A/N: Sorry this is a tiny bit late, but really you're lucky I wrote this at all. I was thinking I may never write comedy again. But then I had a tiny bit of inspiration and ran with it.

Oh, and just a heads up for people who alerted this when it was T, it's now rated M. Not that I really suspect anyone who would read a story with 'Sexpert' in the title would care…

The first scene in this goes out to Muffins Taste Good who wanted shower sex. Sorry I'm not very good at that kind of stuff… But I tried anyway.

There was almost no reason for Morgan to put his clothes back on. As soon as the girls left, Spencer decided to take that shower he needed so badly and Morgan was going to come with him. In no time at all, Spencer's body was being pressed against the shower door. Morgan was thrusting into him violently, having a real go at him. Spencer didn't push back. He just kept still and enjoyed, knowing his lover wanted to do all the work. Morgan needed to prove he knew things too. Spencer knew that sometimes the best thing to do was nothing at all.

Most of Spencer's back was against the door, but Morgan held his legs up, one on either side of him so he could enter. The warm water hit their bodies pleasantly. It was getting in Spencer's eyes and he wanted to close them, but his desire to watch was stronger.

"Mmm... Harder, Derek."

"Any harder and I'll break you in two," Morgan replied, but he obliged with the request. Spencer loved the feel of Morgan's wet body on his, in his and he could feel himself getting closer and closer... He moaned and repeated his lover's name over and over again. Morgan reached for Spencer's cock and gave several gentle strokes in contrast to everything else he was doing.

Ecstasy ran through his body, so much so that he didn't know what he was screaming. And then he's finished, his heart pounding so loud he can hear it and his breathing quickened. Then it was Morgan's turn and he enjoyed it no less. He let out a chorus of "Oh, Spencer".

After he finished, Morgan gave him a long and wet kiss -Spencer still pressed against the door. Their mouths melded together, their tongues pressing into each other. Morgan let Spencer's legs down gently. "Did you like that, baby?"

"I loved it."

They began to wash each other's bodies, enjoying the soapy feel of each other's hands. Morgan paid special attention to Spencer's ass and area between his legs. Spencer playfully bit his neck while he did this, and then returned the favor.

Spencer briefly wondered how anyone could expect him to teach them this -the art of reading someone's body and soul and knowing exactly what they wanted and needed. Then all his attention turned back to Morgan, where it should have been.

The following night was 'Girls' Night.' Unfortunately for Spencer, Garcia's definition of 'girl' stretched out far enough to mean him.

She called him about twenty minutes before he was supposed to be there, of course. Proper notice was not one of Garcia's strong suits. "Come on, Reid! It's girls' night. You have to come!"

"I'm not a girl!" Spencer said, angrily. Not only did he not want to go, but she was questioning his gender and that made him even more pissed.

"Sweetie, you drink Pink Ladies. That counts," Garcia.

"That's not the only thing I drink!"

Garcia sighed dramatically. "Come on, it'll be fun, I promise. Plus, you still have so much to teach us, oh great Jedi Master."

Spencer had hoped they would have forgotten about that. But part of him enjoyed the title of 'Jedi Master.' "Do I have to?"

"Yes."

He hung up and went to get changed into some more bar-appropriate clothing. Even if this turned out to be a three-piece suit minus the jacket, it was still a marked improvement.

"Have fun at girls' night, baby," Morgan said mockingly.

"Shut up."

He grabbed a cab and made it to the bar. The girls were there, all looking happy to see him.

Garcia looked at her watch. "I thought you weren't coming!"

"Well maybe if you ever called before I needed to be there!" Spencer fired back. He joined their booth where they had already started drinks.

"Spence, you promised to teach us things, remember?" JJ asked sweetly.

"I never promised that."

All three girls rolled their eyes. "Reid, come on. It'll be fun," Prentiss said.

"Start with Emily, she needs the most help," Garcia said.

Emily frowned. "Why do you need the most help? I don't need any help at all!"

"You have Will, I have Kevin, and you have no one. You are the only single person at this table. We need to find you somebody," Garcia said.

"Isn't that a little harsh?" Reid asked.

JJ shook her head. "You have so much to learn about girls' night. Now find Prentiss a man."

"Yeah, like it's that easy," Reid said.

"I don't even want someone. And if I did, it wouldn't be some loser I found in a bar," Emily said.

Reid looked down at her chest. "Yeah, that's why you're wearing such a low-cut top with a push-up bra, right?"

"I wanted to look nice..." Prentiss said. She sounded hurt and a little like she was going to cry.

"Reid, did you just look at Emily's boobs?" Garcia asked, excitedly.

"I'm a 'girl', what difference does it make?" Spencer said. He was trying to prove a point, but as soon as the words came out of his mouth he regretted it.

Garcia hugged him tight, closing her eyes and smiling. "Reid, you're one of us. I'm so happy!"

The bartender came around and asked what they would like.

"Four Pink Ladies," JJ said winking at Reid.

A clean-cut looking guy in his thirties walked up to the booth. Now Reid wasn't the only one looking at Emily's boobs. "Hey. Wanna dance?"

Prentiss looked strangely awkward. "No, thanks. I just came to hang out with my friends. It's girls' night."

"Aww, come on. Just one dance and I'll return you to your friends, I swear," the guy said.

"No, I should really stay here..." Emily said looking away from him and at JJ sitting beside her.

The guy wasn't giving up. "It's just a dance. It doesn't mean anything."

"She said she wasn't interested," Spencer said. His voice was uncharacteristically low and firm.

"You could have just said if you were here with someone else," the guy said to Emily and walked away.

Prentiss smiled. "Thanks for saving me."

"What was that?" Spencer asked. "There was nothing wrong with him. He was nice and cute-"

"Spencer Reid, did you just say that guy was cute? I'm telling Morgan!" Garcia said.

Spencer just ignored her, hoping she wouldn't really. "Emily, you didn't even give him a chance. I mean, I know you have issues with trusting people because of your parents and everything that happened to you as a teenager. But that's not it, is it? You refused because you don't want that guy. Because you want someone else."

"Oh, you're good, Spence," JJ said.

Emily sighed. "What aren't you good at, Reid?"

"Yeah," Garcia said. "There has to be like one thing you suck at."

"Not really. I think he sucks at sucking." JJ said, meaning it innocently and not understanding the possible connotations.

Spencer downed his drink. "Are you kidding? That's practically what I'm best at." Garcia and Prentiss looked stunned. JJ spit her drink out.

"Something tells me I'm not going to fit in with this conversation," a voice said from behind him. Spencer turned bright red, realizing who it was.

"Hi, Dave," Prentiss said coyly.

It took Spencer about two seconds to realize what was going on. Rossi and Prentiss were smiling at each other like stupid kids. Girls' night, indeed. That was okay, it was going to be far easier to complete operation "Get Emily Laid" than he could have anticipated.

A/N: So, I hope you all liked it. I just wanted to share with everyone that I have a goal of writing four chapters of four different stories today. It might be difficult because it's already three and I'm only done one. Wish me luck. :P

Please review and tell me what you think. :)

Oh, and what did everyone think about the 'sucking' joke? I've had that one in my mind for a while and I thought it was hilarious, but I'm not sure it translated as well in written form.

Hopefully I will have another chapter ready for Wednesday. Thanks for reading. :)