Chapter 4

She stared at the spot she was pretty sure was where Justin had conjured the shelter they slept under that night in the jungle. He had even cast a magical net around the clearing to prevent any wild animals or jumbo sized creepy crawlers from coming in (and eating them alive). It was handy having someone around who was so well versed in magic, and honestly, she didn't know where she'd be right now if it weren't for him and all messes he helped her get out of.

Alex may have started trying to up her game in the last year, but she never would have gotten that far without Justin to help her. Hell, he was the whole reason she was studying magic harder anyway. He gave her a reason to want it. He made her want to be better. He pushed her to do things and think in ways she never would have otherwise. Mostly, it was because he made her believe she could do it. That was everything.

It was then that she realized how violently she was clutching her wand, dangerously close to snapping it in two.

That… idiot.

…

Dread seized her again at his words. What exactly did that mean: "already figured it out"? Whatever he was thinking, she knew instinctively he was going to do something stupid. Whenever he had an attack of morality (something Alex didn't understand in the least), he always ended up doing the dumbest things imaginable. Like admitting to Max that they plotted to mess up his lessons so they could spend time with Tutor (which resulted in them being attacked by a leprechaun) or telling Mr. Laritate that he accidentally saw one of the test answers on his desk and the whole class was forced take the test again, or like right now, what he was about to do right now.

"Justin…I know you're kind of freaking out..."

He looked at her wide-eyed.

"Okayyyy," she admitted and swallowed. "Understatement... Look, I'm freaking out too and I can't exactly think right now, but we've got to get it together! Granted this is - out there - in the 'things we've done' category, but it's not the end of the world, at least I don't think so, now just calm down and we can…"

"We can what? Talk about it?" His voice went higher than usual. "This… Alex, this isn't something we're going to talk through o-or have one of our usual fights about! This is…"

"What?" she snapped more viciously than she intended. "This is what? Go ahead… say it."

His head hung in defeat. He didn't seem much able to do anything else. "I'm sorry."

"You said that already." She could feel her impatience rising. "Justin, stop acting like this and just be… normal again. You're getting on my nerves."

You're scaring me, is what she meant to say, but couldn't.

"Normal? I think that went batshit to hell when you told me you-" He made a strangled noise that cut off the rest of the sentence. Alex's chest clenched painfully, he couldn't even bring himself to say the words. Didn't he just kiss her? Didn't that mean he felt the same way?

"Nothing about this is normal," he finished bitterly.

Anger began to fill in the places where pain had hollowed her out. "So you want to take it back? Is that it? Pretend it never happened?"

Her heart broke as she said the words. Tears began to form, but she stubbornly pushed them back. The idea of having to do that…to just ignore everything like it was something shameful, it stifled her to the point where she felt like she couldn't breathe. Yet it was something shameful, something abominable, but it didn't feel that way. Didn't he understand? Isn't that what kissing her meant?

"You would be able to do that?" he asked sadly. "What you said to me, what I just did now, you would be able to ignore it, forget?"

Her voice got lost in her throat.

"Maybe you can, Alex, but I can't. Now that I know…" He looked at her with such sorrow, such guilt, she couldn't keep his gaze and turned her head away. "I'm sorry," he said once more. "I don't deserve it, but maybe one day you'll forgive me."

"Forgive you?" she echoed disbelievingly, looking back at him, but he was already halfway out of the room. "JUSTIN!"

She ran to the door, but he had already vanished from the hallway.

It wasn't until a few days later that she came across a note with his handwriting tucked underneath one of the frames in her room. It was a picture of Alex leaning on Justin's back as he played the guitar. They were both smiling.

I love you too.