Blair didn't know when she first started being attracted to Serena. She wished she knew the exact moment it had happened, so she could undo it somehow, stop it from happening. But she doesn't..

She knows she loves Nate. Knows it. The kisses, the touches, prove that she loves him. On those nights she spends with him, she feels like she's flying. She just can't get enough of him. Nate loves her and wants her, and Blair feels like he's her whole world.

Blair's world is only big enough for one other person.

But then there's Serena, making her crash down to earth like motherfucking gravity. Her touch, her smell, everything about her just draws Blair in and she can never get out when that happens, not really.

And like right now, Serena's staring at her from across the room, Blair can feel her gaze, and she can't handle it anymore. It's too much. And when a hand grabs her arm tightly, Blair doesn't even have to look to know who it is.

"I need to talk to you." The voice is low, urgent. And Blair, all set on being the bitch tonight, refuses to look up at those eyes and those lips and that face that can just undo everything about her.

"I thought I told you to never speak to me again." Her tone is cold and harsh, and she almost replicates Serena's cringe.

"It's important." And then Blair is up, stumbling towards the bathroom. Serena is forcing her there quickly, which is very uncharacteristic because Blair is usually the one that holds the reigns, and she makes a mental note that if her and Serena are ever together, she'll make sure Serena knows who's in charge.

When they get to the bathroom, Serena stands behind Blair, taking her into her arms, and the brunette stiffens, tugging away sharply. Serena holds her tighter, not too constricting but enough so she can't get away, and leans over Blair's shoulder to give her a look.

Blair's not scared of Serena, but decides maybe she'll stay right here after all. For a minute, anyway.

"I thought we were best friends, Blair," Serena says in her "I'm-so-nice-and-innocent-and-don't-ya-just-love-me" voice, and Blair certainly does not just love her.

"That was before you slept with Nate," Blair hisses back.

"I told you I was sorry, it was just a quick-"

Blair's so not interested in hearing this right now, and she digs her nails sharply into Serena's arms so she shuts up and lets go of her.

"Was there something important you dragged me here for?" she asks lowly, avoiding Serena's eyes. She needs to stay cruel, and in order to do that she absolutely cannot look into those blue orbs.

"I think our friendship's pretty damn important," replies Serena, getting angry now. And as much as Blair is in love with her, she resists the urge to laugh, because making Serena mad has always been a weird pleasure to her.

"Well, that's where we differ, S," says Blair, shrugging.

"I love you Blair. And I know you love me," says Serena, taking a step closer. Blair, embarrassingly, feels slightly threatened by the closeness, and takes a step back.

She opens her mouth, ready to protest, but then Serena's lips are on hers, Serena's fingers are in her hair, and all she taste and smell and feel is Serena.

So naturally, she loses her mind.

Serena crushes her lips against Blair's and Blair lets out a soft growl, because the blonde's being way too forceful. Her hands travel up Serena's slender back lightly, and then stop abruptly.

And then Blair just digs her nails into Serena's back, hard, almost enough to break skin.

"B," Serena gasps, and Blair's so angry with herself for fucking caving, so angry at Serena for making her cave, so her nails dig harder, roaming Serena's back, drawing gasps and whimpers from the girl in her arms.

Serena needs to feel pain for once.

"Blair," says Serena sharply, and if she thinks that's going to stop Blair she's so fucking wrong, because it only eggs her on more. Blair's just digging and scratching and dragging her nails down, until Serena starts to wrestle with her for the control. And, being bigger and taller, she wins.

She tugs on Blair's hair long, chocolate brown hair sharply, agitated, and Blair eyes her, refusing to let Serena control this.

Serena tugs again, very hard, and Blair finally lets her head drop back, lets her back arch under Serena's control, lets herself be held in that vulnerable position.

Her soft throat is offered completely to Serena, so the blonde attacks it immediately, sucking and biting and trying to get some kind of sound out of Blair.

"This is the last time you'll dominate me, Serena," says Blair coldly. "Enjoy it."

"Mmm." Serena presses her lips to Blair's collarbone, and Blair feels her smile. "I guess we'll see, won't we."

The way Serena's touching her almost makes Blair's knees go weak, and she knows the blonde's hand is under her back to catch her if that happens.

But Blair refuses to need Serena, so her knees stay strong.

She also refuses to moan, and Serena know this, feels her tense under her grip, knows she's holding it all in.

"Moan," Serena commands her sharply, grabbing the smaller girl by her shoulder with a tight grip. "Right now." Blair feels Serena's breath cool against her throat, and she really really wants to moan and gasp and do all the things normal people would do if Serena van der Woodsen was doing this to them.

But Blair's not normal, so therefore nothing's coming out of her mouth.

Serena laughs, low and gruff, and Blair knows this is now some sort of challenge. She bites her lip, and when she tastes blood, she keeps on biting.

Serena grips Blair's hair near her scalp and tugs down hard, and Blair can't help but to emit the smallest of gasps, which they both know means Serena wins.

She lets Blair go, stepping back from her, and Blair pulls her back so quickly she almost gets whiplash.

"I thought you hated me," murmured Serena as their lips press together, softer than before but still with just the right amount of edge.

"I do, and I always have," Blair answered honestly, her hands skimming Serena's sides and then gripping her by the waist, tight but not too tight, because that stage of this bathroom get-together is over.

"But you love me," Serena says after a minute, her lips still against Blair's when she says it.

"Maybe," allows Blair, stepping back. "And maybe if you're good enough, one day I'll officially admit it."

"It's enough to me that you said maybe," Serena says, the corners of her blue eyes crinkling as she smiles.

Blair looks at her, and she really hates this. That they have to be in love. Serena's absolutely heartbreaking. She considers taking off one of her stilettos and stabbing herself in the fucking eye with it, but then she wouldn't be able to see Serena.

And that's when Blair knows she's officially too deep in this shit.

"It had better be good enough." Blair looks at herself in the mirror, absently fixing her hair and making her sure she doesn't look like she almost had a quickie in the bathroom. "We'd better get back to my mom's party. She'll be so devastated if she sees I'm not there."

"Since when do you want to be at one of Eleanor's parties?" Serena asks, standing beside her but not touching, because it's sort of too soon and she doesn't want Blair to get mad.

"Since forever," Blair lies, rolling her eyes. She turns and stares at Serena. "And just so you know, van der Woodsen, I don't hand out my love. You're going to have to work for it."

Serena smirks. "I'll make sure I earn every inch of your love, B."

Her voice is sardonic, and Blair raises her chin, glaring. She realizes slightly that she's almost trying to scare Serena away, and this confuses her because Serena's all she's ever wanted. " And if you're looking for someone to follow you around and positively adore you, I suggest you run your little ass back to Dan. You won't get that here."

Serena stepped closer, running her hands lightly up Blair's arms until they came to a stop on her shoulders. "I'm not looking for that here."

Blair stares at her, almost mesmerized by Serena's eyes, like she has been so many times before. She blinks quickly, looking away for a second before she looks back. "Good."

She turns, stalking out the bathroom door, and Serena sighs and follows her. As if she had a choice.