression as he ran over to where Satou and Takagi were standing.

"Here he goes again," Satou whispered.

Takagi nodded. "On the count of three…one, two…"

"AH-RE-RE?" Conan shouted.

Satou and Takagi promptly burst out laughing.

A brief flash of annoyance flickered across Conan's face but was instantly replaced by the innocent, demure look of a would-be 7-year-old. "Look at that! Maybe the culprit used this string to tie Ishida-san to this beam and then attached it to this nook over here so the culprit could slide around the house like this!"

Mouri whipped around, stalked to Conan's side, and snatched the plastic bag of string from him. "Kids shouldn't be touching this!" he growled.

"Watch…he's going to punch his head," Satou smiled.

Takagi just sighed.

"ITAI!" Conan shrieked, both hands pressed on the ever-growing bump on his head.

"Now watch…in the next scene, the people who draw the anime are going to forget about the bump, and it'll disappear," Takagi mumbled.

"Why do they draw the bump in the first place, then?" Satou wondered.

Takagi shrugged.

oOo

"Eee…aaaa…eyaioo…." Mouri stumbled around the room.

"He's going to miraculously manage to fall into a chair…or maybe against the wall…" Satou said knowingly.

Mouri hit his head on the wall and slid down so he was sitting. "I have figured out who the culprit behind the murders is!" he proclaimed without moving his lips.

"Conan-kun again, huh?" Takagi whispered.

Satou nodded. "Really, we've been through several hundred episodes, fifteen movies, and eleven OVAs…do they honestly think that we can't figure out that Conan-kun does all the work?"

"I know!" Takagi agreed.

"Maybe it's because the author wants to keep Meitantei Conan running as long as possible so he won't run out of money to go travel around the world," Satou mused.

"Of course! Why else would he pretend that not even a year has passed in our world? We should all be at least 15 years older!" Takagi said.

"Actually, we should be more than 15 years older. Remember, the manga started before the anime." Satou snuck a glance at Takagi over the corner of her eye.

Takagi pointed to a girl standing a little off to the side, smiling. "Look at Mizuno-san, so confident in her alibi with Mouri-san. I bet she's the one."

"Gosho-sensei always makes the least likely person the culprit," Satou replied.

"AND THE CULPRIT IS…" Mouri appeared to pause for dramatic effect.

"Kudou-kun's the same as always, stopping to build up tension…" Takagi sighed.

"Well, he can't help it. It's just in his nature."

Mouri's limp arm and shaky pointer finger slowly moved to point at the true murderer. "MIZUNO-SAN, IT'S YOU!"

Satou groaned. "Gosho-sensei, can't you give us some VARIETY every once in a while?"

oOo

Mizuno-san trembled. "How dare you accuse me! I was with you at the time the first murde—"

Conan-kun interrupted her…with Mouri's voice. "Not so fast, Mizuno-san."

"Now Kudou-kun's going to expose her and give her the evidence she'll demand," Satou predicted.

"Then she'll drop to her knees and start crying about how bad the other people were to her ex-boyfriend/mother/father/sister, and she'll wail about the unfairness of the world," Takagi said confidently.

"It was all their fault," Mizuno-san said slowly, sinking to her knees. "THEY KILLED MY FIANCE!"

"And now Kudou-kun's going to lecture her about her motives and make her regret her crime," Satou sighed for the millionth time.

Takagi felt like banging his head on one of the nearby walls. "Why is our life so repetitive?"

oOo

"Here is your schedule for the day, Satou-kun." Megure-keibu handed the small half-sheet to her.

"Why schedules, keibu-dono?" Shiratori asked curiously.

"I don't know. Gosho-sensei said that if we could predict the plot and storyline in the immediate future, he might as well give us the schedule so we won't have to wonder if we're right or not," came the reply.

Takagi studied his schedule as a huge, imaginary sweat-drop rolled down the back of his head.

6:30 AM: Murder for money

7:00 AM: Murder for revenge

8:00 AM: Serial murder

9:00 AM: Accidentally-on-purpose car accident

10:00 AM: Burglary

11:00 AM: Murder disguised as a suicide

12:00 AM: Suicide disguised as a murder

1:00 PM: Kidnapping

2:00 PM: False kidnapping

3:00 PM: Murder…accidental

4:00 PM: Murder…not accidental

5:00 PM: Bombing

6:00 PM: Murder…for fun

"What is up with all these murders?" Takagi finally said.

"And what's with the last murder?" Yumi said.

"Who murders for fun?" Shiratori sighed.

Satou smiled grimly. "That guy named Gin. And that other guy named That Person."

"Huh?" Takagi gawked. "Who names their son 'That Person?'"

No one in the office could answer his question.

oOo

Miwako tried to calm down the happy racing of her heart. At last, at long, long, last, she was getting her much-deserved second kiss…

Wataru just tried to not do anything dumb.

Miwako suddenly whirled around. "Ayumi-chan! Mitsuhiko-kun! Genta-kun! Stop spying on us!"

And as three guilty children peeked their head around the bushes, Takagi groaned, dropped his head into his hands, and mentally cursed Gosho-sensei for having bad timing.

oOo

Dun, dun-dun-dun….dun, dun-dun-dun…the wedding bells chimed in unison. Takagi swallowed nervously and adjusted his tie for the millionth time.

Miwako smiled and slowly walked down the aisle to where Wataru was waiting…until a shrill scream pierced the air.

"HE'S DEAD! SOMEONE'S DEAD! HELP! CALL THE POLICE!"

Miwako neglected to mention that nearly half of the entire force was here, attending the now-ruined ceremony.

Takagi sighed. "I knew we should've never invited Conan-kun to our wedding."

oOo

AN: Okay, some background on this:

It originally started as a bunch of random ideas on random things in DC (obviously), but then I decided to put it all together in this story because I felt guilty for not putting anything on in a long time. So, Kucing Kecil, you get your wish! TakagixSatou with a bit of humor!

I really hope you like it, because to be honest, I'm really bad at writing these two, and I'm sorry if they seem OOC (which I'm sure they are...*sweatdrops*), but let me know what you think about it, okay?

And so...I am now taking requests again! If you want to see anything (it doesn't necessarily have to be a specific pairing; just name a few characters), I'll do my best to write something! Except no yaoi, no yuri, no excessive adult content, blah blah blah, no WEIRD pairings that obviously won't happen (like, I don't know, GinxRan)...IN SHORT, PLEASE REQUEST SOMETHING!

And here ends the extremely long author's note that always spoils the mood.

Please, please, please review! I didn't get any reviews last chapter...does that mean you guys didn't like it? :(