Damaged

Disc: I don't own Harry Potter.

…

I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed/

Cuz you broke all of your promises.

Tom Riddle

The Black's house was a sanctuary for me for several weeks. I was given a comfortable bed and warm room, with two substantial meals a day, and Bellatrix. She and I spoke very little, but fought for power in our physical encounters. For a sixteen-year-old girl, she was very strong and very intelligent, but I was stronger still, and more intelligent. She was the only pleasure I felt when I wasn't alone.

One night, a week before I had planned to leave the Black's and work with Bourgin and Burke's, I decided to tell her about my true intentions.

I sat her down on my bed and held her hand, as I was aware that holding a woman's hand was supposed to be comforting. "Bellatrix. You know that I have been grateful to be a guest in your beautiful home, and grateful even more for the confidence you have bestowed upon me." She looked lost. "I wish to tell you of my future."

"Tom, we've talked about your future. I'm coming with you, of course." She spoke as though it were the most natural thing to say.

"I am going to work with some of the darkest wizards of our time. Bella, I'm not a nice person. I wish to exterminate thousands of muggleborns and half bloods." I waited for her to object. She didn't disappoint.

"Tom, you can't keep saying things like that, you've never hurt me emotionally and you're not a bad person, I'm quite fond of you, actually I - "

"No, you don't love me. You love the idea of darkness and mystery. Bellatrix, I'm not some mysterious man with ulterior motives, and I don't want you to come with me when I go away. In fact, I will be surprised if we ever meet again." I saw that the words were difficult for her to hear and I almost felt a flicker of guilt, but that was smothered by my desire to start putting my plans into motion.

"No, don't say that! We have a future, you said so yourself!" She half cried.

"We were fortunate to have each other for these past months, and very fortunate to know each other intimately for this past month, but you must not confuse that luck with the future." I was trying to be as sensitive as I could.

"You know what, Tom, forget this. Just leave." She stood and ran from the room, I heard her own door being slammed shut, and the sound of books being thrown across the room.

In my own way, I felt bad. I was so in awe of Bellatrix, and I didn't know what the feeling was. I certainly didn't like that she was angry with me, but I didn't understand why I was feeling so empty again. I liked being alone. I reduced the empty feeling down to the nervous excitement of moving on with my life.

Bellatrix Black

After he broke my heart, Tom left my house.

I was sitting on my balcony when I heard a noise below me.

It had been about a week since he had told me that there was no way that I would accompany him on his way across Britain.

I saw his shape dark across the lawn, a small messenger bag slung across his back. He turned back only once to look at the home that I had offered him. Our eyes met briefly and the world caught fire. The desire returned and I had to tear my eyes away and go inside. I didn't know what to do with myself after that.

I had decided that there was nothing left for me at home or at Hogwarts.

I ran away a week after Tom. I left a note that described my intended path and I tried to console my parents through words that I would be safe and I would be in touch. Then I was gone.

2 years

In a bizarre turn of events, I arrived home to find Tom lying on the bed in the spare room as though nothing had ever happened.

I was eighteen, which would have made him twenty.

He was paler than I remembered, with more angular features. His eyes were bright and intense but his skin was sallow and unhealthy. He was just casually lying on the bed with a notebook in front of him. His quill made familiar scratchy sounds on the parchment.

When I had returned, my parents were furious, but thrilled that I was alive, and the gifts that I had brought back from India for my sisters had been a big enough apology for them. I took my belongings up to my room and saw a light in the spare bedroom. I investigated, curious to see which of Narcissa's friends were living there.

When I saw him, I cried out without realizing.

"What are you DOING here, Tom?" I asked, hysterically.

"I've come to retrieve you. If you so want to be a part of my uprising, I'll let you." His voice was deeper and slightly terrifying. I loved every bit of it.

"I won't just come with you because you show up." His eyes flashed.

"Well." He got up and I realized that he was much taller since we had last spoken. "Shall I just leave then?" His voice was annoyed and irritated.

"Why don't you just leave, like before." I threw at him. "You know, I have no doubt that you just leave everything in the middle like that."

"Harsh, Bellatrix." He gripped the bedpost; his knuckles turned white. "And you leaving your family is no different?"

"You don't know anything about me anymore!" My voice was rising. My irrational response was met with an equally irrational backlash.

"And you never knew anything about me at all! Apart from my name and my favourite food at best!" He was walking towards me and I was scared he would lash out and hit me. "Bellatrix you don't know me at all! You walk around pretending as though you and I are best friends and lovers, but you don't know anything!"

"YOU SPOKE TO ME FIRST." I screamed.

The world was quiet as we stared each other in the eyes. I knew that I had changed a great deal as well. My hair was too long and my eyes had grown darker. I looked more like a woman than a young girl. The air was ignited with the physical tension we had shared before he left, and before I knew what was happening, Tom was in front of me, his arm around me roughly and his mouth on mine. My hands searched him hungrily, longing to be reacquainted with his body. I could feel his heart beating, slowly, and mine, quickly.

I realized that I was angry with him for leaving me alone, I was angry with him for being cold to me, and I resented ever meeting him. However, with his body pressed against me, nothing mattered except him.

"Let me help you." I grasped his face desperately. "Let me follow you."

"Bella" he breathed, "please follow me. I won't leave you anymore. I need you on my side." He kissed my neck and moved me towards his bed.

Two years had changed us both in ways that I couldn't have imagined. I had tried to forget about him, and our relationship, but I would never be free. I knew that it would never be perfect, and that it would hurt me every day that I remained a part of it, but I was addicted to him, and somehow I knew that he couldn't succeed without me.