DISCLAIMER: THERE ONCE WAS A FANFIC AUTHOR NAMED SLY BUT SHE DOES NOT OWN BLEACH BECAUSE SHE CAN'T WRITE OR DRAW DETAIL FOR CRAP!

NOTES AT THE END

FOR MISZXBRII~Thanks for convincing me to jump back on the ship of Coyote and Berry, twas good fun.

Characters: Starrk, Ichigo, Rangiku, Kazeshini, etc etc

Warnings: AU, OOC, Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation, Language, switching views, randomness, crack, modern day gypsies and teacups, hybrids and an orb with a special power, family curses, flashbacks and most important of all a happy ending for the 'gardener' and his human heater.

()()

REVIEW RESPONSES FOR THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER

Ane-chan: Kaze-boy is PURE LOVE! Filler or not tis a shame more authors don't mention Kariya's character…he's a lot of fun. All hail Grimm!Kitty and his uber ego! GRINS

MISZXBRII: I love long chapters too! Said it before and I'll say it again: A fic with out Grimm is not really much of a fic at all in SLY's opinion. Yes the land of tea is a favorite of Aizen-sama's. Perhaps Gin can take him there on their anniversary, lol.

The-freudianslip: Fear not the Berry shall escape. The Coyote will make a recovery.

TOTOROMO: Where do I get my ideas? I have a very wild and overactive imagination, smirks. Not to mention the berry well…everything thing he does should lead to that kind of result doncha agree?

ShadowsArch: Who said anything about Gin comforting Tousen? Who said Tousen needed comfort? Above all else Tousen is a reasonable and well-mannered sort of man.

ShuichisBoo: Not even close. Snorts.

Also like send out thanks to: BonneSarah, Pri-TheBishonenPuppeteer, ravensterling123, scenariodreamer, lover1492, Deviously Ruined Rose, Trinity Fenton-Phantom, I-Kill-U-For-Yaoi, Carabel

ONWARD TO THE GRAND FINALE WHICH TO SOME OF YOU MIGHT NOT BE SO GRAND AT ALL…STILL YOU MADE IT THIS FAR SO I INVITE YOU TO COME ALONG FOR END!

THANK YOU AND ENJOY!

CONARTIST IS SUCH A STRONG WORD!

REWIND…

It was one of the best lessons one could learn in life: How to escape the evil clutches of a mega drag queen and a shameless pervert-the kind of thing that happened in action thrillers.

Outwitting the enemy-pulling off a series of slick and quick moves like scaling the walls and sliding down the fire escape-

Making sure to keep your legs closed just enough so you wouldn't be flashing half of the city as you run-

You remove every article of clothing that you'd wouldn't even dream of being caught dead in, looking back every minutes to make sure you weren't being followed.

Yes the uber great escape was great and all-but before the orange berry could pull off such a stunt he'd have to call in a favor or two only he couldn't do that since he'd left his phone in his car.

So Ichigo only had himself to rely on.

He figured the quickest way to get out of his current predicament would be by coming up with a simple and logical excuse, giving Ulquiorra no other choice but to release him from his bonds.

But he couldn't act right away or the green-eyed male would catch on to what he was about to attempt...so Ichigo would have to wait a bit before making his move.

()()

It had been so painfully cliche and Ichigo was still sort of impressed that it had worked but he supposed even bastards like Grimmjow and Ulquiorra could respect that 'when a man had to pee a man had to pee'

The moment he had made it into the bathroom he took the lounge chair, which had conveniently been placed there and used it to block the door.

Then he studied his surroundings and concluded that while climbing on top of the sink might be dangerous it was the only way to reach the vents.

Catching a glimpse of his own reflection in the mirror made Ichigo pause and turn.

He had to admit that while he was weirded out he was also a bit impressed that Ulquiorra had been able to find an almost perfectly matching set of cat ears to sew into the orange wig, which had been pinned down onto his head.

The wig itself was even more impressive an exact match-if Ichigo didn't know better he would have thought that his co-worker had snuck into his bedroom over the past few years and collected each and every single lock of his hair and then turned it into a wig.

Ichigo wasn't so sure how he felt about that.

Which brought to mind another question: Just how long had the black-haired male been planning this?

It really wasn't just spare of the moment was it?

The orange berry scowled.

'Who cares I need to get out of here!'

And yet even though he told himself this Ichigo decided to take in the rest of Ulquiorra's 'masterpiece'

And snorted at the petticoat dress, stockings and heels.

'On second thought that bastard is already overly cocky I wouldn't compliment him if my life depended on it not to mention I'm a freakin' guy although it didn't doesn't look half bad on me but that's not the point like I said I'm a freakin' guy and I don't care what the hell those damn dreams I've been having lately are trying to tell me I have absolutely no desire to wear chick clothes.'

So it was decided the heels would be the first things to go.

Ichigo made sure to drop the damn things in the toilet and then mentally prepared himself for what he was about to do.

()()

Truthfully Tousen had thought that the silver-haired man could handle his wine better but 15 minutes after listening to Ichimaru talk about a number of different punishments that should be dished out to the tardy boy better known as

'Ichi-chan'-the man had slipped over to the side and began to snore.

Priding himself on not losing his patience anymore than he already had, Tousen picked up the sloppy intoxicated man and moved him into the guest room.

Then he made a call down stairs telling the idiots at the front desk to 'not fuck up a simple task-all that was required of them was to contact Aizen-sama and tell him to pick up his snoring fox'

Not caring if the brunet was busy or if it was inconvenient because at the moment Ichimaru was an inconvenience to Tousen.

He wanted the fox to be as far away as possible because he really had no desire to try and explain the man's presence to the orange haired youth if he did in fact manage to show up.

Ichigo might come. He might not come. Tousen decided he would no longer stress over it.

'I am going to relax'

()()

And now he was making his way through the vents towards the exit-letting out a string of curses when part of the periwinkle blue uber girly monstrosity ripped up the side.

'How the hell do women function in these damn things day after day?'

()()

When at last Ichigo reached the outside he let out a sigh of relief and the considered what he should do next.

Fleeing the scene was a definite but how he would flee?

Complete his uber great escape?

There was his own car and then there was his date's car…looking all shiny and almost too damn good for its bastard of an owner.

An uncharacteristic smirk made its way on to Ichigo's face.

()()()

Revenge is a dish best served cold! Payback is A Grade A Bitch!

Cold was over rated Ichigo's idea of revenge was hot-as in hotwiring Grimmjow's car that is.

A little trick he had picked up in his teens after hanging around a girl whose family owned an 'autoshop'

It wasn't a proud 'skill' necessarily-technically it was illegal but after the night the blue haired bastard had put him through Ichigo didn't give a damn about rules or laws.

Besides he wasn't a total idiot-it's not like he would wreck Grimmjow's car-much!

()()

Another trick Ichigo had picked up in his youth was multitasking-between each red light or stopping at intersection he would discard another article of clothing.

When he finally got down to his underwear he decided that it would be best to pull over and see what was buried in the back seat.

He couldn't exactly greet Tousen-san in his underwear-though it might be interesting just to see how the man would react if he did such a thing.

'Maybe someday, somewhere down the line I mean if things actually get that far-I mean for all I know-Ichigo shook his head-What the hell am I saying? This is probably only a one-time deal sort of thing and-

()()

Rangiku felt a bit irritated.

Now that Gin had ruined her plans she'd have to come up with something else.

And fast...because from the looks of things her nephew had managed to escape the Frosted Nekoand was now making his way to Tousen's loft.

()()

It was one of those unspoken rules: Bachelors always had at least one change of clothes somewhere in their car.

In Grimmjow's case it was ripped jeans and a silky leopard print shirt-Ichigo raised a brow-thinking it was rather girly for a uber manly type like his repair man to even own such an outfit.

'Well everyone has their secrets'

()()()

Ichimaru was not born in a barn. Aizen was not born in a barn either. Facts. Simple facts.

Both men were well mannered and intelligent. Also facts.

Both men are human and because they are human they tend to make mistakes from time to time.

Tousen could let it slide-let it simply roll off his shoulders-think nothing of it-only he could not-he could not just continue to lounge in his indoor Jacuzzi when the door to his home was left wide open-

If he were a lesser man he would have chased his business partners down the stairs with a broomstick or something-but he had absolutely no desire to cause a scene-no desire to start a battle because of a simple mistake so he did not rise up from out of the water and chase down the couple.

Nor did he race to his front door and slam it shut.

Such behavior was far too barbaric for his tastes.

So instead he was going to bide his time for you see Tousen Kaname has a notebook in his head and in this notebook is a list of debts-not his own debts for Tousen is not so foolish as to put himself in such a situation-no the list of debts is what is owed to him and the silver fox and Aizen-sama are on the very top of the list.

Chuckling to himself Tousen makes another check mark next to their names-just a few more months and he can collect-just a few more months and he can go after his real long term goal.

He is not so cruel, pathetic or desperate enough to take all of their money-its not even about money-its about a game-a game of Tousen's creation designed for Tousen's own amusement.

And why?

That's for Kaname-sama to know and for everyone else to find out.

Maybe.

()()()

10:35 pm

Ichigo had expected for the door to be slammed back into his face.

While he had been making the long journey up the staircase he had been trying to prepare himself for a verbal lashing of a lifetime, thinking up all sorts of scenarios including but not limited to being fired.

But the more rational part of his brain reminded Ichigo that Tousen Kaname was one of the most sensible and even tempered men he had ever had the pleasure of meeting.

()()()

Leaving ones door open wide was never a smart thing to do-Ishida had certainly preached this to Ichigo time and time again and the orange haired youth supposed his bespectacled friend had a point but at the same time Ishida tended to be overly dramatic so Ichigo usually didn't give it much thought.

Until now…

Tousen-san was not a careless man and so he would not leave his door wide open even if he were expecting company.

So then why was the door wide open?

Why could Ichigo smell the faintest scent of vanilla and burgundy lingering in the hallway?

Was it possible that Tousen-san had given up on him and decided to invite another guest or guests over?

It wasn't like he could lecture the man-wasn't like he had any reason to be jealous considering he himself was a shameless flirt.

Ichigo did not bother to mask the dark glower now marring his boyish features.

Tousen-san was a grown man and should he decide to have a happy set of twin call girls or boys-or both-who was Ichigo to step in and whine?

He paused in his thought process for a moment and pressed his ear against the wall listening for any tell tale sounds that might confirm his suspicions but found nothing but the faintest trickling of water?

Hmm a leaking pipe? Or a sink that had been left on?

Or what if it was a shower being turned off-the happy trio having decided that even though they had just spent the past half hour getting squeaky clean after their little messy session earlier on that it would be oh so much more fun to play around and get messy all over again?

Although Ichigo admired and had a great deal of respect for his boss he did not know much about the man and yet-

As the orange berry let his mind run away with him yet again an entirely different string of scenarios came to mind.

What if someone (not a lover or a call boy) had broken into Tousen-san's home and committed murder while the man was showering?

If Ichigo pushed the door open would he find smears on the wall-crimson smears indicating signs of struggle-would he step into a large red puddle and be forced to hold his nose as searched for the dead body?

Because the killer was a sick bastard and simply murdering Tousen-san was not enough-the killer would have dragged the body somewhere else-the kitchen perhaps.

If Ichigo walked inside and made his way to the kitchen would he find his boss' decapitated head in the blender or something?

He shuddered at the thought and decided it was best to kick his wild imagination to the gutter for now and just knock on the door like a normal person and announce his arrival.

So he knocked sharply 3 times and called out 'Hello?'

When he did not receive an immediate reply Ichigo felt his wild imagination threaten to overcome him once more-

What if someone did answer back?

The killer was not nearly content with one victim of the night-no he or she (some chicks were pretty violent when pushed to the edge) an ex wife-

Yes what if Tousen had been married before and his ex wife had come back in a drunken rage and decided to kill him and collect his life insurance or something?

She'd come around the corner wiping the crimson off her short and thin blade and then smile pleasantly as she spotted Ichigo making his way inside.

Her voice would be sweeter then sugar right before she charged at him with her deadly weapon-insanity dancing in poison green orbs-

Ichigo shook his head more firmly.

Way too many damn horror-flick marathons with Rukia.

Next time he saw the raven-haired girl he would insist that they watch something light and fluffy like-

Ichigo jumped when he heard the faintest sound of footsteps

'Enough there's no point in me standing out here like an idiot and thinking about stupid crap'

Kicking the last of his doubts and fears down down down into the deepest depths of his twisted mind, Ichigo stepped inside.

()()

He always thought that it was stupid when the little blonde girl named Alice followed the rabbit down the hole especially since it was quite clear that the rabbit did not wish to be followed.

Almost could relate to the queen of hearts for wishing to behead the annoying and nosy little blonde girl-after all everyone who was anyone knew that curiosity killed the cat.

Or in the Cheshire cat's case curiosity turned him insane-yes he could image that the queen must have gotten quite fed up with the smart ass feline and decided to simply pluck out his brain or something.

Would something similar happen to Ichigo if he continued to wander around in Tousen-san's private sanctuary with out the man's permission?

()()

A feast fit for a King. There was probably about 10 or 15 courses set out on the long table.

Ichigo was no stranger when it came to fine cuisines what with his younger sister being an aspiring chef-in-training and all but even with his knowledge the orange berry knew for a fact that he had never even seen half of the dishes let alone know how to pronounce them.

Apparently Tousen-san had other talents.

'He made all this for me?'

Well perhaps not for Ichigo alone but for their date.

'Is that why he wanted to meet at such a late hour?'

It was possible. Then again now that Ichigo had shown up ridiculously late he couldn't help but think that maybe the feast was a trap?

Perhaps in his spare time his boss was a scientist or something and the feast that had been set out on the table was laced with several different types of potions-a handful of them potentially poisonous?

If Ichigo raised the half emptied wine glass to his lips would he find that he suddenly couldn't breathe-would he start scratching and clawing at his throat before falling down dead?

If he lifted the lid off of the giant casserole dish placed in the very center of the table would a king cobra sink its poisonous fangs into flesh and painfully and slowly drain the life out of him?

"And here I had thought you abandoned your bad habit of showing up late. I guess some things never change hmm Ichigo?"

Ichigo jumped and turned at the voice "Tou-Tousen-san!"

()()()

Her darling nephew's overactive imagination never ceased to amuse her-it would make things that much easier-all Rangiku had to do was poke a little more and Ichigo would cut ties with the man forevermore and get back home to his Coyote.

'I suppose before destroying yet another potential love match I should at least let them have a little bit of fun.'

Besides it was time to pay her favorite gentleman a little visit.

()()()

Cougar. A Large cougar made out of ash. A Large cougar made out of ash chasing down a grown goateed male as he ran through the forest.

Really now if Lady Rangiku insisted on visiting Starrk in his dreams she should at least have tried to come up with something better than that.

Starrk frowned as he slept on wishing that it had been his berry coming to visit him in his dreams instead.

The goateed male felt irritated. What the hell did the damn gypsy want from him? He wasn't in the mood to play around.

'I wish to show you something. Come with me.'

As if he had much of a choice as the cougar turned woman was now dragging him by his coattail through the forest at lightning speed not stopping until they reached a large tower, which definitely didn't look like it had always been there.

Rather it looked like it had been planted there.

But the question was why?

'You wish to know more about the orb? Climb the tower and you will find your answer.'

Starrk raised a brow. He really didn't have the energy to go on some wild goose chase looking for answers-he needed to wake up and prepare himself for the young masters return home.

()()()

Of course she wouldn't unveil the whole story to him just yet-there would be no fun in that-the element of mystery and surprise is what made love stories that much more entertaining.

In actuality Rangiku wasn't showing the Coyote much-just the briefest glimpse-if he was truly meant to be with her darling nephew (like she believed he was) then he would have to be prepared.

Entering the man's dream was a test of sorts-and really things could move much smoother and faster if he stopped being so damn stubborn.

Never had a man resisted her natural charm as much as this one.

Ah but then Rangiku had to remind herself the Coyote wasn't like the average male.

()()()

Ichigo hadn't realized just how hungry he had been up until he chewed and swallowed his first bite of food after letting the flavors mix and dance on his tongue-Tousen-san's cooking wasn't just good-it was outstanding.

He wished to ask the man if he was self taught or had learned it from somewhere-thought about inviting his boss over to dinner one night deciding he would be quite interested to see what Tousen-san thought of Kazeshini's cooking.

Perhaps they could swap recipes? Or better yet what if Tousen-san and Kaze cooked a meal together and then presented it to Ichigo?

The thought made him grin.

"I'm glad you are enjoying your food Ichigo but it would have tasted even better if you had showed up when I asked you to."

Only half of the man's words registered in Ichigo's brain-the other half flew south somewhere and now all the orange berry wished to do was become better acquainted with those lips-

Ichigo loved the purple-reddish-brown hue-it reminded him of a rich dark piece of chocolate with a cherry in the middle.

Truthfully the orange haired youth could just sit here all night and study the man across from him.

Not just the lips-but Tousen's face as a whole.

Ichigo couldn't quite put his finger but he always pegged the older man to be one of royal blood-perhaps it was the high cheek bones? The arched nose? The perfect brow?

Maybe it was the dark skin, bringing to mind the imagine of a warm slice of marble colored rye bread fresh out of the oven or toaster.

It could be the man's voice-which was a deep and low timber, the kind of voice that had left Ichigo breathless on more than one occasion.

It could be those long eye lashes-or that head of hair-long, coarse mane that was just asking to be pulled-at the moment it was bound tightly with tiny braids but if Ichigo played his cards right he might just be able to-

"-up?"

Huh? Did Tousen san just ask him a question?

Ichigo didn't want to look like an idiot and let on that he had spaced out while the man had been talking to him but-

"There's nothing wrong with it but I think a salmon or peach tone would have better complimented your skin tone rather than the plum color you selected."

Er what the hell was the man talking about?

Ichigo reached for his water glass-hoping that perhaps by some stroke of luck he might be able to make sense of the man's words.

"Where do you perform if you don't mind my asking?"

Perform? Perform-

Ichigo felt like smacking his forehead when he caught a glimpse of himself in his silverware-he had left the make up on his face.

No wonder Tousen san was talking about colors and performances.

Shit! How the hell was he supposed to explain what happened to him with out giving away that he had been in the middle of another date?

Ichigo felt like kicking himself. This was ridiculous. Why was he stressing so much?

"Look um Tousen-san I'd really rather not talk about the makeup on my face if that's alright with you."

"That's perfectly alright but in return I ask you to call me Kaname. As I have previously stated we are not at work so there is no reason to be so formal with me, Ichigo."

If that wasn't a go light Ichigo didn't know what was.

He knew he couldn't reach across the table and grab the man like he had done when he'd seen Kariya just a few short days ago but he had do something-much as he was enjoying dinner Ichigo wished to do more than just eat.

Or rather if he was going to eat he'd rather eat something else-licking his lips he put his next game plan into action.

()()()

Frankly Rangiku got tiered of watching her darling nephew make the first move over and over again-it was time to switch things up a bit.

Tousen Kaname was not a shy man by any stretch but far too often he let his damn manners get in the way of aggressor lurking just beneath the surface.

'Time to wake up'

()()()

Starrk did not bother to question the sudden departure of the cougar for he simply did not care where Lady Rangiku had run off to-he wanted to hurry up and climb the tower, find whatever it was she wanted him to find and then return to the land of the waking.

()()()

The white-ish blue orb glowed brighter as he climbed higher and higher-Starrk hadn't quite figured out what it all meant but given time-

'Turn back wolf-man you are not welcome here!'

'Don't listen to that climb higher!'

Voices.

What did it all mean?

Starrk climbed on…

()()

It wouldn't be the first time something like this happened-something Ichigo couldn't even hope to explain-he couldn't even remember getting up to follow Tousen-san as the man left the table and ventured off into another room-couldn't even recall opening the double doors and entering the bathroom.

()()()

Her darling nephew had always been ridiculously adorable when he had a look of pure confusion on his face.

It wasn't his fault really-Ichigo didn't even have full control of his mind at the moment-of course he couldn't remember how he'd gotten from point A to point C.

Of course he couldn't explain why the dark man's tongue was suddenly down his throat-of course he couldn't explain why fingers were kneading his overly sensitive rear end-of course he couldn't tell his own moans apart from his 'beloved' Tousen-san's-

And naturally he wouldn't be able to figure out why he was suddenly down on his knees and servicing the man under water.

Rangiku almost felt that sense of guilt wash over her again-she'd set things up in such a way that her darling nephew wouldn't even be able to remember feeling any pleasure once the pain and panic sunk in.

()()()

A few sips of wine did not equal a one way trip to the land of hallucinations-there was absolutely no reason for Ichigo to suddenly feel so out of it-to suddenly feel like he was drifting into the land of unconsciousness-no reason at all.

Why did it feel like was he suddenly drowning- he felt like he was suffocating.

He supposed there was a first time for everything but choking on a man's cock?

Really?

Sure Tousen-san had an impressive package just like Ichigo had always guessed but Ichigo wasn't exactly an amateur when it came to oral pleasure-not that he was an expert mind you but still-

If Ichigo survived and lived to tell the tale he could just imagine how his friends would react.

Rukia would turn to him with a snort and say "Really Ichigo what kind of idiot are you? Only a highly trained professional should attempt oral tricks under water."

And Inoue would look at him with her sad gray eyes and say something along the lines of "You shouldn't put your own safety at risk just to ensure the happiness of others, Kurosaki-kun."

Tatsuki would probably punch him and-

'Why the hell am I thinking such things at a time like this? Really average people think of happy things right before they die-go figure I'd think of being lectured by my friends right before I kicked the bucket.

Wait! But why am I just letting this happen-I should be fighting, struggling-I should be-

"ICHIGOOOOOO!"

Yelling? Is that yelling he was hearing?

It sounded a lot like Tousen-san but why was the man yelling?

()()()

Kazeshini couldn't explain what it was but something told him to return to the mansion-maybe it was instinct or a sixth sense or a gut feeling-which was all pretty much the same.

Besides he could only take so much of Cirucci's little strip routines before he fuckin lost it and locked the slutty and shameless woman in the trunk of Nemu-san's hummer.

The group had had their fun and now it was time to get back to work-get back to Ichigo.

The young master might be in trouble and even though he could handle himself Kazeshini would not feel at ease until he was absolutely certain that nothing bad had happened to his favorite orange berry.

()()

Drowning someone or more accurately making another person nearly drown-nearly kill her dearest nephew was by the far the cruelest not to mention riskiest trick Rangiku had ever performed.

Watching as the dark man panicked-realized what had had happened-what he himself had done-watching the man scream and heave the unconscious nearly dead orange berry out of the water-watching as the man rescued the youth-she would have preferred if it had been the Coyote but there was only so many tricks she could perform in a day.

()()()

Ichigo's eyes remained shut out to the world but he was alive which meant Rangiku could turn away from her crystal globe for awhile and focus on other things.

()()()

If the buxom ginger blonde was anything but above average-if she even doubted her skill for even a split second she would not be Matsumoto Rangiku.

She would be a frantic and frazzled aunt-she would be cursing herself and her bad habits-she would flee the town-flee the country-flee the planet-fearing for her own life but she had no reason to be overly dramatic-all was right with the world and would continue on that way even if she'd hit a few bumps along the made-even though she made a few poor choices in judgment along the way.

And why?

Because it was destiny.

She supposed she should at least contact her darling nephew's friends-contact his siblings-she glanced at the clock on the wall-

'After sake hour of course.'

()()()

And so he had reached the top of the tower only to be knocked off when the loud slamming of what sounded like a door pulled Starrk out of his dream.

()()()

"Ichigo-sama we're back!"

Starrk was not the kind of man who would break down and cry but he was not happy in the least that the rest of the hired help had apparently decided to return.

Throwing off his blankets the Coyote wasted no time in throwing on his pants and making his way back down stairs.

()()()

Something was not right. Ichigo should have returned by now.

It was well past midnight and still no sign of him.

When Starrk had questioned the rest of the staff members they had seemed just as in the dark as to the young masters whereabouts as he was.

He could not just continue to sit around doing nothing when Ichigo was clearly missing.

Starrk was careful to keep his voice even as he asked the group once more "Does anyone have any idea where Ichigo might be right now? A name or a number?"

Just as Kazeshini was about to open his mouth and throw out a few ideas the door flew open…

()()

The momentary feeling of relief evaporated when the person at the door did not turn out to be Ichigo.

The Coyote did not bother the keep the growl out of his tone as that familiar cocky grin made its way onto the blue haired assholes face.

"What the hell are youdoing here?"

Looking completely at ease despite the murderous aura in the room Grimmjow lifted his hand in greeting "Yo! I'm looking for the brat, he ran off before we could finish-think I might've freaked him out but he'll get over it."

Starrk was ready to lunge at the arrogant repairman but Kazeshini beat him to it.

()()

72 hours later…

Timeless clichés seemed to follow Ichigo one after another-

Voices.

"Ichi-chan really is cute when he sleeps isn't he?"

"He isn't taking a nap, he is unconscious Ichimaru."

"Same thing, got ta say Tousen-san didn't think yer had it in ya-

"What exactly are you insinuating, Ichimaru?"

"Don't get so defensive all the time. I mean yer only human,"

"Are you suggesting that I-?"

"We are not attacking you here, Kaname."

"Then what exactly are you doing?"

"This isn't a lecture I merely wish to offer you a bit of advice."

"Advice?"

"In the future it would probably be best if you reserved any and all attempts of s&m play for a more experienced partner-Gin and will gladly I offer our services at least until you've found someone."

WTF?

Aizen and Gin weren't really talking about what he thinks they were talking about were they?

Where was he?

What was going on?

He could hear Tousen-san's voice as well-the man sounded extremely unhappy.

"What the hell is wrong with the two of you?"

"Relax Tousen-san-jus' makin' conversation-yer need to lighten up Ichi-chan's probably just bein' stubborn-he probably could wake up at any time."

Waking up in an all white room-correction an uber ugly bright white room and having these three crowded around his hospital bed.

Great. Fucking peachy. So it hadn't been a dream-he really had almost died giving his boss a blowjob.

He immediately shut his eyes-not wishing to answer questions or accusations-or anything really.

"ENOUGH! GET OUT! BOTH OF YOU!"

"Touchy, touchy it's only a boy-he's nothin' special-

"SAY ONE MORE WORD ICHIMARU AND I SWEAR YOU WILL FIND OUT THE WHAT THE WRATH OF A PREVIOUSLY BLIND MAN IS LIKE."

What? Tousen-san was previously blind?

How come he never said anything?

Not that it mattered. Ichigo wouldn't have cared either way.

In fact the more he thought about it as he continued to lie in the bed with his eyes shut-the more it seemed to make sense.

Tousen's eye color for example-the irises were a pale lilac and rather than the standard black-the pupils were a deep shade of purple-not exactly something one sees every day.

Still it didn't really matter.

Ichigo was more curious as to the man's behavior-there was so much barely controlled rage in his tone.

If he were to fully wake up would he have to jump out of bed and restrain the man from choking the life out of both Aizen and Gin?

"What is going on in here?"

Rukia?

"Why are you all standing so close to Kurosaki-kun's bed? Did he show any signs of waking up?"

Inoue?

"Ichigooooo you can't die man, wake up!"

Keigo?

"He's not dead you idiot-but he will be if you keep squeezing his neck like that!"

Renji?

Why the hell were so many damn people in his room?

Where was the nurse?

()()()

Starrk wanted to be at the hospital when Ichigo woke up.

But there was still work to be done back at the mansion.

Although he himself had given up all attempts at gardening he appointed himself the role of supervisor-making sure that everything would run smoothly.

His sister Lili had stayed true to her word and found an excellent team of landscapers.

Everything was going to work out in the end just as Lady Rangiku had promised.

()()()

"You know Kurosaki a part of me kind of wishes to put you in another coma."

"Ishida?"

"Why do you always have to get yourself mixed up with the wrong kind of people? Why do constantly insist on being so incredibly stubborn? Do you have any idea how incredibly frustrating it is to set my own wedding date back another month?"

"Wedding?"

"Please do try and keep up Kurosaki, you know how I hate having to repeat myself."

"I made you miss your own wedding?"

"Well not exactly. It was actuality Sado who insisted that we postpone the wedding."

"Chado wanted to postpone the wedding? Your wedding? But why?"

Ishida rolled his eyes. "Never mind why. I'm here to deliver your mail not to play 20 questions."

Ichigo sat up, not really knowing what to say. "I uh-well what happened then? I mean you just sent all of your guests home or-?"

The bespectacled youth did not answer instead he placed a large bag right into Ichigo's lap.

"What's all this?"

Ishida sounded as irritated as ever as he answered, "Gifts from all of your fan boys, seems someone gave them the impression that you were the one who was engaged and that it was your wedding party and that you were the happy bride to be."

"Huh?"

What the hell did Ishida mean by fan boys?

"Shall I tell you the story of my engagement dinner party Kurosaki?"

()()

FLASHBACK

Ishida Uryu should have been the happiest bride to be in all of Karakura Town.

Even though it wasn't his official wedding day but his engagement party-the second most important moment of his life.

But he wasn't happy-far from it and why?

Because apparently he wasn't worthy enough, wasn't pretty enough, wasn't vibrant enough, wasn't clueless enough, the heavens had clearly decided that the bespectacled youth didn't have what it took to be a proper bride to be.

()()

"Ishida you don't really have to start a story by telling me your name since I already know who you are-and in third person no le-

"Be quiet Kurosaki! I will tell my story how ever I wish to tell it."

Ichigo let out a sigh and let his friend continue.

()()

"Inoue-san who are all of these people?" Ishida had asked as he approached the buxom auburn haired girl engaged in conversation with a scowling dark haired male he had never seen before.

Seemed like a suspicious character what with the scarf covering the bottom half of his face and all.

Orihime turned and smiled "Oh Ishida-kun I hope you don't mind. I thought it would be nice to invite a few more people-Sado-kun agreed since he said you don't have that many friends outside of our tight circle and-

When she saw the way he flinched at the 'friend comment' she cleared her throat and introduced the man next to her "Where are my manners? Ishida-kun I'd like you to meet Tsubaki-san, I've asked him to accompany me tonight and tomorrow as my date. Chizuru introduced us a few nights ago and the bond was instant."

Just because Ishida felt irritated did not mean he would deny the princess her own happiness. He put out his hand waiting for 'Tsubaki' to shake it.

But the man simply grunted and put a possessive arm around his date.

"Oh don't mind him Ishida-kun, Tsubaki-san is just a little bit shy but he wanted me to tell up that he likes your costume."

Ishida's left brow twitched. 'This isn't a costume!'

()()

Ichigo furrowed his brows "What does any of that have to do with anything Ishida?"

Instead of giving the berry an answer Ishida continued his story…

()()()

Presents while it wasn't the official wedding day-even Ishida had a hard time refusing gifts.

After all who could say no to durable household appliances and imported chocolate?

Normally Ishida wouldn't dare to let artificial poison (aka sugar) touch his lips but he was a bride to be so he could cheat a little bit.

As he reached for a tiny box with a light blue ribbon on it a large hand came out of nowhere and smacked him.

Ishida yelped and turned to glare at whoever had just hit him-the fact that it hadn't been a very hard hit was not the point-no one but Sado was allowed to touch his hand.

Ishida swallowed when he came face to chest with a 6'7 foot beast with wild hair and an insane grin. The man was dressed in a dark suit and tie (and were those blood splatters along the collar and cuffs?)

Ishida froze.

Yakuza!

What the hell was a freakin' Yakuza doing at his engagement party?

Ishida was not a coward by any stretch but at the moment he really wished to flee or call for help.

"You can't touch this box of chocolate with out asking the bride to be first."

That guttural rasping growl coming out of the Yakuza's mouth was in no way human-it sent even more chills up Ishida's spine.

Ishida kicked down fear and glared up at the ruffian scum.

"Listen here you Yakuza, either you are at the wrong dinner party or you have your stories mixed up because the only bride to be here is me and I would never invite a criminal to my party."

The beast looked completely and utterly baffled by these words. "You mean this isn't Ichigo's engagement party?"

()()()

"Wait a minute! Slow down and back up. Why would any one think I was the bride to be?"

"Perhaps because 9 times out of 10 you act like one, Kurosaki."

Ichigo scowled and fluffed up his pillow before lying back down "Whatever. Just get on with the story."

()()

Ishida felt like rolling his eyes and snorting all at once but he'd rather not test the patience of angry and possibly unstable Yakuza "I only know of one guy with that name and he is currently hulled up in a hospital bed."

"WHAT?" Beady eyes narrowed and the beast demanded that Ishida give him more information "How long has he been there? What happened? Why didn't anyone tell me?"

Perhaps it was Ishida's imagination but he could swear the beast of a Yakuza sounded worried.

'A worried Yakuza? Now I've seen everything,' dark blues studied the wild man more closely 'Just what the hell does Kurosaki do during his free time? Why in 6 halos did he get himself involved with Yakuza?'

"Relax already would ya its not like I'm gonna bite you Mr fancy cape just tell me where Ichigo is and if its serious. If he needs blood I will gladly bleed myself dry for him."

()()()

Er um wow Kenpachi hadn't said a whole lot that day when Ichigo sat down on Nnoitra's couch and frankly he hadn't been quite sure what to make of the man but now that the orange berry was learning what the man had said at Ishida's engagement party he might have to pay Kenpachi a visit.

"What did you tell him after that?"

()()()

Ishida's curiosity increased ten fold "What is your name?"

"I'm Kenpachi, that's all you need to know. The little raven woman told us Ichigo was getting hitched and even though I don't like it-that kid deserves a good life." Beady eyes narrowed once more "Now tell me where he is and when I can drop by for a visit."

"Now hold on for just a second Kenpachi-san I can't just give you-

"Just Kenpachi. I don't give a damn about that honorific crap."

Ishida sighed, "Be that as it may I can not just give out information to a complete stra-

"I'm no stranger Ichigo spent an entire after noon with us."

Ishida raised a brow but relented "Alright I will give you the address to the hospital Kurosaki currently is staying in and I'll also give you the room number but only if you promise me that you and your men will leave."

A grunt, "These ain't my men, you want them gone? Take it up with Jiruga."

"Jiruga?"

"Bastards' over by the bar sticking his tongue down some broads bra."

()()()

"I'm really sorry that you had to deal with all of that Ishida. If there's any way I can make it up to you just say the word."

Dark blues flashed behind designer lenses "Oh you will Kurosaki."

Ichigo swallowed suddenly regretting his promise. "Listen you're not gonna make me do anything wild and crazy are you?"

Ishida smirked. "No need to worry Kurosaki. When the time to collect comes, you'll know."

"Ishida I-

"On with the story shall we?"

()()()

"Let me guess this Jiruga person was waiting for Kurosaki as well?"

The beast grinned. "Course damn bastard been obsessed with Ichigo the moment he spotted him on his doorstep," dark eyes glittered "Gotta admit even I was lookin' forward to fondling that ass once more-but I guess his lover is such a possessive bastard that he drugged and chained Ichigo to the hospital or something right?"

"No! That is not what happ-

"Anyway whoever the bastard is-he better treat Ichigo right or I'll chop of all his fingers starting with his pinky and feed em' to my dog and I won't stop there next I'll t-

"Kenpachi-san I never sa-

"You're a good friend to Ichigo I get that so I'm trusting you to give him all of these," the man motioned the wrapped packages cluttering the long table "Guess you could have a few chocolates but everything else is for him!"

()()

"Ishida no offense but why did you even a-?"

"Kurosaki please do us both a favor stop acting so damn thick headed. Fact is fact: Refusing a Yakuza is suicidal."

"Yeah but-

"Moving on…

()()

When the beats walked away Ishida let out a sigh and then made his way over to the long and lanky looking Yakuza.

He was careful to keep his voice even as he tapped the man to get his attention.

Backing up several inches when vulture like orbs burned holes into him 'Ya better have a damn good reason for touchin' me pencil-dick."

Ishida ignored the crude and (incorrect insult) and then in an as pleasant a tone as he could manage told the man "I understand you are looking for Kurosaki Ichigo."

A grin-a grin which was 10 times more disturbing then the beasts' grin had been made its way on to the lanky male's face "Seen my pet 'round have ya? Bring him to me!"

Ishida raised a curious brow at the pet comment and continued, "I am afraid that is impossible Jiruga-san."

"Why the hell not?" Sharp eyes narrowed, "And who the fuck told ya my name?"

Ishida swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat once again "I meant no disrespect or to cause trouble but just as I told the burly man with the wild hair, Kurosaki is not here."

"Huh? Then where the hell is he?"

"In the hospital."

A look of surprise flashed over the man's features before the insane grin returned once more-he moved closer to Ishida "What the fuck do ya mean my pets in the hospital?" he hissed right before he hoisted the bespectacled youth up by the shirt of his collar and off the ground.

Ishida found it difficult to speak as the man's ropy arms tightened around his windpipe

()()

Ichigo flinched and rubbed his own throat before once again offering his friend his apologies.

Ishida waved it off "It did hurt Kurosaki but I'm not exactly made of glass."

"Well don't leave me hanging what happened next? How did you break his hold?"

()()

Ishida clawed at the man's hand and managed to loosen the hold enough to answer "I'm not sure of the details myself all I know is there was an incident with water. After he went into shock he slipped into a coma but doctors insist that Kurosaki will make a full recovery."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Speak clearly ya little-

"Un hand my bride."

()()

"Chado? Chado challenged Nnoitra?"

Ishida smiled fondly "Of course he did, Sado loves me."

"I know he does but-

"But what Kurosaki?"

"Well Nnoitra is dangerous-you shouldn't test the temper of a Yakuza."

"Nnoitra as you call him was touching what was not his. Remember what I told you a week ago Kurosaki?"

"You said Chado didn't trust anyone else but me because they might lay their hands on you or something like that."

Ishida rolled his eyes. "The point I am trying to make here is this: Sado might not like bloodshed but when it comes to protecting me he'll throw caution to the wind even if it means putting his own life at risk."

Ichigo's eyes grew wide in horror "You don't mean-what happened to Chado?"

"Those Yakuza scum fractured 6 of his ribs and shattered his left arm. He's in the room next to you, I expect he'll come by and visit you in the next hour or so even though I wish he would rest."

Now Ichigo felt even worse. Not only had he destroyed Ishida's dinner party-he'd gotten the groom-to-be injured.

"Ishida I swear I-

"Forget it Kurosaki. What's done is done." A slight out of character grin made its way on the bespectacled youths face "That Jiruga character didn't exactly escape unscathed."

"And Kenpachi? What happened with-

"He's here every morning around 9. See the flowers sitting by the window sill, his 7 year old niece Yachiru brings fresh every day."

Ichigo frowned "So then Nnoitra never actually cared about me in the first place he just wanted to stir up trou-

"Around noon Jiruga drops a bottle of tequila at Sado's room, they trade stories and discuss the finer points of politics. Then when the 2 o clock rolls around Jiruga makes his way to your room-watches you while you sleep and then pulls out his drawing pad."

Wait! From the sound of things it almost seemed like Nnoitra had made amends.

"So him and Chado are-?"

"Jiruga and Sado have reached a truce of sorts. Jiruga even invited us out to his privately owned ranch next month."

Wow of all the things Ichigo might have imagined-his shaggy haired friend hanging out with a Yakuza was not one of them.

"Kurosaki something else happened on the night of my engagement party."

Ishida's tone turned serious.

Ichigo felt concern rise up once again "What happened?"

"My father showed up."

"Your father?"

"He caught my arm when I was making my way to the staircase leading to the grand ball room. At first I thought he had come there to once again lecture me on 'how I was such a disgrace and embarrassment to both him and the Ishida family blood line. I thought he was going to go inside and start some sort of a riot after he pointed to and insulted all of my guests. But to my surprise he didn't do any of those things."

()()

Dressed in a lab coat, silky gray hair perfectly combed, eyes as sharp as ever behind designer lenses-he was the same Ishida Ryuken Uryu had known for the past 19 years of his life-only he wasn't-not entirely-

Ryuken was wearing a smile and Uryu thought surely the moonlight must surely be playing tricks on him because he had never ever seen the man he called 'father' smile.

The man's behavior became stranger when he climbed up to the next forward and pulled his son into a hug.

Uryu was baffled 'Ryuken' was not a man who showed affection-hell the most the man had ever given him was a small pat (barely noticeable) on the shoulder and that had been when Uryu was 7 and won the national spelling B.

Uryu couldn't help but think that the reason for his fathers' suddenly strange behavior was because the man was dying or something equally dramatic, he never would have guessed the man's real reason for showing up.

()()

"It's not so bad I mean maybe your dad just finally realized that even if he doesn't agree with your lifestyle you are still his son, his flesh and blood and he loves you."

"Kurosaki I am not asking you for your opinion. Please, please just listen to my story with out interruptions."

Ichigo threw his arms up in annoyance. "If you don't want my opinion then what the hell do you want? Why are you here? I'm glad your old man stopped being an asshole but I don't see what any of that has to do with me."

"If you'd be quiet for two minutes I will tell you."

"Fine. Whatever."

"Don't say whatever Kurosaki, you sound like an idiot."

And once more Ichigo is reminded of why even though he considers Ishida a friend they will never be that close.

"…"

Silence. Silence. Silence.

"Well?"

"I will continue once you have finished sulking."

"I always look like this Ishida, you don't like it there's the door."

"My you're awfully bitchy this morning Kurosaki."

"Takes one to know one, Cape Princess."

()()

Just because he hadn't visited his orange berry did not mean Ichigo was not in Starrk's thoughts-on the contrary the Coyote had it all planned out…

When Ichigo was finally released he was going to put his grand plan in action…correction of his grand plans.

Starrk had lived long enough to know that having a back up was necessary just incase things didn't work out.

Then again he was determined to pull the first grand plan off so the back up wouldn't even cross his mind again-

Everything in life (such as wooing his intended) was done in steps/stages…

He was going to pick Ichigo up from the hospital and then instead of heading back to the mansion he was going to drive to one of the last remaining hotsprings left in Karakura Town, where he would bathe and then massage the youth's sore and aching muscles.

Starrk knew first hand experience that if one was cooped up in a bed for several days their muscles would fall asleep on them after awhile (Ahh sleep-don't lose track now!)

Once Ichigo's beautiful cinnamon and coffee browns started to slip close, the Coyote would bundle the berry in his arms and carry his human-heater-to-be back to the lodge he had reserved (borrowed) just for the occasion.

Courtesy of Lili's latest roommate. The guy said he could have it for awhile so long as he didn't wreck anything.

Starrk had responded with a lazy smirk and said 'Even if I do, I'll be sure to replace everything.'

To which the man had raised a brow before dropping the keys into the palm of Starrk's waiting hand.

Once they were settled in the lodge and after a light dinner (Starrk firmly believed that heavy meals were better reserved for the early hours in the day) Starrk would ask Ichigo to join him by the slowly burning fire and there…there he would make his confession.

And what happened next…well that would be up to the orange berry and fate itself.

In the morning he would take Ichigo out and teach him how to hunt.

"Starrk stop daydreaming and help me figure out how to get this stupid thing to work!"

()()()

"It turns out that the reason my father disapproved of my relationship was not what I had been led to believe."

"Then what was it?"

"My father told me that he was in love once."

"Hasn't everyone? I mean how else would he have had you."

Ishida shook his head. "You don't understand Kurosaki, my father wasn't talking about being in love with my mother-well I suppose he loved her to some degree but he wasn't I love with her."

"Uh listen Ishida I'm not sure you want to tell me thi-

"You NEED to hear this now drink your juice and shut up!"

Ichigo felt like laughing. Never in all the time that he's known the raven-haired male has Ishida ever turned so bright red with anger. He wished he had a camera so he could capture it.

And now the dark haired youth was glaring death at him. Ichigo let out a sigh and rubbed the back of his neck. Joke time was over-apparently.

"Sorry for acting like an ass Ishida. So your father was in love with someone else, things didn't work out and he convinced himself that all relationships were destined for failure?"

"That's not quite what he said but look," Ishida trailed off and started gripping at his bangs (once again exhibiting the kind of behavior the orange berry had never seen "This isn't exactly easy for me to say."

"Take all the time you need. I'm not exactly going anywhere although I still don't understand what any of it has to do with me unless…are you trying to tell-is it possible that your father had an affair and my old man found out about it?"

"You're getting warmer."

Ichigo fell silent for another minute as he considered what his friend was trying to tell him "The woman that your father was having an affair with it wasn't my mother was it?" The idea sounded ridiculous even though he had been the one to voice it out loud. "Did you come here to tell me that we might be half brothers or something?"

Despite himself Ichigo started to imagine what being an Ishida would be like-what being Uryu's brother would be like-he tried to imagine calling a tight wad like Ryuken 'old man'-and then a moment later he was laughing so damn hard his eyes started to tear. "My name would have been like Raido or something, we would have had bunk beds and tried to best each other at s-

"KUROSAKI!"

Not that Ichigo would ever admit it if asked later but Ishida actually made him jump that time.

The dark haired male looked like he was going to strangle him any moment-the fact that he only previously woke up from a coma be damned.

"For starters it was a male not a female that my father was in love with, next there wasn't an actual affair because it was one sided, sad one-sided love."

"Okay so your father was in love with another male who didn't love him back and because of this he frowns upon all same sex couplings."

"Yes."

"Okay but that still doesn't explain how my parents have anything unless you don't mean-?

"My father and your father, yes."

Goat face and Ishida's old man? Ichigo fell back on his pillow-not like it mattered much but still it might take awhile for him to adjust to this new bit of information-he didn't understand that either-

'Why should it matter Ishida said it was one-sided so-well even if it wasn't who am I judge-still I wonder if Kaa-san knew-not like I can ask her but maybe I can ask-?

"Are you-how does it make you feel?"

Ichigo shrugged. He didn't quite have an answer for that yet. "How does it make you feel?"

"I was angry at first but I realized that was unfair so now I'm just taking it like I take every other decision my father has made-it is what it is."

"So is he coming to the wedding?"

"Ah well that's actually-Kurosaki would you hate me if I said that it was no longer necessary for you to give me away on my wedding day because my father said he would do it?"

"Oh I see so I'm suddenly not good enough," Ichigo's voice was teasing once again before he slapped Ishida on the shoulder good naturedly "Of course it's fine, he's your father and that's how it should be. Besides which I already have enough duties as best man."

Ishida let out a sigh of relief and Ichigo once again felt a little bad for teasing the other male so much. Time to change subjects.

"So what does a guy have to do to get some food around here?"

Ishida pushed his glasses up higher on to the bridge of his nose before responding with a cheeky, "That all depends, exactly what kind of food are you in the mood for Kurosaki?"

()()()

24 hours later…

Ichigo couldn't take it any more. He was tiered of sleeping or sitting around doing nothing. In his opinion the doctors and nurses and his friends were overreacting.

So he swallowed a bit to much water along with er something else-so he accidentally cracked the side of his head open when he was being pulled up from out of the water-he had a few stitches but they had long since healed.

"I'm fine. I've always been a fast healer. I think I'm more than ready to get up and go home now."

The ignored his words-his pleas-and when he became annoyed enough his ranting and yelling.

"Come on you're wasting a perfectly good room and bed on a guy who is perfectly fine-bring some one who actually NEEDS to be here."

To which the doctor would tell him to settle down and Rukia would attempt to cheer him up by playing with her puppets-

'Meet Chappy-sama and Kon-sama.'

'Rukia I don't care about any stupid puppets and besides that lion looks perverted.' He pointed an accusing finger at the innocent plush toy and he could swear the damn thing gave him the evil eye.

'Seriously Rukia put those things away and help me get out of here.'

The raven-haired girl shook her head 'No can do Ichigo-I have specific orders from the higher powers that you need to stay right here.'

()()()

Around 5 in the evening heaven sent the angel to come and finally take the orange berry away from the whitewashed hell.

()()()

After a mandatory 16 hour nap…he realized that he would still have to cut it back even more if he ever planned on properly claiming Ichigo for his own but perhaps they could reach a common ground and he could get the young master to see perks of being lazy and sleeping the day away.

In addition he could introduce the orange berry to sleepy sex.

In Starrk's opinion-a man only rushed bedroom bliss when he was

Inexperienced

Had performance Anxiety

Unimaginative

This is not to say that he ruled out rough and wild, fast and spontaneous as a whole (he did not) it was more a matter of preference and partner-

Starrk had long since decided that he would do anything/everything to make Ichigo happy-even if it disrupted his steady pace.

With one sacrifice he would gain a gift in return.

The thought made him grin.

()()

And he was still grinning as he pulled into the illegal parking zone-paying very little attention to angry yelling, flashing sirens and threats that his car would be towed and he would be fined.

()()()

Starrk felt irritated.

Not the same level of irritation he had felt when Lady Rangiku forced him to watch 'the every day life of his would-be-human-heater and his many suitors'-but irritated none the less.

Things were not working out in his favor.

Not at all.

His orange berry was proving to be incredibly stubborn.

First refusing to wear Starrk's jacket when the goateed male had draped it around his shoulders.

Then refusing to let Starrk carry him down the elevator and out towards the car (which was now decorated with bright pink slips)

The youth continued to be difficult when Starrk went to put the key in the ignition-Ichigo had yanked it out and pocketed it-announcing that he would be the one to drive because he did not trust anyone else behind the wheel and he'd really like to know how the man had got possession of his car in the first place.

Starrk had let out a resigned sigh and moved into the passenger seat trying in vain to cheer the scowling berry up-he honestly didn't know why Ichigo was being so bratty and hostile.

Nothing worked.

()()

Things only became twice as frustrating when Starrk tried to give out directions-telling the berry where to drive-Ichigo refused.

"Go hiking on your own time! I'm going home." He had snarled right before slamming on the breaks as they reached a red light.

Starrk woud have been concerned if Lady Rangiku and the dreams she had shown him hadn't told him that this might happen-Ichigo's sudden mood changing-the closer it got to the lunar rainbow the more his behavior would switch.

It wouldn't be a long term thing but-

"What? What the hell are you staring at?"

Starrk hadn't been staring at all. Well if he had-he certainly hadn't meant to-he'd honestly been lost in thought.

'When Ichigo acts like a crab ass, give him sugar.'

He remembered what Ichigo's tattooed redheaded friend had told him when they met a few days ago.

Starrk would have done just that only he didn't have anything sugary on him-

Perhaps he could persuade the berry to drive to a sweet shop or something before they head back to the mansion?

()()

NOT A CHANCE!

()()()

"I don't want traces of any other men on my dearest nephew except for Coyote Starrk. Do whatever it takes to get rid of that offensive label on Ichigo's behind.

This was the request (order) that Rangiku had given her a little less than 48 hours ago and even though Haineko had been rather reluctant she had eventually given in and performed the task that was required of her.

Now if the stupid hag would hurry and wake up from her drunken snooze fest the pink and red neko goddess could be on her way.

She raised her foot and kicked the snoring human awake.

"I have done what you have requested of me hag and now I take my leave."

Rangiku blinked blurry blues at the goddess "What?"

Haineko glared and kicked the blonde once more "Wake up you dumb hag!"

Rangiku rested her chin in her hand "So its finished? What exactly did you do-how did you get rid of it-it won't leave a scar will it?"

"No it won't leave a scar because I didn't get rid of it," a smirk "I altered it-granted it'll take to the lunar rainbow before its full shape as a howling coyote can be seen but its probably some of my best work to date."

Rangiku raised a brow and then went to fetch her crystal ball. A grin made its way on to her face when she saw it. "Nice job Haineko."

"Whatever."

()()()

As soon as they pulled up to the mansion Ichigo jumped out of the car, raced inside, flew up the stairs and locked himself in his bedroom.

Starrk had half a mind to follow him but opted against it.

He decided he could use the 'berry's sulk time' to go ahead with plan b.

With a happy whistle and a spring in his step the Coyote walked out the door and set off down the street.

()()()

Up in his room Ichigo was having a panic attack or whatever the equivalent of a manly breakdown would be called.

His ass literally felt like it was on fire-a horrible burning that refused to go away no matter what he did.

First he tried a cool wash cloth-pressing it lightly on to the area-it did not help.

Then he filled his private bath tube with ice cubes and carefully sat down hoping it would numb the pain-it seemed to become even worse.

Now he curled up on his side trying to mentally will the pain away because honestly he had no idea why this was even happening-it came out of nowhere.

Ichigo had half a mind to grab the card underneath the paper weight on his desk-ready to call up the bastard responsible-find out just what the hell kind of ink Nnoitra had used to place the brand on his ass and why the bastard hadn't even warned him,

But he opted against it because he honestly didn't feel comfortable discussing such a personal matter with the Yakuza-never mind that the guy had seen his ass before.

Next he considered contacting Kenpachi but then reasoned that would be an incredibly stupid move to make-the wild beast of a man would just misinterpret his call and-yeah Ichigo was so not in the mood to be groped and fondled against his will.

While lying in a coma and then in that damn hospital bed the berry realized something-he was going to wean himself from all relationships based around lust and try to focus on something real-something long term.

And for reasons he couldn't explain (much to his annoyance) he felt that he should direct this new quest of real ness-of long term towards his goateed gardener.

Problem was he kind of fucked that up when he went off on the man for no reason-not that Starrk seemed fazed by Ichigo's wild and unreasonable behavior-hell the man didn't even flinch but still-

Ichigo's train of thought was cut short as the burning intensified again. Another moment of this and he'd go insane!

'Focus on anything but the burn,' he mentally shouted to himself 'Anything but the burn!'

Shouldn't be too hard.

He simply had to empty his mind and think nice happy thoughts.

Get lost in his own self pleasure.

es he'd done this before-granted under more normal circumstances but sill now was just a good a time as any.

Mind made up Ichigo tugged down his pajama pants and reached for his flaccid organ-quickly bringing it to life with well-practiced strokes.

Yes just like this. All he had to do was keep focused on reaching that highest peak of self paradise-all he had to do was get lost in the satisfying feeling of-

There was a knock on the door-

"Ichigo-sama?"

Ichigo paused in his activities and glared at the door. He hadn't even gotten a good build up yet and already one of his staff members had come to bother him.

A second knock on the door-louder this time.

"Ichigo-sama?"

'What?' Ichigo had wished to snap just then. 'What the hell could you possibly want now? It should be pretty fucking obvious that I don't wish to be disturbed!'

He considered ignoring the call-he could do it to-ignore the stupid call and focus on something much more important-

Slipping his fingers in his mouth making them nice and moist-pushing his pants down even further

"Ichigo-sama if something is ailing you I could come in there and give you a hand?"

Had it been anyone but Cirucci Ichigo might have taken up the offer-as it was-

"Thanks but that won't be necessary, go finish your duties or better yet go visit your children-its been about 2 weeks since you've last seen them right?"

"Well that's actually something I wished to talk to you about- a pause "I ran into Shawlong the other night he wants to give it another try, promises he'll make it work this time and the only thing that kept me from saying yes is –another pause – "Are you listening Ichigo-sama?"

"I'm all ears Cirucci. You are a mother and a wife first and far most-even though it will be a shame to let you go, you deserve this chance at happiness."

"You'll miss me? Really?"

Ichigo rolled his eyes knowing that unless the woman had some sort of special skill she had failed to mention she wouldn't be able to see it.

"You've left an impact on this household Cirucci, trust me when I say you will not be forgotten."

He heard a soft sob followed by "Oh Ichigo-sama if only our destinies had intertwined-we could have met, fallen in love and you would have made me the happiest wife on earth."

"Would ya shut up and just go already? How the hell can anyone miss your ass when you're still here."

Ichigo felt like laughing. That was Kazeshini-never bothered to censor himself.

"Shut up you perverted two-toned sadist I've known Ichigo-sama a lot longer than you and so I am saying goodbye."

"Knock it off you two, the young master is still recovering with his mere brush with death and listening to you two bicker probably isn't helping the healing process."

"Nemu-san you know that my 5 star chili will make Ichigo feel better than a week of rest ever could."

"Then instead of standing in the hallway arguing with Cirucci why don't you go down to the kitchen cook this grand chili of yours?"

Ichigo didn't have much of an appetite but he never could turn down his personal chef's cooking. "I'd like that Kaze, thanks."

"What can I do to help speed up your recovery process Ichigo-sama? A back massage or a foot rub perhaps?"

"You will do no such thing, let the young master rest."

"But Nemu-san," Circucci began to protest-

"Follow me child, I'll help you pack."

Ichigo listened for the sound of footsteps to fade away, let a few minutes pass and then reached for the small tube of lubricant he kept in his sock drawer…

()()

"GOOD BYE ICHIGO-SAMA I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU!"

Ichigo winced wishing the woman would realize that it wasn't necessary to screech when the walls were practically paper thin.

"Take care Cirucci."

()()()

The hour of the reveal was fast approaching but because his trip to the lodge hadn't worked out Starrk had to run with plan B.

And with the help of Kaze, Nemu, Lili and Lili's drama mates, the group had turned the garden into wonderland of sorts.

But as with all things he wished to add a few finishing touches before declaring it ready for viewing.

Starrk originally wished to use candles but then Lilinette pointed out that too many may start a fire so he opted for lanterns instead.

Kaze had offered to cook a meal just for the occasion but Starrk had decided that he wanted to cook for the berry-only he couldn't cook to save his life so the next best thing-he purchased 3 electric fondue pots and bought the necessary ingredients to go along with loaves of French bread.

Currently he was standing in line with a cart full of groceries while periodically glancing down at his watch.

Tempted to abandon his gentlemanly like ways just once and push his way past the pregnant mothers and they're screaming toddlers.

It wouldn't matter if the owner of Hyorinmaru didn't insist on closing shop at 6 o' clock on the dot-even though Starrk had made his custom order in advance-even though Starrk had explained just how important having the carved ice sculptures would be.

The young owner did not care and told the Coyote that he would be 'shit out of luck if he didn't hurry his ass up and come over and pick up his order!'

()()()

He was running through the forest-only he was on all fours just like an animal-the afternoon sunlight peaking through the trees felt warm on his skin.

And then Ichigo heard a howl in the distance and ran towards it.

Not quite sure what he would find but convinced him self that what ever lie ahead would not bring harm to him.

()()

It seemed the more he ran the further and further away he would get from where he needed to be-his body felt heavy and unbalanced almost as if some unknown and unseen force was trying to hold him back from that howl-not just any howl but a mating howl.

How Ichigo knew this he couldn't say but then again dreams hardly if ever made any damn sense.

()()

A tower-a massive 12 story tower stood in his way but he did not care his mate was waiting for him at the top and so he would climb-thinking he'd have a much easier time since he was now an animal and now-as if to mock him-Ichigo was suddenly back on two feet and staring helplessly up at the tower.

The howls grew louder-sending a chill throughout him-not a cry of pain but one of longing.

Not giving a damn if the elements and his human nature were against him Ichigo was determined to climb and reach the top at all costs.

()()()

There was a voice barely above a whisper-Ichigo turned, brown eyes widening in surprise and then brief recognition (although he couldn't explain the later of two) as a bluish-white orb came towards him. It hovered for a few minutes before going straight into his abdomen-

()()

A light flashed and now he was falling, falling, falling through a sea of puffy white clouds-and then clouds turned into a mattress-pure white mattress-he moved to sit up and winced at the small puddle of crimson between his thighs-knowing damn well that he had not sat on a tomato!

()()

There was a tap, tap sound on the window pulling Ichigo from his nap. Strange he didn't even recall falling asleep-figured it must have happened somewhere in between saying goodbye to his shameless maid and riding his own fingers.

The white substance was now dry. Ichigo examined it for a minute, shrugged and then licked it off.

Deciding he still preferred the taste of another man's cum over his own.

A cool brush of air blew in and Ichigo remembered the window-he looked around wondering who or what had tapped on his window.

And then he spotted a black feline.

"Don't mind me, pretend I'm not here."

Correction-a talking black feline.

Ichigo heard about this kind of thing a time or two while growing up but he never quite believed-

The feline was smirking at him- "Hmm, not bad."

Remembering his nearly naked state Ichigo pulled up his pants and glared at the creature. "Who are you and what are you doing in my bedroom?"

"I am Yoruichi from the land of tea and in a few hours you will be given a special gift that only one other has ever experienced. It is my wish that you fully embrace it without hesitation."

What the hell was this cat talking about? What gift?

"5 and a half months-you will see me again in 5 and a half months," a light smirk "Though you may not recognize me right away."

"What are you talking about it?"

"It will all make sense when the hour approaches, Ichigo."

"Wait! How do you know my name? Who are you really? How the hell can I suddenly understand cats anyway?"

Youruichi did not answer, simply climbed back on the window sill and left.

Ichigo frowned not understanding why strange things always had to keep happening to him-like that damn dream-this time instead of being stuck in the middle of a blizzard and trying to reach an impossible mountain-he had been stuck somewhere in the wild trying to reach a tower-something about mating calls and-

He wracked his brain trying to make sense out of nonsense.

What the hell did the crimson spot on the pure white mattress have to do with anything anyway?

He slid of the bed and made his way to the bathroom concluding that he was just a weird guy and would always be weird.

Some things were simply unexplainable.

()()()

Starrk almost felt guilty for stepping into Ichigo's room with out permission but at the same time the sight of seeing the orange haired youth with a calm expression on his face as he strummed some nameless song on his guitar made the moment worth it.

He gave a light tap on to door when it seemed like the orange berry hadn't noticed his arrival.

()()

Ichigo jerked in surprise and then set his guitar to the side and asked "How did you get in here when the door was locked?"

"That night when you nursed me back to health I came across this spare key, imagine my delight when I discovered it opened your door."

Ichigo rubbed the back of his neck-not quite sure what to say to the man. He had been unbelievably rude to Starrk just a short while ago and should knew he apologize-

The more he thought on it the more he reasoned that simply saying he was sorry wasn't enough-he should show Starrk how sorry he was.

To hell with the rules!

The Coyote was here in his room looking incredibly delicious in his two piece suit (a nice change from the bucket hat and overall routine) and really what other reason did Ichigo need?

As if to further encourage his desire-Ichigo's ass started to burn again-deciding he did not want a repeat performance he pulled the man the rest of the way inside, slammed the door shut and pounced!

()()

Starrk wasn't entirely to surprised when his orange berry pounced-he had seen the youth exhibiting similar behavior through the eyes of Lady Rangiku's magical globe and although he was more than excited to have such enthusiastic energy directed at him-he had to discuss some things with Ichigo before they could proceed to such activities.

It was proving to be rather difficult to follow along with his game plan when Ichigo was rubbing up against him in such a shameless and sexy manner-tugging at his clothes-anxious to remove the material and touch bare skin.

Starrk was but a simple man and at the end of the day just like any other man he had basic needs/desires and if he wasn't careful he might lose both his focus and control.

Not even a cool, calm and collected gentleman such as himself could resist the berry's questing fingers and tongue for long-Starrk did not bother to muffle the moan when the youth licked and nibbled along his jaw line, chin and collar bone.

Yes it would be easy to abandon all thoughts of what he should do vs what he wished to do but in the end Starrk knew that he could not rest easy with the berry's in his arms when there was still secrets between them.

"Ichigo."

Ichigo stilled his questing fingers and tongue-brown eyes met gray "Save whatever it is you wish to tell me for later. Right now the only thing I want-the only thing I NEED is this!"

Well its not like he didn't try.

Starrk was not foolish enough to fight a losing battle and so he let the berry have his fun-for a little while.

()()

"Touch me!"

There was quite a few ways Starrk could respond to Ichigo's obvious plea.

He could A) Comply B) Tease but not actually deliver C) Tell the youth to touch himself D) Silence the boy's pleas with his own lips

()()()

If Rangiku truly wanted to take control she could turn her aggressive passionate uke-licious nephew into a shy and passive playmate but Ichigo wouldn't be Ichigo-wouldn't attract a man like Starrk if he suddenly turned shy and passive.

Still…perhaps some day somewhere down the line she could poke and prod at the youth's mind-show him that he could get just as much pleasure and satisfaction by simply letting his mate take the reigns.

Rangiku had learned her lesson-she wouldn't make the same mistake with Coyote Starrk-she would play it smooth, just scratching lightly at the very edge of the man's brain-bringing the wolf to the surface much more quickly than if she had left the man to play the game his own way.

It was kind of like playing with puppets-only better.

But as she went to make her move she felt a strong and power energy pushing-nearly knocking her flat on her ass-not entirely surprised that the Coyote was fighting her magic.

Ordering her not to interfere.

A light smile made its way on to Rangiku's face-it was for this very reason and many others that fate, destiny and she herself had concluded that the Coyote was good for her dearest nephew.

And so she would leave the couple be-let them set their own pace.

()()()

Ichigo didn't really know what was going on. First the goateed male was barely touching his lips and then a few minutes-no less than that-seconds later-Starrk was sucking on his lips so hard it was sure to leave one hell of a bruise and the man's hands which had previously been drawing lazy designs on Ichigo's back had suddenly taken hold of both his butt cheeks and started a game of patty cake-then a few moments later…

Well Ichigo didn't know how he had wound up with his face near the man's balls-not that he had any complaints not in the least but as he went to dive in for a sample-just a little appetizer he was flipped on his back-it happen so damn fast that he almost fell off the damn bed.

It was strange-all over the place-but still he had no complaints-

How could he when the Coyote was grinning at him, gray eyes sparkling?

"We can continue to roll around all night if you want to Ichigo or you can listen to what I have to say and we can do a lot more than simply rolling around. Your choice?"

Ichigo felt annoyed. Why the hell was the man stalling? He glared at the man wishing to shout 'What the hell will it take for you to hurry up and just fuck me?'

Truthfully Ichigo knew he had no one but himself to blame. He had had plenty of opportunities-plenty of suitors to take care of his primal needs.

He had held back-not because they were not necessarily worthy-not because he was old fashioned at heart and wished to save himself-no the reason Ichigo had never raced towards the grand slam was fear.

Fear that not only would he not find any pleasure in the act itself (although that was a large chunk of his hesitation) but also fear that he would just be lousy in the official mating game-what if he was so horrible that no other man wished to ever look his way again?

He truly would wind up old and wrinkly and only his albino cat would pity him-then eventually one day Shiro would pass away and Ichigo would be all alone in his misery

"Are you hungry Ichigo?"

What the hell kind of question was that? And wait where the hell did Starrk think he was going?

Ichigo glared at the man who had apparently decided to put his clothes back on while he'd been briefly lost in thought.

His ass throbbed reminded Ichigo that he still had a problem-that he could not be separated from the Coyote.

"Who said you could leave?"

"I am not leaving Ichigo I am going down to dinner and I'm hoping you'll join me."

"That all depends," Ichigo lowered his voice to a purr as he advanced on his gardener "What's on the menu?"

Starrk's tone was playful and teasing as he responded with "Why don't you take my hand and find out?"

()()()

"Kaze are you certain that the young master will not see us from up here?" Nemu asked as she continued to follow the chef up into the tree tops. It wasn't in her nature to spy but she had to admit she was rather curious to see Ichigo's reaction to the garden.

An in addition a small part of Nemu (known as the inner closet fangirl) was craving some skin on skin action.

Granted she knew it would be awhile before such actions took place-at the moment the couple to be was sitting down to dinner.

"Trust me when I say this Nemu-san this spot is practically like an opera box, you can see everything."

()()()

Ichigo had only had fondue one time in his life-he'd been 12 years old-

His moronic father offered to do the grocery shopping and returned home with nothing but 20 blocks of cheese and 5 loaves of bread. He and his sister Karin had called the man an idiot, his other sister Yuzu had frowned while his mother-ah his mother had simply smiled and said "Whose up for fondue?"

It wasn't a very exciting memory-yet it was one of Ichigo's favorites-then again every memory featuring his late mother was precious to the orange berry-not that he didn't mourn the loss of his father as well but they had never been as close.

Still..he had never shared the story with anyone and so he wondered how Starrk could have know-then again it could simply be a coincidence-the man might simply enjoy fondue.

The light smile on the Coyote's lips said otherwise.

'He's just full of surprises.'

Ichigo did enjoy surprises just as much as the next person…well most of the time anyway.

He reached for a piece of bread (ignoring the Coyote's raised eyebrow followed by a frown) and took a bite moaning around the warm and fresh dough.

Just because the man had put their activities on pause did not stop Ichigo from pulling out the seductive temptress card-

()()()

Starrk was no fool.

He knew exactly what Ichigo was trying to do and up until this very moment in time if anyone had ever come along and asked him before 'if simply breaking off a piece of bread and then eating it could be considered sexy' he would have laughed because the very idea sounded ridiculous but now…now he wasn't so sure-

Enough!

He had to put a stop to this.

Chuckling lightly when the youth let out an indignant squawk as he handcuffed him to the chair.

"It pleases me that you are anxious to eat however since I am the one who is preparing the meal I will be the one to feed you."

Ichigo glowered at him and Starrk let loose another light chuckle "We will also take this time to talk."

The orange berry seemed to consider his words for a moment or two

And then a devilish smirk "Strip while you finish preparing the meal and I'll consider it."

"Ichigo there will be plenty of time to frolick later. Right now I want to take this time to explain some things to you."

Brown eyes rolled "For the love of-look I apologize for acting like an ass earlier but I'm more than happy to make it up to you-if you'll let me?"

Starrk sighed. "Listen you barely even know me."

Ichigo grinned "You're sexy and single what else do I need to know?"

"Well for starters I'm not who you think I am."

()()()

Ichigo savored the sautéed beef on his tongue-enjoying its flavor before chewing, swallowing before excepting the slightly buttery bread dipped in a light cheese as he processed everything that his 'gardener' had just told him.

In all honesty it didn't faze him much…though he was admittedly disappointed.

"I'm not angry but I do wish you would have told me sooner because I really would like to find someone who can finish my mother's garden."

"Ichigo I-

"I know it seems rather pointless I mean the woman is dead and never coming back. I should probably just have it paved over with cement and call it a day-

"Ichigo if you-

"But at the same time when I stand in the garden and shut my eyes I swear I can almost hear her voice, can almost see her radiant smile outshining the sun, it feels like s-

"Ichigo I'm trying to tell you s-

"She was too damn young to die. They both were but I'm a little angry with goat face-I mean he was always such a reckless idiot and-

"Ichigo just stop kicking yourself over and over and listen to me!"

Ichigo flinched and then cursed himself.

What the hell was wrong with him-letting his emotions go out of whack-it was so not sexy to show Starrk this side of himself-Ichigo hated this side of himself-the one where he felt like a helpless young boy all over again-the one where he-

"All is not lost. Even though I mislead you I always keep my promises."

Ichigo looked up to find the man down on his knees moving to unlock the cuffs, rubbing the slightly reddened skin with slightly callused but gentle thumbs.

Once again Starrk was offering him that light smile and Ichigo fell just a little harder.

In the back of his mind or the front (whichever) he knew there was no logic in the extreme desire and need he seemed to suddenly feel for the Coyote-but sometimes life just went that way.

"We'll return for the dessert of course but for now I'd like you to follow me outside so I can show you the garden."

()()()

There wasn't a single spot in the yard that hadn't been covered with flowers or plants of some sort.

90 percent of the flowers were roses-red and white just like the paper lanterns, which had been strung up by thin cords overhead lighting up the garden.

In place of the twin fountains there now stood a large one in the very center-images of Greek gods and goddesses carved into the fine stone.

The bushes, which at one time had been wild and overgrown were tamed and trimmed-cut to look like musical instruments-the precision and skill that went into such designs was something to be admired.

The dying Sakura tree which had hung low and cast a dark shadow and a feeling of loss and depression had been ripped out of the ground and in its place-a glittery golden bird cage-multiple tiny ice sculptures carved to look like doves placed inside.

"Of course we didn't buy any actual birds because no one was sure if you even liked birds in the first place, plus I don't think walking into a garden decorated in bird dew is exactly romantic."

Ichigo wasn't sure what to say. It might not be exactly how he or his late mother had envisioned the garden but it was beautiful all the same.

He looked up to the sky as if waiting for some time of verbal approval-even though he knew such a thing was impossible-the way a single star twinkled in early night sky just then was all the answer he needed.

He could tell that a lot of hard work, thought and effort went into this project.

How could he not like it?

Still the loss of a dying tree was sad-as if sensing his inner thoughts the Coyote surprised the orange berry just then by "My sister being the crafty gal that she is managed to save some of the petals," Starrk produced a crown of bright pink flowers and then placed it Ichigo's head. "It suits you."

Ichigo grumbled "I'm not a woman damn you!" yet made no move to remove the crown.

Once again saying thank you didn't seem like nearly enough-

"Why did you-I mean you didn't have to do all of this just to keep up with the facade-not that I don't appreciate it because I do but-?

"Because you are worth it,"

Starrk cupped Ichigo's face lightly tilting his chin up "That is all the reason I need." And then finalized his words with a kiss-a kiss far superior to all other kisses the orange berry had ever experienced.

()()()

Kazeshini nudged the woman still asleep on his shoulder awake.

Nemu wiped the side of her mouth and then narrowed her eyes at the young chef demanding to know why he had chosen such a method to wake her up

"I'd say sorry but we both know I wouldn't really mean it anyway and besides I have a good reason-

At the woman's raised brow he continued with a grin "It's starting."

()()

Pouncing hadn't worked. Pleading hadn't worked. No matter how much Ichigo had thrown himself at Starrk-no matter how much he had rubbed up against the man-the Coyote kept his slow and steady pace.

Ichigo felt somewhat irritated and impatient-he wanted to feel Starrk's bare skin against his own-it just didn't seem fair that only one of them seemed anxious to get on with the road towards bliss.

Was Starrk really content with just lying in the grass doing nothing? Shouldn't they be taking advantage of such a lovely night-it was rare that mid November was so warm.

Light smile playing on his butter-cream tinted lips, gray eyes dancing-the message was loud and clear 'My script, my rules'

Ichigo glared.

At this rate they'd never get anywhere.

"You need to be more patient Ichigo-you should never rush a good thing." The man started playing with the crown of flowers, which had miraculously remained on top of his head before playing with his hair-marveling at the bright orange color-a somewhat childish sort of awe on his face.

"It's not that fascinating," Ichigo grumbled lightly and then let out a squeak of surprise when Starrk slapped his throbbing behind and rolled their positions again.

()()

Brown eyes flashed "You!"

Starrk's light smile turned into half grin "Me." And then he rested his head on the orange berry's chest while he let his fingers dance, mapping dips and curves, loving the warmth that seemed to radiate off the soft peach toned flesh all the while keeping Ichigo trapped under his weight.

Loving the slight intake of breath when he let his hands ghost along the waistband of the boys' pajama pants-pulling the material just slightly letting Ichigo know that 'yes they were gradually making their way towards the main event'

He would never let the youth out of his sight after this night and if somewhere down the line Ichigo grew tiered of him he still would not let the orange berry go-he would do a lot more than simply handcuff or pin Ichigo down if he had to.

And after this night he would never again let another person touch or even look at his human heater.

Starrk raised his head and removed some of the pressure but did not let the berry leave his arms as he continued to gaze down at him.

()()()

Ichigo honestly hadn't thought it was possible for someone to look at him with such a loving expression-it kind of baffled him-what could have happened between that first day and now that would convince the Coyote-his thoughts scattered to the western winds as said Coyote captured his lips once more, a soft and gentle yet firm claim was being made here.

Making Ichigo feel dizzy and breathless all at once-soaring to even greater heights when at freakin' last he felt the man's arousal pressing against him not that it wasn't there before it was just well…one thing was for sure in the future he'd have to teach the Coyote to stop doing everything at such a leisurely pace.

()()

Starrk had held back for long enough, achieving his goal in making Ichigo realize that pleasure could be obtained through soft, sensual and barely there teasing.

He wanted the berry to crave every inch of him-wanted the youth to burn and yearn for him-

Loving the expression on the boys' face watching as it changed when he palmed the arousal through silky pajamas-delighting in the way Ichigo arched up into his touch-silently begging for more.

Starrk slipped his hand into Ichigo's pants pumping the weeping flesh and then stopping when he could sense that the youth was very close to a climax-continuing his journey downwards rolling twin jewels between skilled fingers finding great delight in the way the youth was now panting harshly in his ear, orange lashes fluttering, cheeks flushed-

()()

The Coyote had come close-extremely close-Ichigo had nearly lost himself entirely-was only mere minutes away from submitting completely

But where would be the fun in that?

Starrk wasn't the only one who should be able play. Ichigo wanted to play too.

Smacking Starrk's hand away, Ichigo shifted and squirmed in just enough so he could reach his intended destination-wasting no time in palming the Coyote through the fabric-he reached in and pulled out the large organ curling his hand around it loving the way it pulsed around his fingers-so smooth and delicious-he might regret it in the morning (straining the muscles in his neck from such an odd angle) but the desire to wrap his mouth around Starrk's cock had started up all over again-and this time he would not be denied!

()()()

Starrk decided that he would let Ichigo do as he pleased-concluded that it would be an ideal distraction for what he was about to attempt-the orange berry would be focused on servicing him so he could use the opportunity bring out his new friend-the orb-the fox woman had said it would not be harmful, quite the opposite-not that Starrk wasn't confident with his own abilities (because he was) but it was always nice to have a little extra boost-enhancer the woman had called it-

()()()

Now more than ever Kazeshini wished he could jump out of the tree and join in the activities. It looked like the young master and the Coyote were having a lot of fun down there. He was most curious to find out just how flexible Ichigo was-bent at such an odd angle suggested that he either had a hell of a lot of practice or was double jointed.

And that orb in the Coyotes hand the young chef was most curious to find out A where it had come from (though he had a few guesses) and B if it really had changed shape or were his pale eyes playing tricks on him.

Next to him Nemu san hadn't breathed a word just let her little digital camera do all the talking-perhaps if he asked nicely she'd be willing to give him copies.

They weren't going to watch the whole act-just a large chunk of it-

()()

Somewhere in between the moment where the man was worshiping his inner thighs and he had been orally pleasing the Coyote, Ichigo had given up all attempts at keeping the artwork on his ass a secret.

The Coyote had pushed the berry's legs so damn high up that Ichigo could practically smell his own behind (which thankfully was a subtle peachy floral scent and not a rancid funky one)

Starrk seemed almost anxious to gain access to his behind after briefly commenting on his brand (which thankfully tickled more than throbbed at this moment)

It was an interesting sensation-tongue teasing his sacred hole-not only for easier entry but for pleasure-it made Ichigo smile even if the angle it self was a little sttange even for his own outlandish tastes-over and over Starrk was showing that he cared-taking the time to prep him-taking the time to let him get familiar with one step before shifting into another-

Ichigo had done quite a bit of experimenting with his own body during the stages of his teenage life but pleasuring his own anus had seemed too weird so he never ventured back there unless he was wiping himself-

Now though as the Coyote feasted on his behind he decided that he might have to pay it more attention in the future-

His thoughts momentarily drifted yet again when he noticed the strangely familiar white-blue orb and then blinked when it changed shape-

It wasn't exactly rocket science-sex toys were pretty standard though he wondered when the Coyote had even pulled it out in the first place-wondered why he hadn't noticed it-wasn't like either one of them had been wearing baggy clothes before they stripped down-

Ichigo decided it really didn't matter-the orb or the toy or whatever was now inside him and he felt well not uncomfortable exactly but sort of-it was a difficult sensation to describe-kind of like a suction type of feel massaging his anal walls-loosening the muscles which naturally wanted to clamp up-

Starrk was saying something to him but it sounded like nothing but gibberish at the moment-

()()()

It dissolved-the orb had actually dissolved-Starrk looked his orange berry over-checking for any signs of discomfort or pain but all he found on Ichigo's face was curiosity, surprise and then pleasure-

He almost felt an unnatural jealously surge over him-to think that some mystical orb designed by shameless gypsies could extract such a sound from his human heater-the Coyote took it as a challenge!

Starrk was now determined more than ever to bring Ichigo to the edge and beyond and back again-a howl (which he would definitely deny later) curled up in his throat before making its way out as he gripped the berry's toned and silky thighs with his hands and then thrust in deep enough to where he himself nearly blacked out-

()()()

Rangiku giggled. Glad that Coyote had finally released himself from his damn cage!

Seemed even dear Starrk had a breaking point.

Competing with a mystical shapeshifting orb, which was so much more than she had let it on to be-ah the next 24 hours would prove to be very interesting indeed.

()()()

But Starrk was no amateur he simply had to calm himself and then he could focus "Are you okay Ichigo?"

Really he should have asked the orange berry this question before he thrust forward but he could hardly think straight when that damn orb had made the youth moan so wantonly.

He could hear the wince as Ichigo responded with, "I'll be fine but I'd appreciate not having to continue in this awkward position, it's starting to give me spasms.

Spasms? Well there was absolutely nothing romantic about that.

If Starrk had been the type of man to mentally smack himself he would have done so just then but he wasn't the type so instead he released some of his hold on the berry and carefully pulled out.

Ichigo glared at him "Bastard what did you do that for?"

"You said –

A snort "What you couldn't change positions and remain buried inside me at the same time?"

Actually Starrk could have done just that but-

"You have streaks running down your face-granted they are now dry but I feel terrible for even putting you in such agony-that was not supposed t-

()()

Ichigo raised his foot and kicked the man in the rear, laughing when Starrk stumbled slightly and fell into one of the bushes-a moment later he helped the Coyote stand back up.

"It's not funny I really hurt you a few minutes ago."

"Well yeah but that's to be expected when you're trying to have sex with a virgin and all," the berry rubbed the back of his neck and then frowned when he noticed that Starrk was still looking at him with such a guilty expression.

It was ridiculous.

"Stop beating yourself up-it was one minor error get back over here and show me what you can really do!"

Starrk pulled Ichigo into a hug and murmured, "I'll go slower this time" in his ear.

Ichigo felt like rolling his eyes. He had had quite enough slowness to last him a lifetime and then some. "I've got a better idea."

()()()

They really would have to learn to compromise.

Ichigo insisted on doing things at his own pace and Starrk had no problems with this but he in turn would like to do things at his own pace as well.

Technically the Coyote shouldn't be complaining at all-rather he should be lost on the ship to paradise since the berry was fulfilling one of his earlier fantasies by riding him-he had to admit he did love the feel of strong thighs gripping him tightly-loved the way vibrant orange locks were plastered to the youth's head-loved how not just Ichigo's cheeks but his entire body had turned a rosy pink-

Still he wished the youth wasn't in such a hurry-a whole night awaited them so they should savor the first round-focus on not only getting lost in the pleasure but learning each other's bodies, likes and dislikes and-

And Starrk's brain went a bit foggy when Ichigo arched his back at such a beautiful angle just then-the only thing he desired was to capture peachy-caramel cream nubs and so he reached up and did just that.

()()()

Ichigo wasn't so far gone in the pleasurable sensations yet that he hadn't noticed the man's annoyance-it made him laugh-he decided that Starrk's frown was just too damn adorable for words-once again being reminded of a puppy-

A puppy that would not get his way-at least not yet.

Ichigo was not selfish by any stretch-to be honest he was a bit impressed that the Coyote hadn't protested more-yet another thing to love about the man-didn't seem to mind (well not taking orders exactly) more like Starrk didn't seem to mind that Ichigo had basically taken control-controlled the pace-the angle and everything in between-

It was a nice refreshing change-being with a grade A alpha male who wasn't so caught up on power-a passive alpha that's what Starrk would be called…a fine contrast to an aggressive beta like Ichigo.

Not that that was all there was-oh no not even close-Ichigo had a feeling that when the time came Starrk would be aggressive as any other he had ever come across-if not more so.

And the thought both excited and frightened him-would he be able to handle a Coyote who didn't hold back?

At the end of a day Ichigo was a Kurosaki and that meant he was always up for a challenge.

And if the way gray eyes had nearly turned black just then he'd say the challenge was just around the corner-

But was it really necessary to start by attacking his nipples?

For an entirely different reason this time Ichigo felt like rolling his eyes.

"Is it really necessary to suck on my chest? Its not like milk will come out of them."

Starrk grinned up at him "They remind me of candy."

At Ichigo's raised brow the Coyote elaborated "When I was a young boy I used to go to this little candy shop in the next town over-peach caramel cream candy drops-I was so disappointed when my favorites were discontinued. The color and the shape of your n-

"Okay, enough I get it-just be careful okay they've always been overly sensitive and even more so lately."

Gray eyes flashed "How sensitive? If I were to say nibble on-"

Ichigo's cheeks bloomed with hot fire "Try it and you're dead!"

()()()

Kazeshini snickered from his spot up in the tree.

Okay so he had stuck around til the very end-well at least the first round-sue him!

It's not like any one but Nemu-san knew he was up here and she was currently too preoccupied with trying to clot her bloody nose-seemed the true act of mating had been too much for the poor woman to take-in fact watching the young master ride the coyote all the way until the wee hours of the morning had made Nemu speechless.

Kazeshini was surprised she hadn't fainted-she looked like she was going to for a while there.

He snickered again.

Little red riding hood and the big bad wolf indeed!

()()()

The sun felt warm on his skin. Cinnamon and coffee colored eyes fluttered open and Ichigo moved to stretch but found it quite impossible with a certain Coyote's iron tight hold around him.

He couldn't recall when he had turned over on his side or even when Starrk hadn't apparently thought it a good idea to spoon him from behind but Ichigo supposed he couldn't really complain.

The man was better than any damn blanket he'd ever owned-still they couldn't remain out here in the garden naked as the day they were born.

And speaking of naked Ichigo didn't know why he hadn't noticed it right away but something about his body felt different-

He scrunched up his nose-this was beginning to feel too much like that damn dream he kept having over and over only worse-much worse!

He willed himself to relax-sort things out-the fact that he had apparently sprouted female parts over night was no big-WTF?

Completely forgetting all about not waking the man holding him Ichigo bolted up right as it officially dawned on him.

The dreams-the nightmare had become reality.

The question now was why?

And how?

And when could he switch back? He would be able to switch back right? He wouldn't really be stuck as a chick forever would he?

Being forced to cross dress was one thing-but permanently?

He had no desire to-

Ichigo started to hyperventilate.

Really how could this have happened?

A spell or…or was this part of his curse…along with having a blackened soul was he really destined to become a woman?

Is that why Ulquiorra had made those comments to him? Is that why the talking cat had come to him? Is that the real reason so many alpha males sought him out-because they had some how known that he would be a woman one day?

Ichigo felt like crying but knew that would only make him feel worse.

He should scream-yes because screaming is what men do and-

Wait if he tried to scream now not only would he wake the snoozing Coyote he'd only feel worse about himself when he heard a high pitched cry echo out into the air.

He fell back on to the grass desperately wishing, pleading to wake up from this realistic seeming nightmare hoping that when he shut his eyes and looked down again he'd find a penis instead of a vagina but nothing changed. And was that blood?

Granted it wasn't a lot but still-Ichigo wanted to curl up under a rock well not die exactly since he was too young for that but-

He heard a yawn followed by a low voice next to his ear "Morning"-Then he felt a hand on his ass "You make a lovely woman Ichigo but I've got to ask does this normally happen after you've had sex with some one?"

Ichigo whirled around and glared at the man-concluding it had to have been Starrk's fault-Starrk and that damn toy or whatever-yes that was it!

He wanted to punch the man and call him a bastard but every muscle and bone in his body ached at the moment even his fingertips and-

"You did this! Switch me back now!"

Ichigo cringed-even though his voice hadn't come out in a high pitched shrill-more of sexy smokers voice it was so not him!

DAMN IT ALL!

Starrk smiled at him and dared to reach out and touch of a lock of his hair-twirling it around a finger-before shifting forward to bury his nose in ridiculously long mane.

A moment later the man came up for air, gray eyes twinkling "I bet you'd look very pretty with a French braid Ichigo."

Ichigo saw red-to hell with the pain he felt all over he was going to kill the Coyote-how dare the man find this situation funny-how dare he!

()()()

Not that Starrk would admit it out loud but he was in no real hurry to have his orange berry back since this was still Ichigo but with a few additional curves and other subtle changes-longer hair and lashes-fuller set of peach tinted lips-and of course the candies themselves had taken on more of a reddish tone-and they were twice as perky practically waving at him-

As if he could ignore such lovelies

()()

Well this was an unexpected turn of events-Kazeshini cocked his head to the side-

He hadn't bedded a woman in hell 3 years-hadn't salivated over a woman in 2-hadn't felt his loins burn with desire to have her as his own like he was at this very moment.

Ah but then he had to remind himself that was not a woman at all but Ichigo-

The young master had been turned into a woman-he wouldn't be surprised if the blonde gypsy didn't have something to do with this.

A grin made its way onto Kazeshini's face when the strawberry smacked the Coyote after he had had the audacity to go and bury his face in 'her' chest!

()()()

Ichigo stomped back into the house wearing extra layers (he had thrown the Coyote's clothes over his own) because the last thing he wanted to deal with right now was questions and comments about his new appearance.

He made his way into the kitchen deciding he was not going to let the chocolate fondue go to waste.

As he bit into an orange dipped in chocolate an image of a bubbly ginger champagne blonde with powder blues came to mind-reminding him that he needed to see Aunt Rangiku anyways-maybe just maybe she'd have some answers to his questions.

()()()

"Ichigo my favorite nephew it has been too long since we've last spoken. How are things?"

Ichigo glared at the tipsy gypsy then pushed his way into the house-Starrk only a few steps behind.

Rangiku played with the gem around her neck and waited for what was sure to be an epic outburst.

()()

"First of all what it is up with all of the crazy dreams I've been having lately and-no wait scratch that let's start over at the very beginning. Why did you tell Starrk to pose as a gardener before he came to see me? If we're suppose to be destined soulmates/lovers then making him go through that stupid trial session was completely pointless-While I'm on it why did you lie to him? You know damn well that I had close connections with other men-know damn well that I was crushing on my boss for sometime now and speaking of my boss-How dare you try and tarnish his good name and character like that!

"Ichigo you have to understand about th-

"I'm not finished!" The berry roared before continuing "I admit it probably wasn't the smartest choice agreeing to go out with someone like Grimmjow but that wasn't your decision to make! I was attracted to him and felt like giving it a go and what did you do? You fucking bring Ulquiorra on to the scene-not that I have anything against Ulquiorra mind you but everything was perfectly fine until you thought it would be a good idea to tickle their brains and-

"I merely-

"Still talking here-those are only some examples-I have a whole list of reasons to be pissed at you but quite frankly I don't care to hear your fucking lies and excuses at the moment-right now I only care about one thing and that's this!"

The berry stripped off all of his clothes until he was left standing in his boxers.

Rangiku was silent for a few minutes.

Even though she had expected it and was partially responsible-it was a bit of shock looking at her dearest nephew right now-he looked so much like her dead sister-practically a spitting image minus the hair-no one had hair like Ichigo!

"Well?" Flicking her bangs out of fierce brown eyes, hands on her hips, tapping her foot-Yes her nephew was one very pissed off young woman at the moment. (3)

Rangiku looked over to the Coyote-finding that while the gentleman was silent and on his very best behavior, a light smile was playing about his lips.

She wasn't all that surprised since a man like Starrk didn't seem like the type to get caught up in silly things like gender anyway.

"RANGIKU!"

The anger in the strawberry's voice-the rage sent shivers down the woman's spine.

She pouted. "Angry or not I am still your aunt and at the very least I expect you to-

Brown eyes narrowed to thin slits and the berry hissed out "I owe you nothing! You're lucky I haven't completely disowned you-all the shit you've put me through I should j-

"Now Ichigo, calm down all this anger and stress isn't good for the baby."

The berry blinked once, twice and then

"WHAT?"

()()()

Trying to explain everything to Ichigo at this early hour in the morning was too exhausting-Rangiku just did not have the energy for it.

"I shall show you the answers with the help of my crystal globe…

Many years ago…

Our story begins with a forbidden romance only their tale does not end tragically like Romeo and Juliet-but its not all daises and roses either.

Hell hath no fury like a good woman scorned-rings twice as true when a man upsets and breaks the heart of a powerful gypsy.

She had gotten the idea from her half sister over in France-but instead of transforming her love into a beast on all fours she would strip the bastard of the thing he was most fond of-his manhood.

We are not talking about castration here-no we are talking about a transformation-a simple transformation-turning a man into a woman.

()()

Ichigo raised a brow stopping Rangiku's story "Do you honestly expect me to believe this."

"Like it or not it is true."

"This gypsy and her lover-their what my ancestors or something?'

Rangiku smirked and Ichigo wanted to smack the woman. "Precisely but there's a lot more to it-that is only the first tale-the second is about gypsy who fell in love with a pirate-

"A pirate? Stop stalling and get to the point! What is happening to me? Is it a curse or a spell-I didn't break a woman's heart so why is this-

"It's not permanent Ichigo."

"It's not?"

That was a major relief.

"Well then hurry up and switch me back I have things to do."

Rangiku shook her head "It doesn't work that way."

A glare "What do you mean it doesn't-

()()()

Our third story follows a proud and wealthy family man-If he were alive you would refer to him as your grandfather Ichigo-

"My grandfather? What does a man I've never met have to do with my being temporarily stuck in a woman's body?"

"Just about everything. Your grandfather was fond of old fables you see and he also held a real fondness for scientific experiments especially since he did not believe that magic and things of that nature truly existed.

One day during one of his man journeys over sees he came across a lovely blonde woman in at an outdoor market-

In exchange for a lock of his hair she would give him a rare tea pot.

()()

"A tea pot? Come on I'm not joking Rangiku, hurry up and switch me back-if I really am with child I don't know send it back or something."

"Don't be so selfish Ichigo. The child is not only yours you know."

Ichigo held the side of his head and glanced over at Starrk who had kept his promise and let him do all the talking. He knew he was acting irrational but he just couldn't stand to be stuck in a body that was not his.

It made him twice as moody and he could swear he was packing on the pounds by the minute.

"Fine so what happened with this magic teapot?"

()()()

Your grandfather brewed himself a pot of tea, sipped it and fell asleep-when he awoke on the following morning he noticed that there was something very different about him-even the way he carried him self-he seemed to be sashaying which was weird and most unsettling.

He stumbled into the bathroom with a lamp and looked at himself in the mirror-deciding that all things considered he was not a bad looking broad.

Ever the young boy at heart, he ventured out into the city of Paris and took note of the attention he had quickly attracted-and then he spotted the blonde woman from the market and called out to her-when she turned down the alley he picked up his dress and ran after her-she had not gotten far.

()()

"And?" Ichigo prompted the woman to continue.

"And your grandfather asked the blonde if she was a witch-she threw her head back and laughed

()()

"I am not a witch but a gypsy-a gypsy on the hunt for a man who can change the way humans look at life. The tea pot I have given to you is no ordinary tea pot-a single sip and ones blood will be altered-it s a little different with every man but if you were to say make a cup of tea for your son instead of an immediate transformation like you yourself experienced his would gradually shift over time-ranging anywhere from 16 to 21 years of age."

()()

Ichigo, understandably was fucking pissed.

"He agreed to that? He agreed to serving us tea out of a cursed tea pot for what-his own amusement? What an asshole-I'm glad I never met him because if I had-

"Calm down Ichigo, there is more to it."

()()()

The blonde gypsy did not tell your grandfather this at the time but you see she wasn't even from the same land as him-no she had journeyed far and wide from the land of tea-a princess-a princess who-

()()

"I don't care about a princess from the land of tea or whatever-how come goat face never told me any of this? Is this-this stupid curse that came from a tea pot the reason he and my mother died in they're 30's? Exactly how much damn tea did he drink? Am I going to head to the pearly gates or the fiery pits in a few short years? Is Starrk going to be dragged along with me? Exactly how much time do I-

"Ichigo you're getting way way way ahead of yourself. Please don't jump to such dramatic and depressing conclusions. Your parents did not die because Isshin drank several pots of tea-they died because their souls were-

Rangiku trailed off-

"It's best if I just-

"No," Ichigo shook her head firmly, brown eyes hard "No you will finish your sentence."

"Torn." Rangiku lifted her teacup and the berry wanted to rip it out of the woman's hand and smash it against the wall-but she reigned in her anger when she felt Starrk place his hand on top of hers.

She gave the blonde a moment or two before demanding that she continue.

Rangiku heaved a heavy sigh and turned to the globe once more

()()

Our story begins with one Kurosaki Isshin. Isshin is your average teenage boy-a proud fan of hot babes with large boobies in super short skirts and bikinis.

Isshin loves to flaunt and flirt and he can do it better than the rest-a lot like a robin in spring time out scouting for a potential mate he wears loud and colorful clothing attire and has a boisterous laugh which echoes over mountains, valleys and the high seas.

He is not quite a class clown or delinquent rather somewhere in between-making the female population both young and old fall all over him-loving every minute of it. Hell Isshin loves himself.

Or at least this is the image the dark haired youth presents when he goes about his daily life. At night it is an entirely different story-why if one didn't know better they'd he was an entirely different person. Sitting quietly on the rooftop of his house counting the stars in the sky and dreaming of a different life.

A life a bright flashing lights skin tight clothes and smooth and rock hard bodies. Isshin does not think this makes him gay or even bi-he defines himself as merely a curious individual who honestly thinks it might be fun to hook up with the member of the same sex.

This is not a new idea-no it has been brewing in the dark haired youth's mind for quite awhile-even more so when he discovered his father's 'man diary'

()()()

"Rangiku I'm warning you."

"Ichigo, please call me Aunt Rangiku, the way you say my name like that-I'm starting to think you no longer c-

"Fine aunt Rangiku can you please just get to the point-you say my father's soul is torn-okay I get that," a frown "Sort of anyway-but what about my mother?"

"Well it might interest you to know that your dear mother and my sister Masaki is something special in her own right-but before I get to that have you ever asked yourself why despite coming from a long line of gypsies she did not practice the art?"

Ichigo had given it a thought a time or two but-

"Why?"

"Because there was no need for it."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning she herself had inherited the traits of a hybrid and by the time she met your father well…

"Well what?"

Rangiku looked over at Starrk before continuing, "Hybrids are a lot like wolves-they mate for life. Masaki found her mate before she had even reached her 13th year but sadly she was murdered by another-jealousy issues-you know how the old story goes-

"Wait back up-she-you mean my mother loved another hybrid who happened to be a female?"

"I don't see why it should come as such a shock Ichigo-I'm sure you recall that both of your parents were anything but traditional?"

Ichigo let out a sigh. "So my father had a torn soul because of self identity issues and even though she came close my mother was never able to fully mend it and in turn my mother had a torn soul because she had lost her first love before she even begun to fully experience and enjoy it?"

"That's about right but you are still missing a few more factors."

"Factors? What factors?"

"The key factors, the orb for one, yes that orb-the very same orb that helped create you."

"Wait! What?"

"It's complicated and not even all the flashbacks in the world could cover every single little detail Ichigo-

"The hell it won't-tell me what I need to know-stop speaking in rhymes and riddles-what the hell do you mean that that orb sex toy thing helped create me?"

"Honestly Ichigo didn't you ever wonder why there were never any pictures of Masaki while she was pregnant with you-

"I figured it was a surrogate or something-what are you-

And then it dawned on the berry-

"Are you trying to tell me that goat face gave birth to me?"

"Yes."

"…"

"I have a question."

Ah at last the Coyote speaks.

Rangiku lifted her teacup but encouraged the man to continue

"The two women in those dreams on top of the tower-they were/are Ichigo's-?"

"His parents, yes. It's a bit complicated to explain but Isshin's never been very um accepting of the curse-even though a lot of positive things came out of it-he was first and far most a man and so it was difficult for him to show his true form when it came to-

"Enough! Tell me about Ishida Ryuken-if you know all this other stuff then I'm guessing you know about him to-did he know about my father's curse-did they have-were they-

Ichigo couldn't bring himself to say it out loud but he had to know-not only so he could report it back to Ishida confirming what his friend had told him but also to get a better understanding of everything his aunt was trying to tell him.

He almost felt guilty for asking for the woman to elaborate-seemed by doing so he was betraying his dearest mother some how-he didn't care if she had been in love before she met his father-goat face had been damn lucky that someone as radiant and beautiful as his mother had even given him a second glance.

He just hoped that once he learned about Ryuken he wouldn't suddenly have the extreme urge to hunt the man down.

()()()

Ishida Ryuken or Ryu-kun as I have taken to calling him is Isshin's long time next door neighbor-the two are as different as night and day.

Ryu doesn't waste his time and energy on wooing, wining and dining the fairer sex-he focuses all of his energy on his studies-his favorite subject is you guessed it-Isshin.

Every night after every one else has gone to sleep Ryu-kun sneaks out of the house and climbs to the highest tree with the hopes of catching even just the briefest glimpse of his favorite subject.

()()

"So then it was a one-sided love from far away kind of thing just like Ishida said?"

"Very close to it but not entirely for you see because being next door neighbors Isshin and Ryuken would eventually have to cross paths-in fact Ryuken made sure of it but he was a smart boy and tempting though it might have been he knew he most definitely could not just step out of the shadows and pounce on the dark haired youth.

He had to adapt the best friend role-

"Best friends? Are you sure we're talking about the same Ishida Ryuken? Far as I knew he could barely tolerate goat face."

"You of all people should know that things aren't always what they seem."

Ichigo was beginning to develop a headache. Not sure how much more he could take.

"My mother wasn't an idiot-surely you would have noticed that another person was crushing on her boyfriend at the time right?"

"It's complicated Ichigo just as all love is complicated."

A sigh "Fine, fine let's get back to the curse-when did my mother discover that my father was well…different?"

Rangiku's laugh was light and airy. "Ah now that that is a fun story-yes I will show you that one…

()()

Ryu-kun was not a deep sleeper so when he finally entered the wonderful world of dream land he did not wish to be disturbed,

In fact he would come very close to killing or at least severely injuring the one who had dared to wake him.

A rapid tapping sound of his bedroom window pulled the light-haired youth from his slumber.

He blinked blearily into the darkness, fingers moving across his dresser as he searched for his glasses-once he placed them on his face and looked towards the window-frowning at the sight-it was open-open in the middle of a rainstorm-he would never leave his window open in the middle of a rainstorm.

In fact no one in they're right mind would open a window in the middle of a harsh rainstorm-he glared at the figure by the door not recognizing the intruder "You have exactly one minute to tell me who you are and explain why you think it wise to sneak into my bedroom at such an ungodly hour."

"That is so like you Ryuken-always so quick to kick a man out even before he's had a chance to explain while he's come to you."

Ryu-kun blinked. It sounded like something Kurosaki would say only it couldn't be his Isshin-Isshin didn't have a voice like a seductive temptress in the shadows.

A light was turned on and once again Ryu-kun blinked. Clearly a woman-granted a rather tall one but a woman nonetheless-a woman dressed a black hoodie and bright colored parachute pants-

The hood was pulled back revealing long black tresses "I know I don't look like it but I am Isshin."

Ryu-kun was still doubtful but decided he might as well hear the woman out. He patted the empty spot on the bed and Isshin told him the story of the Kurosaki blood line-explaining that only males were effected because they deserved to be punished.

()()

"What am I going to do?" The dark haired woman wailed and sobbed into Ryu-kun's shirt "I'm supposed to see Masaki in 3 days, and I had it all planned out-I was going to take her out to her favorite restaurant and ask her to be mine forever but-I can't let her see me like this."

"Hush now, if that woman really does love you then she'll accept you no matter what you look like."

Isshin sniffed and rested his head in Ryu-kun's lap-not having any idea what kind of effect he was having on the other young man.

"Do you mind if I crash here tonight?"

Sharing a bed with his Isshin-oh Ryu-kun had imagined it many times-granted it was under slightly different circumstances but Isshin was Isshin and he would be a fool to pass up such an opportunity.

"Of course you can."

Isshin lifted his head and for the first time in the past half hour a grin made its way on to his face and he further expressed his appreciation by giving the other male a hug.

Then a moment or two later…

"Don't think that just because we're sharing a bed one night that means you can grope my ass or something!"

Dark blues flashed "I wouldn't dream of it you just better make sure that you don't drool or wet the bed-after all being the extreme pervert that you are I wouldn't be surprised if you fondled yourself once I shut the light off."

A pause and then the black haired youth lunged at Ryu-kun

"BASTARD!"

()()

Masaki is very in tune with those around her-she can sense another's pain, anxiety, fear, happiness and a number of other emotions which make up mankind as a whole.

And although she does not always like to admit it from time to time her human half dominates her hybrid side and her emotions get the best of her.

She sits in a café nursing a cup of freshly brewed coffee while she awaits the arrival of her potential mate Isshin, he is not exactly the smartest, classiest or most talented member of his species but no other has ever made her laugh like he does-no other has ever made her feel like she is the single most beautiful creature in existence-not even her dearly departed 'Ima'

()()

It is 15 minutes past the time when they had planned to meet and Masaki is growing worried.

It is not like Isshin to be late for one of their dates-late for other occasions yes but late to see her? Never.

She bites her bottom cherry painted lip and then closes her eyes trying to feel out his energy-

Some of the tension in her shoulder releases when she catches a flicker of that golden energy-he's seems to be a bit frazzled and slightly short of breath but other than that he seems perfectly fine.

()()

A frown mars Masaki's normally flawless face. Her insight has never her wrong before then why now-why now does she feel like something is very very wrong.

Isshin has barely said a word-hasn't even complimented her on her new dress or glanced at the menu-he is staring blankly into his water glass-shoulders slumped-a dark hood covering most of his face-

What is going on?

Masaki reaches across the table and places her hand on Isshin's shoulder-he rudely shrugs it away and stomps off to the bathroom.

She feels hurt and angry all at once but she will not jump to conclusions-humans are rather complex creatures and sometimes their behavior can be quite baffling-

She shakes her head-there is no need to worry.

In a few moments time Isshin will return to the table and apologize for shoving her away-he will look into her eyes and declare his love for her once again-

()()

Looking unusually pale-hood pulled down even further-twisting his napkin between his fingers but not once looking up at her.

Masaki has had enough.

She is a strong independent and highly intelligent woman and she will not be toyed with.

Her fist comes down on top of the table

"Isshin you have 5 minutes to tell me why you refuse to speak or even look at me or I am walking out those front doors and out of your life forever."

Her love seems to be struggling with his words-torn between feeling annoyed and alarmed Masaki lets a minute pass before she tries again-in a calmer tone this time

"Isshin please look at me."

And so he does and Masaki holds back a gasp-he looks like he hasn't had a proper nights rest in days.

"What happened to you? Is it your father?"

She knows the man is up there in years.

A snort. A barely there snort but a snort nonetheless.

"Okay so it isn't your father-then what is it? Why do you refuse to look at me? Talk to me, please!"

She hates begging, pleading, giving off the image of the weak and vulnerable woman she most definitely is not.

But he is truly beginning to scare her.

"Isshin!"

"I-

"You?" She smiles encouraging her love to continue

"I-I want to tell you but-

He trails off-head practically in his water glass now.

Masaki throws down her napkin and stands up. "You know what forget it! I deserve better than this. If you aren't going to be man enough to tell me what ever it is that is plaguing your thoughts-making you look like death itself has come to pay you a visit-if you're not going to be honest with me then I have no reason to stick around."

She turns to leave but is stopped by the hold he has on her long skirt

"Don't leave I love you I swear and it would make the single most happiest man on earth if you'll say you'll be my bride."

Long declarations of love-creating a scene-that is most definitely Isshin but that voice?

She turns finding a woman with long dark hair cleaning to her skirt like it's a life vest-looking up at her with dark brown-nearly black eyes-eyes that she fell in love with-

A smirk makes its way onto Masaki's face-an interesting but not entirely unpleasant surprise, she places her hand on top of his head patting it lightly "I think what you meant to say my darling is 'it would make you the single most happiest woman on earth if I agree to be your bride."

()()()

Ichigo wiped at the tear in the corner of his eye.

Deciding that he liked the real story of his parents engagement a lot more then the fabricated lie goat face had spun about a gorilla king and dancing hula girls.

()()()

EPILOGUE

Five and a half months later…

Because the berry is and will always be male, pregnancies are shorter…

Ichigo was pretty damn sure that having this many people in the delivery room went against hospital policies-but seeing as the doctor who owned the building was also in the room it apparently didn't matter.

He was rather impressed that the Coyote-no his Coyote had managed to gather every one he knew all at once.

He had expected his twin sisters and a few of his closest friends-he hadn't expected to see his former admirers or his boss or the shady blond who'd sold them that broken down overpriced satellite dish-hadn't expected the Yakuza or his entire cleaning staff including his former maid.

He looked at Starrk and the man simply smiled and mouthed out "More people, more presents."

Apparently his mate was determined to collect as many gifts as possible especially since Ichigo had refused to host a baby shower.

But the berry was also a little annoyed-his new born baby girl was being tossed around from person to person-hell even the Kenpachi and Nnoitra had cradled her in their arms for a few minutes but he was technically her freakin' mother and he'd barely even gotten a chance to look at her.

"GIVE ME MY BABY!"

()()

FIN

()()()

Yes that's it. No more. The end. When all else fails crack, humor and out of this world bizarreness is the way to go. Thank you again to one and all for joining me on the CONARTIST project…

Cirucci the slutty maid from Kansas, I have no excuse other than the wicked witch of the west theme song from the Wizard of Oz was playing in my head when I first brought her on to the scene

He had no judgment when it came to men- this came straight out of a BL novel translated in the English version of the Guilty Volume 1

Ane-chan painted the image and gave me permission to run with it

See you round

Readers/reviewers/lurkers

~SLY~