Blind

Chapter 4: Stay Gone

Perspectives in Bold.

Lyrics and flashbacks in Italics.

Music:

Songs mentioned, referred, or themed to:

Stay Gone by Jimmy Wayne

Disclaimer: I do not own MGLN or any of its characters.

Normal

Nanoha hesitates, her sapphire eyes lock onto the imposing bronze handle. A simple twist of her wrist and all of her questions will have answers. The tight grip on the cold knob leaves her knuckles white. Finally, she twists the knob left.

Warm air and empty burgundy eyes greet her as she slowly pushes the door open. Her sapphire eyes quickly dart away from the wine-red gaze to the light brown oak floors of the entrance-way. Quietly, she enters the house and closes the door behind her with a soft click.

"You can leave your shoes there," Fate gestures with her chin to the neat line of shoes along the left wall. The young mother leans casually against the opposite wall, observing her guest.

Nanoha does as instructed, then reluctantly meets Fate's vague eyes again. The teacher's mind fills with dozens of questions as Fate remains unmoving. Clammy hands wrap around the black leather straps of her purse. She is tempted to fill the awkward air with meaningless words, but Fate speaks first. "Let's go to the living room."

The defensive posture of the blonde does nothing to soothe Nanoha's frantic nerves. She shouldn't feel so off-kilter, but she does. Being in Fate's presence alters her typical confidence. The strong, straight back causes her memories to awaken. Her mind races through a list of past images, trying desperately to decipher the thoughts of her silent hostess.

They enter a tan walled room set in low light with large picture windows and french doors. Natural lighting of the moon's glow cast strange shadows on the deck outside. Fate chooses a seat on a cream-colored suede loveseat facing a maple table. Nanoha finds her spot on the matching, worn-down adjacent recliner.

Avoiding eye contact with her quiet companion, Nanoha scans at the décor of the room. She notes a pile of toys in the corner of the room. A collection of DVDs filling four of the five dark maple shelves. The flat-screen television mounted to the wall facing the loveseat. A neatly arranged pile of opened envelopes and unfolded papers lay on a nightstand beside her recliner. Bills, she suspects.

"Tea?" The soft question interrupts Nanoha's inspection of the room.

"Yes, please." Anything to calm her buzzing nerves. Carefully, her hostess pours tea out of a pale green, metal teapot into Nanoha's off-white coffee mug. The teacher seizes her steaming cup of black tea as Fate serves herself. "Thank you."

Fate doesn't respond verbally to the words of gratitude, choosing instead a simple nod of acceptance. The waitress takes a sip of tea, allowing the hot liquid to slide down her throat and permeate warmth through her body.

The list of questions buzzes through the teacher's mind again. None of which she is capable of voicing. Instead she waits patiently for Fate to say something. Oddly, reminding her of the behavior she formed in her previous relationship with Fate.

Fate sighs heavily, drawing sapphires to her fatigued expression. The blonde wears a guilty smile as she admits, "It's not that I didn't want to talk to you." In disagreement with her words, Fate shakes her head and confesses with a sigh, "Well, that's not entirely true. I was avoiding you. I didn't know what to say to you."

Burgundy eyes linger on steaming black tea, reluctant to acknowledge the sapphire eyes moving over her. "I've never been very good with words. And I don't like reliving the past."

"You don't have to talk about the past, if you don't want to." Part of Nanoha doesn't want to relive the past five years. Part of her wants nothing more than to start fresh. But most of her wants to know what happened to her friend, who mysteriously disappeared overnight. Majority of her heart has to know why it was so easy for Fate completely vanish from her life. She needs to know why Fate's cell phone number changed and why Fate didn't tell her.

However, she doesn't ask these things because they force her to examine her own actions. Why, in the weeks following Fate's disappearance, she didn't pursue her roommate. Memories of calls and texts fill her mind, but really trying to find Fate doesn't. She won't ask the waitress those burning questions because part of her, the part she hides from herself, recalls her relief. As she stares into her tea, she remembers the relief she felt when Fate removed herself from her life. Effectively relieving Nanoha of a choice.

It is that shame that prevents her from asking questions, from voicing her heart's desires. "I'm just glad you're talking to me."

Fate accepts her honest words. "I see. Well, how about I just start from the last time I saw you."

Nanoha nods numbly. She envisions a frozen prison cell. Walls of blue-tinted ice forming a perfect cube. A cube holding her heart. This is the technique that kept her from breaking down in public during the days following their split. The shear memory of those sleepless nights, seeps slowly out of the buried depths of her heart. Phantom feelings make her a silent prisoner.

"After I left the apartment, I stayed with a friend for a week. Then I got a call from my mom." Fate pauses and her gaze becomes distant, "She got a minor concussion from something I can't remember. Anyways during a scan, they found brain cancer. The doctors gave her several treatment options." Nanoha recalls a few conversions they had about Fate's mom, Precia. Most talks were superficial, her roommate confessing she and her mother weren't very close. The heavy mechanical tone Fate uses tells Nanoha things changed.

"She knew for about two weeks by the time she told me. It hadn't settled in for her. When it did she thought about not telling me until I got home for summer. My Aunty Lindy encouraged her to tell me because I was old enough to handle it." A sad smile rises to Fate's lips as she pauses to take a sip of her tea. "I may have been old enough, but I wasn't in the best of mindsets. The news pretty much broke whatever was left – of me. I was officially hollow." The sad smile fades into a thin line, "I was silent, taking it all in. I vaguely remember telling her I wanted to come home. She told me to finish the year and I didn't have the strength to argue with her. So I agreed." Fate sets the empty cup down on the tea-tray and leans back into the couch. She has yet to look at a Nanoha, finding everything else interesting. "The following three weeks were a blur. I threw myself into finishing all the course work I could and took my finals early. After my last final was done and my last bag was packed, I left." It suddenly made sense to Nanoha why she hadn't seen Fate around campus those last days. "I wanted to go home, be with her. But honestly, I wanted to get away from school," burgundy meets sapphire for second, then red eyes return to the tea-tray, "from you." Another sad expression takes over the blonde's tired features. "It was like having a double broken heart." With a shake of her head Fate clearly seems to rid herself of the memories, Nanoha wishes she could do the same. "I came home to yet another surprise. One my mom did keep a secret." A bright and genuine smile curves Fate's lips, bringing happy memories to Nanoha's mind. Happy memories that easily become tainted. "A baby sister," again Fate connects her gaze with Nanoha's. This time she lingers as she continues, "Vivio." Part of Nanoha celebrates at the news, but the ill implications leave her torn.

The smile then fades into a frown. "She was a little over a month when my mom adopted her." The waitress shakes her head, "Vivio was found at a crime scene. Her parents, an alcoholic and a druggie, were both dead. Apparently, the father shot his girlfriend and then turned the gun on himself. My mom was the medical examiner on scene." Red eyes watch as Nanoha appears to recall this bit of information about her mother. "As soon as she saw this poor little baby with green and red eyes, crying for someone to hold her – she was sold."

The blonde tucks her legs beneath her on the couch, "Vivio was about three months old by the time I got home." The waitress sighs, "It was hard year or so. My mom went through a treatment. At one point it was like she was getting better, but not long after that the cancer didn't go away. Then there was complications with the removal." Fate's voice drifts into a whisper.

"I'm sorry," Nanoha refuses to remain silent. Her heart aches knowing Fate was there for her when her father passed. And here is Fate, recounting one heartbreak after another. She considers reaching out to the blonde, but immediately decides against it. "I should've -."

Blonde hair shifts from side to side as Fate shakes her head in disagreement. "You don't have anything to say sorry for. It's just life."

"I just-."

"There's feel guilty about." Nanoha nods, but guilt swirls in the deep blue pools. Fate pauses, finding her place again. "Taking care of my mom and a baby wasn't easy. Luckily, I found a job waitressing at a decent restaurant. Lindy, even Chrono, was kind enough to take over watching them when I was working."

Fate tucks a loose strand of golden hair behind her ear, "Shortly after my mother passed, I was rocking Vivio to sleep. I was running low on energy and high on emotions. I wasn't going to school at the time. I had no idea what I was going to do with a child. I would be going from sister to mother. Something that was never a part of the plan when I was 18."

"But this innocent little baby depended on me. And I wasn't going to let her down." Sapphire eyes focus on the fingertips absently tracing the stitching of the couch. A glazed burgundy stare follows the unconscious tracing. "I became her legal guardian and the rest is history." Wine red eyes finally move upward to find an intense deep blue gaze. Those cobalt gems hold a mixture of pity, sadness, and something Fate couldn't name.

"I see." Nanoha nods, finally dropping her gaze to the carpet. "Thank you for telling me." She receives a curt nod in response. "Least I know why I never saw you around after," the parting scene in their apartment plays through Nanoha's mind, "after you left."

"Yeah." A heavy sigh fills the empty space of the room, "I thought about calling you." Fate admits. She tucks a blonde strand that is already in place. "But I couldn't drag you into all of that. Back then, part of me knew I wouldn't be able to focus on my mom if I tried to talk to you." Fate shrugs, "It all worked out in the end."

Nanoha tries to swallow those words, but she can't help disagreeing with that statement. A deep breath then, "I'm glad I got to see you again." And she means it, despite the lingering ache in her chest.

"Me too," a faint smile rises to Fate's lips. It leaves the young teacher questioning if that's the truth. The waitress knows she shouldn't ask but she does anyway, "How's your family?"

Nanoha's eyes flash with surprise despite her, "Good. Mom still runs the bakery. My sister helps her. Kyouya is getting married in December."

"I see. What did they say about you coming here?"

"My mom wasn't exactly thrilled. Especially since I," the auburn haired teacher pauses, uncertain whether to confess. "I broke up with my boyfriend when I applied for the job. She thought it was a big mistake cause he was just perfect for me." Her last words drip with sarcasm. Nanoha shakes her head, sad almost painful smile in place. Blue eyes glance up to find hard, unreadable burgundy orbs. Any other questions Nanoha had are lost to her.

An awkward silence reigns over them. Fate looks at the clock, ten thirty-three. "Well, we both have to wake up early so I better let you go."

The words send a cold chill down Nanoha's spine as she recalls the last 'letting go'. She shakes off the dread and stands, following Fate to the door. One step into the cool night, then she turns around to face her hostess.

"Thank you for tonight."

Fate shrugs, "Seems like you needed to know."

Nanoha ignores the choice of words. Before her courage vanishes, she confesses, "I miss talking to you." Fate provides a reluctant nod, but says nothing. "Maybe we can get coffee sometime. Sunday?"

"I can't."

"Oh, maybe Monday after class, when you pick up Vivio."

Fate opens her mouth, then closes it. Looking to the side of Nanoha, she quietly admits, "I have a date."

"Ah. I see." The simple response leaves a single crack in her wall of ice. "Maybe some other time," Nanoha says with a hopeful lit in her voice, but struggles to feel any hope.

Fate sighs, her strong shoulders sag. "You're Vivio's teacher and - given our history I don't think-," the young mother sighs, "I think it would be best if we keep a strictly parent-teacher relationship." Burgundy eyes easily see the sinking emotions in those deep-sea blues and softly adds, "For now. I think it'll be for the best."

The wine red gaze, full of pleading, pull at Nanoha's desire to fight the single-sided decision. "Okay." She agrees, then bows her head to recollect herself. "I'll see you around," she can't prevent the resignation that fills her being.

Fate nods in agreement, ruby gems shining with gratitude. "Goodnight, Nanoha."

Her name rolls off of Fate's tongue, soft and achingly sweet. No memory does Fate's voice justice. "Goodnight, Fate."

Spider-web cracks spread from the earlier break her defense. The icy walls are breaking down and she needs to get away – fast. Fate closes the front door once she starts her car. Driving away, she doesn't cry and break down in hysterics. She simply breaks. In the wake of the falling glacial prison, new chains wrap around her heart. The meaning of these binds is unknown to her and to the blonde who created them. But she does know these chains won't disappear with time. This time, these chains won't break so easily.

A/N: First I'm sorry for any errors, writing this three mobile devices gets complicated. Thanks for reading and reviewing and sorry for the agonizing wait. See my profile later today for notes on my other stories. I'm back to weekly updates.